Ok, I combined two different spreads here as they felt like they were necessary. I used a cardinal/directional spread and a simply three card past, present future.
Cardinal Spread
North (intuition): 9 of Wands.
This card is a card that deals with a fighting spirit and resilience. To keep fighting on despite the odds. That has a positive meaning but here I did not get that vibe. I feel like here in previous relationships or dates you got involved with someone that you had a bad feeling about, knew something was off or wrong but chose to ignore your gut and go with them anyways. I feel like most of them were just you writing yourself off as being silly. However, in the picture there is a man holding onto one wand tightly and I feel like there was one relationship where you didn't want to believe that the person you had chosen was not right for you or was doing something wrong.
East (Thoughts): 6 of Wands.
This part of the spread is supposed to represent your thoughts and feelings on love and romance. I feel here that you want a "knight in shining armor" type. A traditional feel but I also feel like you are the type that doesn't really want to be "rescued" so to speak but would rather have a good, honest person with whom you could live equally. Of course I realize that this is a feeling and desire of many when it comes to relationships, but I feel that this criteria is much more paramount to you and not something you want to relinquish easily. But something feels a bit off as well. It typically falls that with Knights in shining armor the person who desires this does want to be swept off their feet and rescued but that doesn't seem to feel right. I have to ask, are you gender fluid? Because when I tried to dig deeper into you yourself, I felt like there wasn't a definite masculine or feminine in place.
South (Physical): 2 of Pentacles
Again, I still get a strong "gender fluid" vibe here, especially since in the picture it is a sole individual holding in each hand a pentacle but both intertwined with a thread of sort tying them together. This card also deals with dual natures and both sides being treated equally. To that end, I feel like as far as the bedroom goes, I feel like you are looking to satisfy both sides of yourself. In this reading there seems to be a feeling of fixation upon equality and I am unsure whether it is because you feel like people in general view you as lesser, your previous partners have viewed you as such or both. I...I am also suddenly feeling an overpowering sense of self hatred of your body in a physical sense. I know this is in a physical part of the reading but I also am now feeling that your desire to find a "knight" is not just to find someone good but I feel like there is a desire in you to find someone who can love you for you so they can teach you how to love yourself as you are.
West (Emotional): Ace of Cups
I feel...and extremely powerful religious tone here and I don't think it is from you. I feel like emotionally you are strained for you are holding up a facade to someone in your life (Family, I think?) who is fiercely religious. I'm sensing a lot of tears and a lot of shame but underneath that hope. Hope that someone CAN like you as you are and you don't have to pretend anymore. I also feel like there is someone you currently do like but you are hiding those emotions from others around you, yourself and from them.
Three card spread
First impressions is here every single one of your cards in this spread were inverted. An interesting counterpart since in the Cardinal spread every single one was upright.
Past: Inverted 7 of Wands.
I get the feeling here that there was someone that you cared deeply for and someone who would have returned the feelings just as deeply but you were fearful, hesitated and lost your chance. For some reason the word "Death" keeps really coming into my head but I don't feel like it was a death in mortality sense. I feel like a "death" of their self awareness. So maybe a coma? Whatever the explanation it is I feel like this person is but a husk or a memory of what they used to be. And I feel like you blame yourself and have not yet let go of this.
Present: Inverted Ace of Wands
This card deals with a blockage and in a sense I think this is true. However, I feel like you are almost desperate to find someone, especially for your past mistake of hesitation and now you are overcompensating and jumping into relationships that may not be good for you. I think that one that I mentioned earlier in the first card of making yourself ignore the signs that they were not right is the main relationship here. Because again, in the picture there is a wand clutched tightly in a hand. I also feel suspicion here but I'm not sure what it pertains to.
Future: Inverted Empress
If you continue as you are, I feel like this will ruin you. This will lead you through many bad relationships and it will be enough to turn you jaded and potentially destroy your belief in the existence of love. I also feel a strong maternal disapproval here and I think it comes from the fact that continuing this path will eventually shatter the mask you have carefully crafted to hide yourself from your family. It is crucial that if this veil is to be lifted, it must be gradually and for it to suddenly be removed could be extremely damaging.
Advice: 10 of Wands
Do not rush into things and try to tackle all of your problems at once. It is crucial to assess your situation and handle things one step at a time. If you try to rush things it could topple your balance and be catastrophic.
Whew. Ok, that's what I've got. I hope this was accurate!
