I am attending a Christian college presently, let's not get into why. I've run across some bigotry for sure, but yesterday something happened that changed my line of thinking.
In our interim class "Christianity & Culture," we're discussing moral issues, and yesterday the topic was sexual orientation. I was dreading this, as I know the professor is conservative, and had no idea where the other students stand on this topic.
I prepared a little talk before class, and about halfway through the session, I chimed in that I had something to share. Up to that point, we'd been going over the same old texts that "prove" gay=sin. In a nutshell, I started by coming out. I talked about my personal pain at being something I never chose, and about the fact that Christians are driving LGBT's away from the church by the way they've been acting. I stared down at the desk the whole time, and when it was all over I began to cry and couldn't stop till class was over.
A handsome guy approached me and asked me to stay and talk to him. He's pretty into Jesus, and I'd prejudged him as just another bigot. Was I ever in for a surprise! He told me he was bisexual, and we talked and cried together for another hour. I told him I was no longer a Christian, and he respected that. I apparently also gained the respect of my professor, who sincerely thanked me for sharing.
Coming out is so hard and it hurts, and I've been selective about who I tell, although I'm getting bolder. I continued to cry in intervals all day thinking about what happened. Maybe I am meant to be here, otherwise that encounter would have never taken place. I went away from that meeting guilty for having judged this guy before really knowing him, and grateful to know that I'm not alone.
Painful/Joyful Experience
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Moon_Stone
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Frisbee, what an awesome story! :28: Thank you for sharing your experience so openly with us.
Here's my thought: it seems you are (finally...?) feeling more okay with yourself and are feeling good in your own skin. I don't know what all you've had to endure in your life, but I can imagine that being in a very religious family (and attending a religious college, to boot,) has not made life as a gay person very easy. I'd be willing to bet that you've walked down a long path alone; but by your being as open with and about yourself as you were that day, you've taken a giant leap into being a stronger "you"... and that is totally awesome.
In fact, I'd be willing to bet that not only was this experience very therapeutic for you, it probably (and seems evidently did, by your being approached as you were by a fellow classmate), has helped others who are in a similar situation to yours, feel that they weren't doomed to suffer alone with their feelings that society, their families and their religion have told them are so 'wrong'.
You shouldn't feel bad for thinking that the man who approached you was going to end up being another bigot. In fact, that would make the most sense, really. I'd also imagine life hasn't been filled with love and acceptance of your orientation, but rather has been filled with bigotry and some hatred as well. I would have had my guard up just as much as you did and would have expecting nothing more than taunts from my classmates, even if they weren't attendees of a Christian based school. Acceptance is a hard thing to come by, and not only is it wonderful to hear that you were not only accepted and offered respect that day; in addition, you paved the way for another person to realize that what they feel is okay, and most importantly, you are accepting of yourself as well. :28:
Right on!
Here's my thought: it seems you are (finally...?) feeling more okay with yourself and are feeling good in your own skin. I don't know what all you've had to endure in your life, but I can imagine that being in a very religious family (and attending a religious college, to boot,) has not made life as a gay person very easy. I'd be willing to bet that you've walked down a long path alone; but by your being as open with and about yourself as you were that day, you've taken a giant leap into being a stronger "you"... and that is totally awesome.
In fact, I'd be willing to bet that not only was this experience very therapeutic for you, it probably (and seems evidently did, by your being approached as you were by a fellow classmate), has helped others who are in a similar situation to yours, feel that they weren't doomed to suffer alone with their feelings that society, their families and their religion have told them are so 'wrong'.
You shouldn't feel bad for thinking that the man who approached you was going to end up being another bigot. In fact, that would make the most sense, really. I'd also imagine life hasn't been filled with love and acceptance of your orientation, but rather has been filled with bigotry and some hatred as well. I would have had my guard up just as much as you did and would have expecting nothing more than taunts from my classmates, even if they weren't attendees of a Christian based school. Acceptance is a hard thing to come by, and not only is it wonderful to hear that you were not only accepted and offered respect that day; in addition, you paved the way for another person to realize that what they feel is okay, and most importantly, you are accepting of yourself as well. :28:
Right on!
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frisbee
Thanks so much for your support! I have come a long ways in accepting myself. There are days I get down and out about the prospect of never finding a partner, especially after having been to two weddings of younger relatives recently, but that's in fate's hands. I went through a period of intense anger and despair after Prop 8 passed last fall, but as a gay pal of mine said, "We're not going away!" :28: Blessings, peace.
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[Silver Dove]
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Hi Frisbee,
This is really a very inspiring story....and I think you are really brave for coming out especially in a Christian Institute. I wish you much strength & courage because I know your path is not easy but hopefully oneday...someday it will get easier....
This is really a very inspiring story....and I think you are really brave for coming out especially in a Christian Institute. I wish you much strength & courage because I know your path is not easy but hopefully oneday...someday it will get easier....
May love, peace & hope always be with you. Blessed Be!
Silver Dove
Silver Dove
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Moon_Stone
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Yup, I hear you about that stinking Prop 8, Frisbee. I didn't get any sleep that night, staring at my computer and refreshing the Secretary of State's website waiting for an answer. (I also was on my bandwagon yesterday too- put up a long post about the injustice as is the infamous proposition 8.)
Anyhow, take a look at the Courage Campaign website, I'm a long-time member and I can definitely appreciate that not every email they send me is trying to guilt me into giving a financial contribution to the cause (though some emails are geared that way)... there are a lot of activism type things happening as a part of the Courage Campaign- and if you're not yet a member, you may want to check it out too.
So far as being single in the gay circuit, I totally understand what you're saying. It actually seems to be a lot harder for gay men than women, to find a good partner; my best friend has been in and out of relationships his entire life. He's turning 37 in a few months and is still not much closer to a committed, life-long relationship. It's certainly not for lack of trying either- he's tried looking, not looking, just developing friendships... and to top it off, he's the type of man who will give every little bit of himself to his relationship and his partner. He's in a relationship now, and I really hope it works out, but I think a lot of his issue with men is in who he's attracting... he sends out the "vibes" to the types who need "mothering" more or less, and then either their incessant need to be controlled by their partner in a "parenting" manner ends the relationship, or the other guy's need to act as a juvenile (via cheating, usually) brings about the end of them as a couple.
Now, with all that said, please don't misunderstand my message... there are successful relationships and good people out there. Three of my friends (couples of friends, so I guess I should say six of my friends...) were just married during the time of the lifted ban... and they are really happy couples who have been together for many, many years. My point with that huge, depressing paragraph above (
) was to just try and mention that any lack of success in attracting a good man most likely has nothing to do with you as a person, whatsoever... but rather may be due to the kind of person you're attracted to. Perhaps take a risk with someone who's not your usual type & see where that goes. :28:
Bright Blessings!
~Moonstone
Anyhow, take a look at the Courage Campaign website, I'm a long-time member and I can definitely appreciate that not every email they send me is trying to guilt me into giving a financial contribution to the cause (though some emails are geared that way)... there are a lot of activism type things happening as a part of the Courage Campaign- and if you're not yet a member, you may want to check it out too.
So far as being single in the gay circuit, I totally understand what you're saying. It actually seems to be a lot harder for gay men than women, to find a good partner; my best friend has been in and out of relationships his entire life. He's turning 37 in a few months and is still not much closer to a committed, life-long relationship. It's certainly not for lack of trying either- he's tried looking, not looking, just developing friendships... and to top it off, he's the type of man who will give every little bit of himself to his relationship and his partner. He's in a relationship now, and I really hope it works out, but I think a lot of his issue with men is in who he's attracting... he sends out the "vibes" to the types who need "mothering" more or less, and then either their incessant need to be controlled by their partner in a "parenting" manner ends the relationship, or the other guy's need to act as a juvenile (via cheating, usually) brings about the end of them as a couple.
Now, with all that said, please don't misunderstand my message... there are successful relationships and good people out there. Three of my friends (couples of friends, so I guess I should say six of my friends...) were just married during the time of the lifted ban... and they are really happy couples who have been together for many, many years. My point with that huge, depressing paragraph above (
) was to just try and mention that any lack of success in attracting a good man most likely has nothing to do with you as a person, whatsoever... but rather may be due to the kind of person you're attracted to. Perhaps take a risk with someone who's not your usual type & see where that goes. :28: Bright Blessings!
~Moonstone