8 Days Ago My Friend Died

[Ghadamon]

I lost a friend of mine.

I only found out Sunday after the Thursday that it happened which only made things worse. Everyone assumed I knew somehow in some astronomical fashion. Worse yet...I was informed in a very glib and non-tactful way of how he had taken himself from this world. His funeral was held on Tuesday...in a cemetery I had visited 3 years ago for another lost friend. Only that one didn't take his own...someone else took his. I still stagger on a daily basis over the loss of him for the past 3 years...

I've been trying to wear my 'face' ever since...my world is upside down right now. My entire house is flipped into pieces for heavy renovations that are on a strict timeline. Reliving the grief of my first loss and the second loss at the same time.

I'm so lost myself. I'm hardly even capable of showing or dealing with my grief...no less dealing with it in a healthy fashion. Usually absorbing myself in a video game that can capture me...and some mild substances to numb the pain late in the evenings as to not disrupt my daily responsibilities...some days its so hard to resist diving deep again. But I know what lies on the other side of the 'numb' world. Too many years there long ago.

This world can be a horribly cruel creature at times.

[Bougainvillea]

Let me start by saying I am incredibly sorry for both of your losses. It's terrible to lose someone, especially to suicide.

I know it feels bad now, but you have to remember that things get better. They always do. Don't you remember that one moment in your life in the past when you thought you would never be able to do something, and then you did? This is another one of those moments.

Remember that you don't have to wear a 'face'. You have the right to express how upset you are. Don't try and hide it from anybody. Sometimes we just need comforting. Recall all of the good times, don't focus on the bad.

While the world CAN be horribly cruel at times, it can also be so beautiful you cry. The Goddess is here to comfort you. It hurts now, and I'm not saying the hurt will go away. Honestly, it won't. The person that you lost had an influence on your life and you won't forget them. But it will get so much better. You'll recall memories of them that you find happy, or just downright hilarious. When bad thoughts start to bubble up, I truly believe that you have the power to overcome them.

I don't have any personal experience with death, so I'm not sure if I helped much. But I wish you the brightest blessings. Blessed Be.