My Relationship - Beginning to End
- L.J.Hex
- Posts: 520
- Joined: Wed May 09, 2018 6:29 am
- Gender: Transgender Woman
- Location: A land far away up north
Re: Relationships
Nothing really worked long term. Same problems just keep on emerging time and again. I called off any serious dating until her problems are in control, which is not going to happen. Last time she had a fit, I told her its the last I will tolerate, the next one and she is out. Completely out. I'm fed up.
When I try to be just friends and see each other from time to time, she is just pushing closer, finding more and more things to trap me with. I hate chains, I hate the sense of losing my freedom to be how I want to be. The feeling of not having a choice disgusts me.
I'm on my very limits and have thought about this a lot. Yesterday I did a rather powerful bind to make her keep her distance. The Scorpio new moon appears to be a great time for such things. Now I want to let it take effect and think of my next move. I want out of the limbo of stress and drama absolutely ridiculous arguments. She says she loves me, but its not love to try to put me in mental prison and force me into dating which I do not want. Real love is unconditional and real love is respect. I don't see my will respected here. I want out.
I can't understand why have I been so tolerant and forgave so much and why do I give seemingly endless "second" chances when its plain as day that a positive change is not forth coming. I have had enough, I'm totally exhausted with all the dating bs and being treated badly when ever she goes ballistic about what ever. Mental issues do not disappear by pretty words or promises which turn out to be empty. I deserve better.
When I try to be just friends and see each other from time to time, she is just pushing closer, finding more and more things to trap me with. I hate chains, I hate the sense of losing my freedom to be how I want to be. The feeling of not having a choice disgusts me.
I'm on my very limits and have thought about this a lot. Yesterday I did a rather powerful bind to make her keep her distance. The Scorpio new moon appears to be a great time for such things. Now I want to let it take effect and think of my next move. I want out of the limbo of stress and drama absolutely ridiculous arguments. She says she loves me, but its not love to try to put me in mental prison and force me into dating which I do not want. Real love is unconditional and real love is respect. I don't see my will respected here. I want out.
I can't understand why have I been so tolerant and forgave so much and why do I give seemingly endless "second" chances when its plain as day that a positive change is not forth coming. I have had enough, I'm totally exhausted with all the dating bs and being treated badly when ever she goes ballistic about what ever. Mental issues do not disappear by pretty words or promises which turn out to be empty. I deserve better.
By my feet the flowers of witchery abloom.
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Re: Relationships
I'm growing myself so hypersensitive that going on sunlight, as those golden beams touch and penetrate my skin it feels orgasmic.
Hence why I rather feel that there is no such thing as friendship between man and woman. I also don't see much of male friends either, because hanging too much around them feels gayish.
I find more comfort talking to people here around the world that I know I will never meet.
Hence why I rather feel that there is no such thing as friendship between man and woman. I also don't see much of male friends either, because hanging too much around them feels gayish.
I find more comfort talking to people here around the world that I know I will never meet.
ᚩ ᚷ ᛒ (God and Goddess runes in union)
- L.J.Hex
- Posts: 520
- Joined: Wed May 09, 2018 6:29 am
- Gender: Transgender Woman
- Location: A land far away up north
Re: Relationships
SL, you have a different outlook on these things than I do.
I just had the phonecall I never wanted to have. It seems that the knot is loosening by itself. She called me and asked if she could live in my place for over a month as she got a job near here. I declined. She went to use everything in her disposal to guilt trip me... Everything. I still declined and I said I will refuse to take guilt for this as those things are her own to take care of and I MUST think of myself and I added that its clear that neither of us could take it for a month without going totally crazy.
I finally stood my ground. I didn't give in an inch. This is the beginning of the end. What I read about this new moon seems to beholding water.
I just had the phonecall I never wanted to have. It seems that the knot is loosening by itself. She called me and asked if she could live in my place for over a month as she got a job near here. I declined. She went to use everything in her disposal to guilt trip me... Everything. I still declined and I said I will refuse to take guilt for this as those things are her own to take care of and I MUST think of myself and I added that its clear that neither of us could take it for a month without going totally crazy.
I finally stood my ground. I didn't give in an inch. This is the beginning of the end. What I read about this new moon seems to beholding water.
By my feet the flowers of witchery abloom.
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Re: Relationships
Good call.
Too many people trying to sell you their cages
Gilding the bars till the jailer arrives
And if living in zoos is your idea of outrageous
Don't pick any animal - I'll be the wild one
Too many people trying to sell you their cages
Gilding the bars till the jailer arrives
And if living in zoos is your idea of outrageous
Don't pick any animal - I'll be the wild one
ᚩ ᚷ ᛒ (God and Goddess runes in union)
- L.J.Hex
- Posts: 520
- Joined: Wed May 09, 2018 6:29 am
- Gender: Transgender Woman
- Location: A land far away up north
Re: Relationships
That's a nice poem there. Mind if I copy it for my book? I wish to remember that one.
By my feet the flowers of witchery abloom.
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Re: Relationships
I put it in italic to hint it's not mine.
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/brucedi ... world.html
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/brucedi ... world.html
ᚩ ᚷ ᛒ (God and Goddess runes in union)
- L.J.Hex
- Posts: 520
- Joined: Wed May 09, 2018 6:29 am
- Gender: Transgender Woman
- Location: A land far away up north
Re: Relationships
Wow, its from Bruce. Awesome! I wont need to ask his permission to write it down... I wasn't familiar with this one. Thanks SL!SL wrote:I put it in italic to hint it's not mine.
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/brucedi ... world.html
By my feet the flowers of witchery abloom.
- L.J.Hex
- Posts: 520
- Joined: Wed May 09, 2018 6:29 am
- Gender: Transgender Woman
- Location: A land far away up north
Re: Relationships
I can't believe this problem solved itself this easily... I'm feeling so much lighter now.
She went stone cold on me. So much for "love" when things don't go her way. Real love is respect of free will. Even if its goes against one's own wants and needs. Reminds me of how I let my Croatian ex go when she wanted to. Even if it hurt me like hell. That's love.
She went stone cold on me. So much for "love" when things don't go her way. Real love is respect of free will. Even if its goes against one's own wants and needs. Reminds me of how I let my Croatian ex go when she wanted to. Even if it hurt me like hell. That's love.
By my feet the flowers of witchery abloom.
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Re: Relationships
Why not?L.J.Hex wrote:I wont need to ask his permission to write it down
Re Croatian ex... I think Slovenians are nicer than Croatians as far as former Yugoslavia's concerned. Croatians love money, Slovenians love nature. I enjoyed my stays in Slovenia very much, never went to Croatia but people go on vacation there and they are trying to squeeze so much money from tourists in a pathetic way: police people lurking around and giving fees to tourists at parking lots where they wouldn't fee any Croatian.
In your relationship topic where you mentioned Croatian you put some Motorhead song if I remember so
"Love is all you need," you seemed to think. While, in fact, all you need is
The ace of spades
The ace of spades
The ace of spades.
ᚩ ᚷ ᛒ (God and Goddess runes in union)
- L.J.Hex
- Posts: 520
- Joined: Wed May 09, 2018 6:29 am
- Gender: Transgender Woman
- Location: A land far away up north
Re: Relationships
Maybe I will? But Bruce Dickinson probably writes lyrics for fans anyway and I love the man.SL wrote:Why not?L.J.Hex wrote:I wont need to ask his permission to write it down
Re Croatian ex... I think Slovenians are nicer than Croatians as far as former Yugoslavia's concerned. Croatians love money, Slovenians love nature. I enjoyed my stays in Slovenia very much, never went to Croatia but people go on vacation there and they are trying to squeeze so much money from tourists in a pathetic way: police people lurking around and giving fees to tourists at parking lots where they wouldn't fee any Croatian.
In your relationship topic where you mentioned Croatian you put some Motorhead song if I remember so
"Love is all you need," you seemed to think. While, in fact, all you need is
The ace of spades
The ace of spades
The ace of spades.
Could very well be, I don't know any others from that corner of the world, but Croats seem to be quite money/career oriented people. Or at least its very common. And doesn't quite match with my thinking as I see money a necessary evil, not something I would push to obtain a boatload of.
Haha, love that Motörhead quote there. xD Awesome!
By my feet the flowers of witchery abloom.
Re: Relationships
Just a little heads up, In the future you'll need to site your sources if it is not your work. http://everythingunderthemoon.net/forum ... 27159.htmlSL wrote:I put it in italic to hint it's not mine.
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/brucedi ... world.html
“There are things known and things unknown and in between are the Doors.”
― Jim Morrison
“All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen.”
― RWEmerson
― Jim Morrison
“All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen.”
― RWEmerson
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- Posts: 992
- Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2018 11:21 am
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- Location: Barcelona Spain
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Re: Relationships
Hex, it's hard to stand up for ones self sometimes. We who are sensitive wish to help, but it's at the expense of our own burnout. Making boundaries with people who use you will let you know who is to be let go. The ones who respect the boundary good, the ones who don't ..Bu-bye.
Blessings, FF
Blessings, FF
“There are things known and things unknown and in between are the Doors.”
― Jim Morrison
“All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen.”
― RWEmerson
― Jim Morrison
“All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen.”
― RWEmerson
- L.J.Hex
- Posts: 520
- Joined: Wed May 09, 2018 6:29 am
- Gender: Transgender Woman
- Location: A land far away up north
Re: Relationships
So... My ex is an ex is an ex. But we're friends now, just like how I wished... And she has kept her problems to herself. Its like magick. It seems that after all the trouble, she's content with the situation. I'm so totally tired of dating I'm not even thinking about it. And I'm quite happy like this. For now.
By my feet the flowers of witchery abloom.
Re: Relationships
L.J.Hex wrote:So... My ex is an ex is an ex. But we're friends now, just like how I wished... And she has kept her problems to herself. Its like magick. It seems that after all the trouble, she's content with the situation. I'm so totally tired of dating I'm not even thinking about it. And I'm quite happy like this. For now.
I am glad you have been able to come out on top with you heart n mind still in place.
Love n Blessings.
MizLynn