Azure Lily's Divination Journal

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Naudia Threng
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Azure Lily's Divination Journal

Post by Naudia Threng »

Let me just say that tarot always suprises me! Every time I do a reading I think to myself "Get ready for the BS Lil." So then I do the reading, flip the cards and HOLY MOTHER OF MY DOG'S RUNNY STUFF ITS DEAD ON! Like I am always blown away at it. In fact, I did a reading early today about my relationship with my family and the eventuality of them finding out that I'm transgender. I did a PPF 3-Card Spread and like always, was awed.

Past: Seven of Swords

Present: Nine of Swords

Future: King of Swords

As soon I saw that Seven of Swords, I was practically peeing bricks. That card is about sneaking about, stealing, being stolen from, or guilt. In the past, I was sneaky about everything and always guilty about the feelings I had. I felt like a screw because I wasn't manly, or liked men's clothes, or even liked girls! Now, the next card, the Nine of Swords, had me peeing houses. Its about fear, anxiety, sleep issues, worry, or repressed thoughts. I have all of these. This cards tells you that if you confront your issues now, they will resolve soon. Or at least start doing something about them. I was so relieved to see the King of Swords in my future. He knows who he is and doesn't bend to peer pressure. He's calm, careful, and assertive. He values truth and justice. The "He knows who he is," part spoke to me. I think that this shows that I will come out one day and feel comfortable with myself. I will be ready to be me and when I am, I wont care what others think.

Thoughts, personal experiences? All is welcome. Comment below!

Xoxo,
Azure Lily
O Goddes, all praise to you. Ta em hotep, anekh hrak. Lady Isis, I adore you. Nebet aset, tu a atu.
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Deejean
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Re: Azure Lily's Divination Journal

Post by Deejean »

I personally think you're awesome, and that one day your family and friends will think the same. You should be proud of how you feel and that you even have the strength to come out to all of us here. Its a big step to tell anyone how you feel, so I know you're moving in the right direction. I feel like your future will be bright and happy and filled with everything you've ever wanted to be.
Lots of love and light
Dee [HEAVY BLACK HEART]
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Naudia Threng
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Re: Azure Lily's Divination Journal

Post by Naudia Threng »

So, I occasionally get the urge to write something personal. And I just got it, and thought I'd write it here, rather than forget about it.


Sometimes, I'm so hopeful. I see beautiful women and think, "I can be just like you one day!" But then, I look in the mirror, feel the size of my hands, or just look down at my body and I'm reminded that I will never be pretty. My nose will always be huge, my hands oversized and my body just some illusion created through surgery. I will live the rest of my life with the marks of a man. My dream is simply that, a dream. No matter how often I sit in the dark and convince myself I can be pretty, it always ends with tears. Never will I be wanted nor loved. I fear settling down when I'm older because I know I'll do it alone. I am kept up awake many nights, planning my happy ending and then blocking out the knowledge I know its impossible. I will never be who I am and I don't know what to else to think. And I keep falling in love. I fall so hard and I feel as if I'm cursed! Because those I love will never love me! They will always see me for what I appear to be and not who I am. And it hurts! God, it hurts so bad. Like a thousand tiny needles pricking my heart and slowly drawing the blood out. Sometimes I just feel so tired of it all. Like it would be so easy just to fade away in a watery red haze. But I persevere, in the hopes that my dreams will come true one day. But what's the point in hope of it makes rejection hurt more?
O Goddes, all praise to you. Ta em hotep, anekh hrak. Lady Isis, I adore you. Nebet aset, tu a atu.
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Becks
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Re: Azure Lily's Divination Journal

Post by Becks »

Hugs Sweety. I just saw this. I know there is a lot of dialogue out there in the Trans community about the Caitlyn Jenners and Laverne Cox people who have the means to dress, wear makeup, and surgically alter themselves to closer conform with our societal expectations of feminine beauty. There are a lot of politics about that topic. That's a heavy burden for one so young. You aren't alone, though you might feel that way.
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