I feel a little weird posting this but

Post by **KaidaPyralis** » Sat Oct 27, 2007 10:26 pm

I don't really know what to do. It's a relationship thing, and believe me I'm trying to stay away from the stereotypical teen girl "we broke up and I still want him" story, but it's true. Please don't think me naive, because I know how easy it is to sound it. My ex was my first proper boyfriend. When we started dating I was 17 and he was 16, but it seemed far deeper than most relationships of our age group. We clicked on a lot of levels. He never really opened up before me, and I never really let myself depend on anyone before him, the thought of a relationship always scared me before him. I loved him, I really did, and he felt the same, but we broke up about 8 weeks ago because he said he felt he couldn't give me what I want, he wasn't making me happy. He said we were too different. The thing is, I know a lot of the places I went wrong. I've gone to uni, met lots of new people, even ended up kind of seeing a guy in my building, and I still think about my ex all the time (the new guy knows the extent of the situation), I still miss him, and I still kick myself for all the pointless arguments I caused, for not making him feel as loved as he made me feel. I didn't show him I loved him when I had the chance, and he thinks its for the best for us to split. We had something truly special, and it really broke my heart to lose him. Again at the risk of sounding naive, I could make him happy. It's just so difficult because he doesn't work the way most people do. He's incredibly intelligent, and he has very low self esteem. He can be very cold and logical, and he's far too good at hiding his emotions, so much so I never knew I was hurting him. People suggested that he said he wasn't making me happy as a get out, but those who know him know he wouldn't. I just don't know what to do. Sorry to let all this out, especially being so new here, but it drives me mad. I don't expect rose-tinted replies, but it's hurting me, so please don't just tell me to get over it. I've tried. I tried talking to him at the time too but he wouldn't listen. He thought I was just reacting to the break up. That I'd convinced myself I was happy with him.

Kaida

Post by **jcrowfoot** » Sun Oct 28, 2007 3:21 am

There is only way to get over it. Time.

When you like someone, when you love someone, and it ends, and it doesn't come together and you are hurt... time is the only healer. Don't try to go out with anyone else. Don't go off and do things that you'll regret. Don't make any major decisions. Do the best you can.

Make sure you have friends who will listen to you rant for hours on end. Cultivate your friendships. You will need them.

Find a hobby. Something that's repetitive, and will give you grat without requiring lots of emotional drain on your part.

Believe me, I've been there. And I'm sorry.

Post by **Hera#76** » Sun Oct 28, 2007 8:07 am

Talking to friends is always a good way to get things out of your system. Time is the only true way of being able to move on, but in the meantime talking things over with friends and busying yourself so you don't have too much time to reflect and mull things over also helps.

Witchy Woman · Post by **Witchy Woman** » Mon Oct 29, 2007 12:14 am

Trust me, I know exactly how you feel. I still have a lot of feels for my ex. I truely love him.. and I must agree, that the only thing that has ever helped me is time.. the more time passes, the less it hurts, and the more I can move on with my life.

Post by **kuotetsu** » Mon Oct 29, 2007 12:20 am

jcrowfoot wrote:There is only way to get over it. Time.

When you like someone, when you love someone, and it ends, and it doesn't come together and you are hurt... time is the only healer. Don't try to go out with anyone else. Don't go off and do things that you'll regret. Don't make any major decisions. Do the best you can.

Make sure you have friends who will listen to you rant for hours on end. Cultivate your friendships. You will need them.

Find a hobby. Something that's repetitive, and will give you grat without requiring lots of emotional drain on your part.

Believe me, I've been there. And I'm sorry.

I agree... You may want to meditate for the things that hurt you. There was this saying that if you think of the hurtful things that come across your life, it makes the best healer, and it makes you stronger.

Post by **KaidaPyralis** » Mon Oct 29, 2007 5:44 am

Thank you all for your replies. I know it'll take time and chances are I'm going to hurt for a fair while yet. I think what made it worse was that he said he still loved me and missed me, and that it just couldn't work because we're too different and he's not what I want. That was incredibly frustrating. How can he know what I want when I rarely know myself? I don't know. Thank you though. It's just good to let it out a bit, and I really appreciate the replies.

Kaida

Post by **Wolf Heart** » Mon Oct 29, 2007 8:39 am

jcrowfoot wrote: Don't go off and do things that you'll regret. Don't make any major decisions. Do the best you can.

I strongly agree with Crow on this one. Sometimes we think by making a huge change in our lives things will get better, and it won't. When me and my b/f of over a year broke up I was devastated. I quickly decided to move away to a friends and pretty much change who I was. I was extremely unhappy and tried to keep making major changes in hopes that it would change me and my life to basically get over and forget him, it failed horribly.

I have since moved home and returned to simply being me, and am now quite happy. As Crow said, time is really the only real thing to heal you.

Oh and as added advice NEVER go out on a whim when your upset and decide to cut your hair and change the color, that was one mistake I'll never do again! lol

Blessed Be,
Wolf Heart

Post by **[EarthWitch]** » Mon Oct 29, 2007 10:41 am

[

quote="jcrowfoot"]There is only way to get over it. Time.

When you like someone, when you love someone, and it ends, and it doesn't come together and you are hurt... time is the only healer. Don't try to go out with anyone else. Don't go off and do things that you'll regret. Don't make any major decisions. Do the best you can.

I agree with jcrowfoot. The most difficult heartbreak is that of the first person you fall in love with. For some reason it is the deepest and most painful of all. Time will heal. Again, I am one who knows as well.

Post by **KaidaPyralis** » Wed Oct 31, 2007 6:16 am

Lol Wolf funnily enough I did dye my hair a week and a bit ago, but luckily I love it. I know what you're saying though. I tried to move on, and in fact I met someone who was way wrong for me, and I've met someone who really likes me, but it hurts to have anyone around in that context, and I need some time to just be me. The difficulty is that this guy is getting hurt by my ups and downs, and the fact I still love my ex. I like him, so I don't want him to not be there necessarily, but I need some time to heal, and it's not fair to ask him to wait around. Thing is, I don't want to lose him as a friend either. I don't know what to do about it.

Kaida

Post by **Elven555** » Thu Nov 01, 2007 12:32 am

Have you tried talking to him since you've broken up?
Given that it's been 8 weeks, things have settled down, now would be a good time to contact him and tell him you'd like to meet up and have a chat.
If he agrees, you can use that time to tell him that you're in love with him and you want him back.
Tell him that you feel like you need to try, as you've learnt certain lessons and you feel you can make it work this time.
Encourage him, tell him how you feel, tell him how you've changed and what you feel went wrong.

Post by **KaidaPyralis** » Thu Nov 01, 2007 5:12 am

I didn't, to be honest I let it go. Still did little things like told him I'd missed him, but I didn't have a serious talk about it. Our main mutual friend says at the moment he's just not being himself. He's a little odd with me in that when I was home (I'm a uni stident), he was fine with me generally, like before, but he doesn't really keep in touch a lot when I'm away, but he was never one for lengthy calls or anything. I talked to him at the time, and I know he was set on his decision then, and he thought I was just reacting to the break up, and I'd convinced myself I was happy with him. I just worry that if I try and talk to him he'll think we can't be friends either. I don't know. I thought about maybe a letter, but I know he generally prefers face to face contact to anything else. He sort of needs careful handling I think, and in the past I've had difficulty saying things that needed to be said.

Kaida

Post by **jcrowfoot** » Sat Nov 10, 2007 3:31 am

Personally, I think breakups are the perfect time to get hair cuts and change hair color. Why? They can change. Sure it takes time, but a year or two at the most depending on how drastic you are.

I was thinking about things that are harder to change, like burning bridges with friends and moving to a new place and that sort of thing. Or leaving a job you used to like or moving out of your old place or things like that. Stuff you can't take back.

jijmmmmmtmtm · Post by **jijmmmmmtmtm** » Wed Nov 28, 2007 3:00 am

Kaida, I can so relate to this story, it is the exact same thing that happened to me, only that my ex left me. I am an intelligent university student with a low self esteem. My ex, I love her so much but she felt that I could do so much better because she wasn't going to school or working and didn't have much to offer. She suffers from depression and has gone been going through a series of issues with her family and losing her mother. I was always there for her but she felt that she was souring the relationship with her depression and mood swings, and felt that she wasn't making me happy. I was completely happy with her, I wanted to help her out so much, I even got her a job the week before she left me. There were no signs she was going to leave, heck, the weekend before we had gone to Universal Studios Hollywood for Halloween and had such a great time. And during that week on Wednesday she calls to dump me over the phone. I haven't seen her since. She won't let me speak to her either. It really hurts me, I never got proper closure, but in a way that kind of gives me hope that we might work on our relationship again. We were so serious together, spoke of children, marriage, moving in together, and we were only together for 4 months. You'd be surprised at how well we went together. And for her to just randomly leave me, I'm confused and so hurt. I don't want anyone else but her, and I know she has feelings for me and is hurting, but has too much pride. Anyway, I feel you, I know where you're coming from. I still want my ex back however, and that is one of the reasons I joined here. I want to see what I can do to make her realize that with me, I can give her everything and care for her. She even admitted that all her past boyfriends were losers and I had goals and a bright future, apparently I was too good for her, according to her. I don't care, she made me happy and that's all that mattered. Anyway, that's enough of me, sorry I needed to vent. Goodluck!