Verge of madness, or what?

[Traumwandlerin]

You are right Lost_Demise (always thought you were female, misleading avatar I guess), childbirth and the first few months with my newborn child gave me a whole new sense of feminity. It showed me my own strength and how this combines with deep emotions.

Well ikabas, feminity is also about the appearence, but of course that's only one part of the picture. Just start with what is most comfortable to you. Getting in touch with your emotions, look like a women, get in touch with your intuition and the suconcious, learn to how be the female fighter (like the mother for her child), female sexuality, and lots of other stuff.

I'm currently working with the Godess Oracle by Marashinsky. Maybe this could give you an overview about what women are capable of and how they all have different traits and aspects.

Of course you can't change your upbringing, maybe you had bad luck with your father (I had too, but at least he never told me I was dumb but rather encouraged me to do maths). But you can surely change your own believes today. Witchcraft is one possibility to change that.

And be assured, I understand engines and cars perfectly. It just doesn't matter for me. There is a difference between girls and boys. Boys go for the facts, the more the better, want to optimize the engine to last bit, want to compare the facts of the different cars. That's what I call a bit autistic. Women are more interested in how it works,the general idea behind it. And really, today that's the best approach, you can look up all the facts in books and the internet. I don't want to say that one gender is better than the other, but for todays needs the females are fitting better. There's actually a lot of studies about this topic. We are in changing time. At the moment men and women are almost equal. If women would feel this too, there would be no long time until they would be more dominating in this society.

Really don't get me wrong there, I really now a lot of capable men. But studies are showing that the medium of men is less capable then the medium of women in most areas (this just excludes sports and other physical activites).

[ikaba]

I understand perfectly and I agree. There is definitely a need for women and feminine qualities and today's world. And I am sure there is a whole range of strength and power to being a woman. I guess even in the animal kingdom there are certain species which are matriarchal. My mom had this thing with collecting elephant figurines and she pretty much single-handedly raised me and my brothers. I respect that and her for it so much. But alas I am not a mother myself. All I have is one mangy cat under my care.

This may sound odd, I think, but could this extreme decrease of femininity come from a long abstinence from sex?

I am, or was, a very sexual person. But haven't gotten any for almost a year now. My logic is basically that in the practice of sex I cannot really be anything except a woman. It's physically impossible.

[Traumwandlerin]

Well, there are many possibilities for a women to feel more manly sexually. You can PM me about that, cause I think this would not be approved for the youth ^^ Also, if you want to answer, do you enjoy touching yourself? Being sexually with yourself allows you to know yourself better, to find your energies, feelings and emotions within. Also repressing your sexual feelings for about a year won't do you any good. There is probably something bottled up.

Generally I feel very in touch with my sexuality even though it has nothing to do with being submissive, subservient or lieing under the man. I still feel as a woman, the feelings I get really connect me with my physical body. Maybe you fear being a women sexually is about being the one on the bottom, but that's not true. It's about getting in touch with your body and getting in touch with a lot of your emotions. Women are probably more on the emotional side than men. But emotions vary and it's not all about harmony and do as you are told. There is anger, there is happy, there is fear, there is braveness and all the other stuff.

How old are you? In the beginning I thought you just went out of puberty, like 18 or even younger. Still go to school, since you seemed undecided of what you professional career will be.

[ikaba]

Hahah, well, I can understand. Maybe there is that fear of being submissive to a man somehow but truth is that I've never been very submissive during sex. There have been relationships though where I think I've been pretty submissive in a way and the heartache of that led me to be somewhat of an opposite. Compromising is difficult now. Besides, I feel I'm a bit too young to be compromising stuff. I want what I want and no man can or should try to take those things away from me. At the same time, I am not getting very far as the majority of men I've met find me cocky and criticizing.

And yes I do touch myself (lol, it sounds so funny) because I can't seem to get the real deal. It is nice in a way, going solo, but I miss the penis in the vajeyjey and of course feeling the heat and intimacy of another human being.

Oh, I'm a 21 year old indecisive bum. I understand if you thought I was younger as there seems to be a lot of teenagers on this forum. But as for career I've been a sporadic artist realizing how art does not sell during a down of the economy :3 - so I'm going to be an illustrator and do comics instead.