Page 1 of 1

Such a struggle... Why?

Posted: Sat Dec 06, 2014 9:28 pm
by onyx208
My name is Onyx, I'll be 21 on December 16th (Sagittarius), New to Wicca (raised Christian) , and have been struggling staying alive and sane. Many psychiatric disorders. Ask any questions you need to know..m I have never had a reading before so I don't know what you need from me. :)

I'd like a reading because I feel lost in my illness. I want a better understanding on why I have to live the hell I'm in, and why it's been such a rocky road for over 10 years. What does the Goddess want from me to be able to live ta beautiful life? What am I doing wrong to perpetually relapse emotionally?

Much thanks!!

Re: Such a struggle... Why?

Posted: Sun Dec 07, 2014 4:28 pm
by SnowCat
Happy birthday Onyx. From another fellow Sagittarian.


Re: Such a struggle... Why?

Posted: Sun Dec 07, 2014 11:53 pm
by nightstar
Happy Birthday Onyx!

Re: Such a struggle... Why?

Posted: Wed Dec 10, 2014 9:11 pm
by Vesca
I've found that those kinds of answers don't come from another person's readings, unfortunately. It's something you need to work through and that your deity(ies) are generally silent about until you accept your situation and start to genuinely work with it (and sometimes it takes awhile for them to start giving you little pushes even after you begin your work).

Speaking as another person who was "blessed" by mental issues from a young age, and which will be with me for my entire life, I really do understand how frustrating and... devastating... it can be at times.

But I will say that every so often, you get little glimpses of how far you've come over the years and the therapy and the effort and exhaustion and pain that make you realize that the amazing person you're growing into would never have happened if you hadn't had to learn to handle those haunts and learn how to perceive the world in a different light.

It's not something I ever really got to see when I was younger (teens - mid 20's), but the older I get, the more I see how it connects and builds and how those periods that seem to destroy all that you've built in a matter of hours actually help pave the way for stronger foundations down the line that do hold up to the test of time. Just hang in there, take care of your basic needs (including taking the time to relax and do things that make you happy), and your answers will unfold for you.

Re: Such a struggle... Why?

Posted: Thu Dec 11, 2014 1:16 pm
by onyx208
Thank you, that was wonderful.

Re: Such a struggle... Why?

Posted: Thu Dec 11, 2014 1:55 pm
by Vesca
Glad to help. :)

Re: Such a struggle... Why?

Posted: Mon Dec 15, 2014 1:58 pm
by Moonmystic
Dear Onyx, you are so young dear one. Happy birthday! Only barely older than my own Granddaughter. Please allow me to offer you some crone wisdom. Your soul has believed you strong and brave enough to undertake these challenges on this journey during this lifetime. You have what you need within you to overcome everything that ails you and find a peace in your existence that will gently deposit you into the winter of your own life one day. All of these challenges develop wisdom into your experience that one day you will recognize was necessary. Your job right now is to keep your eyes and ears open and face these challenges that are frightening, confusing and difficult. Your soul doesn't want you to give up. Your soul wants to overcome. Your soul is growing you into an amazing, wise presence.

Those of us that surround you here are all traveling against the grain. We have all been brave enough or had the strength of mind to question our religious beliefs. When you are young, there are a lot of authoritative voices in your world that truly think they have all the answers, even if they are different ideas than yours. Perhaps they are right, perhaps we are right, perhaps none of us have a clue... All you need to remember is, they walk their intended path too, even if the intent is only to strengthen yours. Battling others or letting them make you feel unhappy is futile. See the spirit in them, even when they don't see yours. Look for glints of learning in every interaction and take or leave what you need from it.

I don't know your diagnosis and I am not a doctor - all I can add about that is sometimes when you are extremely gifted, average people can't understand you. They never will. They may even label you abnormal or sick. Please decide if what others are labeling you is logical.

Be well dear - you can do this life. Your soul is counting on you. **smile**

Re: Such a struggle... Why?

Posted: Mon Dec 15, 2014 3:12 pm
by onyx208
Thank you so much moonmystic. That was beautiful. I am constantly being revealed more about myself and you were an aid in that today.

Re: Such a struggle... Why?

Posted: Thu Dec 18, 2014 1:34 pm
by Dita_Aster
Dear Onyx,

Happy recent birthday to you. I've done a tarot reading for you, and since the outcome was good I wanted to share it with you. You should know that I have a bit of my own interpretation of some cards that may differ from the norm, and those interpretations apply in my readings.

I've done a 10 card spread. This is the lay of the cards:

1. where you are now
2. what is blocking you
3. what is the best that can be achieved on your current path
4. what is your foundation or what must you work with or through
5. what you are moving away from
6. what you are moving towards
7. another perspective on your position
8. people, events, decisions and situations around you
9. your fears
10. what will come

These are the cards I drew or you:

1. King of Pentacles
2. The Hierophant (reversed)
3. The Lovers
4. Temperance (reversed)
5. Five of Swords (reversed)
6. Six of Cups (reversed)
7. Four of Wands
8. Five of Cups
9. Death (reversed)
10. The Empress (reversed)

1. King of Pentacles:Stability and riches, coming from a place of strength and abundance. This could suggest that you currently possess the resources that you need in order to tackle your challenges, or represent someone who is a big support to you.

2. The Hierophant: You may feel the need to break free from rules and challenge the status quo, or do things that are against social norms. You don't want to accept the dogmas that surround you. You are questioning traditions and asking yourself if wat you are doing is really the right thing for you. It may indicate conflict with a parent or authority figure - someone with whom you disagree about what is right, either for the world or for you personally.

3. The Lovers: This card can represent a few things. It may suggest that you will find a soul mate to help you on life's path and with whom you will share deep love and passion. It can also represent the establishment of a personal belief system. Having moved away from the Hierophant, which directly precedes the Lovers in the deck, you will be ready to declare your own authority and know what is best for you. You will stay true to yourself and your convictions. The easy path may not be the correct path, and you will have to keep checking in with yourself to make sure you are being true to yourself. The Lovers are watched over by an angel in the clouds. Remember that this benevolent force is there, watching over you. There is true love, passion and and self-fulfillment awaiting you.

4. Temperance (reversed): Underneath the surface of your life, something is out of balance, which creates stress and tension for you. It may relate to a lack of long-term vision, as is a classic interpretation of this card presentation. At this time you should reflect on what changes you can make in your life that are loving to yourself, and which will add health and balance. Are you eating properly? Exercising? Taking care of your mental health as best you can? Perhaps with the help of a therapist, doctor or other healthcare practitioner, work on ways to ground and balance yourself. Most importantly, do it all gently and with love for yourself. The card shows an angel - the second angel to appear in your reading. Whether or not you believe in "angels" - know that benevolent forces in the Universe care for you and want you to heal, and will patiently guide you.

5. Five of Swords (reversed): You have come from a long and difficult fight, and you wish the struggle could just be over. However, you are now ready to look at the situation with fresh eyes and see opportunities for change. To move past this, you can fall back a card to the four of swords, and try as much as you can to cultivate peace and tranquility. Try to minimize external conflict in your life. You may have tried to walk away from conflict, but it continues to follow you. You could be worried (or were worried) that history would repeat itself. You may have even recently had an argument or conflict with someone.

6. Six of Cups (reversed): It seems that you may need to make peace with certain aspects of your past. There may be issues from your childhood that you will have to work through, such as painful memories or even abuse. Confronting painful past memories should be done with the help of a good therapist that you trust.

7. Four of Wands: This card suggests a happy and harmonious environment, good news, and sometimes even marriage. It is a time of celebration and meeting friends and family. This card can represent holidays, a wedding, birthday, engagement or the birth of a child. It represents an important milestone being reached, and cause to celebrate. I would look to your life as it is right now, and see what you have to celebrate and be glad for. Reach out to those you love.

8. Five of Cups: Be careful about dwelling only on the negative. There have been losses, yes, but much still remains. the card shows a man in a black cloak mourning three spilled wine cups, while turning his back on two cups that are still full. You may be having trouble letting go of mistakes you have made in the past, and focusing on your inadequacies. You are probably blaming yourself when you shouldn't. You must forgive yourself. You are likely being too hard on yourself. Learn what you can from the past, and move on.

9. Death (reversed): I will note that this card appears in the "fears" position. You may be resistant to change and afraid to move on or move forward. You may be on the verge of major, positive change, but are afraid to make that change. As a result, you may feel "stuck." Also, you may generally be afraid of the worst case scenario, but there is nothing in your reading that suggests negative things in store for you. Quite the contrary.

10. The Empress: It is my instinct to read this card both as reversed and right side up for you in this reading. The Empress in this position indicates that you will come into your own personal power as a woman and find abundance, fulfillment and joy. Hers is the path of the Great Mother, Mother Earth and the Goddess. She is sensual and deeply nurturing. On the other hand, you should be careful to make sure you are taking good care of yourself, especially in your relationships. You may have to continually take time to restore your own energies. Your past experiences may have affected your perception of yourself and whether you see yourself as "lovable." You may at times doubt your inner beauty. However you will be able to draw on your own personal power and beliefs to find strength and love for yourself. Just be patient, kind with yourself, and work to cultivate balance.

I hope this was interesting or helpful! The reading seems to suggest that you should not focus so much on "why" something is, and mostly just address how to help it. Life gives us all different cards to deal with, and I'm not sure there is always a reason. No life is without pain, although some must deal with more pain than others. One gift of hardship is that it carves out places within you that can later be filled with joy. I would recommend this section "on joy and sorrow" from Kalil Ghibran's The Prophet:

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

Let me know if you have any questions.

Blessings to you,


Re: Such a struggle... Why?

Posted: Thu Dec 18, 2014 2:46 pm
by firebirdflys
Dear dita, other than the signature, your last 2 posts are identical, did you intend this?
if not I can remove it for you.
nice reading by the way!

Re: Such a struggle... Why?

Posted: Thu Dec 18, 2014 2:48 pm
by Dita_Aster
Ah yes, I edited the one that was in error to just be "..." - you can remove it. thanks!

Re: Such a struggle... Why?

Posted: Fri Dec 19, 2014 1:42 am
by onyx208
Oh my gosh dita_ aster, that was amazing and so meaningful. I really appreciate you taking the time and effort to give me that reading.

Re: Such a struggle... Why?

Posted: Fri Dec 19, 2014 8:06 am
by Dita_Aster
You're very welcome :)