I was with my husband for 13yrs but only married 5yrs. We have 4 children together and started going out the day we met. However Jan of 2008 he left me due to us arguing all the time. I love him and know he loves me and has said he won't come back because of that. Anyway my heart is brooken so bad and it has been a year now. I still cry all the time because I really miss him and love him so much. I have depression which makes it worse. I have dated a few guys over the last year but I just can't. My feelings are still to strong for my husband. We have got through some pretty rough stuff before but my heart won't stop hurting because I want him home. PLEASE send positive energy my way or some advice for me to get through this.
Thanks Laura
PLEASE, send positive energy my way - my marriage
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[Silver Dove]
- Posts: 137
- Joined: Mon Sep 29, 2008 8:03 am
- Gender: Female
I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. I am sending positive energy towards you. I have been with my husband for 12 years and I am not sure what I would do if he was not a part of my life, so I can only imagine your pain. I believe time heals all wounds and so I would suggest to give yourself time to heal. Take care of yourself and your children and hang in there....this too shall pass.
Positve energy and blessings to you and your children!
Positve energy and blessings to you and your children!
May love, peace & hope always be with you. Blessed Be!
Silver Dove
Silver Dove
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Moon_Stone
- Posts: 1117
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- Location: Where the Wild Things are
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Laura, I too am sorry to hear that you are struggling in this way. I understand though, my husband and I are "fighters" too... and we've both been ready to throw in the towel at times as well.
The best advice I can offer is to perhaps talk to him about you both receiving some counseling together. (Couples counseling). Or separately if you think that would be better. (Or both). They teach techniques on how to communicate without fighting... at least Google it (couples therapy techniques) if your husband is the type who wouldn't dare set foot in a therapists office (like mine is.)
In any argument, one person must succumb to the other (if even a little bit- they refer to that as "compromise" LOL) ...but regardless, one person must be willing to bend. If you've not been the "bending" type, perhaps; if he becomes willing to re-start the relationship; take on the roll of the 'giver' rather than his opponent. I'm not saying you should be a doormat for him to order around and have doing whatever he wants you to do, but in a relationship where both parties are hot-heads and both are equally as stubborn, one person has to bend. Without that, you'll be constantly butting heads and will never move past even the smallest of disagreements.
First step is to decide to make changes within yourself and in the way you relate to your husband. Second step is to present yourself, as this new, confident, loving, giving person, to your husband and make it clear that you are willing to bend and make changes if he is willing to do the same. Then all you can do is talk... talk it all out and remember that when he says something to you (and vice versa, when you say something to him), neither of you are "attacking" the other... that's one of the most common reasons a fight develops. If you feel his comment (or again, vice versa) is an "attack", the immediate response is to become defensive and erect a very large emotional-wall. My husband and I have been married for almost 12 years now, together for almost 14, so we've had a long time to work together toward resolving our stubborn, hot-head issues... and I'm glad to say that through a lot of work, we become stronger every day. It's possible- don't give up hope. :28:
Bright Blessings.
The best advice I can offer is to perhaps talk to him about you both receiving some counseling together. (Couples counseling). Or separately if you think that would be better. (Or both). They teach techniques on how to communicate without fighting... at least Google it (couples therapy techniques) if your husband is the type who wouldn't dare set foot in a therapists office (like mine is.)
In any argument, one person must succumb to the other (if even a little bit- they refer to that as "compromise" LOL) ...but regardless, one person must be willing to bend. If you've not been the "bending" type, perhaps; if he becomes willing to re-start the relationship; take on the roll of the 'giver' rather than his opponent. I'm not saying you should be a doormat for him to order around and have doing whatever he wants you to do, but in a relationship where both parties are hot-heads and both are equally as stubborn, one person has to bend. Without that, you'll be constantly butting heads and will never move past even the smallest of disagreements.
First step is to decide to make changes within yourself and in the way you relate to your husband. Second step is to present yourself, as this new, confident, loving, giving person, to your husband and make it clear that you are willing to bend and make changes if he is willing to do the same. Then all you can do is talk... talk it all out and remember that when he says something to you (and vice versa, when you say something to him), neither of you are "attacking" the other... that's one of the most common reasons a fight develops. If you feel his comment (or again, vice versa) is an "attack", the immediate response is to become defensive and erect a very large emotional-wall. My husband and I have been married for almost 12 years now, together for almost 14, so we've had a long time to work together toward resolving our stubborn, hot-head issues... and I'm glad to say that through a lot of work, we become stronger every day. It's possible- don't give up hope. :28:
Bright Blessings.
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Jason
If you manage to start up again, I recommend the use of sacred sexual techniques which make a marriage very positive and aren't too difficult. See, for example, this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Energy-Karezza-se ... 594&sr=1-1
The normal way human beings use sexuality in my opinion leads automatically to energetic difficulties. Even if there is alot of heart-love, the underlying magic vanishes and life and communication becomes hard. Replace that energy and things are easy again.
The energy can always recover, if the underlying love is there, it's just that one needs to allow it to build instead of wasting it all the time which most people do. The older you get, the less you can afford to waste.
If you have any more questions, pm me.
Good luck! j
http://www.amazon.com/Energy-Karezza-se ... 594&sr=1-1
The normal way human beings use sexuality in my opinion leads automatically to energetic difficulties. Even if there is alot of heart-love, the underlying magic vanishes and life and communication becomes hard. Replace that energy and things are easy again.
The energy can always recover, if the underlying love is there, it's just that one needs to allow it to build instead of wasting it all the time which most people do. The older you get, the less you can afford to waste.
If you have any more questions, pm me.
Good luck! j
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Moon_Stone
- Posts: 1117
- Joined: Thu Jun 17, 2004 1:51 pm
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- Location: Where the Wild Things are
- Contact:
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Jason
It is indeed pretty much along the lines of tantra. ('Karezza' is basically just the western word for the same idea.) The reason I like this particular book is that a) It's kind of written more to the man, and even a man with no particular spiritual leanings will see the idea; b) It has the best actual description of what to do for the man that I've ever seen; and c) It includes things about the relation of your diet and energy to sex which are very useful.
For those who don't know, these techniques involve avoidance of orgasmic ejaculation by the man. It needs quite some motivation for the man to actually move towards trying this, unless he's spiritually inclined to start with, but this book motivates guys by speaking to them in a language they get, that's why I like it.
It's pretty much brand new I think, and I found the author's site here where you can get it as an e-book which is cheaper:
http://www.energykarezza.com/
Personally I have no doubt at all that the basic theory behind things like this is correct -- that is, that too much ejaculation for a guy ruins his energy. I only wish I'd started practicing this more seriously when I was a bit younger! It makes so much difference to your levels of calm, and it puts the magic into things.
All best wishes,
Jason
For those who don't know, these techniques involve avoidance of orgasmic ejaculation by the man. It needs quite some motivation for the man to actually move towards trying this, unless he's spiritually inclined to start with, but this book motivates guys by speaking to them in a language they get, that's why I like it.
It's pretty much brand new I think, and I found the author's site here where you can get it as an e-book which is cheaper:
http://www.energykarezza.com/
Personally I have no doubt at all that the basic theory behind things like this is correct -- that is, that too much ejaculation for a guy ruins his energy. I only wish I'd started practicing this more seriously when I was a bit younger! It makes so much difference to your levels of calm, and it puts the magic into things.
All best wishes,
Jason
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[RedWolf]
Hello Laura, my heart goes out to you.
One question, is your husband up for the idea of you two getting back together if you can work things out? If so, you both need to ask yourselves one very important question - Is being "right" more important than being with the one you love?
I think you are already feeling this truth, but he needs to get to this point also. Arguing is about who is "right" and who is "wrong". Both of you need to see that neither of you is right, yet neither is wrong, you just have different ways of seeing things/doing things/ wanting things done a certain way...
People can go to counseling for years and never see this simple truth because their egos keep fighting for the right to be "right". You have to get to the point of realizing that the ego is what is fighting and not You. If both of you can reach this point at the same time, then it's time to party LOL, but if only one of you come to the point, that's OK, because chances are the other will not be far behind. We teach best by living what we believe.
There are many people writing and talking about the ego and how to separate yourself from it. Google and Youtube until you "meet" someone who speaks to you.
This has made the biggest difference in my life, I used to have SUCH a bad temper, but in just a few short months, I have come to know great peace inside and those around me can't help but be affected. My X and I are now really good friends when just a year ago I wanted to kill him. We will not get back together, but are both glad that we are apart of each others' lives again. He was my best friend and is again. Now we can both move on to love others and still have deep affection for each other.
I'm not saying that this will happen to you, you and yours may very well get back together and be very happy. Once you separate from the ego...
Think about it, it doesn't hurt to look into it...
And Please, keep us updated. We want to know how it goes. We love you!
Blessings to you, Laura.
RW
One question, is your husband up for the idea of you two getting back together if you can work things out? If so, you both need to ask yourselves one very important question - Is being "right" more important than being with the one you love?
I think you are already feeling this truth, but he needs to get to this point also. Arguing is about who is "right" and who is "wrong". Both of you need to see that neither of you is right, yet neither is wrong, you just have different ways of seeing things/doing things/ wanting things done a certain way...
People can go to counseling for years and never see this simple truth because their egos keep fighting for the right to be "right". You have to get to the point of realizing that the ego is what is fighting and not You. If both of you can reach this point at the same time, then it's time to party LOL, but if only one of you come to the point, that's OK, because chances are the other will not be far behind. We teach best by living what we believe.
There are many people writing and talking about the ego and how to separate yourself from it. Google and Youtube until you "meet" someone who speaks to you.
This has made the biggest difference in my life, I used to have SUCH a bad temper, but in just a few short months, I have come to know great peace inside and those around me can't help but be affected. My X and I are now really good friends when just a year ago I wanted to kill him. We will not get back together, but are both glad that we are apart of each others' lives again. He was my best friend and is again. Now we can both move on to love others and still have deep affection for each other.
I'm not saying that this will happen to you, you and yours may very well get back together and be very happy. Once you separate from the ego...
Think about it, it doesn't hurt to look into it...
And Please, keep us updated. We want to know how it goes. We love you!
Blessings to you, Laura.
RW