Earth Ritual that was a beautiful reply!
Marigold- follow your heart and be honest, that is the only way to live is it not?
Soulmate dillemma
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Starwitch Stone
- Posts: 387
- Joined: Thu Jan 08, 2004 1:32 pm
- Gender: Female
That's such an interesting story. I wish I felt that way. I mean, I do feel that way sometimes for an old flame of mine, but since he is a psychotic murderer who spent the last 18 years in prison, it's a little hard to imagine us back together. He was also very abusive towards me. But it's sweet to hear a story of a rekindled relationship. I guess I'm so vain and insecure that I feel like my ex would be disappointed if he saw me again. I'm no spring chicken anymore. I was only 16 when I first met him, so I had a perfect 16-year-old body then. I always wonder how that works out with couples that reunite. Are they disappointed that their lover has grown older and isn't the same person they used to be?
You might want to read the book "Getting the Love You Want". It explains in non-spiritual terms why we have a stronger connection with some people but not others. I'm guessing that if you look closely, you'll find that your soulmate has a lot of the same characteristics as one or both of your parents. The book says we are drawn to people that are like our parents because we subconsciously want to work out the issues that we weren't able to work out in our childhood. For instance, if your dad was unreliable, you might be drawn to an unreliable man because your subconscious feels that if you're able to work out that issue with your partner, it's the same as if you had worked it out with your parents. Most people are unaware of this aspect so instead of working out those issues, they just fight over it and the fighting hurts more deeply because it's not only about your partner, it's also about your parent(s). Apparently, our subconscious mind mixes it all up. It can't differentiate between the two very well.
The other thing is, when you start a new relationship, your endorphins are working overtime, giving you those pleasurable feelings, which are exactly like an anti-depressant (or roller-coaster ride) since it releases Seratonin. There's quite a bit of research on that topic if you're interested. Here is one article about it: http://www.youramazingbrain.org/lovesex/sciencelove.htm
Even if you were with him in the past, I'd say you are still in the "new love" phase with him and you are both getting those endorphins when you're together.
It's not terribly likely that that beautiful feeling will last forever. It usually calms down after dating someone for a while. That's why some people are "love addicts" - they want to continually be in the "attraction phase" of the relationship, so they go through relationship after relationship. When that special hormone release dies down, the addict wants to end that relationship and start a new one so they can get the feeling back.
I realize I'm only going to make this more confusing for you, but maybe it's better to look at it from all angles before making such a huge decision. There may be a way to rekindle the flame between you and your husband. But I do understand the feeling of wanting someone that feels like your soulmate. I've only had that once, and it was a total disaster for me. I never really fell in love again after that.
Bright blessings,
StarWitch
You might want to read the book "Getting the Love You Want". It explains in non-spiritual terms why we have a stronger connection with some people but not others. I'm guessing that if you look closely, you'll find that your soulmate has a lot of the same characteristics as one or both of your parents. The book says we are drawn to people that are like our parents because we subconsciously want to work out the issues that we weren't able to work out in our childhood. For instance, if your dad was unreliable, you might be drawn to an unreliable man because your subconscious feels that if you're able to work out that issue with your partner, it's the same as if you had worked it out with your parents. Most people are unaware of this aspect so instead of working out those issues, they just fight over it and the fighting hurts more deeply because it's not only about your partner, it's also about your parent(s). Apparently, our subconscious mind mixes it all up. It can't differentiate between the two very well.
The other thing is, when you start a new relationship, your endorphins are working overtime, giving you those pleasurable feelings, which are exactly like an anti-depressant (or roller-coaster ride) since it releases Seratonin. There's quite a bit of research on that topic if you're interested. Here is one article about it: http://www.youramazingbrain.org/lovesex/sciencelove.htm
Even if you were with him in the past, I'd say you are still in the "new love" phase with him and you are both getting those endorphins when you're together.
It's not terribly likely that that beautiful feeling will last forever. It usually calms down after dating someone for a while. That's why some people are "love addicts" - they want to continually be in the "attraction phase" of the relationship, so they go through relationship after relationship. When that special hormone release dies down, the addict wants to end that relationship and start a new one so they can get the feeling back.
I realize I'm only going to make this more confusing for you, but maybe it's better to look at it from all angles before making such a huge decision. There may be a way to rekindle the flame between you and your husband. But I do understand the feeling of wanting someone that feels like your soulmate. I've only had that once, and it was a total disaster for me. I never really fell in love again after that.
Bright blessings,
StarWitch
Dear StarWitch,
It was almost 15 years between after I had last seen my soulmate. That was also a whole lot of weight later too. I was kind of nervous because I too had been a size 8/10. The years definitely had taken their toll, but when I finally saw him, it did not seem to matter at all.
I think that soulmates transcend the physical. It is really about who you are inside.
I have no doubt that biology and neurotransmitters play a part, but I just don't think that is all of it. I simply have never felt like this with anyone else. This is just so different.
My husband and soulmate really are like two parts of me. My husband is calm, stable and reliable. He is the calm river. My soulmate is magickal and electric. He is the thunderstorm at midnight with champagne.
I really hope that you find someone who makes you feel that way again. At least you had the experience. I am not sure everyone is that fortunate.
It is so hard to know where it will go but it has been really good to get all of the feedback from everyone.
It was almost 15 years between after I had last seen my soulmate. That was also a whole lot of weight later too. I was kind of nervous because I too had been a size 8/10. The years definitely had taken their toll, but when I finally saw him, it did not seem to matter at all.
I think that soulmates transcend the physical. It is really about who you are inside.
I have no doubt that biology and neurotransmitters play a part, but I just don't think that is all of it. I simply have never felt like this with anyone else. This is just so different.
My husband and soulmate really are like two parts of me. My husband is calm, stable and reliable. He is the calm river. My soulmate is magickal and electric. He is the thunderstorm at midnight with champagne.
I really hope that you find someone who makes you feel that way again. At least you had the experience. I am not sure everyone is that fortunate.
It is so hard to know where it will go but it has been really good to get all of the feedback from everyone.
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Earth Ritual
- Posts: 453
- Joined: Tue Jan 12, 2010 1:53 pm
- Gender: Female
- Location: North Carolina
I'd say your love is divine help.
You are either for Life or against It. There is no in between.
I used to believe in god above. Now I'm filled with so much love.-Erykah Badu after the invocation of the Goddess
May the love that holds eternity at its fingertips kiss each and everyone one you on the lips. May your words bring worlds that bring hope to a world dying to be reborn.
I used to believe in god above. Now I'm filled with so much love.-Erykah Badu after the invocation of the Goddess
May the love that holds eternity at its fingertips kiss each and everyone one you on the lips. May your words bring worlds that bring hope to a world dying to be reborn.