please i feel like I'm going crazy

[dreamcatcher]

I'm only fifteen and I'm not even able to actively practice wicca because of a disapproving family, but all sorts of things seem to be interested in me. At least I think they are. I'm also a little worried that I'm just going crazy or imagining things. It started out small but now its escalating to the point where theres almost always someone near me.

I've pretty much always had certain figures who've just been in my mind, primarily a little girl with dark hair and purple eyes. She was the first I guess. She's been hovering around the edge of my subconscious for as long as I remember, not extremely obvious but just hints of her, like in the way (I write stories) characters I want to have deep spiritual connections with their gods always automatically possess dark hair and violet eyes in my mind. Even back in fifth grade when I was writing a story about wolves, I had a character who was 'sent by their gods' and she just came into being in my mind with black fur and bright bright purple eyes and when I tried to reimagine her with different, genetically possible eyes, it just felt completely wrong.

Then, a few years ago, the word witch popped up everywhere around me-every book I picked up had wiccans in it, every show I flipped to had a witch in it, even teachers would randomly bring up wicca as an example of religion when it was only barely connected to what we were learning. Certain crystals seemed to call out to me, my dreams grew more and more vivid and easily remembered and in them I usually was different from everyone else in them. So, I began seriously looking into it, even though my parents freaked out when they found stuff on my computer about modern witches. It was around this time that I actually started seeing this little girl with the purple eyes. It was usually right before I fell asleep, she would sometimes come and just hold me as if she was seeking comfort and I was a big sister or mother to her. After a while though, she began invading my dreams, usually showing me something I can never remember or her face would just come up in my mind during the day as if she was trying to warn me of something or talk to me, but she couldn't get all the way through. I've also always felt as though she was much much older than she looked.
I don't know when precisely it happened, but she began to seem to fade into the background/go deeper into me than before and other people have taken her place, even though she still shows up sometimes, such as in a dream I had last night.

Two guys have also always sort of been there, like she was, but were never as in focus. They both look nearly identical, beautiful with pure black hair, and seem almost to be brothers. They seem to dislike eachother and almost resent the other when he is more towards the forefront of my mind. One has unaturally blue eyes and seems very pure and orderly. The other has amber/fiery eyes and seems more chaotic and wild. The one with the gold eyes shows up more often than the boy with the blue eyes. When the blue eyed one shows up he always seems disapproving somehow.

When I began learning about the triple goddess, a woman seemed to grow inside my mind. I usually see her as if she's sleeping or sunbathing on a stone until she wakes up to tell me something. It's never words though, just general vague emotions, like sometimes she'll seem to be asking me if I'm sure I want to do a certain thing, or she'll seem to be approving of something I've done, or she'll even seem to laugh happily as if I entertain her. She feels almost like a mother. I can never see her clearly though.

Then, lately, I've been reading about Lilith and since then it's almost as if I can see her as well, or at the very least feel her, such as her hair brushing my shoulder. It's always just her hair too, a wild dirty blonde that's impossibley long and wavy. She doesn't so much offer guidance or anything, just spectates and when she shows up I usually tend to become more aware of guys around me who are looking at me etc. even if they're behind me and I can't see them, I'm still aware if they're checking me out. I also feel very much more in tune with my femininity.

And then last night I had a dream about a man with golden hair and skin, with a bright golden chain around his neck who refused to show me his face. And it feels like he's latched onto me as well. He hasn't showed up, but it's almost as if I can just feel him there watching.


It feels almost as if they're all willing to fight over me sometimes and recently I've begun to have horrible mood swings, going from almost freakishly happy to horribely sad and mournful, or like I'm missing someone, or like i'm forgetting something extremely extremely life or death important. And the swings almost always coincide with the appearence or thought of one of these people. And it's getting to the point where I'm nearly having miniature panic attacks for no reason and it's really scaring me sometimes because I can tell that they don't really want to harm me but I feel like they dont realize what theyre doing

But I don't know if these people actually exist or if I'm just going crazy because it's honestly really starting to worry me now that there are so many, because I've heard of certain witches having a certain spirit guide or a being theyre personally affiliated with, but this many latching onto me? I don't know if theyre true or not and even right now it feels almost like some of them are disapproving of me writing this, most just seem exasperated though. But I can't tell if that's just my imagination supplying that or if it's true or what, so I would really really really appreciate any help or guidance you could give me

[ness]

Hi dreamcatcher!
I dont have much knowledge about wicca and I am sure there is plenty of people on this board who would be able to advice you on that front. But, I just want to say few things -

15 or really any teenage year is fully packed with harmones. It's the age when all the emotions are riding full speed but there is a lack of maturity to direct these emotions or to handle this emotions well... like nature would have it. Its really good that you are inclined to spirituality at such young age. You should keep up with it. But, I really think that you need a mentor (just like you need one in school to help you find your passion and what not). At this age, you are very vulnerable and full of potential. A mentor can help you by guiding you through right path. I personally dont believe that mentor should be a wicca, but can be anyone following any religion or aspect of spirituality, as long as you feel comfort and trust with this person. Do you know anyone like that?

Mood swings can also be associtated with harmonal imbalance (very common in teenage years). Are you eating healthy, are you drinking enough water during the day, are you exercising in some form? All these are very important for a well balanced thinking process. I think you need to open up about this to your parents and talk to them about it. It will help you immensly if you find someone to confide in. Also, I feel like you are young and you shouldn't miss out on the "season" of youth. Its lot of fun and where lot of cognitive development and value development happens. So, it concerns me that you are spending most of that time being worried about your situation.

Few tips - You can start a journal and write these things down. But try not to dwell on it. Write and let it go (easier said than done). Also, there is a saying... idle mind is devil's workshop. I know that too well. So, get involved in lot of activities available to you. Sports, chess, science, dance, drama, writing... whatever interests you... do it! Get involved. The more you sit around in your room alone and ponder over this, the more you will feel lost. Get out, mingle and do activities that will charge your energy positively. I can't stress the importance of this! Also, start meditating, ground yourself well, and when you feel comfortable, you need to ask these distractions to go away and ask for clarity.

[dreamcatcher]

Hi Ness.
I wanted to say thank you for the guidance. I do have someone I've grown rather close to and could serve as a mentor, however she's graduating this year so we wouldn't be able to keep in touch as often as I'd want/need. Although I do have a few older friends who are like sisters to me who I feel I would be able to confide in if I need to talk to someone.
As for the moodswings... I understand that as a teenager it's a natural thing, except that these feel much different than the usual mood swings. I'm normally a very optimistic, very laid back, naturally empathetic person, but with these moodswings it's as if someone has swapped my personality out with some one entirely different. I'll become a lot crueler, lash out a lot, not notice others' feelings or just fall into a pit of depression even if I'd been on top of the world a moment earlier. And all of that is not like me at all.
And I do eat extremely healthy, mostly organic foods. I drink usually at least two bottles of water daily, I do my best to get to the gym at night and sometimes go running in the mornings before school. I hang out with large groups of friends at least a few times a week, I laugh often. I'm write stories and poetry all the time, I'm deeply involved in the school drama department, scheduled to become the official head of props soon. I make a point of hanging out only with primarily positive people to the point where I have a rule that if one of my friends are bringing me down, I'll withdraw from them for a few weeks until I 'recharge' per say. I have a journal I write out things in when I'm really upset about something...
I also every few weeks do this thing where I'll mentally release bad energy, sometimes more often if I feel the need, and then concentrate on absorbing positive energy, or at the very least neutral, calm energy
I really work to take care of myself

I havent meditated in a while though so thank you for that suggestion.

[ness]

Hi dreamcatcher!
I think you are way ahead of the curve and already doing wonderful for yourself. You are very mature!

Extreme mood swing is big part of puberty. But since you are feeling uncomfortable about it and considering all that you have said about being and acting like a different personality, first step I would recommend is to actually go see a doctor. It is always better to get checked out and make sure there is no medical reason why your moods go from extreme to extreme. Its always best to rule out medical reasons in any situation.

I am sure someone on here will help you with guidance on getting rid of these distractions, or if there is any cleansing you can do.

Also, anytime you want to talk about it, you can always come on here Take care!

[dreamcatcher]

Thank you so much
You take care as well

[Vesca]

I would actually really recommend talking to your doctor or a therapist about your concerns. It's easier to help people work through their life circumstances after biological/biochemical influences have been ruled out or addressed accordingly.

[Seraphin]

Sometimes, there's a very thin line between imagination/hallucination and and psychic manifestation, that’s why it’s controversial. You have to be able to prove what you're seeing as objective validity. Otherwise, you are just hallucinating and not really clairvoyant seeing. That's your wild imagination.

There are a series of questions which should be asked when considering the possibility of psychic manifestation. These questions will ensure that the individual has been evaluated for the presence of any medical condition which would mimic the classical abilities of "psychism" and that said condition or conditions has been ruled out.


1. Does the individual/family have a personal/family history of mental imbalances, disorders or psychotic conditions?

2. Does the individual/family have a personal/family history of any neurodevelopmental disorder?

3. Does the individual/family have a personal history of attention-seeking behavior, self-destruction behavior or narcisstic personality?

4. What is the present physical, emotional and spiritual condition of the individual/family?

5.When did the symptoms first manifest and how was the emotional, physical and spiritual condition of the individual/family at that time?

6. Has the individual/family recently experienced traumatic events that may have greatly affected him or her?

7. Does the individual/family have a personal history of substance abuse (including alcohol)?

8. Does the individual/family have knowledge and/or a practitioner of magick/witchcraft?

9. Has the individual been evaluated by a mental health professional?

10. Has the individual been evaluated by a licensed medical practitioner?

A psychic, what he is seeing has objective validation. Seek for a spiritual counselor or a psychic and without telling him/her anything, (you ask) are you feeling or seeing something in our house/my room. And then if they see and feel something, like "hey, I can see a girl." And now you have objective validation that what this person is saying is true, then you know it's not your imagination.

[dreamcatcher]

No one in my family has any history of autism or mental disorders, nothing traumatic it big had happened recently, I don't seek attention, no drugs or alcohol, I do know of the occult and although I can't practice openly I believe in it and will sometime speak/pray to the goddess.right now I don't know anyone else who practices, no I have not been evaluated by a doctor

Although I guess that they first started coming during this one year where I just felt extremely extremely lonely

And I want to clarify that I don't see them so clearly that I could mistake them for real people...It's usually more just that I know they're there and when they do manifest, usually at night, I can't actually clearly see them but I'm extremely aware of what they look like and what their position is, what they're doing...It's like they're in a different kind of existence, like you're trying to look through murky water to find someone beneath it...You can't really see them beyond maybe the disturbances of the water they make.
Well no that's a bad analogie..more like a photograph superimposed on another one.I see two things at once but one image is vague

[Seraphin]

Hiya dreamcatcher,

Thank you for your response.

Because you come into contact with so many spirit or etheric beings, we're not sure, it might be helpful to clear your personal space and shield yourself.

Emotionally, mentally and spiritually healthy people generally have positive relationships with the spirit community. Conversely, those who are greatly bothered or frightened with the presence of their spirit community (Deities, guides, masters, angels, daemons, nature spirits, etc.) are often emotionally, mentally and spiritually unstable. I'm not saying you're unstable dreamcatcher, don't get me wrong. My point here is our self-esteem has a direct impact on the quality of our bond and relationship with our spirit community.

To the degree that we lack self-esteem, we can't comprehend our spiritual perception fully. To fill this emotional void, we turn to the world for approval because we're trained to disbelieve our own perceptions when they're in conflict with "conventional wisdom", and it can be difficult to overcome that early training but plenty of us have done just that. This behavior I believe can be the source of negative emotions, mood swings, disturbances and other conflicts.

However, when we depend on others for validation, we become tense and vulnerable, as we over-analyze every perception and we don't know what to believe and not to believe anymore. We're like a cup without a bottom: the moment we stop receiving approval and validation, we're as empty and as thirsty as we were before. Yes, there are moments of quick and temporary satisfaction, yet we still remain empty inside.

My point is I think you should develop a healthy sense of self-esteem to endow you with the ability to interpret and understand your own spiritual perceptions. This opens up a wider sense of reality, and can lead to a better understanding of yourself and your surroundings. Meditate always and set aside your expectations. Just observe and listen to whatever comes and eventually, I believe that your spirit community will gently guide you to understand all these psychic manifestations and spiritual perceptions.

Please keep us posted with your explorations. Bless you!

[dreamcatcher]

I will! Thank you so so much Seraphin. I'll try my best

[dreamcatcher]

Hey so looking back I'm wondering if it's relevant that for a while I partially turned my back on the craft, giving my crystals to my brother, throwing out the information I'd acquired, got rid of the candles I'd scavenged, etcetera. I'm really only coming back to it extremely recently, and that was to try to find an explanation for these things. Do you think this could have an impact on why these beings turned up all over? Could they have been trying to force me to come back to all of this? My dreams picked up right around the same time that they started appearing more frequently also, which hadn't happened since I first got exposed to and started learning about witchcraft in general.
Ever since I came back to this forum about them, they've also started becoming less frequent, more often when I'm alone vs at school or with friends. However, I felt them quite strongly when I was getting out what was left of my old materials, especially when I reopened my box of crystals.

[Seraphin]

Well if that's what your intuition says, then it's possible!

Most, if not all, witches I know listen and trust their intuition because they know that it's the very spiritual and natural instruction for them what to think, say or do! It reveals the truth to those who are constantly listening and seeking answers and spiritual things.

Just make sure, these entities aren't negative at all. Some spirits gets attracted to a living because the victim resembles someone the spirit had relationship with in the past. Sometimes, these spirits are just really malignant and they are the dangerous ones.

I see you're a natural psychic dreamcatcher and some entities see these as portals or doors into their energy field or vibratory level.

So as I said, always shield yourself from the lower and negative spirits and commune only with higher positive ones. Better to be safe than sorry. Though usually we lack the ability to discern the spirits that come to us. The first line of defense against them is to strengthen one's will and emotions. A positive and confident attitude will help.

[Holdasown]

Seraphin gave you good advice. Remember you control your environment. If an entity is making you nervous tell them to leave. You can "clean" your room and hang lavender and other herbs to keep it more protective if you need to. Make sure when you are releasing your negative energy to do it out of the room you spend the most time in or even better outside.

[dreamcatcher]

Thank you for all the help Holdasown and Seraphin! I'll keep you posted if anything else happens

[Nightwatcher]

I know I'm pretty late to the party, so I'm sorry about that!

When I read your description of the young girl, I immediately saw Nyx; I see her similarly to you but instead of being a young girl she is a fully-grown young woman in my mind's eye, with silvery-purple tattoos over her body in swirls and symbols. The twins as well, are almost just like a set of twins I see as well but both have bright emerald-green eyes so when I saw that their eye color was different, I realized they are probably different beings; although it did start to freak me out! XD

When you hit puberty, a lot of hormones are changing (like others have said) but it's also... how to put this without sounding odd.... almost like a second "Awakening", if you will. Children are very sensitive to the energies and beings around them, but as they get older and told these things aren't real, they ignore them and their abilities and talents fade, almost as if to sleep. When puberty strikes, some experience a second surge of these connections, abilities, talents and sensitivities. I suspect it may be that.

As for the mood swings, while they are *technically* part of the hormone changes, it's also possible you're being influences by others around you, including the beings who are visiting you (you mentioned you're very empathetic naturally). Others have also suggested casting a shield or barrier which I also support and also suggest cleansing yourself to possibly help wash away the stuck feelings others may be sending to you unintentionally.

If you ever want to talk, ask questions and such, I'm always willing to do my best to help; I know how terrifying it can be when you have a second Awakening. I can still remember when it happened to me. Back then I wasn't allowed net access and hadn't even heard about Wicca, Witchcraft, Pagan or otherwise; I was very much alone and scared. I really don't want you to experience the fear, pain and confusion I did.

Blessed Be Dreamcatcher.