A very good question, Seeking_Answer.
And the answer might be so simple that you will want more, but there is not more, just this - Forget about him! Forgive him and then let him go. It really is as simple as that. You can not control him, so how do you know if seeking some kind of revenge against him would actually teach him anything? He chooses to be the way he is and you have no control over his choices.
Forgive yourself, and forgive him -your spirituality has to be what is most important to you.
As for this guy? You have to move on, and let those he comes into contact with fend for themselves - sounds bad but fate has it's own reasons for the way it flows. His actions might be what someone in his future needs in order to experience their own awakening - we just don't know...
People who discount forgiveness as weak see it as being stronger than they are and feel the need to "make it seem weak" in order for their own ego to feel stronger, but it simply doesn't work. Don't worry about them.
Forgive him and walk away, and let him deal with it however he does!
Hope this helps.
Blessings to you,
RW
I have a Question Regarding Forgiveness
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idnami
I agree. You are not responsible for others actions, only for your own. His karma is not your problem. Yours is. This may sound somewhat callous but it is true. You do not have the experience or the power to visit upon him the appropriate lesson through your conscious actions. I would say that the argument that that he may harm others is more of a subconscious justification for your own desire to get back at him.As for this guy? You have to move on, and let those he comes into contact with fend for themselves - sounds bad but fate has it's own reasons for the way it flows. His actions might be what someone in his future needs in order to experience their own awakening - we just don't know...
I do not mean to be harsh or attacking by saying so. I have experienced similar myself and know what it is to be betrayed and want to feel justified in taking revenge but you will pollute yourself by doing so, even if you are justified.
Its a cliche but its true; the best revenge is living well. The point of forgiveness in this case is to give you peace and relieve you of your burden of hate. Perhaps this was a karmic lesson of some kind for you? Not that I am saying that you used someone. Perhaps you ignored your own intuition in this matter and the universe wants you to know that your intuition is a gift and not to be ignored for any reason. Perhaps you needed a lesson in humility yourself? I am in no position to judge but everything does happen for a reason. When one embraces a spiritual system that values purity the universe tends to hold you to the standard you set for yourself.
The point is that you are not a hateful or a cruel person, but that could change if you succumb to the urge to behave in hatefulness and cruelty. I may be wrong, but I sense that hurting another person would hurt you even more, not only karmically but in a very immediate way emotionally and psychologically and that any satisfaction you might take would be short lived and quickly overshadowed by the self loathing that would follow. Also consider that hate breeds hate, pain breeds pain and love breeds love. Vengeance cannot breed love. If you go out of your way to hurt this guy he is going to feel that he was justified in using you because you turned out to be unkind after all. And it could perpetuate the cycle further. If you keep to the high road he will eventually see what a jerk he was and possibly even take steps to make amends. At times like this our devotion to our path is tested. Your commitment to your own stated values is tested. To succumb to this darkness would be a failure I think. Focus on healing yourself.
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Stonehenge
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The above comments are great infomation and points that I agree with and probably should be used to help you continue on with your life without feeling the way that you intially did.
I think that people that live lives like he does, whether they learn a lesson from you, or from the next person, will have to relive their nasty life again and again. Until they have come to the point where they make a difference. They will have to learn the lesson that is trying to be taught here, and the lesson that you see as one not being learned now, or seems to not going to be learned anytime in the near future probably.
One of the lives that he chooses for his future life is going to be that one that he takes responsibility for his actions in. Then he will see what it is that you and all he have done wrong before have had to go through, and the suffering that he had caused. He in that new life will or may also have the same type of situation(s) happen to him as well.
I know it is not the same to just think that he will get what is coming to him at some point in the future, but that is not all that it is about. You know that, you are doing the right thing, as you seem to always do. So go on with you life and forget and forgive him. All will be good again.
Ron
I think that people that live lives like he does, whether they learn a lesson from you, or from the next person, will have to relive their nasty life again and again. Until they have come to the point where they make a difference. They will have to learn the lesson that is trying to be taught here, and the lesson that you see as one not being learned now, or seems to not going to be learned anytime in the near future probably.
One of the lives that he chooses for his future life is going to be that one that he takes responsibility for his actions in. Then he will see what it is that you and all he have done wrong before have had to go through, and the suffering that he had caused. He in that new life will or may also have the same type of situation(s) happen to him as well.
I know it is not the same to just think that he will get what is coming to him at some point in the future, but that is not all that it is about. You know that, you are doing the right thing, as you seem to always do. So go on with you life and forget and forgive him. All will be good again.
Ron
"We are not human beings on a spiritual journey; we are spiritual beings on a human journey."
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Travis Sanders
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LilmcIrish
I agree,
I agree that forgiving is about not carrying around the negativity he gave to you. When I forgive someone, I don't nessasarily tell them, it depends on if I think they will make amends,(or try at least) but if I know they could care less about the hurt they caused, I really try to truly forgive because it brings peace to me. (I will never get it from them) The more negative energy I can get rid of, out of my spirit, the better I will be. If you fear others getting hurt in the future by him, focus on sending anyone in his path some strength and clarity to see through his lies and decieit, so that they won't be harmed. Anything positive you can possibly send his way, is more healing for you. Maybe even someday he will catch some of the goodness you would be sending to those around him, and one less lost soul would be turned for the better. Then it would be your goodness, and strength that did it. You can always hope, and do what you can, but mostly all you can really do is to send out as much positive force as you can, and have true peace inside you. You are growing and learning everyday, despite and because of those who try to hinder.....
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WolfWitch
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I usually do not post to threads brought back this far but, I feel that something i have to share may help.
It's from my wife.
She is a Budist and has helped me when my anger would have caused me to break ceartain priestly vows. It's a simple parable but it speak volumes when thought about deeper.
Two Buddist monks walked along the road towards a city. They where bound for a temple beyond it in the mountains.One was young and new to the order but bold in his desire to do right. The other was elderly and greatly respected for his wisdom.
As the walked, the approached a young woman who was walking towards the city as well. She was struggling greatly and the young monk offered her help her. When she accepted his help, he picked her up and carried her the remainder of the distance to the city and placed her back on her feet when they were inside the city walls.
The elder Monk was furious. It was forbidden for any monk to touch a woman. Yet, as they were in the city and not the temple, he stayed his tongue. He spoke not of the incident the rest of the journey but admonished the young monk upon there arrival at the temple.
Why did you place your hands to that woman. It is disgraceful to you calling as a monk. the elder monk chastised the youth as they stood before their eldest and most senior monks. The youth replied calmly.
My friend. I left her their in the city. Why is it that you carry her still?
Don't let your anger for having been slighted, no matter how grave the ill, consume you.
Stop, think, remember your beleifs. Do not let simple emotion to cloud your judgement and force you from what you know to be right.
Know when it is time to put the woman down.
It's from my wife.
She is a Budist and has helped me when my anger would have caused me to break ceartain priestly vows. It's a simple parable but it speak volumes when thought about deeper.
Two Buddist monks walked along the road towards a city. They where bound for a temple beyond it in the mountains.One was young and new to the order but bold in his desire to do right. The other was elderly and greatly respected for his wisdom.
As the walked, the approached a young woman who was walking towards the city as well. She was struggling greatly and the young monk offered her help her. When she accepted his help, he picked her up and carried her the remainder of the distance to the city and placed her back on her feet when they were inside the city walls.
The elder Monk was furious. It was forbidden for any monk to touch a woman. Yet, as they were in the city and not the temple, he stayed his tongue. He spoke not of the incident the rest of the journey but admonished the young monk upon there arrival at the temple.
Why did you place your hands to that woman. It is disgraceful to you calling as a monk. the elder monk chastised the youth as they stood before their eldest and most senior monks. The youth replied calmly.
My friend. I left her their in the city. Why is it that you carry her still?
Don't let your anger for having been slighted, no matter how grave the ill, consume you.
Stop, think, remember your beleifs. Do not let simple emotion to cloud your judgement and force you from what you know to be right.
Know when it is time to put the woman down.
The greatest advice I was ever given: It matters not what you believe. Only that you believe it wholeheartedly.
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KaidaPyralis
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I've heard that story before...it makes me think every time.
I read in a book once...that it is the person you forgive, not the action. As has been said, it's not saying that what that person did to you is okay, just that you're no longer willing to carry around the part of yourself that feels angry or bad about what they did. To release all the negative emotions you hold as a result of their actions.
Kaida
I read in a book once...that it is the person you forgive, not the action. As has been said, it's not saying that what that person did to you is okay, just that you're no longer willing to carry around the part of yourself that feels angry or bad about what they did. To release all the negative emotions you hold as a result of their actions.
Kaida
Lau
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WolfWitch
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I'm actually glad that I saw this topic and replied to it. I was at a moral delema. A very good friend of mind is being put through a nasty divorce. She recently, within the past couple of days, discovered that the betrayal goes much deeper than we originaly believed.
This man that is becoming her ex, is moraly banckrupt. He shows no remorse for any of his actions and in fact feels the victem for having to pay her three hundred a month. His actions (and he does claim to be a Pagan) violates our prime rule in almost every sense of the words accept physically.
When I heard of his latest acts, I was furious. I wanted so bad to help my friend, as she has been through so much already and realy does not need this any more. Being halfway around the world however limits what i can do.
I wanted so bad to curse this fool. I wanted to utter the worst I knew and let his actions seal his own fate.
After reading and posting to you, I realized that I was carrying him far longer than I needed to and that I should heed the parable as well. It took most of the night, but by morning, I had taken my actions and set them in motion. I prayed for my friend and asked that Goddess bring her comfort and that God protect her. I asked that they help shine light to the best path for her to walk.
As for her ex, I swore to God and Goddess that I renounced him. I will think of him no more and turn my own back to him. From this day forth, I will have no thought of him nor will I have any dealings unless I know that it is the will of the divine that it happen. I will not curse him, likewise, I will not help him should he ask either. His fate is hiis own.
This man that is becoming her ex, is moraly banckrupt. He shows no remorse for any of his actions and in fact feels the victem for having to pay her three hundred a month. His actions (and he does claim to be a Pagan) violates our prime rule in almost every sense of the words accept physically.
When I heard of his latest acts, I was furious. I wanted so bad to help my friend, as she has been through so much already and realy does not need this any more. Being halfway around the world however limits what i can do.
I wanted so bad to curse this fool. I wanted to utter the worst I knew and let his actions seal his own fate.
After reading and posting to you, I realized that I was carrying him far longer than I needed to and that I should heed the parable as well. It took most of the night, but by morning, I had taken my actions and set them in motion. I prayed for my friend and asked that Goddess bring her comfort and that God protect her. I asked that they help shine light to the best path for her to walk.
As for her ex, I swore to God and Goddess that I renounced him. I will think of him no more and turn my own back to him. From this day forth, I will have no thought of him nor will I have any dealings unless I know that it is the will of the divine that it happen. I will not curse him, likewise, I will not help him should he ask either. His fate is hiis own.
The greatest advice I was ever given: It matters not what you believe. Only that you believe it wholeheartedly.
Forgiveness literally means that you no longer require a person to repay a debt. Notice that doesn't have anything to do with the debtors actions or behavior. It means you're letting go what is rightfully your due for the sake of peace or whatever is the perceived outcome.
Forgiveness can be an act of charity or can be an act of personal letting go. We don't forgive for the other person's sake. Not IMO anyways. We forgive for our sake. Yes, that other person benefits in that they don't have to repay you. But the forgivers reward is often so much greater than theirs.
When we ask others for forgiveness, what we're essentially saying is, "I cannot hope to make up to you what you're due. Please forgive my debt or allow me to repay what I can." This is why asking for it requires a significant level of humility.
This is why in my life I've forgiven a family member for my terrible childhood. I no longer am seeking an apology or some sort of repayment from them. However, I also have no desire to see them again or repair the relationship. Forgiveness in no way means you must love, respect or cherish that person anew, ever or ever again.
Forgiveness can be an act of charity or can be an act of personal letting go. We don't forgive for the other person's sake. Not IMO anyways. We forgive for our sake. Yes, that other person benefits in that they don't have to repay you. But the forgivers reward is often so much greater than theirs.
When we ask others for forgiveness, what we're essentially saying is, "I cannot hope to make up to you what you're due. Please forgive my debt or allow me to repay what I can." This is why asking for it requires a significant level of humility.
This is why in my life I've forgiven a family member for my terrible childhood. I no longer am seeking an apology or some sort of repayment from them. However, I also have no desire to see them again or repair the relationship. Forgiveness in no way means you must love, respect or cherish that person anew, ever or ever again.
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ImperfectAngel
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Travis Sanders wrote:forgiveness does not mean "what u did to me is ok" forgiveness means you are no longer willing to carry around what he did to you and let it affect you.
Agreed! Forgiveness isn't for them...it's for you. As for the "slimebag," I agree with what everyone has already commented on. He will learn from his own mistakes. I know it hurts, and you feel overwhelmed with mixed emotions but to be angry with him is a normal, as well expected human emotion. That's why forgiveness is meant to release that anger. I do believe that the energy we put out will come back to us, not as revenge but as duality of order so to speak. So to forgive him, is to release that anger within yourself, and in the reverse as well, if he keeps in the path of hurting others perhaps he will hurt someone he cares about in turn learning his lesson..(not saying that's how this will happen just using an example)
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RestoringtheGoddess
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He is a playa, a guy that pretends to care for a period of time to use a girl for sexual favors. I had a guy pretend to love me for a year and he broke up with me by saying he was just using me all along that I was just a piece of a** to him all that time he said he loved me everyday! I find it hard to trust guys now, most of them seem to be playas, there should be a law against playas!
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ImperfectAngel
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RestoringtheGoddess wrote:He is a playa, a guy that pretends to care for a period of time to use a girl for sexual favors. I had a guy pretend to love me for a year and he broke up with me by saying he was just using me all along that I was just a piece of a** to him all that time he said he loved me everyday! I find it hard to trust guys now, most of them seem to be playas, there should be a law against playas!
LOL...I agree with that
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ravenblackwolf
forgiveness
when someone hurts you deeply it is natural to want to hurt them back. but if we take that pain and use it to hurt someone we end up hurting ourselves more. the hurt we feel is only temperary and the sun will come again and you will fill better. he won't the reason i say this is because it will come back to him in different ways. you can not hurt someone deeply and be a nasty person without it comming back to him. we don't know how we just know it will. focus on yourself and building yourself up. don't allow your pain to be your downfall. you can forgive him it does not meayou forget.
blessed be
blessed be