Need Advice - Paranoia and Manic/Depression

[Angel_Beast1221]

I have struggled with Bi-Polar disorder for as long as I can remember, or since as long as I was diagnosed. I struggle with depression most days and have, in the past, tried to end my life. I have to deal with suicidal thoughts every day of my life and I have been doing a pretty darn good job of not acting on these impulses. I now have PTSD because of something an uncle did to me as a child and I have been managing that with the help of my service dog.

More recently I have been through a "manic" phase and am currently in a "depressed" one. I have also started seeing things, not like the normal things I see everyday. There is a dark figure lurking from my past, I have seen it before and am legitimately afraid of it. It brings out this carnal fear in me and I can't control it. When I see it, it feels like it is multiple entities and wants to cause me harm.

With this dark presence comes a deep seated paranoia. I am afraid everywhere I go that this entity is following me, I can feel its presence.

Could this be a physical manifestation of my own dark past or is it actually an entity that wishes to harm me? Can anyone give me advice on what I can do or something that can help?

[Becks]

I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and I honestly feel that you are very brave. I want to sit with this and reflect on it. While I have had PTSD in my life-I haven't felt the others.

What does your intuition tell you about this?

Please know that you have a right to be safe on this plane. I can't say at the moment if the manifestation comes intrinsically or if the cause is extrinsic. Regardless of its origin you have the inherent right to be safe from it. I'm glad you have good supports. Please know I'm thinking of you.

[SnowCat]

Have you had your medication evaluated? Or have there been any changes to your medication? When I worked in long term care, many of the residents were on psychotropics. They weren't always on the right ones. Your intuition is your best guide in this. You're the only one who truly knows how you're feeling, and what you're experiencing. Dory would say "Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming." It's easier said than done, but it's good advice.

Snow

[Vesca]

Have you talked to your therapist/doctor about the figure/presence you've been seeing and feeling? That should really be your first phone call if you haven't yet.

We always need to rule out the medical, psychological, and everyday reasons before we start to look at the spiritual. Especially when it comes down to our basic needs and overall health.

Many mental health diagnoses come in packages; that is, often with one diagnosis comes others. They are often less severe than the original diagnosis and they tend to be kind of a side-effect caused by the original diagnosis (i.e. anxiety can lead to the development of depression).

What you already are handling may have begun manifesting in your senses as external stimuli (the feeling/sight/sound of a presence). Or it could be a medication side effect.

The sense of "someone" or "something" being around when strictly physically speaking they aren't there could be a couple of things. It could be purely biochemical (the brain synapses misfiring and giving your mind notice that something is present when it's not), or it could be a kind of manifestation of one's anxiety/fear caused by some internal turmoil, or it could be a spirit (although this last one is something I would look at after ruling out absolutely everything else).

Anyway, short version: talk to your therapist about it. Trust me, they've heard it all before and won't look at you sideways. They're there to help you, as you know.

From there, other options open up. But start with the little steps and see where it leads you. In the meantime, it might be worth doing some cleansing and shielding. Just in case. I find even doing that much helps me with my own psychological bends, even if what I'm going through is purely psychological and nothing more. It still helps.

[Angel_Beast1221]

I kind of disappeared for a couple weeks, sorry about that. I actually haven't taken medication in years and I can no longer afford to see a therapist. I'm hoping to get to be able to see one soon but there is no telling when that's going to happen. I have been working on getting my life together these past few weeks and I can say I have made some progress in that aspect.

[Vesca]

It may be worth looking into some programs for low/no-income mental health care. They exist, but can sometimes be a little hard to find if you don't know how to look for them.

Here is a site where you can look up information on facilities near you:
www.211unitedway.org

There are also a few numbers in this thread that can help you find some places:
http://everythingunderthemoon.net/forum ... 30309.html

I hope things smooth out for you soon.

[Angel_Beast1221]

thanks Vesca! I will look into this

[Vesca]

No problem, take care of yourself.

[evil ed]

Angel,
Hang in there, and pull through!
There's a lot of us cheering for you!
E.E.