Monogamy vs Polyamory

Post by **Sercee** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 2:22 pm

Monogamy:The practice or condition of having a single sexual partner during a period of time; The practice or condition of being married to only one person at a time; The practice of marrying only once in a lifetime.

Polyamory: participation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships.

What are your views on this? What do you think makes a sustainable relationship that is honest to all involved?

I've been having a few problems with these concepts, lately, as I'm someone who, in the past, has definately experimented with various types of relationships and I am very comfortable with it. However, as much as he jokes about it, I'm fairly certain that my fiance is strictly monogamous. I have not had sex with anyone besides him since we've been together, but the longer we're together the more I wish I could just say 'I love you with all my heart, but I really want to go play with <someone else> tonight.' Unfortunately, it's starting to get to the point where I'm almost resentful and it sure isn't his fault.

Input? Discussion?

Edit: I'm not really looking for advice for my personal problem, more just seeing what everyone else thinks about these types of relationships.

Post by **[DarkWoman]** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 3:23 pm

Wow! I'm not gonna say anything about right and wrong becuase that is strictly individual. I will say however, that this might be something that you want to sit down and talk about with him (that is, if you're sure you can't be completely happy with just one person...) and see what his feelings are on the matter. I know about resenting people just because I won't speak up about what I really want. It might continue if in your heart you truly want an open relationship and keep quiet about it. I don't see anything wrong with it at all, but you should be on the same page as your partner.

P.S. I'm sure you already know, but do some soul searching before you take anyones advice on this...
DarkWoman

Post by hedge* » Tue Dec 19, 2006 3:30 pm

It has to be the descision and agreement of both parties involved, and that goes for Monogamy AND Polyamory.

Post by **Eretik** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 8:56 am

For me - it's fine in theory but not in practice. There's been a lot of articles in British newspapers on this recently. "I am a Jealous God, I will have none other before me "- Book of Geri, chapter one verse one. It's also two and three and four! Personal experience, of course. I couldn't do it. I think if it's for you or anyone else, I 'm not going to make judgements, but I will not share my lover with any other. I am monogamous, unless single. I have done the rounds when single and not looking for a relationship, but I have family and I don't think it makes for a stable background when children are involved. [ Polyamory, that is]I think it's something which can work, but could get complex, if one partner falls more for one of the others than vice versa, there are many things to consider. Difficult one Sercee, for me anyway. If my partner came to me with this idea, I'd pack his bags and give him the freedom he wanted, but he wouldn't be with me again. I'd need to know more about it to answer generally, but I feel it may not be as good an idea as some say. I always wanted a 'real' family, growing up and I have strong emotional issues in regard to that, which may be colouring my judgement.

Post by **IceDragonX** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 1:08 pm

To me, as long as both parties are ok with experimentation outside the relationship, than its no big deal. Unfortunately sometimes people don't voice their opinions very well at times when they pose as some one who is ok with it, but only in certain instances. (AKA: its ok you are with a woman, but never with a man says the s/o). To me, I think its all or nothing for the both of us if that is the case, but that is me.

So in general...as long as no feelings are hurt, than its acceptable. It all depends on the people involved.

Post by **Sercee** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 2:07 pm

The communication is definately a huge issue. (I'm currently working on a way to bring the subject up to my fiance again). It gets frustrating when, early in the relationship, someone says 'it's ok, I'd even be ok with a threesome!' Then when you mention it again later it turns out he was joking.

Post by **Sobek** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 5:06 pm

well this time, i think you have to make it clear your not joking, then i figure he'll need some time to ponder. and after wierdness and time it should return to normal once you know each other boundaries. its all about limits, and knowing them.

corrupted_beauty · Post by **corrupted_beauty** » Sun Dec 24, 2006 12:06 pm

Personally, I'm a strong believer in monogamy. Simply because I believe that if you truely love someone, no one else is neccesary. That if you love someone with all your heart, they are not only all you need, but all you want. I think if you prefer being with multiple people, the best thing to do is stay single. Otherwise you could not only hurt someone you care about, but also yourself.

Post by **Sobek** » Mon Dec 25, 2006 2:40 am

corrupted beauty for the most part i agree, but staying single is not the answer, than all you have is sex with people and nothing to share your heart with

corrupted_beauty · Post by **corrupted_beauty** » Mon Dec 25, 2006 5:02 am

Yes, but the thing is, if you are just going to screw around with other people, while being with someone you supposedly share your heart with, its in my opinion best to be single. That way, it doesn't end in somuch pain and disaster. And, when you're ready to settle down, you can.

Post by **Sobek** » Mon Dec 25, 2006 6:34 am

but if both people are into it then there should be no hurt, they say love conquers all after all.

corrupted_beauty · Post by **corrupted_beauty** » Mon Dec 25, 2006 11:59 am

Yes, I suppose that too makes sense. I just feel if you truely love someone, no one else is neccessary. I guess it's just the way I think, but I find it to be wrong.

Post by **Sobek** » Mon Dec 25, 2006 7:58 pm

you have pointed out something very important though, it is a very personal matter. some view sex as just sex, you know physical pleasure with nothing else there, others see it as an affirmation of love so they only do it with one person. but it is obvious though with how many people cheat and hide it from there partner speaks on some lvl of shame, to even admit one wants many sex partners is an act of courage.

Post by **juliaki** » Mon Dec 25, 2006 8:51 pm

By the belief that a person can only love one partner in life, it would make sense that parents should only have one child, because they couldn't possibly love another child that comes along. I think any parent can tell you that they *are* able to love another offspring. As my parents explained it to me when I was young, your heart has the ability to grow and hold more love. Why wouldn't that be true with partners if it can be true with children?

corrupted_beauty · Post by **corrupted_beauty** » Mon Dec 25, 2006 9:03 pm

Children are much different than a life partner! You bare children, and they come form you, in a way, a part of you. It is easy to love something you create. I do find sex to be a connecting expiriences that should only be with someone you truelly care about. Admitting this interest does take courage, and I am not shunning her or anything along those lines. I am simply saying what I believe. And, I think it makes for good conversation. ^_^