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Why Did He Dump Me?

Hi Starwitch,

I was in a relationship recently, which I assume is over now. I don't really know because the last time I talked to this guy, he "loved" me and then he just stopped talking to me. He has ignored every attempt I have made to contact him. I have tried phone, text, and email. I get nothing. It was a long distance relationship so I have no way of confronting him personally. I just want to know what happened. I'm having a hard time moving on because I have no idea what has upset him. I feel like it would hurt less if I had some closure. I just feel that if he wants to end things, he at least needs to say it to me. If I had that, I'm sure it would make me angry enough to want to move on and forget about him since he has no reason to be mad at me. I really loved this man and I thought he was the one I would finally settle down with someday. He really seemed to genuinely love me too. Anyway, what I want to know is if there is any spell or anything I can do to make him just talk to me? For better or worse, all I want to know what is going on. It certainly appears to be over and I can handle that but I need to HEAR it. Kind of like an exit interview. I know it probably sounds strange that I care what he thinks but I can't stand not knowing. It's driving me crazy! Any suggestions?

My main question is, did you sleep with him?

Bright Blessings,
I did sleep with him, several times. We're very sexually compatible actually.

Thanks again,
Hi Sue,

It would be hard for me to say why he left (not that you asked) since I don't know him. But the first impression I got is the same impression I always get when a woman says, "He said that he loved me one day and the next day he broke up with me," which is basically that he was trying to get you in the bed, which is why he claimed to love you. Guys will pretty much say whatever they have to in order to get you in the sack. You have to be cautious not to take "I love you" too seriously, at least until you have been together a long time. I've had guys tell me they love me in the first hour after meeting me. For some guys, it's just too easy for them to say those words. What they really love is sex.

I'm assuming you waited a decent amount of time, like a month or more, before having sex with him. If not, that would be my advice for the future. (Since this was long-distance, you would probably need to meet him at least three times before you have sex with him, but that's just a guess.) Men have to feel like you're a challenge to them. If you give up the goods too easily or too quickly, they think that you're only good for a lay, not for a relationship. So you have to make them wait. If they are truly interested in you, they'll wait for it. Then when you finally have sex, he'll feel like he had to work for it, which will make him appreciate you more. It's just like if you give a car to a teenager, they'll treat it like crap. If you make them work for it and pay for the car themselves, they'll treat it like their precious baby.

On the other hand, if he isn't willing to wait for the sex, and he's always pushing you for it, or threatens to leave if you don't have sex with him, that means that he's really only interested in the sex. He'll leave you once he has it.

It takes a while to understand all this if you have to learn it through trial and error. Luckily, there are several good books available that teach women how men think and how you need to act in order to get a good one and keep him. Men are very different than women and if you treat them the same way you would treat a female friend, you'll be disappointed again and again.

If you like to read (and even if you don't), check out these books:

Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl - A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship

Why Men Marry Bitches: A Woman's Guide to Winning Her Man's Heart

Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs to Know About Catching a Man

There are so many books like this. All women should read them because they contain invaluable information about men's nature and how you need to be in order to get a good man.

If you try too hard to please a man, he'll get tired of you and dump you because you aren't a challenge to him (unless he's abusive and then he'll want someone just like you to push around.) It's good to keep them guessing. Don't always be there when he calls. Don't pick up on the first ring. Don't sit by the computer waiting for his IM or email (and respond instantly.) All of those kinds of things will make you look desperate. Another major thing is that looks are usually the most important thing to man. So if you meet him online, don't lie to him about how you look. I'm sure you aren't like this, but just in case you are, I want to tell you about all the women online who post pictures of themselves that are 100 pounds lighter or 20 years younger than what they currently are. The guy gets his hopes up, thinking you're this little hottie, and then he meets you and realizes that he's been tricked. That will piss him off AND it will disappoint him. So if you're doing that, it's time to stop and be honest about your looks. Not too honest... I mean, you still want to look as hot as you can, since looks are so important to a guy, so do whatever you can to always look great when he sees you, but you can't lie about yourself and expect him not to notice when he meets you. Trust me, he'll notice. He probably won't mention it, but he'll know. So he'll use you (for sex) like he thinks you used him, and he'll be gone.

Well, that's all just general information that tends to apply to a lot of women. Maybe some of it will help you. The books would be a great place to start to find out what you're doing that might be a problem in relationships. I hope you find the answers you want.

Best of luck to you.

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