I'm generally confused at the moment. I won't go into too much detail but basically I'm confused about my ex, I miss him greatly, and I'm seeing someone else who I care for a lot. So I've taken to asking my angels before I sleep to show me "what I need to see" or things to that effect. Anyway, the other night I dreamt I was getting the train to go see the guy I'm dating (this was on my mind cos I actually was going to see him soon), and my ex and a few friends turned up too unexpectedly. My ex went with me to get my train ticket, and we rushed onto the train. However, it started to move as he got on, and I was kinda scared to hop on as it was pulling off. I wanted to go with him. I told him I'd get the next one, think the intention was to see him there, then before I knew it I was on another one. It gets fuzzy after that but I think I took a different line or got off at the wrong station or something, I'm not sure. Didn't end up where I was supposed to be meeting the guy I'm dating or my ex or my friends.
Just wondering if anyone had any idea as to what this could mean.
Thanks in advance,
Kaida
Any thoughts?
Sounds like you need to get over it. Take a different train or maybe the bus or a taxi. Its not right you telling this one guy you have feelings for him while still having feelings for your ex I just don't see how people can do that to each other telling one person one thing when if they got what they really wanted they'd jump at the chance to be with someone else. Thats bullshit. I know how frustating the dreams can be tho. I keep dreaming about my ex who cheated on me and in the dream I keep trying to get back with her. I wake up with this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and I just want to throw up.You might try meditating on the Devil card, temptation, lust what have you. And then take a cold shower. And please break it off with this guy who you say you really have feelings for, you're just taking the poor chump for a ride.
Feelings are complicated.
For example, I have an old ex whom I still love dearly. Now, bear with me. I know for a fact that it won't work out, and I know in my heart that I will never go out with him again. But he is someone I really care about, and I am at peace with that. He will always be a part of my life. He did so many kind things for me... even when I was dating someone else... and he truly didn't want anything in return. No strings, no sex, no nothing. He just wanted... to help.
He was a good guy, and I still sometimes get teary-eyed thinking about him.
However.
I know it will never work with him. He wasn't a bad person. The problem was me. I need something different from my partner to flourish. It was too easy for me to take advantage of him and his endless willingness to help me out. I was co-dependent.
So, as long as you maintain perspective, about what's in the past, I don't think it's a personal failing to still have feelings for an old flame. You just, no; must be prepared to give your total commitment to your current mate and know that this is the one. If it's not, then... you need to re-evaluate the relationship. But I have a commitment fetish... and this makes me a bit, old fashioned, I guess.
It's possible that your dream is telling you that you need more time to heal from this old break up.
For what it's worth, I've talked about this with my fiance at length. (I feel sorta guilty about this sometimes) He says that if I didn't still have some feelings for this guy, he'd feel less comfortable being with me... because it would mean that I was less able to love.
For example, I have an old ex whom I still love dearly. Now, bear with me. I know for a fact that it won't work out, and I know in my heart that I will never go out with him again. But he is someone I really care about, and I am at peace with that. He will always be a part of my life. He did so many kind things for me... even when I was dating someone else... and he truly didn't want anything in return. No strings, no sex, no nothing. He just wanted... to help.
He was a good guy, and I still sometimes get teary-eyed thinking about him.
However.
I know it will never work with him. He wasn't a bad person. The problem was me. I need something different from my partner to flourish. It was too easy for me to take advantage of him and his endless willingness to help me out. I was co-dependent.
So, as long as you maintain perspective, about what's in the past, I don't think it's a personal failing to still have feelings for an old flame. You just, no; must be prepared to give your total commitment to your current mate and know that this is the one. If it's not, then... you need to re-evaluate the relationship. But I have a commitment fetish... and this makes me a bit, old fashioned, I guess.
It's possible that your dream is telling you that you need more time to heal from this old break up.
For what it's worth, I've talked about this with my fiance at length. (I feel sorta guilty about this sometimes) He says that if I didn't still have some feelings for this guy, he'd feel less comfortable being with me... because it would mean that I was less able to love.
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KaidaPyralis
- Posts: 128
- Joined: Fri Aug 17, 2007 8:46 am
Thank you both for your replies
Arcane - I think you're jumping the gun a bit there. I miss my ex, I loved him and it's only human nature to not be able to shut that off at will. I never said I'd jump at the chance to be with him again, I never said anything of the sort. I do care for this new guy, otherwise I wouldn't be with him, and it wouldn't be causing me problems. Also, he knows I was having trouble dealing, he knew where I stood on it all. At the end of the day though, I don't think I could be with someone I don't care for, regardless. I'm not keeping him in the dark about anything.
J - You summed it all up really with "Feelings are complicated". I've talked about my ex with the guy I'm seeing as well, he still wants to be with me, he knows I found it hard and it's taking me a long time to move on from it. You're right though, I'm still healing from it.
Arcane - I think you're jumping the gun a bit there. I miss my ex, I loved him and it's only human nature to not be able to shut that off at will. I never said I'd jump at the chance to be with him again, I never said anything of the sort. I do care for this new guy, otherwise I wouldn't be with him, and it wouldn't be causing me problems. Also, he knows I was having trouble dealing, he knew where I stood on it all. At the end of the day though, I don't think I could be with someone I don't care for, regardless. I'm not keeping him in the dark about anything.
J - You summed it all up really with "Feelings are complicated". I've talked about my ex with the guy I'm seeing as well, he still wants to be with me, he knows I found it hard and it's taking me a long time to move on from it. You're right though, I'm still healing from it.
These dreams sound like integral parts of the healing process.
People may make short shrift of breaking up relationships these days, but it's a BIG DEAL emotionally, even if it didn't work out for the right/wrong reasons... etc.
It can take years to heal from a long relationship, and sometimes, under the right circumstances, it's like that person died... except they are still around but unavailable. The heart doesn't always understand.
However, if one has had a problem with, say,a Significant Other sleeping with an old flame, I can understand being touchy. But I got a vibe from this one that said that this wasn't likely to happen.
People may make short shrift of breaking up relationships these days, but it's a BIG DEAL emotionally, even if it didn't work out for the right/wrong reasons... etc.
It can take years to heal from a long relationship, and sometimes, under the right circumstances, it's like that person died... except they are still around but unavailable. The heart doesn't always understand.
However, if one has had a problem with, say,a Significant Other sleeping with an old flame, I can understand being touchy. But I got a vibe from this one that said that this wasn't likely to happen.
No worries Kaida. I was just testing you to see how honest you were being with yourself and this other guy. If you're keeping him on the up and up where your feelings are concerned then its all good. If things don't work out and you end up back with your ex then its his fault though I have to say if hes willing to put up with you still having feelings for your ex he must be quite a guy.
About your dream I think you just dont know where all this is going and its that uncertainty thats making you tense or uncomfortable. I would advise some serious meditation on the subject. Imagine yourself on a well worn path in the woods and simply walk the path and see where it leads and who or what you happen to encounter there.
About your dream I think you just dont know where all this is going and its that uncertainty thats making you tense or uncomfortable. I would advise some serious meditation on the subject. Imagine yourself on a well worn path in the woods and simply walk the path and see where it leads and who or what you happen to encounter there.
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KaidaPyralis
- Posts: 128
- Joined: Fri Aug 17, 2007 8:46 am
J - I know exactly what you mean. At the moment I'm still asking to be shown what I need to see, and I'm still having a lot of dreams that involve my ex, but they don't seem to have a romantic basis. Just things that involve us being in the same place, chatting, boring really lol.
Arcane - Trust me I've beaten myself up about it alot. You're right too though, he is a great guy, which is a lot of the reason I've beaten myself up about it quite this much. I suppose he just understands where I'm coming from. Thanks for the advice too, I'll definitely give it a go.
Arcane - Trust me I've beaten myself up about it alot. You're right too though, he is a great guy, which is a lot of the reason I've beaten myself up about it quite this much. I suppose he just understands where I'm coming from. Thanks for the advice too, I'll definitely give it a go.