Traumwandlerin's path

[Traumwandlerin]

Thanks for your comment I hope my blog is an inspiration and maybe even a help to others, as it is motivating for me to write it.

[Traumwandlerin]

Today I took an entirely non-drugged bath, but had fun to imagine what would happen if I had this bath drugged to open myself up. As I visualize imagined drugs open up all my channels, I felt the need to heal and knew I could do this right now, while I'm truly open.

All of a sudden, this was not my bathtub anymore, no it was the source (which is a river) and I was bathing in it. Soul and my Guardian were there. And also the Old (Witch called her Irma, but that's only the part of the projection she understood). I've never seen her, but I knew there was an old witch living in the woods and that she was the true mystical guardian and not Soul. But I've never seen her. She was old and king of black, with faces on two sides of her head, madly grinning.

She had the cauldron with her (Same one I fell in in an earlier vision). And suddenly I realized that the river was out of cooking acid or stuff

I was afraid, but Soul said there is nothing bad going on, just healing. All my Soulparts came by. The Old stole my eyes and threw them in the cauldron. I could see a snake a twig, a lot of leaves and mud before my eyes dissolved. Than she took my back. Dissolving it. Than my head. Dissolving it. Then the acid in the river dissolved the rest of my body.

There was still another body of mine, but it was also dissolved.

Then all the parts gathered together, everone threw something in (even Witch, who wasn't to glad to share in). The 4-year-old threw in her plushie, the 12 year old threw in her amulet, the 16-year-old threw in some incense, the Empath threw in her head and heart, the Krieger threw in her hair and color.

The Old boiled everything and afterwards a new body was created. I was surprised as it looked like Souls. Then I saw into a Mirror, where Soul was standing and we both kind of merged.




I was feeling at one but also empty. All the parts, merged. Soul is now me. The Wood is empty. At least the Guardian is still there. I asked him, if I collected all. He said yes. I asked him if I'm healed, and he said yes. I asked him who is now guarding the Woods and he said the old is guarding the knowledge and myths and an unicorn is guarding the love. I asked him how I could find healing energy if Soul is no longer in the Woods to give as the energy and love we need. He told me I am one, and I am able to give it myself and could travel anytime to the source if I like, it's totally up to me.

And yeah, I'm kinda confused. I've got a new head, new eyes, new back and now am only one.

I asked him, if this would get totally boring being all alone in my head, and he said, it would be a relieve and also there are other people outside and I will still be required to travel and rescue but not myself anymore.

Now I returned to real life. The world looks different. It looks real. It never looked real. It never looked like I could touch anything. I have a body, I think I never felt a body. I was staring at it. Pointing out the mistakes (like a wrong back, how I was holding it just wrong), poited out where i was cramping and should't. And t just felt like my own life, like never before. Right here, right now. Really weird feeling.

My guard said I should take my time to settle in. This could take a few days. It's always a danger to fall back into old habits, which could easily split up myself again. But taking my time, felling how I am one. Feeling how I am healed. At least feeling it for now.

Also I had a small and bright light in my belly. First I thought I would be pregnant. But the guard told me, it's a baby, but it's myself. I can let it grow again. Let it live a life with all the emotions, experiences and love it need. And when it is grown up, healing is completed.

I'm feeling weird. Maybe the imagined drugs

[Traumwandlerin]

So, I felt that Witch wasn't perfectly integrated.

I asked all of my parts if they are happy the way they are at the moment, with being reintegrated and merging to one person and all were happy except Witch.

Empath were really, really more than happy. For the first time she understood how she is a gift. How she can use her abilities on her own will. Maybe because she wants to help or likes a person. She now know how noone is allowed to force giving empathy, taking feelings of others and so on. She realized how she was abused as an empath and how she is allowed and encouraged to protect herself. She now feels loved and worthy and is eager to give her ability as a gift sometimes and sometimes just relaxe a bit or just look on her own feelings. Since the merging she developed own feelings (better the more we grow together, the more our feelings are her feelings are my feelings).

Krieger was happy, cause she found worthy tasks for herself. A lot of things in my life need dealing while at the same time some parts need protection. She has fun to do so and I'm proud of her. But she refused my help to read a lot of books with topics she could need (like communication theory, body language, how to deal with situations, backtalk, whatever). She said she likes learning on her own, cause she now learned what's important.

The others were happy, too. Also they were so much integrated, that they weren't really talking and I had no visions of them. I asked the 12 year old, if she likes to ride the dragon, since I found a dragon group, she wasn't sure but likes to at least try it.

So, Witch. I reintegrated all the parts but split Witch for a short period to talk to her. She sat on my right. She was angry, cause everyone has a spirit guide, but she hasn't. I said I will seek her spirit guide, but the moment I said this they were no need for this. I've already known her guide, it was obviously. She always had this phoenix on her side. I told her and she realized it, too. So we talked a bit about other stuff. The need to feel dark and important and totally different to everyone else. Special and mighty and so on. We talked about her boyfriend, about her favorite meditation style and more. I told her how my witchy style is today and how I can show her to see if she likes this or if something needs changing.

She also told me about two parts, she previously thought were me, but obviously weren't. I know wh they are, but they aren't important right know and can wait a few more weeks. The mainparts are here, the rest aren't important for the main healing process.

So we said I will help her to build up a proper connection to her phoenix and to develope its qualities in herself.

[Traumwandlerin]

I still journeyd regularly but forgot posting. Somewhat last week I discoverd the phoenix. Witch was talking with him, riding him and so on. It wasn't much to do for me but watch. Still this would not be enough but we will go on further. For the first encounter this is a nice result and Witch is happy. Also she is watching my style of magic carefully. It's nice but too intuitive for her. She wants more incencse and rules and a system. So now I'm looking for a system that fits. I think I will go with something shamanic but I can't find good information on it. Well, I found a lot but nothing that says how one would live this today, where to start real excercises only blablabla.

But today I journeyd (this time while listening to drums, at least I can get used to these ^^). I started on my tree, waited for the wolf and then we were digging into the ground (read this one up). We digged quite long. This was interesting, since I could taste the earth, feel it, see and feel the worms and bones and so on. After quite a few while we reached solid stone.

I freed the stone, licked the stone, touched the stone and the longer I did this the more a cave grew around us.

I already knewd this cave from a vision, this is my energy center. It's an underground cave with a lake in it. Since it's underground it was not lit and I couldn't see much. I saw something moving in the lake, something really big. First I got scared, but I had wolf with me, so I knew there was nothing to be scared off and I calmed down quite easily.

Wolf said to me, I'm a shaman now, I can use my fire to light the cave and I did. There was a big color changing dragon, mostly white. I knew this dragon, this was the spirit guide of the twelve year old. So I hugged the dragon.

He took me on his back and we dived into the lake. But only to fly away through the ceiling up into the sky. After we flew for like ages we hovered over a city.

I knew this city, this was were all my dreams are happening. He told me, I was visiting another world in my dreams. And know he is here to guide me. We can visit these places, learn about their secrets and later on even talk to people and change stuff. Since everything in this worlds correspondences with something in the wake world. Freams are not a good way to learn about this world more than I already know (which is quite a lot, I have the whole map in my mind). Also he can't follow me in dreams easily, it's to unstable.

We visited some places, looked at those and trained to stabilize me there. How to really step into this world. This will take me a few more lessons. But we won't rush.

The best result had we, when we visited another lake. I dodn't know much about this place, only where it correspondences with and that there was a lake. I looked carefully and remembered more details from the slippy stones to the dangerous creatures. The dragon told me to put my hand into the water. Even though I know those creature will eat me I did it. And well, they ate my whole arm, I had to cut it off. But when all the dangerous creatures where feasting on my arm I saw a small turtle. I saved her and brought her to the best place for turtles I knew in this plane, the zoo.

After that the turtle was happy and the ending signal of the drums occured. The dragon gave me the feeling of what to do the next journeys and that he will be a real teacher. I'm kind of surprised since I never had an actual teacher only beings I could come to when I have question, feeling ill or whatever. Intiative was always on my side. But it's nice.

[sophiana]

i have some questions about these occurrences
where they like a dream sort of thing? where you gain something when you wake up?
or where they more like something that tells you about yourself or the future?

[Traumwandlerin]

It was rather a dream than a story. I couldn't influence what happened but I could influence my reaction. And I mostly gaines some insights or positive energy.

I'm still working with the dragon and making the map of the dreamworld. Also I'm working with the wolf. Since Soul is now a part of me, I need to do her duties. Her duties involve feeding the source of love with my energy. I dodn't do that, and that turned out really bad. Traveled to the source to see why I didn't feel love in my life, met the wolf and seen the catastrophe. Well it was drained. Now I'm still regaining to let it flow again. The wolf told me what I need to do. This involved finding the right stone, clean and charge it the right way, make an amulet. Than make a wooden box and store a lot of little loves in it.

I'm just not telling this anymore, cause I thought this might be too boring. In case of the map it is. Travel to place A, look at it, know it, travel to place B, look at it, where on the map is it compaired to place A. What real life places correspondent to it.

[Angie78]

Wow it's really great that you've been able to do this. It's truly inspiring and immeasurably interesting. Thank you for sharing.

[Traumwandlerin]

Thanks for your nice comment Angie

Today I have experienced something unique. I was totally out of line the last few days. Really, like worst PMS or whatever, only not cycle related. Really everything had pissed me off so much. I tried meditating and journeying, but I just couldn't go there.

But somehow, today,I went home for lunch and a coffee, a short break off work to calm down a bit. I sat there, and I just opened up. It was like a voice in my had, only it wasn't. It was like I knew exactly what to do and it came from the outside. I went to my gems, picked out three (I just knew which three). I put in on three specific parts of my body and went to work.

And really, a weight was lift off of me. It was just a real nice and fun work day, even though normally all the occurences that happened would normally have really stressed me out. But today everything was just fun and funny bad luck, and oh how we laughed and everything that would normally would lead to severe phobic reactions were also fun and interesting. I kind of felt like I was drugged.

On my way home (I work 10 hours on mondays), it was dark and freezing cold. And I just realized something. Dammit, I forgot it now. I hate when those important messages are got lost, cause you memorize them in a specific state of mind and can only recall them in this mindset. Especially when you need this information to reach the mindset. I really should get myself something to write in down in my way. I bet I'll remember it again in a few minutes/hours/days. It was clearly worded.

[A new found power]

I also find this intriguing. The idea that you are divided into 7 souls, almost 7 different parts of the same being, is certainly a new concept to me. Thank you for sharing such deep and personal information, I shall keep note of this as I progress. Thank you Traum

[WhiteOne]

That the soul can be divided makes perfect sense to me. I used to believe that during certain times in my life, my spirit was gone. Usually those were particularly difficult or traumatic parts of my life. Obviously, my entire spirit wasn't gone. But much of it had been sent away--or it fleed--to avoid the trauma. Do you ever meet people who seem to be dead inside---? They have to send their spirit away so that they can live in their situation without all the spiritual pain.
I used to be a preschool worker and I worked with a little girl who's mother and father neglected, abused, and abandoned her while they were strung out on drugs. She was in foster care. She seemed different from the other kids, and the other teacher was unexplainably irritated by her. The little girl walked on tippy-toes all the time, so much that her foster mother took her to the doctor and the doctor proscribed casts to be put on her legs and feet to prevent the little girl from walking like this. There was no explanation as to why she did this--but they were afraid it would cause her bones to grow wrong. I gave her extra love and attachment since I believed that she was missing part of her spirit. I believe that her walking on tippy-toe was symbolic, because just as her spirit was afraid to return to her body, her feet were afraid to touch earth. Fortunately, the little girl was put into a foster home where she would have consistent security, which will hopefully allow her to trust the world enough to let her spirit in.
I believe that the spirit leaves the body when it doesn't feel safe any more, and so when I meet someone who is missing part of their spirit I try to be caring and to give the impression of security so that their spirit will feel safe enough to return to the body. The spirit can feel a lot of pain and anxiety from earthly situations, so it makes sense that it would flee.
Although I am not knowledgeable of the exact ideas that Traum has discussed here, I think they are similar to my previously held ideas. I think what Traum has suggested is very interesting and will learn more about it.

[Traumwandlerin]

Thank you for sharing this story I guess she might have walked on tiptoes, cause it's more quiet. If you are quiet enough, no one will beat you, cause you are neither seen nor heard.

At the moment I'm not trancing anymore or maybe I do, but it's somehow different. I've posted after my last post, but it was lost. I had an addition. I was meditating on inspiration, opening up my crone-chakra. I guess this was what it caused. I also had some more vital information coming through. Wouldn't have thought inspiration worked that way, I thought maybe I'll get great ideas for work or how to make my home nicer, but no, it provided me with all those information and thoughts about myself. How I'm living at the moment, why I'm stuck, how I act. I can't even describe it in words but it all makes sense on an emotional and spiritual plain.

I understood how I'm already all of it and not showing. I understoof that now Soul is in the front, she never has been in a body. She doesn't know her way around here. My body got dissociated a bit, and I made groundings to get both connected. But also she is kind of shy, she always was just watching and not acting. Acting is not her natural way, so evertime something happens that needs acting, she sits and wait, than someone else is jumping in cause action is needed. Those mostly are the most experienced part for this situation, but most experienced doesn't mean they know how to handle it, mostly those are coming out, who have learnt how painful this situation is.

But I'm doing a lot with gems lately. Soul helps me picking them up. And if I read them up afterwards, they were always the right ones. I'm wearing a sodalith now, for weeks, it's balancing out my feelings and I'm really getting a lot better.

If problems occur, I do a fast trancing. Just jump into trance do what I need to solve the problem and come back full of energy. Last week I did one in the five minute break at work. I was totally set up for some minor reason, had all this inner pains. I tranced, went back into the woods, and found my 12-year-old who has all those social problems. She should have stayed inside at work, but she went out to hurt herself. I talked to her for five minutes, she had all those social fears. But actually her fears are totally irrational. She fears she is not social enough, doesn't talk enough or weird stuf, looks weird at social events. But actually, I could give her a lot of facts, that we are not even very social, but are also a positive example of socialness too many. Just the day before I talked to my boss and he said I'm social, communicative and a good team player and some people should use me as an example of good working and socialness. A lot of people are telling me such stuff. I told my 12-years-ols that and that's her effort that we are ubercapable in the social area and thanked her. Then I gave her a lot of energy (since I'm now mainly Soul, I'm capable of sending healing energies to my other parts) to break this dark shell that is telling her lies. So she sees how capable she actually is.

All this took me only five minutes. When I came back I was supermotivated and feeling highly well and social and proud of it.

Another time I tranced so to get Soul grounded into the body. This also took only about 5 minutes, but the best is, I've done a grounding-signal. Now I can ground Soul into the body at an instant just by saying the right word while doing the right movement. That's actually a posthypnotic suggestion, but I like to combine other technics with the normal trance. And it's working great. I always do it if I feel someone else is in the front again.

[[SILVERCROSS]]

Seven different sides of the same character..........fascinating indeed..........but much more intriguing.This infact sounds a kind of healing magic to me,a travel to sort out some traumas that may have been incurred to the character over time and a n unique attempt to set things correct.............over time,over space and incidents having symbolic significance.

So what is the difference you feel in your daily life after this ?????

[Traumwandlerin]

I can handle my life again. I was ill for about a year, never left the room were the lights are out and cried all the time. I almost quit university and thought about killing myself. Now I'm writing my PhD, have a job, have my family, have a social life. I love myself, can deal with my emotions, I am authentic to myself and others and I'm still healing. I feel safe, I can handle my life. Well, it changed a very lot in my life.

This travel to sort out past traumatas is quite common in many paths. In psychology therapy (Jung school) or shamanic soul retrival. Nothing new, even if I only heard about those technics afterwards.

[little_spirits]

Wow, those stories are quite fasinating to me. I don't know what else to say.
And thanks for helping me on my topic.

[TheNagual]

Your spiritual awareness is absolutely amazing!! I am completely captivated by you and your experiences and your travels. Thank you very much for having the courage and the compassion to share.