Grounding and Protective Practices When Healing/Dealing with Rape and Sexual Assualt
Posted: Sun Jun 27, 2021 4:20 am
Hi everybody, first off, I wasn't sure if this was the best board to post on so do feel free to move it if there's somewhere more appropriate. I joined up quite a while ago, very new to all of this and have been working on a lot of past trauma as well as current stresses. I still feel like I'm finding my rhythm and figuring out what works for me and what doesn't seem to. I do find it difficult sometimes as my son has disabilities and requires a lot of care, so making time for myself (or just getting peace and quiet) isn't always easy.
Anyway, to come to the point - I was sexually abused for many years by my step-father and have often felt that is at the root of my troubles in adult life. My family took his side when I spoke out about it and I have to say I think that might have hurt me even more than what he did. I have had a lot of addictive behaviours over the years and have often lived a chaotic sort of lifestyle, which I think has often been a way of avoiding dealing with what he did to me.
I've been having counselling for the last few months and feel safe enough with the counsellor now to start talking about what he did. However, I know from past experience that the feelings of terror that start to come up trigger my addictive/avoidance habits again and I can't usually get past that to actually unpack it and deal with it once and for all.
I really want to deal with it this time. I don't want this huge shadow in my life any more, but I get scared that if I let it out of the box, it will consume me. It's difficult for me to deal with any kind of disruption in my life because of needing to take care of my son, but equally I know I can't keep this locked up inside forever. I feel like it eats away at me; I don't trust anyone, I'm scared to take risks (I don't mean really dangerous situations, I mean just simple things like being honest with people or going on a date). I feel like I live my life in the shadow of what he did and I really want him to become a small part of my life that I can pack away quietly and not be affected by every day.
What I would really appreciate any advice on is, if you feel there are any particular practices or rituals that I can use as a framework while I work through this with the therapist? Things that make you feel safer, that keep you in your own body (I disassociate when things get bad and lose days at a time sometimes), things that would help me stick to healthier habits rather than using unhealthy ones to cope, and things that offer protection? I have a real fear of opening up something 'dark' and other 'dark' things getting in and that makes me feel anxious about trying to do the work. I want to get the work done, but I'm worried about things getting worse for a while and feel a bit like a lamb to the slaughter.
I did find another thread relating to healing from rape and rituals involving thread cutting and Artemis were mentioned, along with some crystals (amber, fire agate and black tourmaline) so I will start looking at that. I wondered if there's anything else you might suggest that would help with healing and protection?
Sorry it's so long and I'm really sorry if it's upsetting for anyone else to read; I know this happens to a lot of people and I'm sorry if reading about it has opened up a wound for anyone else.
Many thanks in advance xx
Anyway, to come to the point - I was sexually abused for many years by my step-father and have often felt that is at the root of my troubles in adult life. My family took his side when I spoke out about it and I have to say I think that might have hurt me even more than what he did. I have had a lot of addictive behaviours over the years and have often lived a chaotic sort of lifestyle, which I think has often been a way of avoiding dealing with what he did to me.
I've been having counselling for the last few months and feel safe enough with the counsellor now to start talking about what he did. However, I know from past experience that the feelings of terror that start to come up trigger my addictive/avoidance habits again and I can't usually get past that to actually unpack it and deal with it once and for all.
I really want to deal with it this time. I don't want this huge shadow in my life any more, but I get scared that if I let it out of the box, it will consume me. It's difficult for me to deal with any kind of disruption in my life because of needing to take care of my son, but equally I know I can't keep this locked up inside forever. I feel like it eats away at me; I don't trust anyone, I'm scared to take risks (I don't mean really dangerous situations, I mean just simple things like being honest with people or going on a date). I feel like I live my life in the shadow of what he did and I really want him to become a small part of my life that I can pack away quietly and not be affected by every day.
What I would really appreciate any advice on is, if you feel there are any particular practices or rituals that I can use as a framework while I work through this with the therapist? Things that make you feel safer, that keep you in your own body (I disassociate when things get bad and lose days at a time sometimes), things that would help me stick to healthier habits rather than using unhealthy ones to cope, and things that offer protection? I have a real fear of opening up something 'dark' and other 'dark' things getting in and that makes me feel anxious about trying to do the work. I want to get the work done, but I'm worried about things getting worse for a while and feel a bit like a lamb to the slaughter.
I did find another thread relating to healing from rape and rituals involving thread cutting and Artemis were mentioned, along with some crystals (amber, fire agate and black tourmaline) so I will start looking at that. I wondered if there's anything else you might suggest that would help with healing and protection?
Sorry it's so long and I'm really sorry if it's upsetting for anyone else to read; I know this happens to a lot of people and I'm sorry if reading about it has opened up a wound for anyone else.
Many thanks in advance xx