feeling trapped and depressed

[Marigold]

Not sure if I should put this here or under Ask Angie, but I guess it is more of a rant so here goes.

Before I start, I want to just comment that this is really the nicest board. I have seen and been on others where the members are not at all helpful and sometimes even very negative. I have not seen that here, so thanks.

For what seems like an eternity - about 10 years to be more exact - I feel like I have been just absolutely stuck in amber in job and relationship situations~

Relationships:

Not a good situation at home. Very frustrating. I have come to the conclusion that there are two types of people in this world- those that are spiritual, spread happiness and growth, and those that work to squash happiness, growth and beauty.

Two people in my immediate environment are definitely of the latter variety. It is infinitely frustrating that for everything I try to do to enhance our situation, I am met with opposition. In some ways, I also think there is opposition just because they can- like a power struggle. It is like two opposite poles of a magnet pushing against each other and not making any progress in either direction or like Groundhog day - on and on and on.

I do have other people in my life, like my soulmate and good friends who keep me afloat but about two weeks ago, my soulmate developed health issues and it is in question where that is going.

Money

I seem to have a sign on my back that says "rip me off" as I seem to constantly get screwed, used and virtually stolen from.

Job:

About five years ago I took a job basically for the money. It eats my time and steals my soul on a daily basis. I am surrounded by a confederacy of buffoons. This is not just my opinion as others have said and experienced the corruption and incompetence.

As recently as Friday I had a conversation with a trusted friend who said I was too talented to be trapped in that place and with those people. All well and good, but the only way I can find a comparable salary is to move out of the area. I (1) am afraid that I would move and totally upset my kids only to find another confederacy of buffoons and (2) adore my house and land. I have totally made it mine and it has embrace me and my family and it is so warm and I just can't bear to part with it.

Me:

Just last week I had a possible health scare and I found myself so depressed and feeling trapped that I didn't even care. It is so sad that it has gotten to the point that I no longer feel I have any hope for anything better.

I also keep gaining weight and even though I can stay on a diet for a time, i have so much to lose that I eventually blow it off and then need to start all over again.

I was supposed to have a doctor's appt next week, but guess what, the soul sucking job has something I can't get out of so my health has to come secondary to them.

Yes, I know the symptoms of depression but (1) I don't believe in meds except for the most serious of cases and (2) never figured the logic in meds when the rest of your life circumstances stay the same. So you take the meds to numb yourself to the same old crap. Fact is, I am depressed because of external situations, not because of some internal physical problem.

Well, thanks for the opportunity to rant. I know I need to do something but I don't know where to start and it seems like every option has a drawback so as I said, I am stuck in amber.

[Lily Cantodea]

I'm very sorry for what you have to go through. But remember that you've got people here who genuinely care about you if you need to talk or anything.

[WitchyLady506]

I have a Buddhist outlook on any type of problems that arise, and that's to look at everything that causes you problems and unhappiness and treat it the way a doctor would a disease. Pinpoint the reasons for the unhappiness and do what it needed to get rid of it. It will cause you to do a lot of self reflection and probably make some serious decisions but for happiness, I think it's worth it.

I hope that helps in some manner, and feel free to rant, bitch or complain all you want. We will listen and do what we can to help you. I think the active members here kinda see ourselves almost as a family in some ways and are always happy to expand the EUTM name^-^

[Godsmack]

I send much Love and Light to you, Marigold. Your situation pains me... Be happy.
Remember that you are always loved, no matter what. The Divine (if you believe in it) is always there for you to guide you, bless you and provide for you. Look at this as an obstacle to overcome. That's what the problems in our lives are. In the end, if the problem doesn't kill us, which it rarely does, we emerge stronger and we shine like the beings of Light that we are. I love you and I hope you can get through your situation; I know you will.

May The Divine Guide And Bless You In All Of Your Endeavors.

Love and Light,

Blessed Be.

[Marigold]

Thank you so much. Like I said, the people here are just the best.

Today I bought flowers and herbs and planted all day. I felt much better by the end of the day.

Of course, the rest of everything is still there, but at least for the time that I was putting flowers all around and putting my herbs in my containers, life seemed to be good.