need some help on a BIG problem

[drago25]

ok so i been in depression for awhile and been having both stress and anxiety problems to were i had a break down and went on meds. about a month ago my mother went in for heart surgery and has been back home for about 3 weeks now and shes driving my stress,anxiety, and depression to the point of a major break down or suicide..... i have tried talking with her but it has only been making it worse cause she doesn't care about me or my health at all.

so heres my problem i have the option right now to put my own health and saftey first and move to a different city to were i can get the help i need to were i would be able to injoy life and have friends both online and in person.

or stay where im at now till my mother gets better but being at the break down point daily to where i cant do anything without her permission or having her freak out on me afterwords .

anyone got some ideas on what i should do ? p.s yes i have tried talking to her and its only made things worse, and no everything that does help me cope with the problem i cant do cause im working during the only times the event are running and no i cant take time off cause it will make me homeless

[Xiao Rong]

Hi Drago, I'm really sorry for the rough position that you've been put in. May I ask - are you the one who's her caretaker currently? Or is the source of the conflict something else?

[drago25]

both right now i gota do most of the house work that the doctor doesn't want to her do and all the shopping because she doesn't want to call one of her friends to driver her to the store for food shopping. so i gota walk down to all the stores and carry everything home.

the other source is pretty much a life long story but the short verson is she needs to control everything i do, cant have friends cause she doesnt like them because there different from what she thinks they should be, it seems like shes only happy when she has made me miserable. theres more to but its a reallly long list

[Starwitch]

If she's three weeks out of surgery, she'll probably survive if you take off. Controlling people make life impossible. You just can't be happy or well-adjusted when someone is controlling you and nagging you all the time. My brother and sister-in-law moved all the way across the country to get away from her awful mom. Now her father is very sick and possibly dying, but my sister-in-law doesn't want to return home to see him because her mom is so crazy and controlling. I can tell you that she's never been happier than since she cut off contact with her mom. She stopped accepting her calls and texts and everything. Do what you have to do to maintain your happiness, health, and sanity. Your mom will figure out a way to care for herself or she'll call her friends to help her. Good luck.

[Pinkpower_80]

If she's three weeks out of surgery, she'll probably survive if you take off. Controlling people make life impossible. You just can't be happy or well-adjusted when someone is controlling you and nagging you all the time. My brother and sister-in-law moved all the way across the country to get away from her awful mom. Now her father is very sick and possibly dying, but my sister-in-law doesn't want to return home to see him because her mom is so crazy and controlling. I can tell you that she's never been happier than since she cut off contact with her mom. She stopped accepting her calls and texts and everything. Do what you have to do to maintain your happiness, health, and sanity. Your mom will figure out a way to care for herself or she'll call her friends to help her. Good luck.

This! It sounds to me like your mother will get on just fine without you now.
You need to take care of YOU & get yourself to a safe place ASAP. If I were you I'd take advantage of the opportunity to move away & start over. You need this.

[drago25]

thank you i will be taking the advice though only downside is im stuck here for about another 6 months my friend didn't think before asking me to move up to BC with her so i gota save up some money since it sounds like she cant have me stay with her.

[SnowCat]

Drago, you can't take care of anyone, if you don't take care of yourself. We're here. Lean on us.

Frosty

[Lillady]

Drago, I have been in a contolling situation before, I divorced him and have been happier since. To this day 6 yrs later he still tries and then wont talk to me about our own kids (part of his controlling ways as we have joint cust, he has residential) so after playing his games for so long now I am finally stepping up and taking him back to court. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do no matter if hurt goes on or not. In your case this is to better you! In mine its my kids and myself. Either way happiness will flourish! Blessed Be!

[Firebird]

everyone has real good points...take care of yourself first.
Hope it works out,
blessings for good resolve, Firebird

[drago25]

everyone has real good points...take care of yourself first.
Hope it works out,
blessings for good resolve, Firebird

yup they do sorry i havent been on much still been very busy 2 more weeks then my stress levels will go down with my mother being back at work. ben also haveing a hard time finding a place here within my price range (either by myself or with a roommate)

[lilmizsunshine727]

Drago, you know my opinion on this hun.

[drago25]

Drago, you know my opinion on this hun.

yeah i do lilmiz, i keep making it worse by spending money on ways to try and reduce the stress and help me out in the long run by them hopefully becoming a decent paying job. but its also getting me more fustrated to cause im having to put up with the stress longer

[Altairtigris]

Your mum sounds similar to mine. Since I was about 3yrs old she's told me I dragged her life down and I've grown up believing that. If I disagree with her in any way, shape or form I get told I'm bitter, twisted and spiteful. I've started cognitive behavioural therapy for my depression and until I started that I never realised my mum was the root cause. My dad had an affair, I stood by her. My dad then passed away from illness and I stood by her through her second breakdown. Now she's seriously ill and I'm standing by her again. It's difficult to break away when it's your mum. I'm 37yrs old now and still emotionally under my mums control. I really hope that you have the strength to do what I don't have the strength to and make that break. We don't know eachother, but I'm behind you all the way and my thoughts are with you.