Falling in love with a ghost

[Becks]

I'm sorry, I have read this whole thread and I'm still not properly connecting to the "guilt piece". I'm really not seeing what demands a lifetime of penance and self imposed torture.

[nicola]

Guilt is a very difficult thing to get over, but also, in situation like this, an unnecessary thing to keep.
Try to look at it like this, yes, you had a premonition and potentially the chance to change things. But then how were you to know the premonition would be real? And as you said, it wasn't your place to interfere, certain things are meant to happen, you may have saved him only for him to be taken in a different way.
Just because we're shown something in advance, doesn't mean we have to take responsibility for it. You seem like you knew this before his death. Feeling sad and taking it as a life lesson would be beneficial, you can still do your part in the world with this. But accepting guilt for it all will only bring you down and make it harder both for you to do whatever it is you are meant to do with your gifts and for him to help if he wants to.
I hope i've worded this right and that it makes sense. And also that you can let go of the guilt and exchange it for other feelings, both for yourself and for your friend x

[wildflower]

I guess the guilt comes from a number of factors. I willfully chose not to do my job, which is like watching someone drown and choosing not to throw out a life preserver. And it could be that I'm feeling the guilt of all the other premonitions that I inadvertently ignored. I've had premonitions where the death toll ended up being in the 6 digits, but they didn't hit me as hard as this.

My struggle is really not with my ghost, it's with the premonitions. I still don't know how to reconcile Fate with premonitions. Are we fighting Fate, or are we agents of Fate? Does everything happen for a reason? Is it our place to pick and choose when to interfere? I don't know anymore. My spirituality has come to a halt, because I don't want to grow anymore, but I also know that's the only place where I can find any answers.

It's not a lifetime of penance and torture. It's penance or torture. I have to choose one. I can either follow my calling and make a difference, or I can continue to do nothing and suffer endlessly. I feel like my arm is being twisted until I finally stop being so stubborn and do what I'm supposed to do. The ironic thing is that I want to do it, and I know it would make me feel happy and fulfilled, but I still don't do it. I think it's partly because of fear. I'd have to make major life changes and jump headfirst into the unknown, and that's scary. In some ways, it's easier just to stay with what you're familiar with, even if you're miserable.

[SnowCat]

You will have to learn which premonitions require you to do something, and which ones will happen regardless. I can assure you that with major death toll premonitions, you're not the only one experiencing them. Sometimes we are tools of Fate. Sometimes we are witnesses to Fate.

Snow

[wildflower]

Thanks to everyone for all of your advice. I have been pondering all of your responses. I think I'm going to have to stop sitting at the crossroads, get up off my butt and start walking my path again. I hardly know where to begin, though. Years ago, I had been a Wiccan, but I don't really know what I am anymore. I have no desire for magic or ritual, and even nature doesn't move me much these days. Maybe I should go back to my childhood roots and just focus on trance work. It might help to heal whatever is still broken within me. I haven't done it in years, partly because I felt unworthy, and partly because I was terrified of growing any more. The truth is that I'm still afraid, and I'm not sure how much more my poor shellshocked brain can handle, but I also realize that I'm not making any progress on my own. I've been stuck in the mud for far too long. Maybe I'll just start with baby steps, and go from there. It's kind of uncharted territory, but at least I know I won't be facing it alone.

Thanks again for all of your help.

[RowanCat]

Ummm....good luck? I'm extremely interested in this, but have zero idea what to tell you. My stalking whatsit just makes nightmares not conversation or save my life on a regular basis.

[SpiritTalker]

I too have had a spirit love, and you are not alone.

Sometimes we have to forgive ourselves for our selfishness, arrogance and blindness. If we fight to hang on to our guilt and punish ourselves, we lose what we have now. The "could have beens" have to be let go of. They are already gone. Why cling to what is not there? We are the only ones who can decide when we have punished ourselves enough for not being perfect.

There is a point when our Over-soul loves us enough to forgive.