My life sucks!!

[Moonspell]

I was about to kill myself.. I hate my life! You will ask why.. Because I am gay... And majority is homophobic in my country. I hate it! Even my father! I want to change my soul.. I thougt death can help me..

[missmelodygrace]

I am reaching out for you .... I do not know how you feel, Im not gay, but i know how it feels to believe you are better off dead.

You wont be.

It is easy for me to sit here and say this but death is not the answer, you have to hold on .... just give yourself sometime, dont give up on this life, you have more potential than you know ... I do not know how old you are but your life is too precious to give up

If you need someone to talk to Im a good listener .... there will be no judgement here ... just please keep hold if not me then please find someone

[mamma bear]

I would have to agree with Miss Melody...I know death seams so peaceful...but really isnt the answer. I myself am not gay either but definately understand the feeling of just wanting to end it all. There are all sorts of reasons to feel you just dont belong where you are. Just keep in mind you never know what tomorrow (or the next day) will bring. If I had given in to my feelings years and years ago I would have never met my husband and had my 2 boys who mean the world to me.

[Seaspirit]

My cousin is gay and has had a life partner for 15+ yrs. He and I are 'very' close!

3 of my oldest and best friends are gay males, and I love and adore them.
2 of my oldest and best friends are gay females, and I love and adore them.

I'm proud of them, I love them, and I need them.. they are smart, fun, warm, important people in my life, and in the lives of all their other friends.

F**K the rest...it is 'their' loss!!!!.....hold you head up high, and walk on by!
Forget them, and focus on those who bring you joy, satisfaction, love and friendship.

NO ONE can ever please the world.....! So, stop trying!

The only thing also is...please be easy on your Father. He just wants you to be happy and successful in life. Give him a chance...he will come around and support you in time.

[Traumwandlerin]

It's really, really hard to be turquish and being gay. Is there a support group you could turn to? Even if it's only on the internet? How old are you? Do you still live with your parents?

[Moonspell]

I am 16.. I live with my parents. In Tukey, most of gays are hiding (like me) , acting like somebody else.. So Its very hard to find real gay person. I am paranomaniac because of this. I can't make myself brave and tell public that I am gay. Its not that easy :S

[Traumwandlerin]

No, I totally understand. It's not like in other country where you can stand up and say you are gay the the worst thing that normally happens, is some people dislike you. As far as I understood in Turkey it's notl against the law but it's still in against the law in the head. There were actually people killed not long time ago. It's kind of radical. So it's nothing about "Be brave and stand to yourself you just need a bit more selfconfidence" cause this is the case in other countries but not Turkey.

I guess you should hide a few more years. It's hard, but do it. Surf the net internationally to get connected to others. Are you good at school? You could consider leaving the country after school and study in another country which isn't that totally homophobic.

[Traumwandlerin]

Maybe try this site if you don't know it already http://www.kaosgl.org/

I can't speak any Turkisch, but this site was recommended in an article I read about the situation for gay people in Turkey. Maybe it's a good starting point.

[milkywaydisco]

I'm sorry to hear you are going through such things because you are gay. It makes me really sad that you have to feel as though ending your life is your only option, but also glad that you are here to post about how you feel in a community of people that are caring and spiritual and can offer you very good advice of what to do with these feelings.
Obviously number one, DO NOT. I've been suicidal many times throughout my life, and have realized that suicide will not make things better. The soul must leave the body naturally, if you are spiritual in any way do you not want your spirit to be set free as a result of death? It is my belief that suicide is unnatural and this makes me wonder if it affects how the body will rest and how the soul will move on.

But you know what, the reason I wanted to reply to you was because I have a lot of very close gay friends, and they have taught me how important it is to be able to embrace who you are. So I guess the most important thing for you to do is think of what you are going to do. Are you going to try and conform and hide your whole life, or are you going to find the will and spirit within yourself to remove yourself from the situation, and into an environment that will allow you to be who you are? Is that a possibility for you? Maybe not right away, but sometime in the future when you are a little older?

I don't know why but I really am feeling for you right now, it makes me really sad that the only way out of the pain you feel of not being able to be yourself is DEATH, and this is not right!! But, I think with the right spirit, you will make it. I am sending out positive energy and a prayer for you. *hugs*

[Seaspirit]

I am 16.. I live with my parents. In Tukey, most of gays are hiding (like me) , acting like somebody else.. So Its very hard to find real gay person. I am paranomaniac because of this. I can't make myself brave and tell public that I am gay. Its not that easy :S

You could also work 'really' 'really' hard in school, to excel....then become a leader in this issue, to help others in Turkey who are gay and to help break down the walls in your country

[Moonspell]

Thank you for your posts... I am trying to study hard and leave my country for education... But still.. My spirit is suffering.. I am.. so alone!!

[Seaspirit]

Well, it's a long road, but you will get there!!!!

You are on the right track. Being a dedicated student at 16 is very mature and respectable, and I admire that!

Discrimination still happens all over the world. You are young, and you are working hard, and one day, your efforts WILL pay off. Everything you are doing today, is securing yourself to be free to live as you wish to be. Times change, but sometimes society's are slow to adapt to that.

I agree, that for now, you might look at some online groups and forums, and you will be able to connect with other gay people from all over the world

Keep up the strength young man...and never give up.

[Traumwandlerin]

So. it's really nice to hear you do things for your future But what are you doing for yourself now? That would be another important thing.

I may be about 10 years older than you, but I still remember how the sexual energy flows in yourself when you are 16. It was never easy being 16 and Turkish, but being gay at the same time? Do you have any sexual contact with other gays at your age? When not, your frustation will only become bigger. You need sexual relief and on the long run you need an intimate relationship. To find one under your circumstances is not easy. but it would be still possible. And it would be so good for yourself, even if everything has to be in secret. Because you have needs on a sexual and emotional level.

It is really mature to plan for the future But it is even more mature to plan the present at the same time.

Good Luck. I hope there are ways for you.

[Sythan]

You think killing yourself, one of the most heinous acts, will give you a better soul? Seriously?

[Teaca]

Moonspell: your never alone we are all here for you whenever you need us. Anytime you feel like talking you can pm me and will gladly talk to you about anything. You will find someone to spend the rest of your life with but until then I'm always willing to talk to you.