Sexually-harassed at Work - What Should I Do?!

[Obsidian]

My Manager at work is sexually harassing me. He has touched me inappropriately and invaded my personal space on several occasions. He is obsessed with me. I have told him that I want him to keep his hands off me and that this is a professional environment and a professional relationship. He apologized and said it wouldn't happen again but in the past few days he has invaded my space again and has made a couple of inappropriate comments.

I think my options are:
A) Complain to HR but I am skeptical of the effectiveness of this because our company has no policies on anything and I know of past experiences where other people who should have been fired for doing some really out of line stuff were still kept on. I worry that this might just create more discomfort for me.

B) We have a staff satisfaction survey coming up. It is anonymous but the results are made public. In the negative comments section I am thinking of writing "sexual harassment in the work place but another staff member even thought I have told them repeated that their advances are inappropriate and unwanted. Leave me alone because if I have to name you I will."

C) Have a final word to my Manager and warn him that if anything like this happens again I will make a formal complaint to HR. Again, I am not sure how much effect this formal complaint will have.

I do not know what to do and quitting my job is not an option at this time because I have no other position to move into and I cannot afford to be out of work. My contract expires in March next year and I am definitely not renewing it. I don't know what option to take- can anyone please help me? Suggestions, not necessarily tarot readings, are also welcome. Thanks in advance.

[Xiao Rong]

Hi Obsidian, sorry that you're going through this. I'm not sure how much an anonymous complaint (even if made public) would solve. I still think that talking to your HR department is an option. The company might not have policies, but at least in the US sexual harassment is still illegal and you have a right to a non-hostile work environment. You can read more about Title XII here. You may even consider going to the US Equal Employment Opportunity if you have no confidence in your HR department.

My other suggestion would be to document as much as you can. There are two kinds of sexual harassment claims -- quid pro quo (e.g. promising a promotion for a sexual favor, or threatening your job if you don't sleep with him) and a hostile work environment. The latter sounds like your problem. For you to be able to successfully prove a hostile work environment, you'll have to prove that it's a pattern, not a one-off thing. So I would recommend keeping a journal or record of some kind. Document every inappropriate remark or invasion of personal space, with as much information as you can remember (e.g. exact words, texts, date/time, etc.). Even if you don't wind up suing him or the company, it would still be valuable leverage if you're making a case against him with your HR department. And I wager that having some knowledge of things like Title XII, EEOC, etc. will probably help you argue your case with HR.

Hope that helps -- good luck!

[Obsidian]

Thanks Xiao Rong. I don't live in the US but sexual harassment is illegal where I live as well so I'll brush up on our laws. Thanks for your detailed reply.

[Xiao Rong]

Oops, sorry. I only know US laws well, anyways, but your country will most likely have some similar laws and protections in place.

[Firebird]

Hi Obsidian!
I'm going to suggest a freezer spell, since you will be there for the next 5 months or so, this may be the quick and temporary fix you are looking for.
I would also put an anonymous message in the box to be read at the next meeting, maybe without naming names, about how this behavior is inappropriate in the workplace. You may not be the only one getting harrased, can you talk with the other girls? See what is happening with them, the note could be on behalf of all the female employees...then no one is singled out for being a snitch.
Ps ...I would also like to say I'm sorry for this situation you are in, it sucks so very much and no one should have to dread going to work.
Bb, Firebird

[Kassandra]

.


Probe around and casually ask other female employees what they think of this guy (esp if they're also under his supervision, as you are). Don't volunteer any info just yet, but see if you could get a little coalition going of other female employees that find his demeanor and actions intrusive, as well. Just feel it out for now, don't tell anyone about your situation just yet. That'll come later.

If your fishing expedition does result in some significant bites, and there are other females there that feel the same way, if only just an intuitive thing (but hopefully, tangible examples of his intrusive behavior toward them), then you've got something to work with, and this could really turn in your (and their) advantage. Strength in numbers, and all that. It's a start.





.

[Obsidian]

Thank you all so much, these are all useful things I'd never thought of.

[Moonfire]

I agree with Xiao. You may want to file a complain to HR. However, given what you have said, you may want to start looking for another job.

Whenever I need a new job I always look for one and don't turn in my two weeks until AFTER it is confirmed and official that I have been hired with another company. If you even go to an interview and tell the interviewer "I am still currently on with another company, would you be willing to wait for me to turn in my two weeks notice before you start me in my work?" This will make you seem very professional, reliable (as you won't just up and quit) and get you a good solid first impression with someone. If you do try to look for another job DON'T tell them that the reason you are leaving was because you were sexually harassed. As sad as it is, many employers may not buy that story, thinking that you may have been trouble or something else that's negative. The reason for this is many of the employees who file things like this (manager was unfair with them whether it was sexual or withholding hours etc) they are usually the excuses of lazy workers. Sadly they mess it up for those who have those legitimate reasons. If they ask you why say something like, "This is a company/group that I could see myself staying with the long term." You want to market yourself as reliable.

...ok, I totally got carried away with that. Anyways, I think you should go to HR about it after going through with the documentation that Xiao mentioned. But try to get another job lined up if you can't get it to work out.

And finally I am so sorry you have to go through this. Stay strong. I'll send positive energy your way!

[Obsidian]

Thank you so much. I was going to be honest about my reasons for leaving but now I'm not so sure. Thanks for the positive energy, I really do appreciate it.

[Obsidian]

I guys, I just thought I'd give you an update. A few days ago my boss invaded my personal space yet again. This time it happened in front another colleague who intervened on my behalf because she could see that my boss was crossing a line. I've now made a formal complaint and the matter is being investigated. I told her the full story and she said that for a while she had sensed that something was wrong.

I have spoken to other female staff members and none of them have been harassed by him.

[azriel]

I am sorry that this behavior has continued, but I am glad that there was a witness for what just recently happened. Also that she intervened because that shows that an outside, 3rd party, viewed the situation to be inappropriate as well, so it is not just your word against his.

As for the other co-workers, there are people who do not recognize or fully understand what harassment of any kind truly is, so they may not even know if they have been treated this way or not. They may find this behavior flattering or not think anything of it.

Do not let it dishearten you because if something is uncomfortable for you, then it should stop, no matter what it is. You will get through this!

Azriel
^-^~

[Nightwatcher]

I'm glad it's being investigated. However, I would do what Moonfire says and look for another job. Are you at will or in a solid contract?

[Kassandra]

my boss invaded my personal space yet again. This time it happened in front another colleague who intervened on my behalf because she could see that my boss was crossing a line. I've now made a formal complaint and the matter is being investigated.

Awesome. Your strength and patience through all this is admirable.


.

[Obsidian]

Thank you all for the kind words and encouragement. It's an at will contract so I suppose I could walk out at any time before March but I need to have a job lined up before I leave for financial reasons. I started looking for new jobs as of today.

[Nightwatcher]

Thank you all for the kind words and encouragement. It's an at will contract so I suppose I could walk out at any time before March but I need to have a job lined up before I leave for financial reasons. I started looking for new jobs as of today.

I wish you luck with lining up a new job! I hope it happens soon.