waiting for someone - past life?

[ness]

I am new on this board and really needed some view and guidance.

For past few years, I have a feeling that I am "waiting" for someone. Its hard to explain, this feeling. When this feeling surfaces, I feel very restless and feel a sense of longing. Life gets busy and successfully push this feeling aside for a while, but it keeps resurfacing and when it happens, it is very intense. I start to look at all the faces on the street, like someone suddenly might have an answer.

Last time when this happened, I took up on some guided meditation. During my very first session, I met someone. I didn't see the face, but just the form. The feeling was so overwhelming and I started to sob and cry. I kept crying inconsolably. It almost felt like eons and eons of longing just burst open and I cried with a thought of "where were you all these years?". It was indeed the most amazing feeling and relief for my spiritual self. It hasnt happened since then. I got busy since then but the feeling is creepy back.

I am scared to go back to guided meditation because I feel disappointed when I don't meet that person. Feel very pessimistic that I wont meet that person again. I just feel so lost and confused. I strongly feel its someone from my past. Some unfinished business... I don't want to say lost love of the fear of being very romantic about this whole thing. Sometimes I feel sad that I wont ever meet this person.

PS: I am very happy in my current life. So, I dont know how to control or understand these emotions or how it even fits my current life.

[ness]

I just want to add that -
I often feel a very spiritual calling to go to Peru. I also see myself in my mind's eye, standing on top of a mountain, looking at some way.

Am I just romantizing things or this could be something real and makes sense?

[Seraphin]

Hiya ness!

There's a reason why we feel some emotions we cannot explain. Yes, probably you had met the lady before in a previous lifetime, maybe as lovers, maybe as couple, maybe as child and mother, friends, sister and brother. This explains the very strong emotion you have for her. The fact that you met her in your meditation still carrying such a strong connection and emotion could mean there's still some karma that's left for you to work out with each other in this lifetime (if she's living) or in future lifetime (if she's not). For tough situation like this, I sometimes use the Yoruba Odu for divination purposes, for I believe that the practice bridges the gap in our lives.

The heart has reasons that reason doesn't understand. There's no point in trying to understand or rationalize your feelings because if we're both correct, your emotion towards her is brought about by your soul memory of a past life lived together. I recommend you to have a past life hypnotic regression.

I just remember an extraordinary case of a friend who came to me for hypnotic regression. I hope you don't mind me sharing his story .

We call him Rico and he was working as a Customer Service Representative. Over lunch the previous afternoon before I did regression on him, I asked him if he had had a traumatic experience in childhood and he said, no. He asked why the question? And I said because his eyes looked sad and he was always serious and quiet. He said he had always been like that, but also he had a happy childhood. But he also revealed to me that like you ness, he felt he was waiting for someone to come. He didn't know why he was feeling that and who was he waiting for.

The next day, I was surprised that he wanted me to do a regression on him because he didn't believe in reincarnation and past lives. So I decided to asked him why he wanted to be regressed. He said he wanted answers regarding his strange emotions and quiet behavior. And then I asked his subconscious mind if it would permit us to do this. Quite unexpectedly, my friend went into relaxation very fast and his subconscious mind participated totally. It answered right away and allowed me to put him into a deeper state of hypnosis.

In the regression he saw himself as a young wealthy man in ancient Middle East waiting for his merchant love one who was out at sea. A storm developed and the boat overturned drowning everybody inside. The scene immediately dissolved and he found the lady he loved lying dead being watched by a large crowd.

The next scene was he was in Europe and this time he had a wife. But she was accused of being a witch and he saw her surrounded by a big crowd watching her execution. He saw his wife being beheaded. The color red were vivid in his memory.

The next picture, he was standing in a cliff, waiting for her girlfriend to come but she never did. And then he saw himself jumped into the sea and drowned.

During his present life, my friend is always waiting for his true love. All of his past relationships were failure. He's also afraid of water and blood. He said what he saw were so vivid it really surprised him. For a long time after I woke him up, he just sat there on the chair, speechless and immobilized. I had to tap him on his shoulder three times before he could completely get out of trance.

"Now I understand why I am like this. Thank you very much." He said.

Just thought I'd share his story since it might somehow resonates with you. Perhaps?

[ness]

I cross posted the same topic under two forums but my questions were different even though its about the same event.
Seraphin, I will take the liberty and reply to both of your posts on here...

first of all, Wow! thank you, for sharing such an amazing story about your friend. I must add that your friend is very lucky in the sense he got some answers. Sometimes answers can be liberating, sometimes they help you move forward and other times just send us deeper in the rabbit hole. As someone who is sort of in the same boat, I am very envious of your friend on this journey. I wish I knew someone that I could trust to perform regression on me. I dont know anyone personally. But, I am sure when I am ready for the answers, the means will manifest?

I haven't not shared some details to anyone before, but I will do so now. I feel a deep sensual and sexual energy when I think about this person. I feel weird saying it out loud but I embrace it, just like any other energy. The energy totally stands out and just goes through me out of nowhere. I felt nothing like that during the mediation. But I do, like all the other times when I am not meditating and just close my eyes and think about this person. So, sometimes I wonder if the person I met and the person I am waiting for is the same.

Last evening, I was thinking about some of things I had shared over there. Mainly about letting go... It feels like I am still hung up on some past relationship that ended without any closure. I looked up at the sky and spoke to the person - said that they are important to me and I will love this person always, but I need to let go. While the feeling still lingers, I intend to repeat it until I mean it. It did help me a little, to open a channel of communication even if its onesided, for now.

After opening my heart on here, I was encouraged to meditate last night. While I did a strange sense of fear overcame me. I did not travel, but just sat in silence, just doing some breathing exercises and listening to drums. Only one thought popped up out of nowhere and repeated itself - "you broke a promise". Maybe I broke a promise I made? Also I don't know why this fear now because I have been perfectly comfortable in the past to meditate and travel. Maybe just rusty? I intend to keep at it and face whatever this fear is I am feeling and take it at a slower pace.

Thanks for the steps you listed in the other post about letting go of negativity. You did make sense. Thanks for the encouraging words. I do think my biggest problem is self-confidence... to truly believe that I am capable of it. And sometimes I am afraid of what I will find. So, I dont completely open myself to it. I agree with you about the lights coming on all at once. I feel that my first experience was just that. It came on to me strongly. I know that this growth is amazing and out of the world. I want to grow and learn more. Hopefully, I will be able to leave my negativity behind and be courageous to move forward.

[Seraphin]

Thanks for sharing your experience and opening your heart here ness. Isn't it great learning right along with everyone else?

And yes! I always stir up a hornet's nest whenever I'm narrating stories of past life hypnotic regressions. Although I appreciate the keen interest, I must clarify certain points.

Hypnosis is a safe and effective beneficial procedure in the hands of a trained hypnotist, but it can be dangerous in the hands of a noob or those who are untrained and inexperienced. This is why I don't recommend any books and videos showing some methods in doing self-hypnotic regression. I heard a lot of dramatic cases of several people who was hypnotized by amateur hypnotists to go back to previous life had unfortunate consequences.

I have been conducting past life hypnotic regression for 4 years now. And thankfully, I've never had any problem. I always advise my clients to never allow anybody to regressed them, no matter how seemingly light it is, unless they know the background of the person performing it. It should never be done by anybody who's not properly and professionally trained for it.

Also I just want to point out, that sometimes, these strange emotions, visions and sensations in meditation, and some unexplained occurrences a person may be feeling and experiencing may be rooted in the present lifetime, not the past. For example, my second cousin came to me because he always had this eerie feeling that somebody was following him. He wondered if it had its roots in a past life trauma or a ghost was stalking him.

His subconscious mind, however, revealed that the problem stemmed from this lifetime. When he was five, he was playing with his three-year old step-sister in a bushy hill when he told her to just follow him whenever he goes.The girl was reluctant at first but my cousin was very eager to take her with him so she came after her brother. Their drunk angry father found them in the hill and slapped her stepsister. She got hurt and cried. She didn't know why her father did that. The scared girl ran away and the family never saw her again.

He had suppressed that memory and the strange feeling surfaced only later in life. Before I woke him up, I made the suggestion that he should find her sister (dead or alive) and apologize to her. One year later, he found out that his stepsister was adopted by a farmer and was still alive. His sister was still very angry with him, blaming my cousin for getting lost. After one month, my cousin called me up and said that he no longer felt the weird sensation as her stepsister already forgave him.

Anyway so much for that, back to the main topic .

I realize that you're actively seeking for an answer behind your emotions towards this lady, you might want to form it as a question, and focus on the question next time you meditate again. You might start with "who are you?", or "what promise did I break?" You might try visualizing the times you've seen her for the first time, examining the memories closely and looking for some psychic information through the visualization. The answer might not come right away. However, be more sensitive to your physical surroundings because they might bring you some clues or the answer-- a cloud formation that catches your interest or a physical sensation that prompts you to feel that someone is near, for example.

The sexual or sensual energy you're feeling whenever you think of her suggests that it's a strong irresistible force that attracts and pulls you together, no matter where each of you is. I don't know about you, but energy like that for me is a very strong one since you're feeling it towards someone you don't know personally and so it's very difficult to simply dismiss as just infatuation.

A more specific suggestion: The Astral Temple visualization I described here in this thread: Question about Spirit Guides, creating a place in my mind where I felt comfortable, was very instrumental in opening my awareness. It allowed me a safe place to "meet" etheric beings that were bothering me, my spirit community (my spirit guides, angels, Deities) as well as to explore other questions regarding spiritual reality. You might want to give that a try. Doesn't matter what kind of space you create; it can be outdoors or a room or a cave or be located on another planet , whatever you'd like. And you can make it as simple or complex as you want.

Keeping a journal, or even just jotting a few words down to describe each meditative session, can really be helpful in the long run; you can go back and see the progress you've made, and you might even discover patterns that you hadn't noticed.

A last thought: I think that gratitude is an important part of the process. Acknowledge and express gratitude for any progress you make, no matter how small. An expression of gratitude can be as simple as a smile or a mental "thank you" to no one in particular. Recognizing the blessings in life can really help put the mind in a better position for the development of awareness.

[SpiritDragon]

May not want my reply but I think the person your waiting for is "YOU>" coming to terms with your inner divinity and self.. thats what Im seeing in your post.. Thats why no face. because its your own face and you dont want to see it yet..

[ness]

@Seraphin - I absolutely will not go to someone I don't personally know or trust for a regression. It's just not something I can shop around for.
And I love your story telling And good for your cousin! How interesting, the human mind!
Also, from what I read of your explaination, I already have an astral temple. Thats where I go first everytime I begin my travel. It's my place. Thanks for sharing your vast knowledge, experience and suggestions. I am very thankful that you take time to hear me out and share with me.

[ness]

May not want my reply but I think the person your waiting for is "YOU>" coming to terms with your inner divinity and self.. thats what Im seeing in your post.. Thats why no face. because its your own face and you dont want to see it yet..

Of the two people I have confided in about this, one person said that I probably met with my higher self/ME. Only problem, I still feel very inexperienced to understand what my higher self means. I vaguely understand it when people talk about it. Again, you might be 100% right and I might just have to get there slowly and it might be a "ah-HA!" moment.

I am not sure why you thought I would not want your reply I appreciate it.

[Seraphin]

You are welcome ness!

I hope you'll continue to post your experiences and progress here!

Regarding in meeting your Higher Self, I also have my own theory about that, which might be only true for me and not to others because others may have different approach and opinions. That doesn't matter.

Similar to the biblical teaching where it was stated that man was created in the likeness of Divine, I personally believe that everyone of us is a spark of Divine.

Each of us is destined to grow, develop and fully realized. If we were made and patterned in the likeness of the Creator, then we need to equalize our inner attributes with the attributes of Divine Beings in order for us to meet our Higher Self or the "Ori" in Yoruba language. Each person is born with an Ori that guides us and each is given a task reach the level of "iwa pele" (good character, or in Kabbalistic thought, "perfection"). In Kabbalah, this principle is called "The Law of Equivalance".

I believe searching for our "Ori" or Higher Self is our main goal in living. For me, the aim of my magick and spiritual work (which in Yoruba tradition characterized as "ase") is to facilitate or hasten the process so I may reach the goal faster. Ase ennobles my spirit and make me a better human being. I believe that no other purpose of my magickal and spiritual works is valid, except that it leads me to my Ori. And the sooner we realize that the Divine is within us all, the nearer we shall be to the truth.

To Die One's Self

Dying to self is part of being "born again". Just like in Christian perspective, the old self dies and the new self comes to life. It simply means a Higher Consciousness or Inner Spirit has entered our body and guides us to live our life in a Divine/Spiritual fashion. Once we connect with our Ori and it resides in our heart, mind and soul we'll act and feel like a new person, someone who "suddenly" begins to understand what's the truth and the reality, and we become hungry for more.

Uncomfortable as it may seem for many, the only way to connect with Ori is to meditate and wait until our soul searching is realized by your Self. Of course, many folks met their Ori (or pieces of their Higher Self) at all different times, places and circumstances; there is no universal formula, although many would like to think so. It's helpful to be with one or more, or around others who have already attained spiritual enlightenment, but this isn't a prerequisite. If another is requesting that you to connect with your Inner Spirit, there should be no strings attached. For instance, many religions expect allegiance to a theology and along with your financial support for helping you to meet your Ori -- but all that really matters is your relationship with the Deities, with your Spirit Community, with the Nature, with your fellow human beings and with yourself.

[ness]

Very good information, Seraphin.

Similar to your thoughts and belief, my belief is based on various Hindu teaching and veda teaching and that of teachings of Ramalingaswamigal. Based on that, to me, the ultimate goal of a soul is self-realization and being one with the supreme light. Even scientifically, this supreme light could be the big bang. Now, this self-realization does not limit to one birth because I believe it might take us many births to realize ourself, our higher self. When we do, we call this enlightenment. And I fully agree that the only way to get there is through meditation and looking at our inner self. That will consequently alter how we look at the outside world. I feel that's my journey.

One of the main reasons I do not believe that I met with my higher self is because I feel that as an amateur, as someone who is still in search of so many answers, I don't believe I was blessed enough to meet my higher self so soon in my journey. I still feel very young in terms of spiritual age and I have ways to go. One could also contribute this to my self confidence I cannot rationalize this. But instinctively, I dont feel that I met my higher self. I also believe that there should be no strings attached no matter which path we take. It is a very personal journey and often we require guides, living and spirit guides, to show us the light. And everyone we meet in our life helps us make this choice.

[Seraphin]

Very nice ness! I think you're well beyond your first step!

Before entering the hall or inner chambers of the Oracle of Delphi, the seeker will see on each gate the signs "Know thy self" and "Nothing to excess." Like what you have said, the ultimate task and goal of a soul is realization. Only by knowing our true identity can we attain enlightenment or "gnosis."

For so long, during my college years, I was both curious and fascinated by these two inscriptions, especially the first passage to "know thyself." I never really figured out the meaning of that Delphic inscription until after eight years later. When I began contemplating more deeply about why the Oracle ordered anyone who sought entry into its chamber to first know himself, I began to realize the reason. The awesome fact is: Most people cannot tell that they really knows themselves.

When we are asked the question "Who are you?" Most definitely, we'll give our full name, our contact nos., perhaps are parents' name, our address, schools attended, degrees earned, place of birth, even one's I.D. number. However, they still don't define us or tell others who we really are. They only provide information outside of us. For we're not our names or our I.D. number. These are all outside of us and say nothing about who we really are.

Who Am I?

And to my great horror and frustration, I realized that I also don't really know who I am. And that realization and reflection is, to say the least, very embarrassing. People could have given me some nicknames and aliases and that would be how some would refer to me or call me. I could have been living in a different city, or country or planet , so saying my address doesn't tell me who I am either. I'm still indicating things outside of ME, but not about ME. If my name, address and bank account number is lost, will I know who am I?

This realization leads to further questions, like, if I don't even know who I really am, how do I know my purpose here on earth or am I really in Divine plan or I'm just a fluke of nature? So just like you ness, I haven't fully met my Ori or Higher Self too. This is quite a formidable task, indeed. Because if I already met my Self, I would learn to depend more on Myself rather than praying before my Deities hoping They would help me. I'm still weak to the extent that I still look outside Myself for help.

I believe this is a PROCESS. We don't need to chase so many different things. Just take one at a time. Rome wasn't built in a day. All that this experience encompasses is effective upon the development of Ourselves. I've found that with balance as my main objective, spiritual growth comes naturally and as a result of maintaining (or doing my best to maintain) a balanced life.

Still, I get stuck -- imbalanced, sometimes. I used to have a list of things to do to unstick myself when it happens, but I need to write a new one. Would have come in handy when things got so awful over this past few months. When I'm off balance, regardless of the reason -- it's harder to decide what to do to help myself; having a list of options, when I had one, was very useful. One of those things that help me to unstick myself is the second inscription at the gates of the Oracle at Delphi. "Nothing to excess." It simply means we should never think, say or act in excess or in any extreme. We should neither say or do too little or too much; nor eat too little or too much; nor work too little nor too much; nor be too good or too bad. Everything we do should be done in moderation and in balance.

Gee! *giggle* Loving the lessons, for the most part, and love sharing the experiences. Thank you so much ness for making this thread . Made me feel really good. *bows to you*

[ness]

I am really glad this discussion has a feel-good appeal You are welcome, Seraphin. The pleasure is mine.

I have always found introductions/tellmeaboutyourself questions to be the most difficult. I wouldn't even know where to start. Most people describe me as "vague". Rightfully so because I cant explain to myself who I am, let alone to others. I am pretty sure at one point, I wrote down my BMI in the introduction I don't know much about Oracle of Delphi but those two points you mentioned seems to hit the nail on the head. Sometimes I wonder if knowing who we are is the beginning of it all or if its the end of it all. Like some impending finale...

Anyhow, about 2 years ago, I was pondering over this and I wrote down few words. I actually took up the guided meditation few days after I wrote this. It pretty much sums up how I feel about this. This haven't improved in 2 years either. I posted this in this forum. I will copy it here even though its redundant.

Confused and bemused in confidence
Restless, ungratified while in peace
Screaming from inside for self expression yet no allies.
Beautiful thoughts but where is the pen?
Did you look beyond others or simply looked the wrong way?
Are you getting close? Are you lost?
Funny, no stars can guide you
But let's find each other
and in the presence ask "Who am I?"

I am sorry you are going through some imbalance. I am pretty sure all of us go through it. You sure sound better equipped to handle it since you are able to see the bigger picture. I am sure you will come out wiser and with better clarity. I am a very imbalanced person. A wise guy once called me an "oxymoron". I understand how much truth is in it. Especially because I can't seem to align my practical self and spiritual self. They are headed in their own tangent. To me, it not even a phase. Imbalance seems more permanent. Sometimes I even think that it goes back to karmic doings. At least for me. Somehow I am balancing my karma through imbalance (how's that for confusing?).

One of the ways I know how to deal with imbalance is to stop overthinking. I have to hit pause and go back and regroup my thoughts when I am better equipped to handle it. So, I try to simplify... again going back to "Nothing to excess". Its like cleaning out the closet... Throw away every judgment and opinion of mine that's 4 years or older. Of course, some thoughts are the foundation. But everything else, its up for debate. I tell my friends that none of my emails is valid after 4 years It's not relevant because 4 years-ago-me isn't relevant

[Seraphin]

Silent time is essential and meditation also helps to deal with imbalance. I believe many will agree that it's the best way to relieve any nasties and take stock of what imbalances happening in my life. I don't have a prescribed amount of time but I start off with two to three minutes of absolute silence and visualize then gradually add on.

Listening to my body, mind and soul, in silence my insights are inspired. End every time I do that, I feel rewarded with an overwhelming sense of peace, tranquility, and cure.

I also think meditation is the purest form of prayer. A practice where I can talk to my Deities and ask them to help me not to overthink my imbalance and also help me to understand that is just natural for a human being like me. Meditation is "wasting time with Deities or with my guides" I think this is a beautiful description -- to "waste" time with Them. The idea of wasting time with the Divine beings neutralizes my natural human dynamics to take charge and to do things as best as we can.

Oh and by the way, I love the poem you made! You've got a talent there for sure!

Imbalance seems more permanent. Sometimes I even think that it goes back to karmic doings. At least for me. Somehow I am balancing my karma through imbalance (how's that for confusing?).

Yes imbalance is permanent and natural. What makes it permanent is because of our karmic debts. Whatever we sow, we shall reap. We're the one who put ourselves in these imbalanced situations we're experiencing.

Now in order to get out of these, we have to meet ourselves. Karma, Ma'at, Wyrd or whatever you call it is "meeting of self", meaning we meet the consequence of our thoughts and actions. This meeting of self I believe also includes our previous thoughts and actions. We reincarnate or live again on earth to face the results we have brought about . Not only do we daily make choices, but we have made choices in former lives which are responsible.

I believe upon meeting our whole and complete Ori or Higher Self, all things that we had done will be paraded before us like a film review. We will see the whole of our past and present lives minutely marshaled before us. Then we'll know the causes and effects which have been at work all along our life. At that very instant we'll understand everything and we'll judge ourselves. We'll know the justice of all the imbalances and troubles we have experienced. We'll have no one to blame but ourselves. For all of us then, that is truly the moment of truth.

This is just my own belief based on my studies, researches and experiences; it might be different for others.

[ness]

"Wasting time with deities"... Thats such a beautiful why to put it.
Your belief system is pretty similar to mine. I should make a copy of this conversation for a journal so I could read it when I get lost again. Thank you very much!

Just a musing -
Last friday, while I was driving home, I had the windows rolled down. Apparently there was a dandelion floret inside the car (not sure how it got there). It just raised up in the wind and flew in front of my face. I tried to grab it, but it flew out through the window and all this happened in a fraction of a second. For some reason, a certain happiness overcame me and I had the biggest smile on my face. I felt like a veil lifted up and now I could see with some clarity.

[Seraphin]

ness, you and I are so much alike -- I'm certain that some day, in the not too distant future, you'll be completely "seeing" the spiritual reality that's all around you.

Isn't that fun?! Finding pleasure through the practice of Mindfulness?

It is gratifying to note that more and more folks are beginning to perceive the world differently and appreciate the wonderful hidden energies and entities.

Just like a few months ago I noticed a large, white cat (spirit) had begun to appear in my home periodically. I've gotten accustomed to seeing it, but hadn't really connected with it until this morning. I was outside sitting on the porch, looking at the bare branches of the neighbor's trees and bringing myself to the present moment, when the white cat showed up on the sidewalk leading to the porch stairs. Wow! Turns out it's not a cat -- it's a white raccoon! Boy, that sure made me sit up and take note. Now I know it's not just a casual passer-by. Looking forward to exploring why it's here and what I might learn from it.

Well egads my eyes are nearly crossed, I'm so sleepy, but I'm glad I stayed up -- I will most certainly include you in my meditations before I go to sleep. Probably fall asleep right in the middle (*shrug* makes for interesting dreams), so I'll be sure to send supportive energy your way first!

Hmm... Just realized how hard I've been working at keeping myself awake this evening. I was ready for sleep several hours ago. *raises one eyebrow* Wonder if I'm trying to avoid something...

...Naah.

*giggle*

Feeling really blessed right now. And yes I think you should document this!