Everything Under the Moon

In the past two weeks my world has been turned completely upside down. My boy friend who I'd been having many struggles with had completely hit rock bottom, with the way things were going it was likely he would end up in jail and soon. I had one last chance to plead for him to change his ways. He told me he truly loved me and I told him that if he did he needed to turn his life around or we wouldn't be able to be together. I think I got through to him because that day he went home to work things out with his parents. (they had him listed as a run away). His parents checked him out of school and into rehab. I havnt seen him since, I don't know where he is or when I will ever see him again. And that brings me great anxiety.
My mom is unable to accept me for who I am and can't forgive me for dating my boyfriend behind her back after she told me I wasn't allowed to see him. She kicked me out of the house and is blaming me for all the problems in our house. She's threating to divorce my dad, and apprently that's all my fault too. I graduate high school in a month and I'm 18, but I still need my parents to co-sign my student loans for college tuition. They know this and use it to threaten me with. "if you don't do what we say then we will cancel your student loans and you won't be able to go to college". So much for being an adult.
I have forgiven thoughs who have hurt me, I no longer feel angry at my mom or my boy friend, or anyone eles who has hurt me. But i still feel that terrible aching pain in my chest. My heart has been broken before so I know that it gets easier each day and will eventually be healed, but this time seem like a greater blow. I feel like the people who were supose to love me have treated me the worse. I can't eat or sleep. My friends have all pointed out to me how thin Ive been getting, I recodnize it. But I feel so nausious all the time, I just can't eat. When I'm not thinking abot how much I miss my boy friend I'm thinking about suicide. I have so many dear friends that care about me and I don't want to hurt them by taking my own life away.
I just want all the pain to go away.

I love you...I love you in this moment with all that is me...You are so full of strength and compassion.
You might ask yourself to see the growth that this suffering is bringing to you....I can already see the forgiveness.

You see clearly people who are suffering inside much...the world needs your beautiful and strong spirit in it...thank you for being you.

~Love~

Please, don't dispare,

Many of us go through this, you need help, sounds like you have had a nervous breakdown, nothing wrong with that, I've had one, in fact, just about a year ago.

Please go see your Doctor, you need to talk to someone about this and get help.

Your parents are wrong to hold the threat of with holding their signatures on your grants to force you to do things, they are acting like spoiled brats.

As for you being blamed for the possibility of your mom and dad divorcing, well, that is just downright unforgivable. it is NOT your fault.

Sending healing your way.

xx

djoya wrote:I love you...I love you in this moment with all that is me...You are so full of strength and compassion.
You might ask yourself to see the growth that this suffering is bringing to you....I can already see the forgiveness.

You see clearly people who are suffering inside much...the world needs your beautiful and strong spirit in it...thank you for being you.

~Love~

I second this.

I can also throw in the experience of having a addict for a partner... but in my case I was the addict.

I can only imagine the pain I caused my girlfriend and I lived with her.

Since then nothing has worked except AA and working the steps. Giving my troubles to god. There is a movie called "When love is not enough" and love is deffinitly not enough to beat these problems. I am sorry. You can show him the way, but ultimitly he must realize that he is powerless over his problems and give himself to a higher power, even if that higher power is a simple support group.


Also, with the family troubles I can relate. I was recently kicked out by my father. Don't listen to them though. You are your own person and only responsible for YOUR actions. I know you love them very much, but focus on taking care of YOU. They can say what they want, but in the end nobody is responsible for their parents' problems. I've moved around my whole life and my parents have both been married several times over the years... it has taught me to detach from their issues and realize I won't be like them because I am me


I know none of this may be very comforting, but I do love you and wish you the best of luck. I have faith that you will rejoice in every moment because your light shines so bright.

Remember no matter how thick the covering of the clouds, the sun always shines planely on the other side.

My love,
Y0m

Thank you all. I saw a doctor today and got some anti-depression medication. Hopefully it will help. Thank you for your prayers and good energy, it has helped a lot. I have felt your love. Also thanks for your support and advice.

I supose I will have to take it one day at a time.

You are not alone. I can imagine how you feel, 2009 was like my worst year ever. Early last year I was heartbroken by a man I was head-over-heels for and shortly after I was kicked out of my house. My best friend really left me hangin' and I felt like everyone abandoned me when I needed them the most. On top of everything, four people I knew died last year.

Every day I felt like I was all alone, trying to bear the weight of the world and no one would help me. I was extremely depressed and spent entire days in bed. All I can say is that it really does take time. I'm not completely over it but I do feel quite a bit brighter than I did this time last year. Just remember it gets the darkest before dawn, everything happens for a reason, and you're not alone. You're absolutely right, one day at a time...

Love!

Your right, I just wish I could make time go faster. I think waiting is the worst part. I have been realy lucky to have so many wonderful people give me love and support. I wish I had a way to pay everyone back for the kindness they've shown me during these dark times.

Thank you so much for helping me to not feel alone

Pay it forward

Pink-Pixi,

Ah hahaha! That just made my night, thank you