My best friend....

[[SanityIsLost]]

Well, I'm pretty sure this is mostly a teen problem although adults can probably have a very good opinion on it also. Well, I have this best friend who lives down the street from me and we are inseperable. I'm at her house a lot and we consider each other best friends. Anyways, I spent the night at her house last night and we went to sleep at like 1 A.M. I woke up at 4 A.M because she got on the phone with her b/f (she does this a lot) and I'm a light sleeper so I can't sleep when someone is talking. Well they were having a conversation and I was trying to go back to sleep, I couldnt ignore her conversation. Then he asked her something and her reply was "Yea, I told her that and she believed me because she's Robin." Then they laughed a lot and she told him that she doesnt tell anybody but him stuff. This makes me feel like I'm in a bind because I wonder how much she has been lying to me. Obviously it's a lot if I've earned the sentence "because it's Robin." There are a lot of times when I feel like she is lieing to me but I give her the benefit of the doubt because we are best friends and I didn't think she would lie to me. We've been best friends for like 4 years! She's only been dating him for like a month and a half. I don't know what I should do with this. What is your opinion? Should I confront her about her lyeing? Should I just let it go and be a little more cautious around her? Thanks for your help.

[thatguy]

Well, I can imagine that you're feeling fairly betrayed at the moment. I'm sorry about that.

I don't know your friend, but sometimes people say really stupid and hurtful things in order to gain or to maintain acceptance; even as an adult I still catch myself doing this.

Your friend might have been trying to impress her boyfriend and I doubt she was even considering how what she was saying impacts her friendship with you (regardless of whether you were in earshot or not).

If she is, or has been lying to you, and she is truly your friend, it might not be because she considers you gullible. She might be embarrassed or insecure (despite her demeanor) and deceives you to protect herself from your judgement. She might *say* to other people that you're gullible for similar reasons: to justify lying to a good friend and to pass it off as nothing (although she might find it very hard to consider it 'nothing').

In any case, none of these things are really your problem. Your friend has to take responsibility for betraying you: both by deceiving you and by slandering you behind your back. I think you have to be prepared for her to be too wrapped up in herself for her to realize this.

I think you should definitely confront her. If you're really good friends then only a change for the better can come from it. I hope your friend realizes what's important.

Just my opinion, hope it helps.

best wishes,

T. Guy.

[[moondance]]

I think you should say something to her .. but of course, say it gentley ... cos the thing is, unless you get this out in the open, you will be harbouring it and feeling uncomfortable .. and eventually you will start noticing (or even looking) for other small things which will gradually build up to something big ... and it may just come out eventually but at the wrong time or you may grow to habour negative feelings towards her .... I think all relationships are built on trust ... and if there are trust issues, then it will prove to have problems in the longer run ... so try to talk to her , be hoenst and gentle and tell her how it has made you feel ... good luck xx