An Introduction and a Few First Steps

[ThetaChoir]

Hello, everyone!

My name is Daniel, and I'm 49 years old (ah, who am I kidding, I'll be 50 next month!). Growing up, I was never one for organized religion of any sort, though I suppose I was raised to be vaguely Christian. My siblings and I were taught to believe in God, but we never went to church except on Christmas Eve, so religion and spirituality was not a big part of my life.

Later, as I began college, I finally accepted what I had known to be true for quite some time, and I came out as a gay man. Although I was fortunate enough not to have endured many harsh reactions from friends and family, I found that the reaction of mainstream American "family values" Christians had a profound effect on me. At a time when many young adults were investigating various belief systems to find one that spoke to them, I found myself swinging from mere ambivalence to active hostility in my feelings toward spirituality, fueled by knowledge that I would always be rejected by the belief system I had been raised in.

It took me many years to overcome my negative feelings towards people who identified as Christian, but by my mid-30's I finally arrived at a place where I was able to separate the person from the belief system and recognize that not all Christians believed the hateful dogma that fueled my earlier hostility. Still, though I found that I was fine with *other* people having religious beliefs, I wasn't interested in having them myself. They seemed silly, superstitious,and a desperate attempt to have someone else relieve you of the responsibility for forming your own code of ethics or morality.

Also, beginning in my early-to-mid-20's, I began what would prove to be a lifelong battle with clinical depression, which also began to manifest symptoms of moderate to severe anxiety (panic attacks and social anxiety being the primary issues). After dealing with the depression and isolation brought on my these issues, it eventually became clear to me that I needed something...more. Depression can sometimes have a way of making one feel adrift and isolated. I know now that I need a spiritual anchor to help me keep a sense of perspective when I have those feelings of emptiness, or feel like I'm not "enough", or experience that paralyzing fear that my life is without purpose.

What drew me to Paganism as a spiritual anchor? Well...lots of things, really. The fact that it's nature-based gives it a very flexible perspective in the sense that I am both insignificant in comparison to the entirety of nature, but at the same time, very significant *because* I am a part of nature. I am both the caretaker of the natural world that surrounds me and also the one who is in turn cared for, and sheltered by, the Earth.

I am also drawn to the sense of personal responsibility that Pagan belief systems seem to suggest. There is no one writing down rules to tell you what to think about various groups of people. You don't get to condemn people of different ethnicities, genders, sexual orientations, or philosophies "just because" some book tells you, and then claim it's not your fault for condemning them because you're just following "The Word". No dogma means you have to think for yourself, so if you choose to act like an A-hole, you have to own it and explain yourself. No hiding behind your BIg Book of Truth.

And, to be honest, I like the fact that certain aspects of Paganism challenge me. For example, when I was in college, there was a campus Wiccan student group. And though I knew a couple of the members (and actually liked them, personally), I thought the idea of "casting spells" and "working magick" was ridiculous. But now? Well...I can't afford to be so judgmental. I've never worked magick. Never cast a spell, or charged an amulet, or anything of that nature. But I have used visualization, meditation, and positive affirmations to try to change the way my brain works, and these things seem to be awfully close to working magick, at least in my "Pagan Beginner" mindset.

Anyway, this has become waaaaaaay too long (sorry, folks!) so I'm going to stop here. Right now I'm just exploring and educating myself. I'm not labeling my path as anything specific, but I will probably be borrowing quite a bit from Wiccan beliefs while adding other things into the mix as I learn and grow. I'm looking forward to participating in many interesting discussions!

Cheers!

-Daniel

[Katrinkah]

Welcome and thanks for sharing!


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[Listener]

Welcome to the forum! I look forward to hearing what else you have to say here!

[SnowCat]

Welcome. Please feel free to ask questions. We're here to help.

Snow

[ThetaChoir]

Thank you for the warm welcome, folks!

-Daniel

[Blackthorn]

I enjoyed reading about your journey. Welcome to EUTM

[TwilightDancer]

Welcome to the forum!