Everything Under the Moon

I want to kill myself but I can't tell anyone. My mom and I have been fighting so much, I just can't live like this anymore. I almost ran away yesterday. I don't know what to do.

I've been there. And when you feel like you have no one to turn to, no one you can trust, it really makes it worse. But I promise you that isn't the case. Please, bend our ears here on the board. If you don't feel like you can talk at home, or that everything is just too overwhelming to deal with, please vent it here. We'll listen, and we'll encourage you, because many of us have gone through the same thing. By posting this thread, you're reaching out, and I'm (and others) reaching back. No matter how isolated you feel, you aren't alone.

You're more than welcome to PM me, or any of the other mods, if you need to talk to someone. We'd be glad to listen. *Hugs*

If you haven't already, take a look at these threads. They contain both resources to help you cope, as well as personal stories of people who've survived suicide attempts.

http://everythingunderthemoon.net/forum ... t8810.html

http://everythingunderthemoon.net/forum ... t8800.html

And just the forum itself: http://everythingunderthemoon.net/forum/suicide.html

In love and light,
~Heartsong

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I could understand you just want the fighting to end. Call one of those numbers Heartsong listed and talk out your feelings and thoughts. They're there to listen. So many are in your position, so talk to someone, it helps.

You could also share what's bothering you on this thread, if you'd like feedback and or just a "listening ear" from the other members here. Others may be going through the same thing as you right now.

And/or you could always PM any of us mods, as well.

We're all here for you.



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Oh sweetie, I know exactly how you feel. Friction with family is very, very difficult. I know this first hand. Me, my mom and my dad are like poles apart. There was lot of conflicting energy in the house and I always had some argument with my dad over something or the other. I would some days leave home and just cry wondering why my relationship with my family is so f-ed up (pardon my language), especially when I see some of my friends who seemed to have "perfect" family from what I could see. It was rough. I have also been through a phase when everything was too much, depression was getting the best of me, and I truly beleived that things will never change. But things did change but I had to make some changes within me! I can promise that it will for you too.

First, find a support system. For me, I finally gave up and opened up to my sister. Till then, we were very aloof but after I opened up, our bond strengthened and we both started supporting each other emotionally. If you dont have anyone you know personally, you can rely on us to listen to you and offer support and guidance.
Please come back and talk to us.

Second thing that helped me was, I started going to a temple everyday and spent an hour meditating and sitting by myself. The positive vibration in a place like temple really made a big difference in helping me stay positive about life. Try a find a place like that for yourself... meditate. Surround yourself with happy stuff even if you dont relate to it.... like no sad songs, sad movies. Place happy songs, watch happy movies even if you dont like it.

My parents and I have better relationship now. Hindsight, that phase of my life taught me so much and I regret none of it. As a new mother, I can tell you that your mother absolutely loves you. I cant prove it but the love I feel for my child as a mother is really uncomparable. But, she might also be in a tough spot in her life, might be falling short expressing her love and struggling to find love and peace. Just know that she is probably struggling emotionally just as much as you are about this friction. And it happens! I can almost assure you that there is no human who hasnt been through tough times. Life IS full of ups and downs and none of that is permanent.

Hang in there, Electra ... As Kassandra and Heartsong have said, we are all here for you. I know it may be difficult (family is ALWAYS difficult), but if you can just get through the present, I promise it will get better ...

Sometimes, we must go through hell's fire... but as the time goes by our sorrows and days will begin to shape into something very sacred, and you can hear the footsteps of those who love you in the otherworld approaching you...

Sending hugs...

very worried for you
I have sent you a PM
BB, Firebird

Thank you all so much for the kind replies. I will read then when I'm having a hard time again. I'm starting to feel a bit better, and I know the feeling will fade in a few days. I just can't live like this anymore. I wish someone could take me away. Thank you all again, and please don't worry about me too much. I'm on medications, and I have the help I need to cope. Killing myself will only be my very last resort. I think of myself as a fighter, and I'm not brave enough to give up.

I just wish I could be with Loki. He seems to be the only one who loves me, aside from you guys. He seems to be the only one willing to take care of me. I can't give up yet, not when I have all of you supporting me. It'll be a while until I move out, but I think I can try to stay strong.

Blessed be.

~Electra Serpentine

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That's the spirit, Electra. Yes, refer back to this thread as a reminder that your family at EUTM is still here for you. Vent whenever you need to.



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I've decided that if things don't get better soon, I'm running away in the summer. She won't be able to take legal action against me because I'm sure I can put up a good fight. I'll need a safe place to go.

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May I ask, has she been physically abusive as well as verbally/emotionally? (if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine).



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I have been there trust me it is not worth it to do you have so much to live for even tho right now you don't know the lord and lady will eventually show you why remember you are loved and even tho we never met I would miss a friend be told when you are in your teens that you was never wanted and then find the unsigned papers giving you to your grandparents my mom and dad married but mom did it to make my fathers brother jealouse and then I came one drunken night she did not want a kid by my dad but here I am they eventually divorced and she married my uncle (nope not from Alabama but tenneessee lol) then my brother came and I am older but he was the golden child strife is every where and in 2013 I tried to end my life took 90 pills died twice and was resuscitated because my wife was caught having an affair but I am here we all face demons of some kind or another and it is better to stand up and say I will not give into you be gone from me part your ways I will be here to face another day I am loved and I am strong doubt in mind be gone be gone so mote it be we are here and we care for each other be blessed and pm me anytime I have a big shoulder so if you need to lean on it it is here but never take that drastic measure

Electra,

Loki explained to me, a couple of months ago, that the chaos I've survived in my life is part of being one of his children. Some days I haven't been sure how I made it through jr. high and high school. My mother was emotionally abusive and my classmates were bullies. Ending the pain was a serious consideration for me for several years. Next month will be forty years since I graduated high school. Trust in Loki. He's showing his trust in you through these challenges.

Snow

You'd be surprised. Your mom would probably care knowing how bad off you are.

Do you have any grandparents you can stay with? I'm staying with mine because of my mothers mental illness, so you could be better off with a family member as well.