Internet Relationships: Pros & Cons

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Kassandra
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Internet Relationships: Pros & Cons

Post by Kassandra »

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcATvu5f9vE
"The lights are on, but you're not home. Your mind is not your own...There's no doubt, you're in deep
...You'd like to think that you're immune to the stuff. It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough.
You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted..."





Internet relationship: An interpersonal relationship between people who have met online, and in many cases know each other only via the Internet. Online relationships are similar in many ways to pen-pal relationships. This relationship can be romantic, platonic, or even based on business affairs. This relationship can be between people in different states, different countries, different sides of the world, or even people who reside in the same area but do not communicate in person. It can include relationships based upon text, video, audio, or even virtual characters. An internet relationship (or online relationship) is generally sustained for a certain amount of time before being titled a relationship, just as in-person relationships. The major difference here is that an internet relationship is sustained via computer or online service, and the individuals in the relationship may or may not ever meet each other in person.



Advantages

Internet relationships have been termed as a "Triple A Engine" implying that they are accessible, affordable, and anonymous. Online, barriers that might stand in the way of relationship such as physical attractiveness, social anxiety and stuttering do not exist. Whereas those could hinder an individual in face-to-face encounters, an Internet interaction negates this and allows the individual freedom. Research has shown that stigmas such as these can make a large impact on first impressions in face-to-face meeting, and this does not apply with an online relationship.

For more intimate relationships, research has shown that personal disclosures create a greater sense of intimacy. This gives a sense of trust and equality, which people search for in a relationship, and this is often easier to achieve online than face to face, although not all disclosures are responded to positively. Individuals are able to engage in more self disclosure than an average interaction, because a person can share their inner thoughts, feelings and beliefs and be met with less disapproval and fewer sanctions online than is the case in face-to-face encounters.

Furthermore, as the internet has become a worldwide phenomenon, many people can interact with others around the world, or find someone who fits their radar or their type, if there is no one who they find physically or emotionally attractive in their own area. The internet allows for interaction of many different people so there is greater chance of finding someone more attractive. The Internet "enhances face-to-face and telephone communication as network members become more aware of each others' needs and stimulate their relationships through more frequent contact".

According to Joseph Walter's Social Information Processing Theory, computer mediated communications can work for people. While online interactions take roughly four times longer than face to face interactions, this gives users the opportunity to evaluate and the time to think, making sure they say the perfect response. Thus, chronemics is the only verbal clue available to digital communications. With the focus on conversation and not appearance, overtime digital interactions will develop higher levels of intimacy than face-to-face interactions.

The internet combined the advantages of both mail and telephone, unifying the speed of the telephone with the written character of the mail service. The evolution of communication within the Internet has arguably changed the nature of individuals' relationships with one another. Some see a major negative impact resulting in an increased use of internet communication is of its diversion of true community because online interaction via computers is often regarded as a more impersonal communication medium than face- to- face communication. Others consider the incorporation of the internet allowing online activities to be "viewed as an extension of offline activities."






baby and A.I..jpg
Photo source: eil.com/shop/moreinfo.asp?catalogid=546224


Disadvantages

The Internet provides the opportunity for misrepresentation, particularly in the early stages of a relationship when commitment is low, and self-presentation and enhancement agendas are paramount. After receiving many complaints about his social networking site Ashley Madison, founder Noel Biderman responded to accusations that his and other similar cyber-dating sites are at fault for the" rising divorce rates and growth in casual dating." Biderman argued that the idea for Ashleymadison.com came to him when he realized the growing number of people on "mainstream dating sites" were married or in a relationship but posing as singles in order to start an affair.

In an empirical study of commitment and misrepresentation on the internet Cornwell and Lundgren (2001) surveyed 80 chat-room users. Half about their 'realspace' relationships, and half about their cyberspace relationships. They found that 'realspace' relationships were considered to be more serious, with greater feelings of commitment, than the cyber-relationship participants. Both groups, however, reported similar levels of satisfaction and potential for 'emotional growth' with regard to romantic relationships. Cornwell and Lundgren[23] went on to ask about whether the participants had misrepresented themselves to their partner in a number of areas: their interests (e.g. hobbies, musical tastes); their age; their background; their appearance and 'mis-presentation of yourself in any other way' (p. 203). Participants responded using either yes or no to each question, and their score was summed into a misrepresentation measure.

The multiple techniques that humans use to communicate, such as taking turns or nodding in agreement, are absent in these settings. Without the body language cues present in a face-to-face conversation, such as pauses or gestures, participants in instant messaging may type over one another's messages without necessarily waiting for a cue to talk. Also, with or without the correct grammar, tone and context can be misunderstood. Recently people who already adapted internet-based communication have missed face-to-face interactions because this traditional way of communication is able to offer advancement in our relationships.





Internet Addiction.jpg
Photo source: connectedaustralia.com/internet-addicts-at-risk-of-withdrawals/


Weakening of Social Ties & Assisting Reclusive People

In many cases the introduction of the Internet as a social instigator may cause a repercussion leading to a weakening of social ties. In a study conducted in 1998, Robert Kraut et al. discovered that Internet users were becoming less socially involved. They linked this to an increase in loneliness and depression in relation to use of the Internet. Though these findings may have been sound, in a later study, Kraut et al. revisited his original study with the idea of expanding his current initial sample and correlating it with new subsequently collected longitudinal data. This synthesis produced a different outcome than the one that Kraut had originally presented. In this newer paper, Kraut stated that there were fewer negative affects than he had originally found, and in some cases the negative effect had vanished. In the second study he saw that small positive effects began to appear in social involvement and psychological well-being. Assessing the effect of the Internet over a period of time, he saw people’s use of the Internet increase in sophistication.

During the Kraut et al. study, the researchers asked reclusive people if they use the Internet to counteract the loss of social skills that are needed in face-to-face encounters. They also asked people with strong social skills whether they use the Internet to amplify their abilities to network amongst people. The study discovered that these people who already possessed strong social skills were the ones who received the most beneficial outcome to using the Internet. The concluding analysis was, that rather than helping to decrease the difference between those who already had social skills compared with those lacking in social skills, internet use had actually exacerbated the differences in the skill level needed for social interaction.

This theory was later challenged in a study, by McKenna et al., that indicated that people who are more socially inept use the internet to create an initial contact which allows them to explore their “true self" within these interactions. These social interactions within cyberspace tend to lead to closer and high quality relationships which influence face-to-face encounters. In essence, these findings meant that although it is not clear whether the internet helps reclusive people develop better social skills, it does allow reclusive people to form relationships that may not have existed otherwise because of their lack of comfort with interpersonal situations in general. When these relationships emerge into face-to-face relationships it is hard to distinguish these relationships from those that started as face-to-face interactions. Future studies on this topic may allow scholars to define whether or not society is becoming too dependent on the Internet as a social tool.





Internet love.jpg
Photo source: buzzle.com/articles/internet-relationships.html

Dangers of Internet Relationships

An often forgotten aspect on online interactions is the possible danger present. The option for an individual to conceal their identity may be harmless in many cases, but it can also lead to extremely dangerous situations. Hidden identities are often used in cases of Cyber-bullying and Cyberstalking. Concealing your true identity is also a technique that can be used to manipulate your new online friend or lover into convincing them you are someone completely different. This is something most online predators do in order to prey on victims.

Despite the awareness of dangers, Mishna et al. found children and youth to still partake in online relationships with little care or concern for negative effects. Brym and Lenton also claim that "although [their] true identities are usually concealed, they sometimes decide to meet and interact in real life". From this dangers, people seriously have considered a kind of policy forcing people to use their real name only and open their personal information. By doing this, people are not going to do harmful to others because their information can be checked by others.

Engaging in internet relationships is also risky because the information placed online about an individual does not have to be accurate. An individual can formulate an entirely different persona and pose as this person as long as they desire. This can be hurtful to individuals who are honest about their identities and believe that they are in a positive relationship or friendship with the individual.






I look like Brad Pitt.jpg
I look like Brad Pitt.jpg (33.96 KiB) Viewed 5562 times
narcissistsblog.wordpress.com/2013/04/17/no-your-internet-boyfriend-is-not-your-boyfriend/


Catchin' Catfish


On the internet, a "catfish" is a person who creates fake personal profiles on social media sites—pretending to be someone more outwardly appealing than his/her true self, by using someone else's pictures and false biographical information. These "catfish" usually intend to trick an unsuspecting person or persons into falling in love with them.

The term "catfish" is derived from the title of a 2010 documentary film, in which filmmaker Nev Schulman discovers that the 20-something woman he'd been carrying on an online relationship with had not been honest in describing herself. MTV and the Catfish film's producers, Schulman and his friend, filmmaker Max Joseph, help couples who have never met in real life. They want to know if the person they have had a seemingly deep emotional relationship with is legitimate or if they are, in fact, a "catfish". Some couples have been together for a few months—others, for years.

Nev claims that he has received requests from people asking him for his help in determining whether or not their online-only lover is lying or truthful about their identity. Each episode is a different couple with a different story; Nev travels to wherever they live and uses background checks and research to uncover the truth. He contacts the other person to arrange a first-ever meeting between the two lovers, then documents how the couple are impacted.[4][5] Schulman said at the Television Critics Association press tour in August 2012 that it's not all about pulling the rug out from under people, explaining:

“Whether or not two people are totally lying to each other and it turns out to be a huge disaster, that's only the first part of the story. We then want to know why they are doing it, who they are, what they are feeling, what led them to this place, and why that resonates with thousands of other young people who have the same feelings, who don't have someone to talk to or don't know how to express themselves."

The percentage of misrepresentations they found:

Cyberspace relationships:
Interests -- 15%
Age -- 23%
Background -- 18%
Physical Characteristics -- 28%
Other -- 15%

vs.

Realspace relationships:
Interests -- 20%
Age -- 5%
Background -- 10%
Physical Characteristics -- 13%
Other -- 5%







Internet affair.jpg
Internet affair.jpg (38.79 KiB) Viewed 5566 times
Photo source: wallpaperpassion.com/puzzle/7780/without-you-baby-wallpaper-image


Internet Affairs


Internet affairs offer a new perspective on the definition of an affair. Some people consider internet relationships to be classified as an affair while others claim contact affairs are much more serious. Trent Parker and Karen Wampler conducted a qualitative study to discover the different perceptions of internet relationships based on gender differences. Through their study they found internet affairs were considered less of an affair than a physical relationship. Through the results from the same study Parker and Wampler also concluded that women considered sexual internet activities such as internet porn much more severe than the men did. Internet affairs and physical contact affairs are similar because they both involve another partner. "The primary difference between an internet affair and an affair is that in an affair, the couple meet to engage in the relationship. With internet affairs, on the other hand, the couple rarely meet. This offers a unique advantage to internet affairs."







Internet Addiction II.jpg
Photo source: learning-mind.com/reading-between-the-likes-the-perils-of-social-network-addiction/


Internet Addiction


The Bradford Regional Medical Center (BRMC) in Bradford, PA will be the first US hospital to begin treating internet addiction. Four patients will begin a 10-day inpatient program designed to address severe internet addiction. The beginning of the program is an important step toward recognizing internet addiction as a true addiction and mental illness. While there are other independent facilities that have programs for treating internet addiction, so far major medical center has offered any options. In part, this is because the American Psychiatric Association does not recognize internet addiction as a formal disorder. The newest version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – DSM-5 – recognizes “gaming disorder” for the first time, but the Association feels that there isn’t enough research on internet addiction yet to decide whether or not it is a real disorder.

Because the DSM-5 doesn’t recognize internet addiction, health insurance companies do not pay for treatment of internet addiction, leaving patients who want treatment to pay out-of-pocket. The program at BRMC costs $14,000. In some other countries, however, such as Japan and Korea, internet addiction has been treated at hospitals for more than 10 years. It’s been found that most people who suffer from gaming disorder or internet addiction are young males who are intelligent with low self-esteem. Internet addicts are generally more obsessed with games than things like pornography, which falls under the category of sex addiction. However, addiction to social media is clearly on the rise. In order to be considered addicted, a person must spend so much time on the internet that it negatively interferes with their life, and they continue using the internet despite those consequences.

There is a key difference, however, in how patients will be treated for internet addiction at BRMC compared to people with drug or alcohol addictions. People with substance addictions are expected to stay away from substances completely. Founds of the program at BRMC, on the other hand, believe it’s impractical to expect anyone to remain off the internet entirely. After 72 hours without internet access, patients at BRMC will be gradually allowed back online, and the focus will be on teaching them how to use the internet in a healthy, moderate way.

If you’re interested in learning more about the Internet Addiction Treatment and Recovery Program at BRMC, you can learn more here (link: http://www.brmc.com/programs-services/i ... ord-pa.php).




the Find Love button.png
the Find Love button.png (113.7 KiB) Viewed 5566 times
Photo source: lovelearnings.com/research/online-dating-a-better-way-to-find-love





Article adapted from:
wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_relationship
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catfish:_The_TV_Show
sobernation.com/pa-hospital-to-begin-treating-internet-addiction/









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Vesca
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Re: Internet Relationships: Pros & Cons

Post by Vesca »

Nice post. While I've known people who have cultivated online relationships before that have turned into real life marriages, mortgages and families; it's a one in a million shot (yeah, I'm guessing on the numbers). Those that last tend to make that initial leap into meeting the other person in the flesh before they start calling it a relationship-- and even that can be a dangerous action.

It's better for people to know the reality of the online world and their relationships within it, than to figure it out for themselves the hard way later.
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Heartsong
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Re: Internet Relationships: Pros & Cons

Post by Heartsong »

This is a great post, Kassandra! Thank you for putting it together. This is excellent information to keep in mind for everyone, not just individuals who are or desire to be in an online relationship.
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Kassandra
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Re: Internet Relationships: Pros & Cons

Post by Kassandra »

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Vesca wrote:Those that last tend to make that initial leap into meeting the other person in the flesh before they start calling it a relationship
I think that's probably the key, keeping it real (and not committing until it is literally real). :wink: I wonder what the stats on successful "conversions" are (i.e., going from online to in-person relationships, successfully).



Heartsong wrote:This is excellent information to keep in mind for everyone, not just individuals who are or desire to be in an online relationship.
Thanks Heartsong. Ironically, we've all gotten to know each other through this forum, otherwise we never would have "met," so we're all in online relationships. I think online relationships are like anything else --in moderation, it's cool. Approached unrealistically, it'll make one's life miserable.

Haha, I thought this sentence from the article was interesting: "It’s been found that most people who suffer from gaming disorder or internet addiction are young males who are intelligent with low self-esteem." It reminds me of Snowcat's observation of some of the people we've had to ban lately (a lot more than "a couple"), who were all of that same demographic...seems to be backed by science, hehe. But I said I wouldn't comment on that, so forget I just said that.




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Vesca
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Re: Internet Relationships: Pros & Cons

Post by Vesca »

Kassandra wrote:
Vesca wrote:Those that last tend to make that initial leap into meeting the other person in the flesh before they start calling it a relationship
I think that is the key, keeping it real (and not committing until it is literally real). :wink:

I wonder what the stats on successful "conversions" are (i.e., going from online to in-person relationships, successfully).
Considering how many real life dates don't even make it past the first few weeks, I can't imagine the "online dating" stats are any better. :)
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Kassandra
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Re: Internet Relationships: Pros & Cons

Post by Kassandra »

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Yeah.

Did you guys already know about that "catfish" term? I had never heard of it before, until I did the research for this article.

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Re: Internet Relationships: Pros & Cons

Post by Heartsong »

I'd never heard of it either, and as soon as I saw it, I thought of 'catfish noodling'. Kind of a similar concept, now that I think of it. :P
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Kassandra
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Re: Internet Relationships: Pros & Cons

Post by Kassandra »

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Ah.


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loona wynd
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Re: Internet Relationships: Pros & Cons

Post by loona wynd »

I think the succsess rates of starting online and ending in a real life relationship are actually getting higher as more and more people use social media and online websites. Meeting someone online really is actually easier than meeting someone in person.
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Re: Internet Relationships: Pros & Cons

Post by YanaKhan »

Me and my husband met online (we didn't really have an online relationship, just met that way) in the mIRC :) It was a love at first sight once we met. We knew each other for a year before we met and had different spouse each. I think we were meant to be, as we knew the moment we met, we were in love. It was really romantic. Nearly 13 years later we are still together and still in love. We had a long distance relationship for about 5 years before we got married.

But in general, online relationships don't work out. I mean, I know a lot of people who met like us, they didn't last. I guess we are just lucky. It takes a lot of love, trust and patience to make a long distance relationship work. And a lot of travel, time and money. We actually kept our tickets from traveling to see each other for a very long time. We had over 250 tickets.

I recently watched D-r Phil's show on catfishes (don't tell him his show are on youtube, his website is forbidden for my country and this is the only way I can watch him :D and I love d-r Phil, seriously). I find it incredible (in a bad way) that people can be so blinded by someone, they send them money, like thousands of dollars and even hundreds of thousands, without even seeing them in person. But then again, I am not the person to judge, being someone, who believed I should be different to make a relationship work (my previous relationship).

Actually, there are very real dangers in the internet and we are considering a program that forbids most of the websites for our daughter when we buy her a computer. Even though she is six. We both know quite a lot about computers and I wanted to pose as a teenage girl for the police, so they can catch predators in the internet, but there is no way to do that here. So, I don't know if this is such a good idea, because if something is forbidden, it's more desirable.

Ah, Kassandra, you hit such a nerve :) You bad girl! Being a parent is the hardest thing in the world :)
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Re: Internet Relationships: Pros & Cons

Post by Vesca »

Kassandra wrote:Yeah.

Did you guys already know about that "catfish" term? I had never heard of it before, until I did the research for this article.
I had heard of it before, mostly it comes up in shows or articles regarding sexual predators online.
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Re: Internet Relationships: Pros & Cons

Post by Kassandra »

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@Elcida:
Wonderful story, thanks for sharing. A success story, proof it's possible.

@Vesca:
Interesting choice of a term, catfish is, for that "I look like Brad Pitt" online phenomena the gullible fall victim to, lol. I remember me and my uncle would go fishing in an area hoping to catch black bass, and would catch the occasional catfish, a "bottom-feeding" breed of fish which has very little, if any, discrimination about what it feeds upon.



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Vesca
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Re: Internet Relationships: Pros & Cons

Post by Vesca »

Image

Scary flesh-eating catfish, nom nom.
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Kassandra
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Re: Internet Relationships: Pros & Cons

Post by Kassandra »

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Lookit them teeth! lol At least our little catfish fit nicely in the frying pan when we got home, seasoned and battered with a little flour, haha.

I hyperlinked to that pic from the "Catchin' Catfish" part of the OP.



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Re: Internet Relationships: Pros & Cons

Post by Kat »

I don't believe in online dating. if I turn off the computer or have no internet access the other one dissappears. not part of my life. meaning each could easily have a physical relationship as well, toy with it and keep on goin out/shopping etc. I think it's not a real relationship /affair coz there are no liquid exchanges and the other may be a catfish. I met in reality,in a very public place of course, a guy when I was younger; he turnt out to be short, dependent of his mother and antisocial. things like that matter to me. if he s antisocial or slow talker or fat I d like to see for myself.
not to sound superficial but if u are to have a romantic relationship, appearance matters. After all I want to be able to visit him whenever he's ill, cook for him, grab some self healings and go, give him a massage etc.
Here we re not romantically involved so no it's not the same.
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