Should I do a love spell?

[TheGirlOfSecrets]

There's this boy I like (I think, it's confusing) and I keep telling everyone I don't like him but I kinda do, and apparently he kinda likes me (we're friends but not really close, we just sit together in French and history) and I know it's bad to do a love spell on a particular person, but I'm worried I might have him in mind when I'm doing the spell. I haven't every really had a boyfriend, I know I'm only 13, and the only boyfriends I've had are a kiss with a boy when I was 6, a kiss with my 'boyfriend' when I was 7, and a 'boyfriend' that I kissed and hung out with all the time.

I think I've ruined it all though, I sent him a message saying: 'I just want to say I'm sorry it's awkward and I don't fancy you, I like you as a friend. It started because at break on Tuesday someone (I can't remember who) came up to me and said you fancied me and I knew they were lying and then (name of my friend) was joking saying i fancy you and everyone believed her, so now everyone thinks I fancy you... I don't know if you got her message but I just thought you ought to know.'

So have I ruined it by saying that, are there any spells to recommend, and yeah, basically just some help. Some back-story: I fancied him when I was 9 until I was 10, I sent him an anonymous valentine but he found out it was me, (when I was 9) and when I was 10 I still fancied him and in DT we were talking about who we fancied and I told him (everyone said not to) in the locker rooms after school I fancied him and he made up a lie saying he had a girlfriend in a different school. But he did send a picture of himself to me because he knew I loved him </3

[Heartsong]

There's this boy I like (I think, it's confusing) and I keep telling everyone I don't like him but I kinda do, and apparently he kinda likes me (we're friends but not really close, we just sit together in French and history) and I know it's bad to do a love spell on a particular person, but I'm worried I might have him in mind when I'm doing the spell.

If you're that unsure, then the answer is a resounding NO, don't even attempt a love spell right now. You need to work out how you actually, truly feel, towards yourself and towards him.

I'm not one to beat around the bush, so I'm going to be perfectly honest with you.

Rather than a love spell, I'm going to recommend a golden oldie that absolutely every adult has told every teenager since the beginning of time and been ignored, only to have said teenager come crying back to them about how their heart's broken, and they just couldn't follow that advice, and the idea is just too embarrassing, yadayadayada:

If you honestly think you're ready for a relationship with this boy, then just tell him how you really feel.

I know, I know, you've likely heard this before and, going with honesty again here, most people are going to tell you this for two reasons. Number one, to shut you up and make you quit whining, and two, because it's the obvious approach that no self-respecting, angst-filled teenager would actually have the nerve or the maturity to try.

Now, please don't think I'm accusing you of immaturity or being a moonstruck teenybopper or that you think at all like the teenagers I am obviously mocking. I don't know you, so I can't say that, and I wouldn't say that. You seem like a lovely person, just young. But hundreds of thousands of girls have gone through your exact same situation. It's normal, it happens, and barely any of them (I would bet on it!) ever actually confess what they feel -- because they're scared. Keeping it a secret and dreaming about what might happen is a much better alternative than facing even the slimmest chance that he might reject you.

This is a learning experience that everyone has to go through at some point in their life. Not only dealing with rejection, but learning how to act in the treacherous world of social interaction. Whether you believe me or not, you will feel better if you just talk it out. Be sure that he can meet you somewhere with privacy. The invitation alone will likely clue him in about what you want to talk about. Look him straight in the eye, even with a blush staining your cheeks, and point blank, tell him. It's ok if your knees are knocking together and your hearts racing a mile a minute. That's what happens. And so what if he says he doesn't feel that way?

You are thirteen, and even though it seems like it's going to be ages before you see eighteen, or even sixteen, you will hit those points in your life. And you'll hit 21, and 30, and 50, all those milestones are coming. Can you see yourself with this person a year from now? Three years? Ten years? Can you imagine them old and wrinkly and smelling like powder and mustiness? Can you imagine making love with them? If you can't answer in the affirmative to any of those questions, then you're not ready. And if that's the case, then by all means, keep your feelings to yourself, you'll likely save yourself a lot of tears and pain. But eventually, we all have to experience that pain, the sting of someone not liking you back, of being turned down.

Love isn't about the butterflies in your stomach and how amazing you think the person is and how much your heart aches being apart from them and how much you think about them. Frankly, if you can't get them off your mind, then it's more likely a crush than real love.

What love is about is working together through the tough patches in life. It's about learning to communicate and living with their flaws (everyone has them). It's about realizing that yes, they do fart, and yes, it does smell terrible, and good grief, why would you do that in front of me? It's about standing beside him when tears are running down his face at his mother's funeral. It's about the fights, and the tears, and the bickering that makes you want to rip the hair off his head and carve his heart out with a spoon. It's about poking fun at the crows feet that crinkle the corner of his eyes when he turns 30 and rolling your eyes and giving in to his hug after you get miffed that he teased you mercilessly about that extra ten pounds that you weren't carrying around when you started dating. It's about standing in his corner even when you know he's wrong in front of other people, but pointing out the holes in his argument when you get home. It's about watching an old movie in ratty sweats and popcorn kernels stuck in your teeth. It's about kissing him in the morning even though his breath is horrid and he looks like something that crawled out of the woods. It's about spending your last cent on his birthday present that you really think he doesn't need and that you hate and would have much rather spent it on that pair of jeans that makes your butt look just fabulous, but you buy it anyway because it's what he wants and your heart just melts when his eyes light up.

It's about give and take, and it's about compromise. It's happiness and fury and terror and sweetness and sorrow all rolled up into one ginormous ball that people call having a relationship. And dear Goddess, but it's a doozy.

I know what I've said was pretty rough, but it's the truth. Still, I hope it gives you a little perspective and maybe helps clear up your uncertainty.

Brightest Blessings,

~Heartsong

[Xiao Rong]

Everything you wrote was solid gold, Heartsong!

Secrets, generally I would discourage almost everyone from performing a love spell. You have many, many years ahead of you, and also LOADS of amazing people you haven't even met. Be patient - love will come to you in good time, no need to rush the process.

[Heartsong]

Everything you wrote was solid gold, Heartsong!

Thank you, Xiao. The voice of ten years of relationship/marriage experience.

Secrets, generally I would discourage almost everyone from performing a love spell. You have many, many years ahead of you, and also LOADS of amazing people you haven't even met. Be patient - love will come to you in good time, no need to rush the process.

Precisely! You put it perfectly!

[TheGirlOfSecrets]

Aw, thankyou very much everyone for the conformation:)

[YanaKhan]

I feel strongly against love magick as this is messing with someone's mind. It won't make anyone love you. The best you could expect is to bind someone to be obsessed with you. I doubt you would like this being done to you. So I wouldn't do anything I wouldn't like being done to me, to someone else. If you try and stick to this rule in every spell you do, you will feel a lot more comfortable with what you do.
Good luck with the boy, I hope he really does like you. The way to find out is maybe ask him to go out sometimes (like have pizza or movie). I know it's scary to do that, but it's a lot better than doing love magick and have it backfiring.

[TheGirlOfSecrets]

Yeah thankyou, basically I was thinking if I did a love spell to draw someone to me I might be thinking of the boy subconsciously and it might not work, so thanks again everyone!

[DPhoenix]

Yeah thankyou, basically I was thinking if I did a love spell to draw someone to me I might be thinking of the boy subconsciously and it might not work, so thanks again everyone!

Wonderful post Heartsong!

Girl of Secrets, I'm going to tell you something a wise woman once told me... and if you're like me you probably won't listen.

You are so young. You have more then enough time to find love. You're clock isn't ticking yet and you have at least a couple decades before it does.

At your age love is a distraction. Its distracting you from discovering yourself, who you are and it's stealing you of the love you should be giving to yourself.

The best thing you can do right now is search inward. Discover who you are as a person. Know who you are, your strengths & weaknesses. Know the kind of man/woman you need in your life, what they will need from you. Begin becoming the person your true love needs and when the time is right, when you're ready for each other you will meet.

The best way to find love is to stop searching for it and it will find you.

Some of the wisest words spoken to me in my youth. If I had listened to them it would have saved me so much heartache.