What do yOu even CALL thiS!? please help

[LadyCoyote]

Ok so I've always had a hard time defining my spirituality. And i used to call it a religion, but really i don't know if you can really call it that now.

So its kinda hard to explain it because I'm still working it out. but i would call it eclectic wicca at its most basic point

I believe that in the universe, you as a witch gathers and directs energy with purpose and with your will. Your magic comes from the fact that you are changing your own mind. If I was having a problem and didn't really want to change it I would have the problem continue to affect me. But if I do a ritual to help me solve a problem, or really just explain it to myself then i can fix it better. I really don't do anything related to another person unless its to sooth them or send them love and support because i don't want to harm people. Theres already so much harm that I would hate myself to contribute to it. But i also know that once I affect myself, someone out there is probably going to be affected either negatively or positively. So if I wish for money, someones money has to disappear (so no i don't do that, besides money is not what makes me happy), if i wish for someone to love me, then i am altering their free will (consent from person for rituals affecting them am most often than not it would be negatively).

I believe that once you die, your consciousness is gone, but your body becomes one with the earth again. You are in that expansive universal 'brain' and then maybe you are sent back out to make new life, but the thought that you carry personality and get reincarnated seems like its just a human fear of death to me, but idk.
anyways i believe after you die you nurture the earth with what you are, you give back to mother earth all the atoms you 'borrowed' while being a human and help the future continue. Your nitrogen, carbon, oxygen, etc gets released and continues their cycles through their respective ecological cycles, etc.
The beauty of being alive is that you get that short time to organize into a complex being that experiences the world. and so an afterlife is not important for me, because right now is miraculous. Right now is amazing, but our human 'ego' makes us unsatisfied. but if you are unsatisfied, you as a living being can make change to make it more comfortable. But life isn't really supposed to make you comfortable, its supposed to challenge you. If there was a perfect world, no one would change. so as a living being you are presented with challenges to overcome to hopefully become a better person with the right mindset.

I use wiccan tools and rituals to observe nature, and to observe polarity. I focus a lot on the fact that yes, everything is not black and white, but because we humans like to label things to understand them.
I view the polar aspect of the god and goddess to understand the world. I also just talk to the god and goddess during a cast circle to just vent, and their presence is much more tactile than any time i have prayed to the christian god. probably because I don't view the god and goddess above me, but part of me and everything. And because I view everything as one then I normally find a way to view the situation as less biased, and do a ritual to gather energy to overcome my current problem.

What do you guys think? I am desperately in need for clarification and or challenges to my opinions so i can gain different viewpoints to better examine my understanding of the universe and how i play a part (my spirituality) because I haven't had really anything to change recently, and I can feel its not perfect, i just don't know how to progress right now.

[Shub Niggurath]

But life isn't really supposed to make you comfortable, its supposed to challenge you. If there was a perfect world, no one would change. so as a living being you are presented with challenges to overcome to hopefully become a better person with the right mindset.

Wise words, LadyCoyote.

I think you might like Chaos Magick and/or Thelema. While Wicca provides a good base for one's morality/ethics, Thelema and Chaos Magick are based on and give you techniques of self-improvement and spiritual progression. I thought you might want to check these paths out because what you said strongly resonates with both of them.

I believe that in the universe, you as a witch gathers and directs energy with purpose and with your will. Your magic comes from the fact that you are changing your own mind. If I was having a problem and didn't really want to change it I would have the problem continue to affect me. But if I do a ritual to help me solve a problem, or really just explain it to myself then i can fix it better.

That's Thelema!

I use wiccan tools and rituals to observe nature, and to observe polarity. I focus a lot on the fact that yes, everything is not black and white, but because we humans like to label things to understand them.
(...) And because I view everything as one then I normally find a way to view the situation as less biased, and do a ritual to gather energy to overcome my current problem.

That's Chaos Magick!

If you feel like you're in stagnation and need new ways and challenges to progress further in the process of self-development, I think you might find some of the paths' mentioned above techniques and philosophy helpful or inspiring. And don't worry, every person working hard on self-improvement meets this kind of wall sooner or later. This means that you've successfully accomplished one level and now you need a strong break-through to dive deeper.
Good luck with everything!

[LadyCoyote]

Ah thank you Levitating cat! I'll get to searching very quick, thank you thank you.

[LadyCoyote]

I think that I can understand where chaos magic comes from, and i do share ideals, but they remind me too much of the elitist dada artists in their attitude. because if they are trying to take everything and using it when fit, do they respect where it comes from? and if it includes everything, why such a heavy sigil and occult like spells, rather than a whole list of religions and rituals?
thelema is a good philosophy as well, but i just wasn't finding anything to read, most of the stuff was very cryptic.
I remember my grandfather saying that he thought i am a mystic, and I was kinda denying because I think that that is a bit too egotistical, but i don't think thats true, its just a term to describe people who focus more on the spiritual side to commune with their deity (at least in my opinion). I really don't use rituals for anything else but observing the seasons, and wicca does that very well for me and I love how cheerful it is, and whole.
is there such a thing as wiccan mysticism?

[Sakura Blossom]

There was a term coined in the pagan group I belong to at my school, that I think is an AMAZING term: Spiritually Eclectic.

It doesn't mean religious, it just means that you're spiritual and what you're spiritual with takes from many different practices. I think it's amazing to use if you don't know what your 'type' is. And honestly, sometimes it doesn't fall under a category at all which is totally fine!

I've found in my years, that no one religion or belief was for me, and I just took from different things that seemed to fit my beliefs and wants out of a practice.

I don't know how much help this is, but I hope it might give you some ideas.

[LadyCoyote]

I think I can take and run with that term quite well thank you Sakura blossom. And thank you levitating cat as well

[Sakura Blossom]

I'm glad I could help you out! (: I really like the term, it's great. I should make cookies for this person, to literally "give them cookies" for a good idea. Haha!

[LadyCoyote]

Definitely give them cookies, it will make their day!!!