Feeling lost

[Winter Wind]

Thank you Firebird. I'll keep playing, it's a survival need for all the musicians.

[SnowCat]

I can think of one time that a musical act's talent was overestimated. The Brady Bunch Movie. The Brady kids wore cheesy costumes and the singing and dancing were even cheesier. They won the contest and saved their happy home. Of course the contest judges were Peter Tork, Mickey Dolenz, and Davy Jones. And they were all following a script. Talent is something you were born with, but hard work and passion is what won the prize for you. Keep believing in yourself.

Snow

[Winter Wind]

Oh long time no see, I've been having some troubles (again), that's why I've been way for so long, so sorry SnowCat for not replying . That's totally my case, I got almost no natural talent for music. Haha
Unfortunately, my mom (or my dad) took my Tarot Deck (I still think that stole is the better term to describe it ), it was on its wooden box inside my closet, and it's not there anymore. We live in a farm, in other words, it was stolen by someone who lives here, and I'm sure that nor Grandpa nor my sister would even lay a finger on it. The worst part is that no one assumes, they are even aggressive when I talk about it, what do they think? That I'm still a child and that my deck grew up legs and got away running? I'm sick to death of it.
Indeed, I want to shout at them, throw glasses and such on the wall, etc etc etc... But I'm tired, they told me that they won't change anything, so I won't care about it anymore, I won't try to have a friendly family, I won't argue with them anymore, I'm just tired, there's no point on struggling, giving up things for them, it's enough for me.
My therapist said that I need to take care of myself first, and learn to love myself, because they won't treat me the way I expect them to, she didn't told me but I realized that I'm emotionally dependant, and this is the root cause of all this chaos.
No one can bring me out of this state, except myself. It's wonderful to have all this support here, my friends, therapy, but no one of them can really clean this mess.

But it's really a shame that readings will have to wait (and I really miss my deck ), but besides this I'll be fine.
Blessings!
It's time to heal my wounds instead of making more, there's no point on "cutting" your emotional self by saying that there's nothing you can do, that it's all your fault, that it'll never end. It's a WAY more productive to spend that time looking for a solution, and healing the damage you suffered.
After all, this phase did bring me something good, the desire to be a therapist, I want to help others that pass through all this hard stuff, someone who they can rely on, music will be always by my side, but psychologists can work on more areas than a music therapist.

[Firebird]

Winter, I admire your determination...I was wondering, have you considered incorporating music and therapy?
bb, Firebird

[Seraphin]

It's a great thing that despite everything you're parents are doing, you chose to pursue your chosen path, dreams and principles and see them come to reality. Sometimes, when I'm in your situation I just think that for every wielder of white magick, there looms a black magickian, ready to cast a sinister and malicious hex. There's always someone out there that will ruin your life but it's sad and it hurt sooo bad if they were your loved ones. With determination, however, the bad and everything negative is washed away and burned to oblivion.

Your determination will be the wind that will turboprop you to flap your wings and fly. It will be the fire under your seat, the fire that will you warm and that will make you glow.

I can see you're very conscious of your path and that's a very good thing. You experience trials but you never lose sight of your focus so kudos to you Winter Wind!

Trust me, all these chaotic stuffs you're dealing right now will end at the right time. Just keep doing what you're doing and believe in resolute will.

[Thistle]

I wanted to say I admire your determination as well! Psychology is a great choice! That was my initial plan, but I never finished school myself. It's good to know what you want, and stick with it. I wish you many blessings in the future!

[Winter Wind]

Well Firebird, I might find a way to blend those two. Music do wonders for everyone! Haha.
Thanks for your words, Seraphin and Thistle!
That balance is what allow us to develop. Almost attempting suicide isn't good in any way, but it reminds that everything you didn't deal before is still there saying "Fix me, or I'll be forever in your way!"
I'll do my best to be studying on a university next year, leave my parents' house and work hard to become a psychotherapist and build my own life.
Really, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"