Complicated unrequited love situation

[gloria]

Hello. I admit I only joined this forum to ask for help, but seeing as everything is so great here, I guess I'll stick around.

What I came for is some guidance in what kind of spells, rituals and mindsets I need in order to ease my complicated love situation. I apologize if the explanation is too long and boring, but I seriously need some help.

I guess I should introduce myself... My real name doesn't matter, please refer to me as Gloria. I'm a young witch who's come into contact with the craft since a very young age but only recently started to practice it consciously.
So the situation is: I am in love with a man who is not in love with me.
Very cliche, but it gets worse. He doesn't know me, and is married. Please don't judge me right now, clear your mind of every preconception you might have of this case. I can assure you I love this man more than I am capable of loving anything else on Earth.
It's been 6 years and I've had really serious problems due to intense feelings, even leading to depression. Magic has helped me free myself from some negative thoughts.

What I need help with is two things. First, I wonder if there's a spell, ritual or anything else that could make me see this love in a positive way instead of thinking I'm a fool for feeling it. Keep in mind that I don't want to stop loving him. I know it's not an exact science and that we can create our own chants and spells but I need to know if it's possible.

Now the other thing... His wife. She is a very lovely woman, very sweet, very kind, an amazing person. But there is something about her that haunts me. I see her in my dreams, and they turn into nightmares. Very often I find myself mentally apologizing to her for wanting her husband. She is like a dark cloud that hangs above this feeling all the time. Loving him brings me lots of happiness and joy, until I remember she exists.
Now, I'd never want to do her harm. I would never hurt her, physically or through magic. Not only because I truly believe she's great, but it would hurt him too, and that would destroy me.
I've looked up banishing spells, but I'm not sure about them. I fear that if I banish her from my life, I'll be banishing him too. They are a very close couple.

So that is it for now. I'm sorry if I sound naive or desperate or if it's too much of a long shot. I'm in need of guidance because I think I've tried everything, and this isn't a simple matter.
Thank you in advance if you're a kind soul willing to help me.

Best regards,
Gloria.

[JBRaven]

I am not judging you because love is not a feeling that is unpredictable. So you want your cake and eat it too? I don't think that is how it works, sorry. You want to be able to love this man but not hurt the wife or feel guilty about it and that is just not plausible. My advice is focus on bringing love into your life and getting over the feelings you have for this man. Loving him, while he is married and (from what I have read) not into you; will only cause you anguish. Why do you feel the need to put yourself through this special hell? Why is it so important for you to keep your love for him? You could use the banishing spells and try to rid yourself of these feelings. I don't see how you can see this as a positive thing, if you think it is foolish then you shouldn't try to mask your gut telling you it is not good.

[gloria]

Thank you for replying.
I understand your point, but I'm not going to explain myself right now.
I'm trying to see it all in a positive way and your answer has helped me begin that journey.

I still have a problem with the wife though... it's like she's haunting me. I think what really hurts me is not loving him, but knowing she's there and being jealous of her. This is my main issue.

[WhiteOne]

Well,
Infatuation can cause you to forget the reality of the situation. It is like a storm of brain chemicals that can be so overwhelming that it overruns your logic.
I think you should pay attention to your feelings for the wife, because she is a reminder of the reality of the situation. Your love isn't foolish, and it is natural, but that doesn't mean it is very useful to you--unless you can use it to learn more about yourself and also, probably to move on to other love interests.
It is good you are noticing your jealousy for his wife. Perhaps, you would also like to have a devoted and loving husband. Perhaps she is doing something that you can learn from, and you can attempt to emulate. I am a very jealous person, and the only way for me to cure my own jealousy is to stop hating the object of my jealousy, and to try to emulate them in some reasonable ways. For example: When I am jealous of a fit person, the only thing that works is to re-vamp my exercise and diet plan. By saying this, I do not think you should try to win her husband, but if you were to try to emulate some of her sweet behaviors to others, or if you were to accept that you also want to have a loving relationship--like she does--might be helpful. Especially if it helped you to move on to other, less dangerous, love interests. Ones which you could actually have a happy loving relationship with. Not the happily married man.
Maybe, if you put yourself into her shoes--you can ask if you would want a woman hanging around and "loving" your loving husband. Because if you really believe in their marriage, and you want to have a sweet and loving husband like this guy, then you might be acting contrary to your ethics by secretly, or openly, "loving" a happily married man.
I hope you can learn from your infatuation--about yourself--because it is my belief that you are creating this "love." And maybe you can find a way to use the energy from your infatuation for other, more useful, purposes. You obviously have a capacity for love, but you haven't got someone who can appreciate that yet. I would focus on understanding and accepting (meaning taking ownership of) your feelings.

[orestes903]

I do not doubt that you love this man, but you are going about this in a very selfish way. You say that you love him and you want him to be happy but at the same time you need him in your life. It is unhealthy to allow someone to have this much power over you. (Whether you notice it or not YOU are the one allowing this pain in your life). I believe it would be in the best interest for you and that family if you were to just walk away. How does the saying go? If you truely love something let it go...? Like I said, I know you love this man. You have just let it cross the line. I will pray to the gods that you will find the wisdom and the courage to make the right choice.

Orestes