How was it for you?

Post by **Greymalkin** » Sat Aug 22, 2009 5:28 am

I'd like to start a thread on people's coming out stories. My own was pretty much a non-event.
I gave a pink shirt to my Mother one day and asked her to wash it for me because I was going to Gay Pride on Saturday.
She said "ok" and that was my coming out story.

But I have with friends over the years that not everybody has an easy time like me.
Some of my friends have had true heart-breaking moments when they came out and I'd like to hear some of the stories of members here.

Or maybe you haven't come out yet, I'd like to hear why you chose not to. Or perhaps you're planning to do it soon and need some advice.

I look forward to reading your stories.

Shutter · Post by **Shutter** » Sun Aug 23, 2009 4:29 pm

Mine was scary, I was really nervous, I was sure my mother would accept me. I suspected my dad would be okay with it. After I told them, they didn't believe me for the longest time, they told me it was a phase. It wasn't. For a long time I felt separate from my family, it was my dad, mom, and my sister... then me, like a separate group.

It sucked, we all got over it, they accept it fully and life is good. It was the getting to this point that sucked.

Post by **WolfWitch** » Mon Aug 24, 2009 8:22 am

Is it me, or was there a couple more replies to this that aren't here now... including one of my own?

Or am I just having one of those senility moments again?

Post by **Greymalkin** » Mon Aug 24, 2009 9:34 am

No you're right. Some have been removed - I don't know why there wasn't anything in them that I thought broke any of the forum rules.

I'm understand that forum moderators have to remove posts from time to time but the very least they can do is expalin to the authors of the posts WHY they are removing it.

It's just common good manners in my opinion.

Post by **WolfWitch** » Mon Aug 24, 2009 9:38 am

No big deal to me. All I had said was that I haven't came out but to a select few people i was pretty sure I could trust.

One day, I'm sure I will be able to come out but right now, it's just not a smart idea. Not in my career.

Post by **Greymalkin** » Mon Aug 24, 2009 2:22 pm

What do you do WW?

Post by **WolfWitch** » Mon Aug 24, 2009 7:32 pm

I'm active service. My story, such as it is , is on this forum around the bottom of this listing.

Post by **Greymalkin** » Tue Aug 25, 2009 5:03 am

Oh I see. I understand now why you can't come out.

Post by **WolfWitch** » Tue Aug 25, 2009 8:36 am

Yeah, maybe in a few years when I retire.

Post by **Greymalkin** » Tue Aug 25, 2009 11:38 am

I have a number of friends on active service and they also don't feel it's possible to come out.
I'm always encouraging them to do so - how bad could it be?

I guess you have to be part of it to fully appreciate it.

Post by **NightRose** » Tue Aug 25, 2009 12:40 pm

Greymalkin wrote:I have a number of friends on active service and they also don't feel it's possible to come out.
I'm always encouraging them to do so - how bad could it be?

How bad could it be? Well, come out to the wrong person (I'm assuming American military), and you could be dishonorably discharged from the service. No benefits, no retirement pay, and a "dishonorable discharge" permanently on your record. Good luck getting a job with that. It's a really serious deal in the military. Yes, there are some people who you could tell that would be fine with it, but the wrong word to the wrong person could mean the end of your career (and future careers).

Your friends know what they're talking about. And they'll come out when our government wises up and gets rid of "don't ask, don't tell".

Post by **Greymalkin** » Tue Aug 25, 2009 1:52 pm

So like I said, I guess you have to be in it to fully appreciate it.

It sounds as if things are done differently in the US military than they are in the British military.

Here, you can't be dishonorably discharged just for being gay - same way as you can't lose any job just for being gay.

My friends in the British military tell me it's more of a problem what your fellow servicemen and women will do and say if they found out.

They assure me it's far, far worse than any official action that might be taken.

Post by **WolfWitch** » Wed Aug 26, 2009 9:32 am

Somedays that don't ask don't tell things is a life saver.

If someone thinks or suspects, they can't say. And if they do, i can deny and it's a he said she said stalemate.

I envy them greymalkin. although, I'm sure some of my fellow gi's would simply just shoot me while on maneuvers by "accident".

Post by **Greymalkin** » Wed Aug 26, 2009 5:43 pm

Really? It's that bad?

Well, best thing is to keep your mouth shut until a time when you feel safer.

purplesummer · Post by **purplesummer** » Sat Aug 29, 2009 2:05 am

WolfWitch wrote:Somedays that don't ask don't tell things is a life saver.

If someone thinks or suspects, they can't say. And if they do, i can deny and it's a he said she said stalemate.

I envy them greymalkin. although, I'm sure some of my fellow gi's would simply just shoot me while on maneuvers by "accident".

People have gotten discharged for someone thinking they are gay. Someone has to file the complaint for the case to go anywhere. If someone doesn't like you and they can "prove" your gay, you're f*cked.