I've put off posting this last reading for a couple of days. I really needed them to catch my breath and collect my thoughts. This has been an intense experience for me, emotionally and mentally, so I kinda wanted to get in the right head space before I attempted another reading. That being said, here's how it went the other night.
I went at this reading with the question of what Odin may be getting out of this experience, specifically, from me, and what he intends for me through this. I'm not sure that much of what I got really pertained to that question, but it was certainly thought-provoking (which, I suppose, is part of the point, lol).
The first rune I drew was Gifu :giftrune: , the giftrune. Gifu, as Xiao Rong's amazing
post suggests, is a rune that is about equal exchange. In order to receive a gift, one must give one. Thus, this is really a rune of sacrifice, and for me, that's what I really got. I had the impression that there is a need for me to not only relinquish some things in my life that are kinda toxic, but also that I needed to give of myself, not only to this journey, but I think too, to my chosen path. A dedication, if you will. In return, I receive a gift of knowledge (which I believe leads to freedom as well, from a lot of the things that weigh on my mind). So, this rune was also a reminder that this isn't going to be a walk in which I come out without some pieces missing. However, those pieces will be replaced with things that are much more positive and healthy. And I have to admit, I'm finding that to be the case. My last reading took a lot out of me, but I absolutely did feel better, about myself and about how I view my fears. Also, as the shape of Gifu indicates, this is a balanced exchange, and one that will also help me better keep balance in my life.
The second rune I drew was Ehwaz :horserune: , the horserune, and it was inverted. To me, Ehwaz's presence was a pretty large finger pointing at the fact that I really needed to stop doubting myself. My trust issues, with myself, and with others, has been a huge factor in the disharmony that's been going on in my life. And, naturally, as I was considering that, my mind went back to fear (seriously, I'm thinking changing the 'root of all evil' philosophy from money to fear, because that seems to be what it is for me). I need to trust my instincts, which is what honestly causes fear, but the thing about instinctual fear, is that it happens for a damn good reason, in my opinion. As humans, we are hardwired for survival, for
life. When your guts telling you to bolt, you better believe that it's because your entire body just went on red alert for something it feels to be life-threatening. However, when that knee-jerk reaction starts to interfere with your ability to reason, to function everyday, then something has got to be out of whack, out of balance, because fear, in small doses, is healthy, I think. Overwhelming, freezing, wet your pants terror, on the other hand, is not. That's crippling, and harmful, in the long run. So, again, working on my relationship with that.
The third rune I drew was Tiwaz :tyrrune: , the tyrrune. While I initially was thinking that this was another prompting for me to consider self-sacrifice, I started to get the impression that it was also a call for me to have faith. That, for me, is self-sacrifice. I don't trust myself easily, as you probably gathered above. I also really have a problem with reaching out to others for help. It just bugs me, and that likely has a lot to do with how I was raised. I think too, that Tiwaz is a reminder to stay calm, and let myself be guided. Don't try and bull my way through this, but still keep focused on the paths I'm being led down, if that makes sense. I need to find the right path to ascend, and to do that, I've got to let go of some baggage, so that I can climb back up. But I also need to consider what the right path is. Is it trust? Is it balance? Both? I think so.
The fourth rune I drew was Isa :icerune: , the icerune. Isa's presence was very straightforward to me, in that I felt there is a need for inner stillness. And in that stillness, like letting the ripples settle on the surface of a pond, I can see my reflection.
That is where I have to focus, and that is where I'll find the right path.
That is where my Underworld lies. Within. If I can let myself focus hard enough, and be strong enough in my willpower to look long and hard at the darker parts of my mind and heart, then I can start cleaning it out, making it brighter and lighter to carry. I can't separate myself entirely from fear, or from my tendency to mistrust. That defeats the purpose of the journey. It's coming to accept it, to be self-aware enough to know it for what it is (my Shadow), and being willing to let myself be buried in it for a while. Not an easy task, let me tell you!
The fifth rune I drew was Jera :yearrune: . Again with the cycles! I think the runes are really trying to hammer that point home. It's a normal, healthy cycle to move through the stages of death and life multiple times, I think (on more than just the physical level, I mean). I also think this was a call to recognize that, again, this isn't going to be an overnight change. It'll be gradual, but it'll be lasting. But, I still have to do the work! I can't just sit on my butt and expect the seed to grow. It needs tending, and it needs some pruning now and again when it gets some height on it. I wondered, too, if Jera's repetition is not in itself a cycle. It's come up every time, except for the last reading. Perhaps it's an indication that I ought to pay more attention to the natural rhythms of the world, and draw some encouragement from there. I think then that maybe I can start to gently manifest some of that change I need into my life.
