SUicide threats for attention
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IsisUnknown
SUicide threats for attention
I'm dealing with a good friend who thinks suicide threats are the best way to get attention. This person is bipolar. When I first met him I thought he was serious called his mom & he got in trouble, told me he was just upset ect... he did this a few more times since then & its always just for attention, like if he doesn't get his way in a situation ect. Last time he said this I ignored it & he just didn't talk to me for a few days. Is that the best way to handle it? How do I know if he's serious?
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Ben
Hi. I see how difficult the situation is you're going through.
I had a friend who comitted suicide a few years ago; only I wasn't in contact with him for one year before it happened. I often blame myself for not having been there for him when he went through a difficult pace.
Now. You said many important factors to the problem, but I think the puzzle is still incomplete. The first piece would be the bipolar disorder. Well, if your friend is really bipolar then his mood should swing between depressions and good episodes. It's often the case that, when being in a depressive phase, such a person should think of suicide. The fact that afterwards he is normal just afterwards and rejects ever having thought of such things as suicide is quite normal, but none less dangerous. If he IS bipolar and you don't want to risk losing him, I suggest to you to take him seriously and try to find a way to calm him down during his depressions.
The second piece would be his seek for attention. Striving for attention can only mean one thing: he doesn't get enough (friends, family or otherwise)! If you are his friend, you will give him the attention he needs so much. This striving for attention when given what it want's doesn't get stronger, but slowly deminishes. In any case, always try to understand, if you really like this guy. I don't believe that ignoring is going to do any good. This would only result in either you losing him as a friend or not change anything at all.
Still another piece of the puzzle is his unrational behaviour. If he is in the wrong, try to take the time to explain your position until he accepts it (he doesn't have to agree). Just try to rationalize everything he does.
This is all the advice I can give from what you told me. I hope this is helpful. I would have a few other questions just in order to find out how I could help you further...
Do you know if his family takes good care of him, if there is some inside trouble (divorce, etc)?
How terrible is his bipolar disorder?
Well, anyway,
Blessed be!
I had a friend who comitted suicide a few years ago; only I wasn't in contact with him for one year before it happened. I often blame myself for not having been there for him when he went through a difficult pace.
Now. You said many important factors to the problem, but I think the puzzle is still incomplete. The first piece would be the bipolar disorder. Well, if your friend is really bipolar then his mood should swing between depressions and good episodes. It's often the case that, when being in a depressive phase, such a person should think of suicide. The fact that afterwards he is normal just afterwards and rejects ever having thought of such things as suicide is quite normal, but none less dangerous. If he IS bipolar and you don't want to risk losing him, I suggest to you to take him seriously and try to find a way to calm him down during his depressions.
The second piece would be his seek for attention. Striving for attention can only mean one thing: he doesn't get enough (friends, family or otherwise)! If you are his friend, you will give him the attention he needs so much. This striving for attention when given what it want's doesn't get stronger, but slowly deminishes. In any case, always try to understand, if you really like this guy. I don't believe that ignoring is going to do any good. This would only result in either you losing him as a friend or not change anything at all.
Still another piece of the puzzle is his unrational behaviour. If he is in the wrong, try to take the time to explain your position until he accepts it (he doesn't have to agree). Just try to rationalize everything he does.
This is all the advice I can give from what you told me. I hope this is helpful. I would have a few other questions just in order to find out how I could help you further...
Do you know if his family takes good care of him, if there is some inside trouble (divorce, etc)?
How terrible is his bipolar disorder?
Well, anyway,
Blessed be!
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IsisUnknown
thank you for the help. He gets very angry when I try to talk to him & explain my view point. When I do this he always ends up telling he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore but later apologises & sais he does. Even at that point I get the same reaction from trying to talk to him.
He has not been to the doctor in a while because of insurance issues but I can tell its getting worse fast. He also has a bad home life. Single mother (also bipolar) with lots of kids. He's the oldest & she takes everything out on him as do his siblings. (We are both adults but he won't get out of this situation because he has motivation issues) He's tried living elseware but went right back because he "can't handle" (his words not mine) rules from authorities other than his mom. That's were I explained to him life doesn't work that way but that also made him angry. At this point we are drifting apart because of how he does treat me when I try to help him in any way.
He has not been to the doctor in a while because of insurance issues but I can tell its getting worse fast. He also has a bad home life. Single mother (also bipolar) with lots of kids. He's the oldest & she takes everything out on him as do his siblings. (We are both adults but he won't get out of this situation because he has motivation issues) He's tried living elseware but went right back because he "can't handle" (his words not mine) rules from authorities other than his mom. That's were I explained to him life doesn't work that way but that also made him angry. At this point we are drifting apart because of how he does treat me when I try to help him in any way.
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Ben
The situation really is very difficult. As I feared he doesn't get any love from his family. I can easily understand that he can't handle the pressure of being alone in the world...
For the anger, you shouldn't be the one who's handling it all. It's way to much. It seems to me that he's taking all the anger that he gets from his family and lets it out on you, without being aware of it when he does it.
What he really needs is love. I think that's the only cure for what he's living. As you clearly pointed out to me talking doesn't work. You can't really do anything against how the mother treats him if he wants to stay at home, but you CAN do something about the sibblings. As it isn't your place to have to take all of your friend's anger, it isn't his place either to take it from his sibblings. It's a vicious circle. So in order to break it you should find out when his sibblings are treating him bad and repremend them severly (and with rage) when you suprise them. Easier said than done, but that's the only logical solution I see for him to get better and moreover to see you in another angle: the one who's there to help you, not only to listen. I think that would really help and stop him from treating you like this. Another way would be to listen for a while and if he speaks about his sibblings treating him like dirt. You ask him where they are right now and go there with him to make a scene in front of them and your friend. This would probably work the same way.
Anyway, that's what I'd probably do. Your situation is very difficult and I'd love to hear some other's opinion on what you should do...
Blessed be!
For the anger, you shouldn't be the one who's handling it all. It's way to much. It seems to me that he's taking all the anger that he gets from his family and lets it out on you, without being aware of it when he does it.
What he really needs is love. I think that's the only cure for what he's living. As you clearly pointed out to me talking doesn't work. You can't really do anything against how the mother treats him if he wants to stay at home, but you CAN do something about the sibblings. As it isn't your place to have to take all of your friend's anger, it isn't his place either to take it from his sibblings. It's a vicious circle. So in order to break it you should find out when his sibblings are treating him bad and repremend them severly (and with rage) when you suprise them. Easier said than done, but that's the only logical solution I see for him to get better and moreover to see you in another angle: the one who's there to help you, not only to listen. I think that would really help and stop him from treating you like this. Another way would be to listen for a while and if he speaks about his sibblings treating him like dirt. You ask him where they are right now and go there with him to make a scene in front of them and your friend. This would probably work the same way.
Anyway, that's what I'd probably do. Your situation is very difficult and I'd love to hear some other's opinion on what you should do...
Blessed be!
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One Walker
- Posts: 595
- Joined: Wed Jan 14, 2009 4:42 pm
- Gender: Female
- Location: Minnesota, USA
I have to agree with much that Ben has said. I believe the attention your friend is seeking is, in fact, his rather roundabout, unconscious way of asking for help because of the situation he's in. His current temporary 'solution' seems to be "If you don't let me have my way/leave me alone I'll kill myself." Unfortunately, when this no longer works he may be driven to actually doing it or to move on to other extremes of self-abuse or abusing others. I hate to say it but if he doesn't elect to eliminate himself he may resort to 'eliminating' those he perceives as being the cause of the problem too. This could, in the extreme, even turn into a murder-suicide scenario.
I get the feeling that a key factor here may be the lack of a good adult male figure, like a father-type. Self-reliance and responsibility in the sense of self-assertion. From what you said he can't handle rules from any authority other than his mom. What about his own authority? He doesn't seem to feel he has any. No wonder he gets extremely angry when you try to talk to him and tell him your viewpoint. It's not 'you' he gets angry at, it's the fact that everybody gives him their 'viewpoint'. i.e. They're telling him what he should do, how he should feel, what he should think, etc. If he's had this thrown at him his whole life it's no wonder he's at a breaking point because this flies directly in the face of normal human development. He would have never been allowed or even been given 'permission' to grow or develop into his own individual and personality. Now he's at the point where he has no motivation to do so! He's now a whipping post for his mother. His siblings give him the same thing simply because they think it's okay because mom does it. Mom rules the house and sets the example!
I'd be curious to know if the doctors have him on any medications. If they are designed to chemically suppress his symptoms then I'd say they lit the fuse on his time bomb because they do not solve the problem and sooner or later there will be very serious repercussions from this.
Just my thoughts.
One Walker.
I get the feeling that a key factor here may be the lack of a good adult male figure, like a father-type. Self-reliance and responsibility in the sense of self-assertion. From what you said he can't handle rules from any authority other than his mom. What about his own authority? He doesn't seem to feel he has any. No wonder he gets extremely angry when you try to talk to him and tell him your viewpoint. It's not 'you' he gets angry at, it's the fact that everybody gives him their 'viewpoint'. i.e. They're telling him what he should do, how he should feel, what he should think, etc. If he's had this thrown at him his whole life it's no wonder he's at a breaking point because this flies directly in the face of normal human development. He would have never been allowed or even been given 'permission' to grow or develop into his own individual and personality. Now he's at the point where he has no motivation to do so! He's now a whipping post for his mother. His siblings give him the same thing simply because they think it's okay because mom does it. Mom rules the house and sets the example!
I'd be curious to know if the doctors have him on any medications. If they are designed to chemically suppress his symptoms then I'd say they lit the fuse on his time bomb because they do not solve the problem and sooner or later there will be very serious repercussions from this.
Just my thoughts.
One Walker.
We have seen what Power does.
We have seen what Power costs.
One is never equal to the other.
We have seen what Power costs.
One is never equal to the other.
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IsisUnknown
I would deffinately agree that he feels he has no authority. I've tried that aproach also, were I ask him what he thinks & what he would have done & he shuts down for a while then gets angry & sais things like it doesn't matter what I would have done ect. I also must say though his other friends have more leverage with him than I do, they say something & he agrees with it even if he's stated he thinks the opposite 5 min. before. I'm the one he always goes to with this though because all of them are "when its convenient" friends & just tell him off for being "immature" when he starts these threats.
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Ben
IsisUnknown what you say confirms greatly OneWalker's theory that your friend has a lack of authority. I must agree with both of you. Nevertheless, I don't believe that a good male raw model is the primary problem here. You can't really believe that his mother is a good example either. The fact is he's lacking both of his parents and there's not much you can change about THAT.
I wouldn't be to sure that there is actually a chance for a Lizzie Borden scenario here. But there is this possibility, as impossible as it may seem to me. OneWalker, you asked if he takes any medication and this I find also very important. I know the effects medication can have when prescribed to hyper children and it is just desastrous! I must agree with you. If he takes any medication he must absolutely stop taking it. IsisUnknown, as a confident of your friend you are the most appropiate person in his entourage to help him... more than anyone in his freaky family!
I wouldn't be to sure that there is actually a chance for a Lizzie Borden scenario here. But there is this possibility, as impossible as it may seem to me. OneWalker, you asked if he takes any medication and this I find also very important. I know the effects medication can have when prescribed to hyper children and it is just desastrous! I must agree with you. If he takes any medication he must absolutely stop taking it. IsisUnknown, as a confident of your friend you are the most appropiate person in his entourage to help him... more than anyone in his freaky family!
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IsisUnknown
I forgot to answer about the meds, sorry. No he is not taking anything now.
Thank you all for the help. I realized something while thinking about what's been said. He has a completely different personality when he is employed. He has been unemployed for almost a year but does not see how he progressivly gotten depressed more of the time than usual. I am trying to encourage him to find another job but his motivation is gone now. I think that is contributing to his increase in mood changes. Is there a safe way to motivate someone in this situation withou it turning hostile?
I realy apreciate thehalp & support with this, its tough to figure these situations out when your in them...
Thank you all for the help. I realized something while thinking about what's been said. He has a completely different personality when he is employed. He has been unemployed for almost a year but does not see how he progressivly gotten depressed more of the time than usual. I am trying to encourage him to find another job but his motivation is gone now. I think that is contributing to his increase in mood changes. Is there a safe way to motivate someone in this situation withou it turning hostile?
I realy apreciate thehalp & support with this, its tough to figure these situations out when your in them...
Re: SUicide threats for attention
hi there,IsisUnknown wrote:I'm dealing with a good friend who thinks suicide threats are the best way to get attention. This person is bipolar. When I first met him I thought he was serious called his mom & he got in trouble, told me he was just upset ect... he did this a few more times since then & its always just for attention, like if he doesn't get his way in a situation ect. Last time he said this I ignored it & he just didn't talk to me for a few days. Is that the best way to handle it? How do I know if he's serious?
actually i do have bipoler disorder. the electros with in our brain that fire synaps different then from normal. i know how u feel, it's hard to have bipolar, i wanted to ask does she/he do things without notice? if ur frined starts cutting oneself or making comments of ending. I would put this person in the hospital as soon as possible. if she/he says i wanna die very 30 mins then it's attention needing. sweety ur friend is not doing well make sure he/she takes the meds, better yet i hope this person is on lithium.
blessed be
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Jean-Pierre-Chatelaine
I agree with Syndica cos I have been there done that.
Your friend needs help urgently. Despite what many lay people think, not that many people threaten to kill themselves to get attention.
When someone you know goes: "I'm gonna kill myself."
And you go: "Hey, go for it!"
Do you really know what you're doing to that earthling?
Your friend needs help urgently. Despite what many lay people think, not that many people threaten to kill themselves to get attention.
When someone you know goes: "I'm gonna kill myself."
And you go: "Hey, go for it!"
Do you really know what you're doing to that earthling?
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Aquosus
I have to agree with jean-pierre, no matter how many times he says he's going to kill himself and never does take it seriously each and every time. Also as you pointed out Isis, employment (or lack thereof) can have a major effect on a persons mood. Just simply having a job can give a person a reason to wake up in the morning, or feeling of being needed by the others on his team at work. So if working really does help him it would be good to get him back to it as quickly as possible, however with out the proper mood stabilizing medication chances are he will not be able to keep it. So the first step is getting him in the hospital so they can find the right medication and dosage. This maybe difficult since you are not family however I would recommend placing a call to the national suicide prevention hotline. You can remain anonymous and they will be able to give you the best advice. I know you said affording the medication is also a problem, however all states (to my knowledge) will provide medical insurance free of charge to those who require life sustaining medications or have serious medical/psychiatric problems (bi-polar falls into both categories). You can contact your local or county welfare/public assistance office for more information on that. Also if after getting back on the proper medication he is still not able to keep a job he can file for SSI (Supplemental Security Income) the process of getting it can be long and a pain in the ass however, if he needs it, he needs it. More information on that can be found by calling the Social Security Administration or by stopping by a local SSA office. Hope this helps and best of luck.
hi,
i have bipolar too, and it's very serious mental condition. there's two types of bipolar type 1 and type 2 type 2 is more serious then type 1, because they will commit sucide with out warning, i know i'v been there because i am type 2, a bipolar person can random cycles with in min or two. it's hard on family members and friends, always make sure he's gets the meds. i forgot to mention, some bipolar suffer pysticoses "mental break down". i think ur friend should be in the hospital i think that would be a good place for him so they treat the problem.
hugs
i have bipolar too, and it's very serious mental condition. there's two types of bipolar type 1 and type 2 type 2 is more serious then type 1, because they will commit sucide with out warning, i know i'v been there because i am type 2, a bipolar person can random cycles with in min or two. it's hard on family members and friends, always make sure he's gets the meds. i forgot to mention, some bipolar suffer pysticoses "mental break down". i think ur friend should be in the hospital i think that would be a good place for him so they treat the problem.
hugs
:D Blessed Be :D
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evanescence
Re: SUicide threats for attention
I think you should take him seriously every time because there may be a time that he is serious and if you ignore it he may act on it. ..... he may just need someone to talk to . i too have bipolar disorder and suffer from suicidal thoughts and it helps alot when i have someone to talk to