Help with dissociative amnesia

[MOTHERofDRAGONS]

Normally I don't talk this intimately about some of my issues when I first meet a new group. But I'm getting worse and worse, and waiting on a therapist's list is taking SUCH A LONG TIME!!!

I'm not here for pity party, just to get advice, on how to cope, and help myself.
(it's always easier to give others advice huh)

To the point.
Since I was a child, around 4-5 ( I can remember back to 2) I was sexually (that first happened at 4) or physically, emotionally, abused. Beaten by my husband, step mother, Raped 6 imes, including a gang rape by 6 men who drugged me (they have such wonderful politically correct names for it now, huh? Well I'm going to give cliff notes, and if anyone has questions, feel free to ask. I will tell you what I remember.

Now, onto what I need.
I have disacociative amnesia, which, basically means that .... During a normal day.. (a for instance) I can be washing clothes, and something (don't know what, (thought, smell, or just my mind on menial tasks wandering) I think of those horrifying moments..and *poof* a hour, or 5 hours, or day, or week, or a few weeks of my life is gone from my memory.
I've meditated, I haven't been able to be hypnotized, and during some of these boughts of forgetting,
I've done dome crazy, not very lady like things. Or I've gone on with my life, muscle memory taken over...
I have looked over memory spells, nothing fits my issues, I've tried to make my own, but can't seem to get it right.

This is effecting my entire life, and those around me...
Does anyone have any ideas?

Wonderful Blessings

[Xiao Rong]

Oh my goodness, Mama, I'm so, so sorry about your past experiences ... truly horrific doesn't even seem to even come close to cutting it.

Ah, hmm, you've probably been asked this before, but what other resources might be available in your area? I know you said you're on a therapist's waiting list, but might there be a survivors' support group in your area? Or some other mental health resource where you live?

[MOTHERofDRAGONS]

I've looked into a support group, how ever the meetings are on the other side of the city, right when my daughter gets out of school. (hair pulling isn't it) not too many people want to talk about this sort of thing to a group, which I can understand, but it's been about 7 years since all has happened.
I never got closure. (long story, of course) but loosing memory.. Loosing parts of my life is like "they" are still abusing me, ya know? It gets frustrating.
I miss out on important things. ... Or just plain forget about them. My kids growing up... Ok.. Well, I will put feelers out and see what happens.
Blessings

[Holdasown]

We create coping mechanisms and they are hard to let go of. Is there any way to see a therapist alone if group is not helping you. You may need to learn skills to retrain your brain. I would start to keep a daily journal. Write down everything, simple, stupid or not. Maybe you can teach yourself to retain more and more. I wish you luck. I have lost years of my childhood due to my mother's physical abuse.

[MOTHERofDRAGONS]

Actually, my psychiatrist gave me a therapist's number.. He said I need a "one on one" treatment... I got the number yesterday. Waiting list, here I go.

)0(

[Zili]

I suggest reading the book "The courage to heal" and use the workbook (should come with it if not they aren't hard to find online.) I was loaned the book and workbook by a neighbor who worked in a prison library tutoring inmates, it was loaned to me a few days after I got home from the hospital when I was raped. the book helped start the healing process and opened up some of my memories from past abuse I had suppressed.

[MOTHERofDRAGONS]

Thank you so much!! Who is the author?

)0(
M~Dragons

[The Judge]

Google link to the Google Store where the book can be found. https://www.google.com/search?q=The+cou ... 14&bih=589

[Kassandra]

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MOTHERofDRAGONS, did the therapist and/or the book ever help out? Just wondering.



.

[-Dark-Moon-]

How wonderful that despite all this, you have survived. It must have been such a battle. How strong and brave you are.

So inspiring, really. Good for you.

The spirit in me salutes the spirit in you.

Blessings