what happends when...

Post by Marie* » Fri Sep 10, 2004 11:52 pm

Well I wish you the best of luck. I really do. Be strong, sometimes you have to be strong to do something that seems so hard. In the end, a weight will be lifted off of your shoulders, and you will feel a sense of freedom.

Marie

Post by **Starwitch** » Tue Sep 14, 2004 3:46 am

I hope you really do get rid of him Fanny. He sounds like dead-weight. And what he is doing right now is extremely typical of men who are getting dumped and are desperate. I bet you within two weeks (probably less) he'll be the same as before. But I'm sure you know that. I hope you really do kick him out for good. Here's a tip I learned in just the past few months (that works!) When you break up with him, do not have ANY contact with him. If he calls, don't answer the phone to tell him that you can't talk to him anymore. Because when you do that, you're talking to him and he sees that as a sign that there is hope (despite what you are saying to him.) If he calls 10 times and you don't answer, then on the 11th time you answer and say "Quit calling! I don't want to talk to you!", then he will know that if he keeps calling over and over that you will answer and he will have a chance to talk you into coming back to him. You have to cut him off completely. If you don't, he'll never move on. Don't answer his calls (I hope you have an answering machine - if not, get one), don't answer the door if he comes over, do NOT answer his emails or instant messages. Just ignore him completely and he'll eventually move on. If you deal with him any other way, he'll keep begging you back, and since you let him stay when you meant to be telling him to leave, I'm pretty sure you'd let him talk you into getting back together if you answered the phone. (I've done it a thousand times.) Remember what Marie said.. he will never change. Lazy guys are ALWAYS lazy.

Post by **Fanny** » Tue Sep 14, 2004 7:43 pm

ah! , what you say is so true .., THats is really good idvice your giving me there ...im definitly will cut every contact that I have with him .
as for 2 weeks of him coming back like he was ...try 3 days

..
im going to tell him again this week end ..that this is for good and that he really has to move at the end of the month...
Thanks girls , it really helps to get feed back
you guys ROCK!

Celeste Isis Kerri · Post by **Celeste Isis Kerri** » Wed Sep 15, 2004 12:11 pm

I so glad that you've made that Huge step forward. I know its tough but I'm here for you always. I say after he's gone, we should redecorate your place. Free services right here! I'm iching to do some painting.

Post by Marie* » Wed Sep 15, 2004 6:45 pm

Okay so I might have exagerated on the two weeks thing...But in any case. Stick to your decision. DO NOT let him weasel his way back in. I know you have the strength for it!!

Marie

Post by **Fanny** » Thu Sep 16, 2004 12:24 pm

Thank you so much girls , and Celeste Isis Kerri I am so going to hold you up to the decoration thing

...

Ill let you guy's know how it ends...or how it begins

Post by **Fanny** » Tue Sep 21, 2004 10:06 pm

Well I told him monday night that it was done and that he had to leave the 30th of sept....my sister is moving in with me on the 1 oct...he;s is crushed ...i'm now at my mom's house ,,,,staying here tonight...it is so hard not to fall back in his trap of him saying heÃ©s going to change and that it will be all beter but aftersat night sll the holes in the wall and my broken fairies...is more then enought to prove to me that it is done ...and i dont want to be one of those girls that sais ...ah but he can change ...he loves me ....bla bla bla done it for long enought ...now I just have to wait till the 30 th to finanly have him gone ...but I dontr know what to do till then ...every time Im with him I just want to hug him and tell him that he can stay..see thats my problem ...I feel so sorry for him cause he has no one .....

but its done ...ah...sorry about the rambeling

...

Thanks alot guys to let me vent ..and for not judging me

Steph

Post by Marie* » Tue Sep 21, 2004 11:41 pm

Good for you Fanny! I am sorry that it is hard right now, but you will realize you made the right decision. If he is going to be breaking your stuff, that shows he has no respect for you if he can't respect your things. I pray you have the strength to keep yourself from falling back into his trap. You can not change a man. I really hope this turns out for you. Be strong!!

Marie

Post by **Fanny** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 10:17 am

Thank you so much Marie .
I just read a email he send me ... he.s feeling so horroble beging me to come back home ....

but I know if I do that ill fall for it again ... I just wish he had some friends or family there for him like I have them there for me ... it makes it so harder for him ..

Steph

Celeste Isis Kerri · Post by **Celeste Isis Kerri** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 3:14 pm

We are having a Samhain party at Fanny's, redecorating her house, and have girls nights, spa nights and movie nights, fondu nights too.

Fanny your free hunny.

You'll feel much better trust me. I know your hurting and you have every right too, but remember I'm so here for you!

I'm buying your first can of paint! LET'S GO!

Post by **Fanny** » Mon Oct 04, 2004 3:42 pm

well he finaly left , he got his own place ...so thats good , my sister mooved in with me , so it's all going good ...

but why do I still feel like shit

katrebelNY · Post by **katrebelNY** » Tue Oct 05, 2004 5:50 pm

Don't worry, it's totally normal to still feel like shit. You just kicked out a guy you thought you trusted, loved, and wanted to be with. He's an ass and doesn't deserve you. Sometimes, it takes a while to get that to stick in your brain. You can eat, drink, and shit selfpity, but what you should do is get out and do something for YOU.

Lots of Love~

Kat

Celeste Isis Kerri · Post by **Celeste Isis Kerri** » Tue Oct 05, 2004 5:59 pm

Kat is so right, do something for you!
Enjoy the freedom.

Post by **Starwitch** » Tue Oct 05, 2004 10:20 pm

Don't feel bad about feeling bad Molly. You've done the totally right thing and I'm really so proud of you and happy for you. It may seem lonely right now, but just keep distracting yourself with friends and activities and very soon you won't be thinking about him at all anymore!

And remember to NOT accept his calls or email him back or anything like that. It will only get his hopes up that there is a chance and he'll bug the shit out of you. I can't believe he broke your stuff. I'd say sue him except that then you'd have to see him and he would get his hopes up (yes, even in a court battle.) I realize it's probably not a lot of money, but it's the point of it, you know? That's extremely abusive behavior. If someone will knock holes in your walls and smash your possessions, they will smash your head in too if you give them enough time. Thank god you didn't give him enough time and you kicked him out before the violence got worse. I used to think all men were abusive and violent and it really took me years to realize that there WERE some great men in the world that would treat me like a queen and NEVER yell at me or abuse me. They do exist so hold out until you find one of those great guys. You've got to have high expectations. Like Dr Phil says... well I forget what he said, but basically that you will get whatever you EXPECT to get. So I hope you'll have higher standards for men and get a great one next time. I hope your ex realizes that he treats women like shit and he needs to shape up, but whether he realizes it or not is not your problem anymore. He has to deal with that on his own now. He had many chances with you and he blew every one of them. You deserve someone that will respect you and I know that you'll find him because if you had the self-respect to get rid of your ex, then you have the self-respect it takes to treat yourself right and find a man who will treat you right as well. Best of luck to you. Have fun redecorating your house. Sounds like fun!

Blessings,

Post by **Fanny** » Wed Oct 27, 2004 10:17 pm

hm...well I thuagh I would put you guys up to date ....
Im still with my sister , and he's still at his new appartment , We still talk to each other , but he understand thats it's just as friends, he's really trying hard ...he quit drinking , going to go studdy in sept ,. Im happy he'ssplanning his future. I was so lonely since he left and he broth our cat with him ....

but I got myself a new little kitten , and im trying to reunite with friend I have not sean in a long time . so it's good , but I still feel empty altho Itry to pretende im fine ...but it's all going to get beter right?.

just wanted to say thank you so much girls for hhaving giving me good honest replys and opinions , sudgestions, it's good to hear it from people that 's not in the problem you know?...alright enough with ,my rambling ...just ta say ...

THANK YOU SO MUCH

you guy's are great

Everything Under the Moon

what happends when...

dont worry