I survived my suicide attempt 4 weeks ago. And I'm wondering while I'm still alive. For what reason I have no idea, when I feel like I'll never get better again. I feel like absolute crap; wasting years of my life as I have tried to deal with these mental health issues ( severe depression, agoraphobia, and some ADD issues that have made me look like a complete idiot in front of many people, never mind making it even harder just to do simple things...) and I've turned into this burden of a person, completely infantalized. I am now a total waste of a person, and I hate myself completely. I cannot be productive or do anything I liked to do, or even be helpful to other people. So tired and confused all the time, and this interim of waiting for meds to work, pushing myself to go outside ( which scares the hell out of me now...) and waiting for prescriptions seem like an eternity. I've lost all the respect of everyone I know, I am a failure, my boyfriend hates me, and there is nothing good about me....I am all talk and no action. I've given up trying, and yet I want to try even though I know I'll never get him back. And he's probably thinking about someone who is prettier and more accomplished and more positive than I....and I cannot be those things right now. I wish I could get in touch with a higher source; I feel soooooooo alone right now. Alone and very scared and hopeless and hating myself, most of all I feel deeply, deeply ashamed. I had three seizures in the hospital that night, and if I stayed at home like I ought to have I would have died. My boyfriend wouldn't have called anyone, he'd let me die...he hates me so much. What reason do I have to live anymore anyways, when there are so many wonderful people on this planet...no one needs another loser. I feel like a burden to my family and society, and a complete waste of space. I've only made people unhappy with my incompetence. I need help connecting to a higher source; I don't feel worthy of their help but I really need it right now. The reason I overdosed that night was because my boyfriend was putting me down, belittling my life experience and saying my pain wasn't real at all...I was crying and just wanted someone to hold me, just for no reason at all ( I know I'm overly affectionate, and just like a hug now and then) but he loves to put me down more than anything and my self-esteem was so low that I just said "screw it", because I felt so unloveable and disgusting. I can't face the world anymore....and I want to know and feel the presence of the spirit world.....i feel like I can't reach them....
A year before I met him I was comfortable in my skin, comfortable with my black hair, eyes, and dark skin and now after being with him only feel like the most unattractive person ever....and I can't stop feeling this way. I can only keep comparing myself to the girls he admired so much....why did he want to be with me in the first place? Just so he could break down my already low-self esteem even more? It's harder every day to feel marginally better.....Someone please help.....
hello, someone there?
OH MY GOODNESS......."HE is the loser, not YOU!!! No ONE, should have that harmful power over someone else....he has psychological problems. Lose him, forget him, dump him!!
That is the first thing...
Secondly, you have some health concerns. It does not mean you can not be happy. Try to eat the healthiest diet you can. Drink lots of water daily, and get some exercise. If you have an I-Pod, put on your headphones and go for a walk, or ride a bike...anything.
Thirdly....STOP putting yourself down!! You say you are a 'waste of a person, a burden' TO WHO?? and WHO CARES!! You only have to live up to your own standards, not others!! NO one, has divine authority in the living world, to tell others their worth!! That comes from YOU only! Stop caring about what others think, and start caring about what YOU think!
Fourth.....Start being good to yourself. Do things you love to do. Paint, clean, grow a herb garden, write, volunteer...whatever you love to do, do it!!
Fifth....Start 'walking away' from those who are causing you harm! These are NOT your friends, and you will be better off without them. Try to be around people who make you feel good, and that you feel you can be yourself with. Life is short, and we need to embrace joy and happiness in life!
And Lastly......You say that you are all talk and no action. Well, that means it is time to start TAKING action. Make a list of things you want to accomplish in the next week...Keep it short and practical and realistic..things like, clean my room/house, go to grocery store, sort out my closet..you get the idea. Only a few things, and start DOING it! Learn this discipline.
We all have hang ups, and we all have things that aren't perfect. ALL of us! NO ONE is ever perfect. We all have to work on challenges, and have to deal with things in life. The sooner you realize that these are all things that are only determined by YOU, and only work on YOUR schedule, and that YOU only get to decide what you and your life is about..then you will begin to walk the path of fulfillment.
That is the first thing...
Secondly, you have some health concerns. It does not mean you can not be happy. Try to eat the healthiest diet you can. Drink lots of water daily, and get some exercise. If you have an I-Pod, put on your headphones and go for a walk, or ride a bike...anything.
Thirdly....STOP putting yourself down!! You say you are a 'waste of a person, a burden' TO WHO?? and WHO CARES!! You only have to live up to your own standards, not others!! NO one, has divine authority in the living world, to tell others their worth!! That comes from YOU only! Stop caring about what others think, and start caring about what YOU think!
Fourth.....Start being good to yourself. Do things you love to do. Paint, clean, grow a herb garden, write, volunteer...whatever you love to do, do it!!
Fifth....Start 'walking away' from those who are causing you harm! These are NOT your friends, and you will be better off without them. Try to be around people who make you feel good, and that you feel you can be yourself with. Life is short, and we need to embrace joy and happiness in life!
And Lastly......You say that you are all talk and no action. Well, that means it is time to start TAKING action. Make a list of things you want to accomplish in the next week...Keep it short and practical and realistic..things like, clean my room/house, go to grocery store, sort out my closet..you get the idea. Only a few things, and start DOING it! Learn this discipline.
We all have hang ups, and we all have things that aren't perfect. ALL of us! NO ONE is ever perfect. We all have to work on challenges, and have to deal with things in life. The sooner you realize that these are all things that are only determined by YOU, and only work on YOUR schedule, and that YOU only get to decide what you and your life is about..then you will begin to walk the path of fulfillment.
In Light is birthed discovery.....in discovery is birthed the journey of power.
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Cinnamonheart
Seaspirit,
i appreciate your answer. There is nothing that makes me happy anymore, and I've lost a lot of my concentration for things. I do feel like I'm full of exscuses, but I try anyways....none of my hobbies give me joy anymore. I even hate seeing the sun outside. I don't know what's wrong, and why I feel like this. I get panicky to even step outside.
i appreciate your answer. There is nothing that makes me happy anymore, and I've lost a lot of my concentration for things. I do feel like I'm full of exscuses, but I try anyways....none of my hobbies give me joy anymore. I even hate seeing the sun outside. I don't know what's wrong, and why I feel like this. I get panicky to even step outside.
Oh..good. Glad it may have helped.
Well, at least you are trying as you say!! That's good and will get better and better as you get stronger
If the things that you used to enjoy, aren't fun to you anymore...maybe you're just growing and ready to try new things....could just be a shift in your life, and there are new things waiting for you to discover...so be adventurous and explore new interests. Not sure how old you are, but maybe you can go back to school?
I used to love to eat out and always looked forward to a new place to eat out....now I hate it.... :26: And 'dressing up' forget it!!! Never! lol
So what, it just means I'm changing and growing and getting 'closer' to who I really am
Why are you panicked to go outside? Actually, I hate the sun too, and am very much a night person. It's fine! I just do the things I 'need' to do during the day, and try to go out mostly after about 6pm. So what! That's okay...it's just my way!!
And like you said in your initial post....
You survived for a reason!! Why indeed? That is something that ONLY YOU can answer. There’s a reason you survived !! You have a purpose for living..and you WILL find out why. So relax, and follow your heart and mind, and you will find out when the time is right.
Remember what you’ve been through and where you have come from, but focus on today and where you are going!!
Give yourself some time!! No rush, and you don't need any answer 'today' !! Heal yourself, and be good to yourself.
Well, at least you are trying as you say!! That's good and will get better and better as you get stronger
If the things that you used to enjoy, aren't fun to you anymore...maybe you're just growing and ready to try new things....could just be a shift in your life, and there are new things waiting for you to discover...so be adventurous and explore new interests. Not sure how old you are, but maybe you can go back to school?
I used to love to eat out and always looked forward to a new place to eat out....now I hate it.... :26: And 'dressing up' forget it!!! Never! lol
So what, it just means I'm changing and growing and getting 'closer' to who I really am
Why are you panicked to go outside? Actually, I hate the sun too, and am very much a night person. It's fine! I just do the things I 'need' to do during the day, and try to go out mostly after about 6pm. So what! That's okay...it's just my way!!
And like you said in your initial post....
You survived for a reason!! Why indeed? That is something that ONLY YOU can answer. There’s a reason you survived !! You have a purpose for living..and you WILL find out why. So relax, and follow your heart and mind, and you will find out when the time is right.
Remember what you’ve been through and where you have come from, but focus on today and where you are going!!
Give yourself some time!! No rush, and you don't need any answer 'today' !! Heal yourself, and be good to yourself.
In Light is birthed discovery.....in discovery is birthed the journey of power.
-
Midniteshowers
I believe you can benefit from the following link and ask for emotional and spiritual healing: http://www.reiwilliams.com/free-healing/
The woman's name is REI WILLIAMS, and she is an amazing person who believes that healing should be free. It has helped me. Now, remember, you have to 'want' to be healed in order for it to work, and, as with anything, you need to start 'healing' yourself from within by working on the problem. hope this helps, ~ Me.
The woman's name is REI WILLIAMS, and she is an amazing person who believes that healing should be free. It has helped me. Now, remember, you have to 'want' to be healed in order for it to work, and, as with anything, you need to start 'healing' yourself from within by working on the problem. hope this helps, ~ Me.
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Midniteshowers
I believe you can benefit from the following link and ask for emotional and spiritual healing: http://www.reiwilliams.com/free-healing/
The woman's name is REI WILLIAMS, and she is an amazing person who believes that healing should be free. It has helped me. Now, remember, you have to 'want' to be healed in order for it to work, and, as with anything, you need to start 'healing' yourself from within by working on the problem. hope this helps, ~ Me.
The woman's name is REI WILLIAMS, and she is an amazing person who believes that healing should be free. It has helped me. Now, remember, you have to 'want' to be healed in order for it to work, and, as with anything, you need to start 'healing' yourself from within by working on the problem. hope this helps, ~ Me.
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Midniteshowers
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Helen
girl kick him out!!! you dont need him.. any guy or person who treats you like that have major ISSUES!!!! mine use to do the samething always puttin me down making me feel like im nothing when in the end it was him with the issues not me...i got strong regain my friends doing things i once i love like working out taken a dance class...you need to do the same for yourself!!! you need to push yourself and its not easy but once you do you are going to feel happy. plzzzzz get strong and realize you deserve the best and be treated like a queen. youll see!!!!
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Serendipity
- Posts: 217
- Joined: Fri Oct 08, 2010 2:29 am
I always hesitate to post in threads like this because giving advice to someone in so much pain can sometimes cause them more pain and then I worry because I’m not there to help. But I can’t ignore this either. So…
First ditch the boyfriend you won’t be losing anyone worth having.
I know the last thing you want is for someone to make demands on you when you just want to curl up and not feel anything but please believe me when I say that sometimes some work will help.
Try these things.
#1 Make yourself go out every day no matter what.
#2 Say something genuinely nice to someone every day. It has to be genuine and it has to be about them. This will force you to look outside yourself. I know that sounds silly but sometimes when we are hurting horribly we get wrapped up in it so much that it seems impossible to escape. Noticing other people enough to say something nice to them, about them, forces us to focus on something other than our own misery for at least a small moment. And that small moment of escape from our own misery can be very helpful.
#3 Force yourself to find one beautiful thing in every day. It doesn’t have to be anything spectacular just something small. Maybe there is an especially beautiful tree in your neiborhood, or maybe you see a flower that for some reason strikes you as especially lovely. Just take a moment or two and enjoy that beauty. It doesn’t have to be something from nature but I have found that noticing nature can often help us connect with our spirituality and you obviously feel the need for that right now.
#4 Do one nice thing for yourself every day. Again it doesn’t have to be anything earth shaking. Maybe just pick up some nice bubble bath and give yourself a good soak in the tub while listening to music you like. Anything you consider a “treat†is just dandy.
These are small things and they won’t change your world overnight but they can be a beginning if you want them to.
Good luck.
First ditch the boyfriend you won’t be losing anyone worth having.
I know the last thing you want is for someone to make demands on you when you just want to curl up and not feel anything but please believe me when I say that sometimes some work will help.
Try these things.
#1 Make yourself go out every day no matter what.
#2 Say something genuinely nice to someone every day. It has to be genuine and it has to be about them. This will force you to look outside yourself. I know that sounds silly but sometimes when we are hurting horribly we get wrapped up in it so much that it seems impossible to escape. Noticing other people enough to say something nice to them, about them, forces us to focus on something other than our own misery for at least a small moment. And that small moment of escape from our own misery can be very helpful.
#3 Force yourself to find one beautiful thing in every day. It doesn’t have to be anything spectacular just something small. Maybe there is an especially beautiful tree in your neiborhood, or maybe you see a flower that for some reason strikes you as especially lovely. Just take a moment or two and enjoy that beauty. It doesn’t have to be something from nature but I have found that noticing nature can often help us connect with our spirituality and you obviously feel the need for that right now.
#4 Do one nice thing for yourself every day. Again it doesn’t have to be anything earth shaking. Maybe just pick up some nice bubble bath and give yourself a good soak in the tub while listening to music you like. Anything you consider a “treat†is just dandy.
These are small things and they won’t change your world overnight but they can be a beginning if you want them to.
Good luck.