I Need Some Advice

[Sakura Blossom]

Okay, so... I have horrible luck with men and it's rare that I like anyone. However, when I first started college at the first one I attended, I really liked this guy and it turns out he had a girlfriend. I always end up liking guys who are unattainable. Well... He died in a motorcycle accident and that was really hard to deal with because I knew him personally.

Now, time skip to a year or so later... I just met a guy this past week and I've never felt such a pull towards someone. He's on my mind often and I really seem to be liking him a lot. However, I found out some rather upsetting and unsettling news tonight. He's more than likely going to die within a few years and if not then, he's going to more than likely have a shortened life span anyways. He has a condition that usually results in this, and I don't even know what to do or think.

It's rare I like someone, and even rarer for someone to want to give me the time of day. I don't even know what to do. Despite this thought, I still find myself wanting to pursue something with him even though I know I don't have the emotional strength to do so.

It's all what ifs at the moment, I don't even know him well enough to know if he could potentially end up driving me crazy so that I might hate him or anything of the sort. Or he might end up not liking me. He could even live for a long time as that's not anything we can fully know either.

It's just... A very difficult situation, because I really thought that this time would be different (if it was another chance to try for a relationship) but it's not. I feel like I can't get a guy at all, without something horrible happening. It's really making me not want to date anymore, even though I crave it.

What do you think I should do?

[random417]

My thought is that I personally wouldn't want to miss out on something good just because it has a time limit.

If you do get attached, remember that the grieving process will be that much harder. You have to answer this for yourself, but, are you capable of dealing with that? It sounds like you could have something there, if you think you can deal with all that comes with this. Just because it has a time limit doesn't make it not special.

[Sakura Blossom]

Thanks, Random!

I've been thinking about it, and I've decided I'm just going to let fate do what fate wants. I'll go with the flow and keep talking with him, see how things go and not force anything. (: If something happens and becomes serious (and it's a strong if at this point, we only just met. We could end up hating each other! lol) then I'll know it might not be a permanent thing and it'll be something I'll prepare myself for. I'd rather have something than to wonder what it would have been like if I had tried to have it.

[SnowCat]

The first thing that came to my mind was The Dance by Garth Brooks.

Snow

[Sakura Blossom]

I can't even go look up the lyrics to that out of fear I may get emotional. Haha. I just find this entire situation rather... Ironic. I don't do well with the idea of death or illness, I used to freak out over the movie A Walk To Remember (and still do. I almost get a panic attack writing out the words). Now there's a chance I MIGHT live out something similar.... It's just amusing, in a morbid kind of way. But, I will let everything fall into place the way it should and I will see what happens. I trust that everything happens for a reason, and that I will be okay in the end.

Like, I always said if something like this were to happen to me I couldn't handle it and I always swore against being in a relationship with anyone in active front line duty in the armed forces for fear of death too. I just don't do well with it and now... I don't even know this guy well enough but I keep imagining myself with him and honestly going through with anything that might happen. It's really strange how things can change if you like someone enough.

[Yex]

I say, if you find something worth holding onto, hold onto it for the time that it's there, since it's all fleeting anyway. Of course that's easier said than done, and I hope my advice doesn't sound like a meaningless platitude. But as random said, one shouldn't avoid something just because it will reach an end - everything does. We must seize what is here, now, and appreciate it as best as we are able to.

Edit: reading back what I wrote, it sounds kind of existentialist/buddhist in meaningless sort of way, but that's not what I meant. I just meant that if it were me, I'd hold on to a good thing as long as I could.

[Lyra_86]

Although the grieving process will be awful for you either way - imagine if you choose not to pursue what could end up being a very good relationship and then lose him. If there turns out to be a chance and you both end up wanting to get to know each other in a 'relationship' way wouldn't you rather have all those happy memories to remember him and comfort you with than memories clouded with 'what if'?

[AdastraJunction]

Life is already short as it stands darling Sakura. I personally would throw caution to the wind and allow myself to accept what is rather than what cannot be. Be happy in knowing you have a life that may affect yours in a positive light now matter the ending for either of you, perhaps he is a soul you were meant to touch in this life and his yours. In-so I say make a try for it, you may find it worth the sadness in the end.

[SnowCat]

The Dance

Looking back, on the memory of,
The dance we shared, beneath the stars above,
For a moment, all the world was right,
How could I have known,
That you'd ever say goodbye?
But now, I'm glad I didn't know,
The way it all would end,
The way it all would go,
Our lives are better left to chance,
I could have missed the pain,
But I'd have had to miss the dance...

Snow

[Firebird]

Honey, you are still so young...and soooo many fish in the sea. I'm sure there are several men out there especially for you, that just haven't been met yet.
But as for this guy, irregardless what his span on this earth may be, I think we are all here to make the human connection. See where it goes with him, who knows...maybe he's a great guy and you have some good times or he turns into a real dweeb, you'll never know unless you give it a chance.

Course the cynic in me screams it is just a line some scurvy dog dude uses to not make a commitment...
as I have heard this one before, not that I hope he is ill...I just hope he's not lying.
Sorry for that negativity....just laying out the f-ed up angle.

Best wishes hun.
Firebird

Edit...haha !! when I started this reply last night no one had chimed in yet...you go girl!

[Sakura Blossom]

He didn't tell me directly. He's in a wheel hair and he was riding in a walk for a cure for his illness so it's very obvious he has it. I haven't talked to him about it, as I said, so it's all speculation but more than likely fact. It's hard to explain the situation. ):

But I agree. I'm going to see what happens and not think too hard on this.

[Firebird]

Good one Snow, that song really says it all, and yeah...what a tear jerker.

Had a terrible time trying to find the studio version, guess Garth doesn't have a channel, but this one is pretty good.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2Ru1M6dY0cY

Love ya girl ...take it as it comes
Firebird

[Sakura Blossom]

Thanks! We've actually not even really been talking and I don't mind. (: Like I said, didn't know if anything could be there but I don't think there is/was. We'll see what happens, though!

[Nyd]

This seems like a really, really difficult situation. I am sorry you are faced with such a question.

I'm afraid I don't have a good answer. Walking away does not seem like a good solution but staying could result in even worse. It is so hard to say.

If you are very sure you have incredible feelings for this man that can't be found elsewhere it might be worth seeing where this leads you. To go along with your feelings so to say. If I don't know what to do, I just go along with my feelings and what is happening because I fear my head would be more likely to make a wrong decision than my heart.

[Sakura Blossom]

Thanks, Nyd. (: I'm not worried about it, though. I've not even talked to him since a few nights ago and I'm really fine with that. So whatever happens, happens!