Womans Pov.(So your husbands away...)

[luckimmortal]

Just wondering, Hypothetically, your husband or fiances is shipped off overseas in the army..
Would you want to see other guys while hes gone?
time span: about 2-5 yrs
heres the catch... there is good chance there may be a vietnamese hooker or 2 calling, you dont think he's recieving, but again. hes over seas...in the army... hypothetically.. what do you do with this marraige??

[AutumnMaidens]

I am anti army so in that case him even concidering going to war would not sit well with me. However if I loved him enough to let him go, no doubt I would have discussed this with him, he might not have liked it but I would have drilled him for it. I want reasurence that he is not concidering to cheat on me there and if he were concidering it that we might as well call the relationship quits. I am in a relationship for the full so would see no need to cheat (because that's what it is.)

So basically either the relationship would be over or I would wait for him. Simple as that.

[luckimmortal]

That is a really good point. I hope i get alot more responses on this becuase i am/was going through something like this. and have no idea what to do. for the most part women say they would wait, because thats what a marraige/relationship is about.. get this though( btw i was using the army as a hypothetical, it could be a job or any long distance situation)..

so what the girl tells me about this is that, basically i dont truly love her, if im away and she wants to date around...or that i should love her enough to let her do that and when i see her again, THEN I would be her "soul mate..husband" w/e... and check this out, then i find out she believes she's in love with both of us....like he's right for her now, im right for her forever.. and on top of that. she says im "old fashioned"..."stuck in the 50's".. about her dating while im away..and by dating i mean like.. yano lol...excerisizing her womanhood??? hah i dunno how to talk on these forums. but you get my point. what do you think? i should leave her no?..... well in this case it would be banishing her becasue..well we dont wanna get into that..

[AutumnMaidens]

Goodness... well monogamy is one of the basis of a strong healthy relationship. Otherwise it's just sleeping together, and for her to tell you she loves both of you... well I would make her choose. Tell her it's quite simple, you love her (I imagine) and have devoted yourself to her and if she is not willing to return the favour than you see no point in continuing your relationship because you both want different things out of this.
And if she starts the whole "Yeah but I love both of you-" tell her she is free to love whomever she wants but that you are not willing to share and that a relationship is about giving and taking.

At least that's what I would do.
Bless and I hope you'll find a way to deal with this situation.

[luckimmortal]

Goodness... well monogamy is one of the basis of a strong healthy relationship. Otherwise it's just sleeping together

Right if its an open marraige whats the point of getting married.(though some couples do it i dont get that either though..)

well I would make her choose. Tell her it's quite simple, you love her (I imagine) and have devoted yourself to her and if she is not willing to return the favour than you see no point in continuing your relationship because you both want different things out of this.
And if she starts the whole "Yeah but I love both of you-" tell her she is free to love whomever she wants but that you are not willing to share and that a relationship is about giving and taking.

And thats where the wonders of having a magical yet bi polar(insane) g/f start to begin, right @ choose. thats when things got worse.. banishing it is.so far things are going ok since ive had alot of help on geting rid of dream invaders(thats what we dont wanna get into ) and you now what. Those pyramids, all those symbols really, were just me messing around, i had no idea they could mean so much. but every single word you said about it was true. and this is the situation im dealing with, all the emotion etc. thanks so much

[AutumnMaidens]

Oh I'm glad the symbols made some sense ^^
And yes, bipolar disease is very difficult to get around, I don't doubt you'll do what is best =)
Bless

[Sparkles]

I actually have a similar situation to this in my own RL.

Personally, I think if there is going to be any unfaithfulness within the marriage, its going to happen whether or not one of you is is at home or 10 000 miles away. It is down to yourselves to trust and believe in the love you have will be strong enough to get you through the time ahead and the distance between you both.

I would highly recommend on getting yourself signed up on skype and perhaps becoming familiar with email - I know, 'love emails is not exactly the same as love letters but if you save everything you exchange over those 2-3 years and put them together in a book, you sure do have something nice to hand down to your children/grand children one day)

In all serious though, it is hard. Its not for everyone. Your partner is 1000's of miles away and contact can sometimes be sporadical, especially if they are moving base. I would sit and meditate on your relationship/your partner, yourself. Decide if this is something you want to continue on with, decide if this is the right path for you to go down.

If it helps, you can always mail, I know what your going through, so might be able to impart some more 'wisdom'

Best of luck with this decision honey,
Sparkles xx

[Sparkles]

I just read the first post and had a lot to comment, didn't actually make my way to the end.

I've just read the following comments after the original message... that kinda does change my response slightly... I'll ponder that one and edit this post later with a response

**Gone to ponder**