Dislike where I'm living... :(

[AutumnGirl]

Hey all! I'm new here but not new to the craft. I've been practicing since the 80s.

I am having a dilemma. I live in a place that just never feels like "home" to me. I've tried grounding, approaching any local deities and asking them in, making friends (and I do have friends here), trying to love the place for what it is, etc. but nothing is working.

I have lived here for eight years and felt hollow the entire time. I so badly miss home.

My husband loves it here. He grew up here (2900 miles from my original home). At first I thought moving here would be a good idea, for various reasons I won't go into. However, I am miserable here. My husband does not want to move. His job is here, which is his primary reason. Our children have grown up here this far (ages 7 and 10).

I understand that a) I'm outnumbered and b) it shouldn't all be about me but living here just sort of leaves me out of the happiness equation altogether. IOW, because my family seems satisified here, my dissatisfaction and sorrow apparently don't matter. But they do matter...to me.

I have actually done several spells for us to find a place that we can *all* love and *all* feel is home, to no avail. I don't feel my happiness should override everyone else's, I just want us all to be happy. I feel so alone in this.

Any thoughts? Ideas? I feel as if I'm dying here. My connection to the goddess has been iffy since I moved here, I am entirely out of place, and I never ever feel at home...and home is one of the most important things to me. I would love some input. Thanks so very much.

[DPhoenix]

Hey all! I'm new here but not new to the craft. I've been practicing since the 80s.

I am having a dilemma. I live in a place that just never feels like "home" to me. I've tried grounding, approaching any local deities and asking them in, making friends (and I do have friends here), trying to love the place for what it is, etc. but nothing is working.

I have lived here for eight years and felt hollow the entire time. I so badly miss home.

My husband loves it here. He grew up here (2900 miles from my original home). At first I thought moving here would be a good idea, for various reasons I won't go into. However, I am miserable here. My husband does not want to move. His job is here, which is his primary reason. Our children have grown up here this far (ages 7 and 10).

I understand that a) I'm outnumbered and b) it shouldn't all be about me but living here just sort of leaves me out of the happiness equation altogether. IOW, because my family seems satisified here, my dissatisfaction and sorrow apparently don't matter. But they do matter...to me.

I have actually done several spells for us to find a place that we can *all* love and *all* feel is home, to no avail. I don't feel my happiness should override everyone else's, I just want us all to be happy. I feel so alone in this.

Any thoughts? Ideas? I feel as if I'm dying here. My connection to the goddess has been iffy since I moved here, I am entirely out of place, and I never ever feel at home...and home is one of the most important things to me. I would love some input. Thanks so very much.

That's a hard position to be in. You might want to start looking at your options and the pros & cons of each one. From my point of view some of your options are:

Trying to get a second home where you used to live before
Trying to get the rest of the family on board with moving
Separate from your husband and get joint custody with the kids
Try to tough it out until the kids are grown
Dig a little deeper into your psyche to find out if it's the location that is making you unhappy or something else?

(Just a little mental meandering by me. Don't take anything personal, it's not meant to offend just some musings and possibilities.)
As a little note to that last option, sometimes when we're unhappy our subconscious makes up reasons for that unhappiness but those reasons don't always lie at the heart of what's really wrong. Sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side when the reality of it is that the grass is every bit as green as we may be already.

Maybe it's not where you're living that is making you unhappy? What if it's a lack of spice in your life? What if you're so caught up in the daily chores and responsibilities that you've forgotten and neglected yourself to the point where you don't have anything left to give. Like a cup filling everyone else's cup... you've been poured out and emptied. Maybe you need start filling yourself up first so at the end of the day you still have some love and happiness for yourself.

(Hope that didn't sound preachy)

Anyway AutumnGirl, I hope you figure out the best course to take. Remember, "To thine own self be true".
Goddess Bless! <3

[Firebird]

Dig a little deeper into your psyche to find out if it's the location that is making you unhappy or something else?

This is probably the most likely thing to look at.
Is it really the house? Is the floor plan horrible? does the front door face a direction that is conflicting with Feng Shui or is the rest of the interior out of harmony? Or is the hubby unconcerned with your feelings? Has he moved you from your family and friends? Are you still doing things you have always liked to do?
You happiness should be first, when you are happy, then you can give to your family more readily.
...lots of questions to consider, and have you ever done a reading to get a little insight?
Blessings, Firebird

[Xiao Rong]

I am having a dilemma. I live in a place that just never feels like "home" to me. I've tried grounding, approaching any local deities and asking them in, making friends (and I do have friends here), trying to love the place for what it is, etc. but nothing is working.

I have lived here for eight years and felt hollow the entire time. I so badly miss home.

May I ask - is it the physical location you live in, or your house? Or is it the distance from your previous home? I agree with Firebird and DPhoenix - I think it's really important to look deep into your psyche and figure out the root of the problem.

[AutumnGirl]

Thank you all. It is both the physical location and the house, but way less so the house. I'm not usually picky about the actual house I live in, I just fluff it out with homey things to make it feel like it's "mine." I don't love the style of the house but again, that's not my pickiest area, generally.

It is the location. I live in Los Angeles (a suburb) and it has never felt like it had soul, to me. Or...for me. I am sure it must have soul for other people. There are many people who live here quite happily.

It's that general feeling, plus the lack of "living things" feeling, as far as I can tell. Whatever grows here, does so only because it's been transplanted and artificially watered. It doesn't rain much (another thing I miss terribly) and the trees never seem to look "natural" or "wild," they're so constrained and they just don't grow very big, because they don't belong here any more than I do.

I am 2900 miles from my original home. Yes, it's the distance, the differences, the lack of "soul" feeling and of course, being far from my family. It is VERY difficult for me to get back there due to financial constraints.

[AutumnGirl]

Oh, as far as looking within: yes, that is and has definitely been my first place to look. I am all about psychology. I have taken a psychological stance about this from the beginning and done a ton of soul-searching. It doesn't seem to be working well for me or producing answers rather than superficial ones: i.e., yes, anyone is bound to feel off and displaced in a new location; yes, memories are often more beautiful as memories than they actually were at the time; etc.

After eight years at least some of this should have diminished, IMO.

[North Star]

I know exactly how you feel!

I am going through something similar. We moved for economical and personal reasons last year, and the transition has been VERY tough for me. I went to the extreme and practically moved to Russia (hehe I can almost see it from my house!). My husband loves it here, he was born and raised. I however have struggled with this. But it was also my decision, and I am the main reason this had to happen. We went through years of hell and I was pretty much the ring-leader in that mess. A move was the best thing for us, and as far away as possible.

I have found I really miss home for the wrong reasons. Most of them are selfish and destructive, I admit. It was not a good place to raise my kids, the economy is terrible. But it still home, always will be. I am the one in my family with the connection, not the kids or husband. So of course it has been harder on me than them.

I find some peace in planning my visits. I know I get to go home, see friends and family, enjoy some East Coast food (don't get me going... I had to totally re-learn how to cook up here!). I find a lot of satisfication knowing I get to visit, enjoy the best parts of my city and then get out of there! As far as we are, I can only do this once a year. But it still helps. I also keep in my mind, nothing is forever. I make the best of this now because it is the best for ALL of my family, not just one or leaving one out of the equation. Really look at the REASONS you miss home would be my suggestion, and the reasons you dislike where you are now.

To have been where you are for 8 years, I have to agree with some of what the others mentioned... something else could be going on. You could be unhappy on some other level and the place where you are at may not be the issue. I have noticed when I am down, homesick, or just having a hard time I go on this 'I hate Alaska' trip. There is always something else going on when I feel like that. Most days I can see the beauty and peace and luck we have found here. But some days I just want to jump on the next plane and never return.

I think as wives and mothers we must make sacrifices, but they cannot take you from yourself. As I tell my best friend way too much... "You cannot take care of anyone else if you do not take care of YOU first".

Magickally speaking, I totally hear you! I have no moon, and it is on my last darn nerve. Getting better with the daylight, but the constant sun, the lack of ocean and water at my door... all of this had me going a little crazy last month (the peak of our daylight was June). Some wonderful help here gave me so much insight, and the bottom line was I just need to get more in touch with what the resources I have now. Adjust and look at things differently, it has been working wonders for me.

I wish you luck, hope to see you around the forums. Great to hear from another 80s witch! I feel so outdated sometimes with all this internet witchcraftery...I happen to love having learned before the technology age. But I love the forum here, and there is great support and friendships possible that can make a lonely witch feel a lot less lonely.

Blessings to you!

[AutumnGirl]

Oh my goodness, North Star, you have no idea how much those words meant to me. I feel like I just spoke with my best friend. Greetings from another witch who used to rock out to Duran Duran and learned witchcraft when there were no Interwebs! :p

I am going to read and re-read your post, North Star. And then read it again. I know I am going to bookmark this.

Thank you all so very much. These answers are huge for me, I feel your love all around. It means so very much.

[North Star]

Aww sweetie, I got chills reading that! Made me feel great! I felt a connection with you as soon as I read your post, I totally understand.

I grew up with an Aunt who looked like an Italian version of Laurie Cabot, big hair and all. She had a coffin as a coffee table... it was an awesome way to grow up! LOL

I look forward to talking more with you. Try to have a great day!

[Lovingvixen]

I'm sorry you're having troubles. Maybe you can take some time to go into your area and get to know the elements? I've felt similar to what you described, but just under different circumstances. Sometimes, it helps me to think of "home" as not a physical place, but a spiritual sort. So going out and making friends with a tree helps, as well as spending time with my boyfriend. Maybe thinking about it as your "home" being with your husband and family? I don't want to discredit how you feel, and I understand what it's like to want everyone to be happy, rather than just some people. I'm just offering a way that might help you adapt so you don't feel so far away from home.

[Firebird]

Hi...me again.
I live in a suburb of L.A. and I know what you are talking about in the lifelessness of the place. A ton of cement and we live in a desert.
Do you get to the beach much? I find huge energy resources there. If you spend some time strolling in your bare feet in the day... you connect with all the elements right there. I have found the most healing of the soul in the Santa Monica Mountains, as far a close places to recharge myself, I especially like Topanga Canyon. I used to go up to Mt. Baldy and surrounding forest, until they started to charge for parking, ...so much for free things to do I feel rather stuck here, like a misplaced mountain woman.
Many blessings, Firebird

[North Star]

It is similar to how girls with curly hair want straight hair, and vice versa! Some of us are country girls stuck with the city, some are city girls stuck in the country. And we want we don't have sometimes. So, you curl the straight hair or straighten your curls, make the best with what you got! Make it how you want it even if it takes a little extra effort. I had to survive mosquito swarms from hell to get to the water, and it felt good that I made the effort and got close to that element (for about a minute). Its a work in progress for me!

I am so used to appreciating and finding beauty in my city it is hard to not have those little things, and have to look in other places I am not used to. I used to enjoy seeing the water and sunset on the river from my window, now I get the sunrise over the mountain. I am still technically in the city, but very different from my city. East Coast, ocean loving (my river was special) New England witch living in a totally different world of wilderness and wildlife, I knew what to expect as I lived here as a kid... but no idea how set in my ways I was and closely connected to home at this age.

Another thing that keeps me going, thinking that nothing is forever. This may just be where I need to be right now. Who knows what the future will bring, and maybe I will fall in love with living here. Maybe I will try something new later in life. I just know I have to take it one day at a time, and everything that brought me here was for a reason.

Firebird, many beaches in RI and MA cost up to $15 to park! I like to go more in the off season not only to avoid that, but you get the place to yourself. And in the summer some places stop charging late in the day, always the best time to go. Newport RI was another of my favorites... magickal with the old mansions and the ocean and cobblestone streets. Oh, I have to stop... lol

[AutumnGirl]

Hey Firebirdflys, thanks for the suggestions of places to go...we are actually going up to Big Bear soon for vacation...I really can't wait!

Thank you so much, everyone.

[Firebird]

Hey! I went to Big Bear in May of this year, only for a couple nights...my daughter has a time share. I haven't been there in a looooooooong time, mostly because it tends to be very crowded and the drive is challenging,... I like HWY 395! I usually head to the Sierras when I go to get the cobwebs out of my soul.

Another thing that keeps me going, thinking that nothing is forever.

Ya, I was born here, but I don't intend on staying...and the house I moved into, whew! talk about weirdness and not feeling at home (but that's a really long story I won't got into)

Sometimes, it helps me to think of "home" as not a physical place, but a spiritual sort.

I built myself an Astral house, A freaking fabulous place designed just how I want it, complete with massive fireplace, library, halls dedicated to the 4 quarters, herb gardens, blacksmith shop, ponds, horses, mazes, sanctuaries and a really cool bed ...it goes on and on! I like to escape there to work on problems or when I need to relax and perhaps be inspired.

it's really important to look deep into your psyche and figure out the root of the problem

It's nice to escape, on the other hand, you are still uncomfortable in your physical home. Like Xiao says go within and be clear of the source....
Just to throw this out there...perhaps find an old map of the area to see what you house is over.
Blessings! Firebird

[shatteredsouls]

AutumnGirl,

It's been about a year since this post. How are you doing now? Do you still dislike your environment?