Year long stormy ride & how things have changed

Lesbian, gay, bi-sexual, and transgender discussion and questions.
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L.J.Hex
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Year long stormy ride & how things have changed

Post by L.J.Hex »

Hello my lovely withcy friends. <3

Its been a long while since I posted last time, I think now its time to break the silence. I have to address this in some manner, its long overdue. Things have gone on high gear since I posted my Realizations thread... I've gone through life changing events, mental changes, body changes and I'm only in the beginning. I've gone from admitting my feminine side to exploring it and finally acting upon it and I think I'm finding my place in life.

You read me right, I'm coming out to you all, let the closet doors fall of their hinges, I can't keep this inside me anymore. I know I'm sort of 'non-binary gender fluid' person, but the rabbit hole has gone much deeper than I ever thought. Starting to do herbal based hrt, DIY way was the thing that opened the Pandora's box for me, its like a tide which is impossible to control...

I'm fast becoming an male to female trans, (By the gods how I hate these titles!) likely will end up living as a woman full time at some point. My body has been completely re written by changing my hormone balance, mostly in a very pleasant way. Experimenting with these things I already started nearly two years ago, being on my herbal regimen for ten months now and I'm a different person, my body isn't the same any more. Its as if ten years of age have disappeared from my face, my hips are so much wider, I've gone from flat to D cup and I got to say I love my breasts so much... I'm overall softer and rounder than ever, very feminine and I love it.

Looking back, I should have seen this coming a long time ago, the signs were all there, blatantly obvious and I finally realized I can actually do something about it and not just shrug it all off as a daydream. Luckily for me, I do not hate my body and what ever dysphoria I have, is mostly not that bad at all, its more like finding a more pleasurable existence which better reflects on who I am on a fundamental level. Luckily Finnish language doesn't have gendered pronouns so I haven't had the need to think about it, but if you want to be very kind to me, I would love to be preferred as a she from now on. Don't worry, I wont get mad if anyone misgenders me, I'm not stiff upper lip about it. How could I, as I have both sides to my personality anyway. But if you want to melt my heart, refer me as a woman from now on.

I even came up with a female name, heck, I might use it as my craft name also. Its ironic, my bullies used to call me that when I was kid as I was teased for "being a girl" as I had long hair and totally looked (and acted!) like one of the girls back then. Its really close to my given name btw, which is funny as heck, anyone who calls me with it, is using a nickname for my female name now. smileylove I'll add few pictures here, no makeup or anything, just being me. <3

So please to meet you all, my name Larissa. May Kuutar shine upon your path. :fairy:
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Firebird
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Re: Year long stormy ride & how things have changed

Post by Firebird »

I love how you have empowered the name that playmates used to taunt you with! Emboldening move. :flyingwitch:
Looking good too. Thanks for sharing, that is a big step. :fairy: I must say. What a journey you have been on.
I have to ask you something though that maybe some people struggle with and I am one. I have a friend who recently trans to male. I am grieving the woman she was and I don't know how to approach her about it. I mean, I know she/he is the same person but it feels like a death of a sort and I will have a hard time referring to her as he. Do you have any wisdom for idiots like me?
Thanks, Firebird
“There are things known and things unknown and in between are the Doors.”
― Jim Morrison
“All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen.”
― RWEmerson
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L.J.Hex
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Re: Year long stormy ride & how things have changed

Post by L.J.Hex »

firebirdflys wrote: Sun Feb 14, 2021 1:29 pm I love how you have empowered the name that playmates used to taunt you with! Emboldening move. :flyingwitch:
Looking good too. Thanks for sharing, that is a big step. :fairy: I must say. What a journey you have been on.
I have to ask you something though that maybe some people struggle with and I am one. I have a friend who recently trans to male. I am grieving the woman she was and I don't know how to approach her about it. I mean, I know she/he is the same person but it feels like a death of a sort and I will have a hard time referring to her as he. Do you have any wisdom for idiots like me?
Thanks, Firebird
You're not the first to mention that... I thought the irony of the name is so bittersweet, its somehow so obvious, there's no other name I could think for myself. <3

I think some of my friends are going through same kind of confusing thoughts too, specially one ex of mine, she was really shocked... Replied with "I thought you were this strong Nordic alpha male who gets stuff done and can kick ass", as if I was gone. I'm just as much that tough guy as I'm a girl and a Nordic girl is tough as nails if anyone is. But yes, it is sort of death and rebirth of sorts. I don't really know a good answer to how to deal with it, except to give the time fix things and get used to it. :) Perhaps you can perform a ritual of passing to your friends past and welcome in HIS new existence? Just to give yourself peace of mind about it? Oh and talk with him about it.

I'm yet to speak to my family about this and I'm sure it will be a big shock and very difficult for them to deal with... But that must wait for now, I have to get some things cleared out before I can even think of coming out to them.

Anyway, I'm just in the beginning of the road... I'm thinking about finding out on my chances of getting on HRT at some point, but so far the herbals I've been doing are amazing! I should have added some comparison pic to how things were just few years back, I'm like a new person now and its blatantly obvious.

I must go to sleep, work tomorrow and must wake up really early. :)
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Re: Year long stormy ride & how things have changed

Post by SpiritTalker »

Hey ... you’re lovely. I have friends from college days who have taken similar journeys and in each case the new person seems to have always been there right along to be a good and caring friend. What more could I ask? Blessings and walk to the beat of your own drum.
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Re: Year long stormy ride & how things have changed

Post by L.J.Hex »

SpiritTalker wrote: Sun Feb 14, 2021 5:11 pm Hey ... you’re lovely. I have friends from college days who have taken similar journeys and in each case the new person seems to have always been there right along to be a good and caring friend. What more could I ask? Blessings and walk to the beat of your own drum.
I guess we're more common than can be obvious... ;)

So far, it has brought me a lot of happiness mixed with confusion of course... But births and rebirths are never painless or easy. I'm in for the long haul and I know there's obstacles ahead. But where there's a will, there's a way. :mrgreen:

I should have posted a before picture, I've come a long way, specially in my mind and you can see it on my face too. :D
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Re: Year long stormy ride & how things have changed

Post by SpiritTalker »

It’s eyes I notice most in people - your eyes look relaxed deeply within. Eyes never hide truths.
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L.J.Hex
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Re: Year long stormy ride & how things have changed

Post by L.J.Hex »

SpiritTalker wrote: Wed Feb 17, 2021 7:17 pm It’s eyes I notice most in people - your eyes look relaxed deeply within. Eyes never hide truths.
I guess its my new found happiness that you see. loveface Not that the road hasn't been rocky, but I would say that the good things surpass the bad ten to zero. :inlove:

One interesting observation to do with happiness is that some of the external things about transition are just fantastic. The choices I now have with looks is out of this world amazing. And not the least for little things being a confidence boost, such as my lately found love for painting my nails. And my lovely gf plucked my brows which is so nice and she did a good job on it too... I've been going to work without hiding this stuff and I love it. I'm mostly still under the radar there, but these little things feel so good even when its just me knowing about it.

I'm far from a superficial person, nor do I care so much about the surface as these things are mental and emotional changes more than anything else, but I just love it. A whole another world of self expression has opened up. I've always envied how our culture allows women to be so pretty, but everything for guys is quite boring... At least all the typical stuff, and delving into "girly" looks while presenting as a typical man is often frowned upon, but now its different. I can go out to be as pretty as I want and I have the perfect reasoning for it.

Ok, enough rambling for now. :flyingwitch:
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L.J.Hex
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Re: Year long stormy ride & how things have changed

Post by L.J.Hex »

I thought to pop in here quickly to see what's new... And I so want to share this picture.

Do I pass for a witch lady? :evilwitch:
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Re: Year long stormy ride & how things have changed

Post by Jjapsen »

I think you pass + you have amazing hair
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Re: Year long stormy ride & how things have changed

Post by SpiritTalker »

Pass👍🏼
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Re: Year long stormy ride & how things have changed

Post by Firebird »

Dang! you're looking hot M'lady!
“There are things known and things unknown and in between are the Doors.”
― Jim Morrison
“All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen.”
― RWEmerson
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L.J.Hex
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Re: Year long stormy ride & how things have changed

Post by L.J.Hex »

Thank you lovelies. <3 ^_^

Holy heck its been such a stormy heavy ride so far... Weird mix of happiness and sadness. Feeling more stable emotionally though as I've been making so much needed peace with a lot of things. Still way overdue with my craft and many other things and more pain and struggle is still ahead. I could write very very long post if I'd go through everything.

But a little note about the picture above, its amazing what my herbal based DIY hormone replacement program is doing. (No worries, I'm well read on this as I've been studying this stuff for a long time now, two years and counting.) I look more like I did in my twenties than what I looked just few years ago. Not that I would be so stuck on the looks, its just the external extension of me anyway, but makes me feel so much better in many ways.

I've started to clean my diet a lot and I will quit smoking for good once my job contract ends and I have some time for myself. I've wanted to do these things for quite a while now and what better time than now or soon.


I will chime in for more later, next time likely something craft related more than just rambling about myself. See ya'll soon again. <3
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Re: Year long stormy ride & how things have changed

Post by NeverMoonAWerewolf »

Congrats,you look amazing.
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Re: Year long stormy ride & how things have changed

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How's drumming?
“There are things known and things unknown and in between are the Doors.”
― Jim Morrison
“All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen.”
― RWEmerson
:mrgreen:
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Re: Year long stormy ride & how things have changed

Post by L.J.Hex »

firebirdflys wrote: Mon Mar 29, 2021 6:32 pm How's drumming?
Going great, both bands are making an album now that gigs are on hiatus as long as the corona stuff is in effect. But doing fine on that regard. :)

I got news, I finally came out to my mother and she was totally cool about it. But apparently I had her fooled for 37 years. I'm now out to everyone except for my dad and some not that close relatives. Its been a huge burden taken off my shoulders. Soon my job ends too and the last parts of role playing a man are a thing of the past. I'm so happy right now. Thank my gods for this being quite easy in the end. I feel blessed. smileylove

Oh and I think my herbal hormone program is doing some big time magic on me, my gf helped me do really nice makeup two days ago and it turned out fabulous. For once I felt actually pretty. So happy about how things are going, life is smiling. And soon I'll have time for my craft too, the spring is moving on fast, almost all snow is gone, soon I'll be wandering the forests, picking the first flowers of the year, listening what news the trees have for me. Btw, crows really love to hang around again, they've been here for a good while and there's some following me around almost everywhere. Even at work, they're building a nest in a nearby pine tree. Love them crows. The best birds out there. Messengers.
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