I don't know where else to put this...

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Adiens
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I don't know where else to put this...

Post by Adiens »

I'm crying so hard I can't breath and it's difficult to see anything through all the tears. I am still debating whether if this part of the message will be kept in it. So you might not read this part, and therefore it doesn't matter.

I tried to tell myself I was over things because, but these people just like to keep negativity alive.

I should probably explain everything before I go even further...

My fiance and I were like the average couple were we had our seperate friends, which we would try to get our significant other friends with while we had mutual friends.

After much negativity and confusion that happened between my friends and I, I got a bit estranged with some of my friends.

I grew really close to one of my fiance and mine mutual friends...let's call him Joe. Well, Joe and I became best friends, and talked about many things together. My fiance remained best friends with his very good friend Ralph.

Joe and I became so close that my non-physical friend decided to make himself known to Joe, which Joe really doesn't know much of magick. So he was a bit skeptical, but existence of my non-phsyical friend was too much to ignore. So Joe became with my non-physical friend as well.

Ralph learns a little bit about magick after dating a girl, who unfortunately liked to manipulate him with energy. However, my non-phsyical friend never like Ralph so he didn't bother with him.

Ralph and Joe would always talk about my friend, which with the negative things happened with, in front of my fiance and me even though we much rather have kept it as a private matter (meaning only talking to those it concerned with [my fiance, my friend, my non-physical friend, and myself]).
However, since Joe and Ralph did not know the full story that happened they would always insult my estranged friend, which angered/upset me and my fiance. Until Joe and Ralph would "remind" my fiance on why he should hate my friend. My fiance has a short temper and would get mad over the events that happened between my friend and me, and say things out of anger, but then would try to change the subject. Sometimes he was able to sometimes Ralph and Joe wouldn't drop it.

Ralph always asked for my fiance and mine's advice on dating or girls in general. The best advice we could give him was not to worry about finding "the one" because you will find her when you're not looking. He didn't listen.
So we gave him advice on other girls that he liked, and he would do the extreme opposite of our advice. Then he would get furious with my fiance and me when things went foul. He held us responsible for things we advised him against doing.

He later on said that we were to critical (mind you we only gave advice when he asked), and he didn't like hanging out with us because we were always happy. Lovely friend huh?

Meanwhile Joe is starting to spread lies about my fiance and me to my estranged friend. And starts telling my estrange friend that our (hers, mine, my fiance's, and at the time Joe's) non-physical friend isn't real, and I just have issues.

She starts to believe Joe, which hurts my non-phsyical friend greatly even though he tried not letting it show because he's "above such a low thing such as sadness"

My fiance and I realize that our friendship with Joe and Ralph is fading fast so we try to talk things out with them one at a time to save the relationship. They both tell us all is well, but then go around telling everyone what an asshole my fiance is and what a psychotic bitch I am.

After trying and trying and being told that "We should move on with our lives that people change and grow up," we decided to cut ties with Joe and Ralph. Both my fiance and I wish them the most happiness in life because we recognize everyone is entitled to such.

It's been about a year since we broken off ties. Since then...

Ralph threatened to beat me and my fiance up one day because we talked to one of our mutual friends "Allan". He told us to stay away from "his friends" or he'll "make us pay."

My friend and I are no longer estranged, however Joe and Ralph continue to tell my friends untrue things about my fiance and me. They use words and insults they said and put them in my fiance's mouth. They constantly talk about how I have issues to have a non-physical friend.

My fiance doesn't know how to talk to new people. Especially my friends after all that happened. So he just doesn't talk at all, which isn't really a good thing. So that gives Joe and Ralph much lead way to convince my friends that my fiance is a horrid person. :(

If my fiance was really so terrible, I wouldn't date someone with that or being engaged!

I know this isn't kind of vague because I left out the detail on my my friend and I became estranged, but that part is over.

I just wish that Ralph and Joe would leave my fiance and me alone. My fiance doesn't want me to say anything because Joe and Ralph will only turn it around and say we're attacking them. I don't want to either because I know that's the case. But I hate just sitting idly by while my former friends spread lies and turn my friends against me/fiance.

Joe and Ralph also made a club this past summer entitled "The Anti-Rob" (my fiance's name is Rob). We haven't spoken to them in a year so what the hell?

Is there any advice anyone to give where I can get Joe and Ralph to just leave me and my fiance alone. I don't care if my friends are friends with them. My friends can be friends with whom ever they please. I just don't want Ralph and Joe being such jerks.

*sigh*

Sobek
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Post by Sobek »

what childish fucks. just push through it my dear. its the only way to be rid of such scum. you and your fiance should just go about your lives and give ralph and joe no heed...f*cking losers.

i'll send some energy, use it wisely.

Revolpathon
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Post by Revolpathon »

well you have my best of luck with the situation.

i guess talking to them like 3 human beings is out of the question since i think you've obviuosly tried that.

i think you could do some manipulative magic on them, the situation calls for it i think, and don't worry about threefold law and such this one does more good then harm i believe.

i must say they are bad friends (for lack of proper term). they can't accept you and your fiancee being together, because they are probably still unlucky in finding love.

my best advice that i could give is to just completely sever ties and ignore them completely. seek support in your fiancee, you two could pull eachother through this.

i'm sorry to not have any better advice.

some energy coming your way

Sercee
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Post by Sercee »

It's okay that you didn't describe the issue with your estranged friend. That obviously has nothing to do with this problem. The fact that you're able to put something that seemed a major issue in your life behind you proves that you're far stronger and wiser than those two jerks.

I don't know what to offer to put a stop to their crap. All I can say is that you and your fiance should recognize that you have a best friend in eachother and trust that your other friends will act in whatever way makes most sense to them. By not playing that game you're actually winning, and you will have a stronger relationship with your fiance. I understand that it's hard to trust again, to talk to new people, but as long as he can talk to you then there's a chance for healing (on the part of you two).

It sounds kinda silly, but is there something that you like to do together, a hobby or activity? Think about looking for a group nearby that does that and you might start meeting new people. The common ground might help your fiance as well.

In the meantime, you have my sympathy. Don't let it get to you too much, just be strong and recognize them for the trash they are.

Eretik
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Post by Eretik »

True friends would not turn against you over rumours started by fools. That is worth remembering,if they believe in or help spread gossip about you without asking you about it,they are not your friends in the first place.You are not losing anything worth keeping. I have cast off toxic friends in the past,for less. I'd rather be alone and keep my self esteem and dignity intact,than have to constantly field lies and deal with spiteful idiots. They are not worth the waste of time and energy,it costs, to stay involved. Distance yourselves - and though it may take time and effort,you will make new and decent friends.I have and I am not an easy person to get along with,at the best of times.

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Adiens
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Post by Adiens »

Thank you everyone for all of the advice and energy. I've meditated a bit after reading what everyone put, and I'm able to have a clearer head on this subject. My emotions were running too high.

It also helps reading from other people that distancing ourselves (my fiancee and me) from those two people was the best thing to do. It gives me more of a peaceful of mind that I did the right thing. I kept having the "What if I did this differently...would they still be my friends" complex going on.

Your right Eretik, true friends would not believe such things. I have to more faith in my friends.

That's a good idea Sercee. We're both big wrestling fans so we've been going to a lot of independent wrestling shows lately maybe we'll befriend new people at some shows.
I just mentioned my estranged friend because she is the one of the friends they are spreading rumors too. However, I am forever grateful that her and I are on good terms again.

We have a few new friends, but every time they can't keep plans or they seem slightly agitated by either my fiancee or me we're tend to freak out that the same thing will happen. We're trying to get over these paranoias and not smother our new friends at the same. Adjusting sucks :?

Revolpathon, though tempting your idea was (and it's very tempting). I think I would regret it later. I don't wish any harm on them I just wish they would leave us be. Thank you for the energy though. I am going to give it to my fiancee in a healing form.

Thanks for the energy Sobek, I used it to heal myself, and it worked a little. I think I will feel the affects of it as time goes on.

Eretik
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Post by Eretik »

I like wrestling too,it's very enjoyable hokum,entertaining to the max. I am difficult - but I am fiercely loyal,it just takes a bit of time with me, as I said ,I 've been hurt by false friends before. I'm glad your estranged friend is back with you, people can get drawn in and hurt by these immature types,but a real friend is like gold,worth keeping and to be treasured.lol. I had a thought -your spiteful ex friends [the dabblers ] are most likely envious of your spirit friend and your abilities,so they decry what they cannot have. How stupid -but common,unfortunately. I haven't got spare energy right now ,but I am thinking of you both and wish you guys well,your true friend also.Geri.

Sobek
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Post by Sobek »

i'll send you more as i raise it, i got some stuff heavy stuff of my own to deal with but friends are more important.

Colubra
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Post by Colubra »

Ok, as someone who is aware of this situation firsthand, I thought I would put in my perspective of what is going on.

Adiens is my best friend in the universe (and then some). She has absolutely no competition, nor can anyone and I mean ANYONE say anything that could make this change. These two people mentioned have sometimes said some things, yet I defend her and ignore their idiocy/misunderstandings. That is not the issue, but I wanted to make it clear that their opinions of her are weightless to me.

However, I am conflicted with the fiance issue. He and I have not had the best relationship in the past. I can't say I really even know him now. But I have been making consistent efforts to talk to him, inviting him to do things, wanting to include him and basically to GET to know him. Yet, he does not answer me or make any attempts on his own, thus making it feel to me that he doesn't really consider me as much of a friend. Yet even so, these two boys talk trash of him and I defend him nonetheless over and over. Now though they are getting into all these lovely (sarcasm) things that he APPARENTLY said about me that Adiens claims were things THEY said about me, trying to convince me that he hates me and only wants to "keep his enemies close". With the way he acts around me, this is not a completely unbelievable case. He doesn't do anything to show me the opposite aside from a couple (literally two that i can think of) occasions within the past year and a half. Yes, I have Adiens word and that is quite meaningful b/c I trust her infiinitely, but so too are these two people nice to me. Well, one of them I barely know. But the other I have been talking to for over a year, and I consider him a good friend. He coninced me for a time to doubt our nonphysical friend and it was not something I particularly enjoy feeling...I felt like i was going insane. But he does in fact have a right to not believe in such things. Yet as much as I am friends with these people, I can't stand to see Adiens hurt by them and it makes me angry. It wouldn't be fair for me to just say to them "screw you" b/c to me they have been good friends (as far as I know) at least presently. The past is the past and everyone traded unkind words at some point, so whoever said what doesn't bother me, but I feel that if something was said by someone they should at least honestly admit to their words rather than placing the blame elsewhere. I mean I am no angel myself when it comes to things said in the past. But I admit this so there is no confusion as to where I stood then and where I stand now.

This whole situtation throws many things into doubt and its discomforting, and it hurts me to see Adiens in pain more than anything else. Plus I am not sure who to trust obviously as far as the boys and the fiance go. I can assume he is a good person just b/c Adiens is with him but that's not altogether fair either b/c assuming things can lead to falseness. That's why I also don't want to assume that these boys are jerks who are screwing me over since the only qualms they seem to have are against the fiance and not me. And it wouldn't be fair of me to ditch them based on their opinions and situations with another. I have had it done to me, and it is highly unpleasant.

Basically I just want to figure out what is true and what is false. I too have been hurt excessively and have trust issues, paranoias, conditioning, among other things. I freak out at the slightest sign that I may lose someone or be deceived....I am considering doing a truth spell. Last time I did one, it worked wonders. ;) It's just horrid to be pulled in two different directions, to be told the exact same things by two different sides yet pinning it on each other....it hurts my mind. And it hurts even more for Adiens to be hurt by it...but it's just a f*cked up situation full of contradictions and potential lies.

kai
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Post by kai »

Like everyone said, they are not your true friends. Just try and ignore them, try and get back to your normal life. Like Sercee said you and your fiance have a best friend in each other, and you can join some group or something and find some more new friends, just keep in contact with those friends who are not bothered by the rumors those guys have spread. Will be sending you some more energy :).

Take Care
[Kai]

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Peregrine
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Post by Peregrine »

I'm sorry that I am so speechless, I have no clue what to say. Sorry they do that, and sorry they cannot leave well enough alone. Sorry they do not understand about nonphysical friends. With so many real problems in the world, I cannot conceive of this. Bored people can be very mean. :( Michael is a good protection angel, even against harmful words.
It's like walking down an empty street, listening to your own footsteps. But all you have to do is knock on any door and say, "If you'll let me in, I'll live the way you want me to live. And I'll think the way you want me to think." And all the blinds will go up, and all the doors will open, and you'll never feel lonely. Ever again.

~Henry Drummond, "Inherit the Wind" (1960)

Colubra
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Post by Colubra »

"Michael is a good protection angel, even against harmful words."

I totally agree. I think Rob should maybe ask him for guidance. He has been there for him in the past.

jcrowfoot
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Suggestions for emotional difficulty

Post by jcrowfoot »

I offer my condolences for this difficult time. I have a number of suggestions that might help. They aren't the kind of direct intervention sort of help, but could make the journey through easier for you.

Try wearing some Red Agate to get some extra strength for your shields and yourself. Make sure you cleanse it often. Perhaps you should alternate two different pieces every day, cleansing and charging one while wearing the other. It will also help you keep your shields in shape. Tiger eye would also be good for this, and it helps you ground, too.

If these seem overwhelming energy wise, then carry a piece of rose quartz as well, which will soften the vibe for you, but still keep the protection strong.

Try adding some jasmine flower to your morning tea. OR make a tea of Jasmine and Catnip. They both ease stress, and are gentle, and help you shed sadness and heartbreak. Catnip can prevent stress headaches and
helps prevent migraines, too. It's not as effective on migraines after they're full force, but if you catch it early it can really help.

Use purple loose-strife in a spell for peace and harmony. Loose-strife is good at sapping the anger and stress out of your environment, as well as helping friends heal their wounds. As an added bonus, it's a noxious weed, so picking it wild is doing your local nature preserve a favor! This weed grows so vigorously it can't help but help up energy, too. I don't think it's toxic, but I'd avoid taking it internally.

I like making a shaker of salt and ground loose-strife and burdock, topped with a bit of dragon's blood. Sprinkle it around the property. That helps keep your surroundings harmonious, and as an added bonus shields you from negativity. If you are worried about the salt killing plants, you can mix it with fine ground cedar sawdust instead of salt. This will add a touch of increased mystical power, and a hit of financial luck too. :-) Be wary of adding too much dragon's blood if you are using it indoors... as it can stain carpets a deep red color.

I have to say, these guys don't seem keen on resolving the situation. :-(

The first order of business is to get relief, and adapt coping skills for the situation. That way, you can approach the problem at a later date with a clear head. Think of it as an opportunity to meet new friends!

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