"An Ye Harm None, Do What Ye Will." - But what if you self-h

[quiquithegreat]

*this may be triggering*

I have struggled with this for a while, and this whole rule is kind of messing with me real bad, as it just makes me feel worse for doing it.

I've been interested in Witchcraft since I was little, and my mother gave me this book with information on items and their magickal properties, as well as meditation, grounding, and how to make spells. She also had this Jeanie bottle in her room, and she let me talk to it privately when I was little.

As of August this year, I am 17 now (and not nearly as close to her as I was years ago), and I'm interested in taking it more seriously, and becoming Wicca. I have cast spells before, but they involve concentrating and meditating. I find I have trouble with this as it is often hard for me to relax, and my mind constantly wanders.
I am also an athiest for personal reasons, and I do believe in the power of the universe.

Anyway, I'm going way off track, I tend to do this. I guess I want you to know at least a bit about me, to better explain my problem.
I've been self-harming for several years, due to many things I don't really want to get into. But I'm not supposed to harm anyone, even myself.
I've been trying to recover for about two and a half years (mind you I was forced into recovery when I was at a point where I didn't want to, and wasn't ready to let go - but now I have to stop, not only because of this rule, but because my scars and the problems that come along with the scars are emotionally hurting me and making me feel worse). This rule of harming none is making me feel terrible.
I haven't done it in 8 weeks now, but I can feel it coming on, like it's crawling on my back.

The problem is that hurting myself makes me feel worse about myself, the scars are humiliating, I feel like I'm weak and powerless and recovery seems so impossible for me, and sometimes when I'm deep in this hole again I feel like it literally is impossible for me, and I just feel like I've let myself down, I've let everyone down, I've let the universe down, and the rule of three will come back to me for doing it.
Every time I slip-up, I just feel terrible in every single way. And feeling terrible fuels this urge more, and it's just a vicious cycle, running or spinning around in circles, trying to work as a screw to pull myself out. But this isn't working.
All of my problems cause more problems.

And the problem is, that despite the problems my problem (with self-harm) causes me, I still need it.

[SnowCat]

I don't know much about self harm, but I know the need to do so is a symptom of an illness, not really an illness in and of itself. Reaching out for help and answers is a good start. Sometimes progress is measured in seconds. Every second that you resist self harm is a victory for you. Those seconds add up. Blessings to you.

Snow

[Siona]

For whatever it's worth, there are quite a few interpretations of the rede out there, and many of them go beyond just "harm none." (Causing harm in life is unavoidable, after all.) Some see the rede as saying that if your action harms none, then go for it... it's meant to be freeing, to not create artificial restrictions like some religions might do. In that view, the rede doesn't actually say what to do if your action would cause harm - some add the line, if it causes harm, do what you must. (Any way to look at it, rede itself is defined as advice, not rule, law, or commandment.)

All that said, certainly I'm not saying you should hurt yourself, but guilting yourself over what some reduce the rede down to isn't going to help you, either. The universe is not going to punish you for slipping. Many people who deal with this issue, or similar issues, will slip at some point. Slipping, in itself, does not make you weak. You're trying, that's important.

Are you currently receiving any sort of professional help for this?

[Firebird]

Hi dear, sorry this is troubling you, my daughter started doing this when she was in high school, she was intervened by a counselor at school, we talked and she went to thearpy right away. She may have been fortunate to have caught this before it became a problem, however this story doesn't help you much.
The point I wanted to get to, and I'm not sure if they have touched on this in your recovery, is that there is a chemical component that gets released in the brain when you cut. This chemical is strong and addictive. It is why some people have a bazillion tattoos or piercings because they get a rush for a moment with the pain then the body's own pain killer kicks in and you feel better.
An alternative to this is excercise, has any counselor mentioned this as a way to get over the humps?
Sonia has sound advise there about the Reed, it's more of a guideline.
We drive cars? Oops ...Harm harm harm, we do the best we can with the knowledge we have.
Be kind to yourself, we are our own worst enemy, try not to listen to the devil of the mind.
Feel free to pm me if you wish.
Blessings, Firebird

[Zale]

I agree with both comments and my heart goes out to you because compulsions like this are a monkey on your back that just refuses to leave despite the efforts you make. Like Siona has stated those efforts are not in vain. It is also a true statement that Siona made that the Universe is not out to punish you for going against the rede. Each choice we make good or otherwise has consequences to them. I believe that this is an eternal law that must be obeyed by all to include the Universe. I digress. Getting to the point I think that you are doing great we all have monkeys so to speak to take care of. Keep trying even if you fall off the perverbial horse. Continue to meditate every day at least for 10 min, try and visualize how you want your day to look, visualize yourself being tempted and how you want to react. Visualize yourself affirming to yourself you don't need to because of...(something positive about yourself. And it needs to be believe able to you.) What this does is it trains your mind one to meditate. It's like working out you can't just walk into a gym for the first time in 5 years throw on 400 lbs and start lifting. Doesn't work that way same with our mental and spiritual psyche. The second thing the visualization will help with is to help you train for when that monkey starts tickling you, you will eventually be able to react positively to that situation with out even having to think about it. You are on the right path, stick with it. We hold the power, Magick is real it is up to us to exercise these part of ourselves to use them. I believe in you, your self worth is so much higher than you may see right now. I see it just in the fact that you truly want to change. That says a lot. Sorry for the long winded speech. I know what it is like to be in your shoes, not the same situation you are facing but definitely the same problem of overcoming a compulsive behavior. If you need a friend to vent to feel free to message me. I am not a licensed psychologist however I can help bounce ideas off of you that my therapist and I have done that have worked and some that have not that may work for you. I would definitely urge you to seek out help if you haven't already. But I digress again you have a friend here.

[quiquithegreat]

For whatever it's worth, there are quite a few interpretations of the rede out there, and many of them go beyond just "harm none." (Causing harm in life is unavoidable, after all.) Some see the rede as saying that if your action harms none, then go for it... it's meant to be freeing, to not create artificial restrictions like some religions might do. In that view, the rede doesn't actually say what to do if your action would cause harm - some add the line, if it causes harm, do what you must. (Any way to look at it, rede itself is defined as advice, not rule, law, or commandment.)

All that said, certainly I'm not saying you should hurt yourself, but guilting yourself over what some reduce the rede down to isn't going to help you, either. The universe is not going to punish you for slipping. Many people who deal with this issue, or similar issues, will slip at some point. Slipping, in itself, does not make you weak. You're trying, that's important.

Are you currently receiving any sort of professional help for this?

Hi dear, sorry this is troubling you, my daughter started doing this when she was in high school, she was intervened by a counselor at school, we talked and she went to thearpy right away. She may have been fortunate to have caught this before it became a problem, however this story doesn't help you much.
The point I wanted to get to, and I'm not sure if they have touched on this in your recovery, is that there is a chemical component that gets released in the brain when you cut. This chemical is strong and addictive. It is why some people have a bazillion tattoos or piercings because they get a rush for a moment with the pain then the body's own pain killer kicks in and you feel better.
An alternative to this is excercise, has any counselor mentioned this as a way to get over the humps?
Sonia has sound advise there about the Reed, it's more of a guideline.
We drive cars? Oops ...Harm harm harm, we do the best we can with the knowledge we have.
Be kind to yourself, we are our own worst enemy, try not to listen to the devil of the mind.
Feel free to pm me if you wish.
Blessings, Firebird

I agree with both comments and my heart goes out to you because compulsions like this are a monkey on your back that just refuses to leave despite the efforts you make. Like Siona has stated those efforts are not in vain. It is also a true statement that Siona made that the Universe is not out to punish you for going against the rede. Each choice we make good or otherwise has consequences to them. I believe that this is an eternal law that must be obeyed by all to include the Universe. I digress. Getting to the point I think that you are doing great we all have monkeys so to speak to take care of. Keep trying even if you fall off the perverbial horse. Continue to meditate every day at least for 10 min, try and visualize how you want your day to look, visualize yourself being tempted and how you want to react. Visualize yourself affirming to yourself you don't need to because of...(something positive about yourself. And it needs to be believe able to you.) What this does is it trains your mind one to meditate. It's like working out you can't just walk into a gym for the first time in 5 years throw on 400 lbs and start lifting. Doesn't work that way same with our mental and spiritual psyche. The second thing the visualization will help with is to help you train for when that monkey starts tickling you, you will eventually be able to react positively to that situation with out even having to think about it. You are on the right path, stick with it. We hold the power, Magick is real it is up to us to exercise these part of ourselves to use them. I believe in you, your self worth is so much higher than you may see right now. I see it just in the fact that you truly want to change. That says a lot. Sorry for the long winded speech. I know what it is like to be in your shoes, not the same situation you are facing but definitely the same problem of overcoming a compulsive behavior. If you need a friend to vent to feel free to message me. I am not a licensed psychologist however I can help bounce ideas off of you that my therapist and I have done that have worked and some that have not that may work for you. I would definitely urge you to seek out help if you haven't already. But I digress again you have a friend here.

I don't know much about self harm, but I know the need to do so is a symptom of an illness, not really an illness in and of itself. Reaching out for help and answers is a good start. Sometimes progress is measured in seconds. Every second that you resist self harm is a victory for you. Those seconds add up. Blessings to you.

Snow

Wow, thank all of you for the support. You're all really nice, and thanks for understanding.
I'm glad to know the rede isn't strict laws. And that monkey can be annoying sometimes.
I am actually not getting help at the moment, and I don't really have anyone I can talk to. Also, as I said before, I have this weird phobia of doctors and hospitals and such. It's pretty bad because there have been times where I've wanted to get professional help, but I just can't. So I've been trying to do this by myself for a while now.

But thank you for all of this support. And this does motivate me to go a little longer. I've not done it for 8 weeks (and a bit), and I thought I wasn't going to make it to 9, but now I think I can get past 10 and beyond.

Thank you. My heart goes out to each of you.

[SnowCat]

One second at a time. You only have to get through that next second. PM me anytime you want or need to. I check in here several times a day. Reach out and grab a furry astral paw whenever you need to. It'll be there, and I'll be at the other end of it.

Snow

[quiquithegreat]

One second at a time. You only have to get through that next second. PM me anytime you want or need to. I check in here several times a day. Reach out and grab a furry astral paw whenever you need to. It'll be there, and I'll be at the other end of it.

Snow

Seconds hold less pressure than weeks, so that would be much better. And thank you. You're really awesome.

[Firebird]

Try to go for a run the next time you get close, and just keep running, you may find this is a great option.
My daughter also got on the sports teams at school which helped her a lot.
Thinking of you,
Firebird

[Moonrabbitzmom]

I am saddened to hear of your current situation and confusion. I live with Dissociative Identity Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder; and, while I don't cut, I do bite my nails to the point where they are sore and bleed. I began my walk on the Wiccan path over five years ago and had a wonderful mentor who taught me about the Rede and his interpretation of it, which is quite comforting, actually. Even to this day when the subject comes up, he reminds me that the Rede is meant to be freeing and not prohibitive. The words are "if it harms none" not "Harm none". This is a very important difference. So, what does it mean? "Harm none" is obvious and prohibitive. However, the word, "Rede" actually means "advice". "If it harms none" actually can be taken to encourage one to act freely while being responsible for the consequences of one's actions. The Wiccan Rede has eight words and not only two. Thus, it sets an implied standard to of harmlessness by we should measure all of our actions; and therefore implies that we should avoid actions that cause unnecessary harm. For individuals like us, "self harm" is actually comforting; and while it is not considered to be the most optimum coping mechanism. It works for us.

I've heard all types of alternatives to 'cutting' through my years in therapy. First of all, a good therapist is a wonderful asset. I was fortunate to have a Pagan therapist in my life to walk me through this mess. Second, find a behavior to replace the one you are trying to eliminate. My therapist suggested getting a tattoo, using prayer beads, or a rubber band on the wrist to help when the urge arises. But, above all, with the Rede in mind, do what feels best for you.

I hope this helps a bit. Don't allow others to bully you. And, always remember, you are precious.

[Andromeda]

I used to self harm... I did a lot of research on it, and eventually was able to stop when I found out about Niacin.

Niacin is a vitamin that helps balance out your nervous system. When the chemicals in our nervous system are out of balance, we can experience depression and other similar issues.

I'm no therapist, but I've been in your shoes, and this really helped me. I hope it helps you too.

Good luck

[Aderyn]

I haven't read every response here, but I wanted to reply.

I have PTSD and used to self-harm since I didn't know how to deal with the hurricane inside my body. Through my spirituality, I was able to heal and grow thus stopping any self-harm and anxious tendencies. This was something for me to focus on and put my energy into; I needed to find things to do that were healthy and truly made me happy. I never thought I would be stable or healthily emote, but here I am today. I could write a novel on how I got through it, and things that might help you, but I hope this helps and if you have any questions or want to talk more about it - I'd be happy to chat. ^-^