I'm in Germany, female, going on 50 and have been raised in pagan traditions until I was 7, which is when my grandmother died. Her best friend die 2 years later,so from then on I was kinda removed from every thing until the internet came around. I'm on the autism spectrum so it is not easy for me to make new contacts,which stopped me from trying to find other pagans quickly as it is much easier to get into Buddhist groups. I'm mainly Buddhist, so for a long time I ignored my upbringing almost entirely, and then when I met my partner, who is more of a "designed ritual" guy than me (I often work on the fly) I've done rituals with him and sometimes alone but not much else.
I've gotten back intomore pagan things in the last 10 years or so.
I've been reading Tarot and Oracle from early on, starting with normal playing cards. My grandmother believed in only using spells when absolutely necessary. As a child,I had some weird accidents with magic/psychic powers so I learned how to lock everything in after my granny was gone.
I am way too reluctant to use spells, but when I do they usually work out,albeit with side effects even when I word them carefully. I happen to use spells accidentally,sometimes,when I really want something and don't think too much about it.
I've also been a...portal keeper is probably the best translation in English... until about 10 years ago when the universe finally found someone else to do it. After that I wanted a break from everything smelling remotely like responsibility.
I was trapped in a suburb,too - I'm a country girl + autistic so and having to live away from nature (what was around was not nature enough for me) and too close to a lot of people made me depressed and caused me to hardly leave the house for over 20years. After my partner lost his job which had forced him to stay close to his workplace,we started looking for another place to live. After some years,we found a wonderful spacey house for us and 7 pawbarians (cats) in a village of about 100 people in a rather sparsely populated region, with lots of protected, magical forest (and lots of wonderful fog) around. Even the quarry right behind us fits in, because the company using it respects the environment and gives off an aura of transformation, not destruction. We also have many castles and ruins around,so except for my health which has had a setback due to medication side effects I'm finally feeling good again.
I've noticed in the last few years that the world is changing in subtle ways and not so subtle ways,and I am not only talking of the destruction we all knew was happening and hardly did anything about it. There are changes in magic, I feel. I am looking to find out more about it.
I'm here to find out how other pagans do stuff. I have been taught some things differently than everyone else seems to do it, from casting circles and the elements to what you are supposed to use spells for. I've met some very inflexible folks in the past, insisting that things have to be done like everyone,meaning mainly Wiccas as it seems, do it. I hope to find other people who do things in variations.