Depression - It's here again

[katara]

Depression is crawling up my spine again. I've been doing good for the past 6 months but recently, I feel like i'm losing every bit of happiness I've worked soooo hard to have. I can't think of any reason why I'm depressed right now. My mother already accepted that I'm practicing witchcraft and is even buying me things for my altar, I have a really good job, I found new pagans and witches in our area and we are now good friends.Everything seems to be in place. but I really don't know why I feel like this again. I feel like I'm about to cry right now but I can't.

[Violet]

Sometimes I have felt this way after the end of a stressful situation, and it sounds like maybe you've had a few. Sharing your beliefs with your parent, getting to know other witches, sounds very brave, but some might find it stressful (I would find it very difficult). Even the changing of the seasons, the overwhelming amount of light after a cold, dark winter.

I hope you feel better soon!

[-Dark-Moon-]

I agree with Violet. Sometimes people are strong through the hard stuff and when the adrenalin/stress response wears off it dumps them on their proverbial bottoms.

Sounds like you have been through a major transition - think of a butterfly - it expends massive amounts of energy in its metamorphosis. Sometimes we need to cocoon. It's ok to take time out.

Be kind to yourself.

When I find myself in a valley on this journey, I light a candle in honor of how far I have come and to help me find the way.

Blessings
Dark Moon

[Xiao Rong]

I agree with Dark Moon - you always have to remember to care for yourself. And don't worry about whether or not you "should" be happy; now's a great time to think about what you really want and desire, since things around you are going smoothly.

[katara]

thank you for all that.

what makes the matter worse is that I cant show anyone that I'm feeling low. they know me as a very strong and brave person. That's why every time I try to tell them what I'm feeling, they dismiss it as just mere sadness. They don't know that last year I tried to commit suicide because I feel NOTHING. Like i got robbed of my emotions and nothing is left. and that was after I went through what I'm feeling right now.

[Firebird]

Hi sweetie...I was thinking,... How much of your having to stuff down emotions is cultural ? Is it taboo to be talking about feelings and emotions in the Philippines? I don't really know, but my spouses family is Japanese and it is quite off bounds to be feeling any kind of way, except on the even keel.
Do you have any counseling resources? They can be of great service if you are open to that.
Please feel free to PM me any time.
Much love, Firebird

[katara]

Talking about emotions and feelings here is not taboo. the problem is that I'm not good at sharing my feelings. I tried talking to a psychologist before. She said that my depression is caused by the pressure I was feeling in college. She said it will be better if I talk to my friends and family about what I'm going through but i can't do that. My friends know me as someone who is always cheerful. I know that if I told them what I was feeling, they would understand but I really dont want to talk to them about it. I hate feeling weak in front of them or anyone.

[Firebird]

Are you saying the therapist suggested you would have better results talking to family and friends??? Hummmm, not if they are part of the problem! School can be a burden, but it, in itself should not cause depression. It can be depressive to not do well in school, but I would tend to think that your not being able to talk to family and friend is more depressing. Seek out another counselor and give it another go, you need to get what ever is on your mind...off.
Oh, and I wanted to mention that keeping a journal is very helpful, write down that which troubles you, then burn it or keep it...as is your will.
Blessings, Firebird

[-Dark-Moon-]

Are you saying the therapist suggested you would have better results talking to family and friends??? Hummmm, not if they are part of the problem!

Agreed!

Go talk to your favorite tree. Natures therapists.

I completely understand the feelings of wanting to be strong and all that. Some of us are just like that.

Sometimes it's good to think about whether showing your weakness when you are at the point of giving up is really a weakness, or is it a strength?

Hang in there... I'm glad you feel you can talk here.

Blessings Dark Moon