I thought I would start to write down my experiences and random thought for future reference and fun.
Perhaps someone wants to chime in to say something too.
I'm lagging behind my plan about my Book of Shadows, big time. Last time I wrote something was around springtime. Its no problem though as in the meantime I have been gathering things to write, I've been doing spells which I wasn't familiar with and so on. I'm thinking of getting back into writing soon and doing a dedication ritual next spring, I started a symbolic year and a day when I started to write my book.
Speaking of which, last spring was when my long interest into witchcraft got onto another level, being serious about it. I have been into this for a long time, since I was a teenager, but never got into it the way I'm now. I have also travelled a very dark and dangerous path for years when I was younger. Luckily those days are over. I think of it now as a growing experience, very important to me as how can you avoid "evil" if you don't know it at all? That experience has made me much more sensitive and smart about what to dig into and what should I steer clear of. Mind you that when I talked about this on another witch forum, I got kind of rejected by some people which I really hope wont happen in here? I don't think it will as people here seem to be a lot more tolerant and nice than on the other forum.
Last spring was a turbulent time for me, lot of things changed. I lost my job, found out about having a birth defect i my carpal tunnels which made me rethink work and other things, luckily that will be fixed with a surgery, I wish I know how soon. My girlfriend left me back then, I'm very thankful she did as that relationship was in a dead end for a long time. Soon after I found(Actually she found me.) a girl who I think is the love of my life, the perfect match. I couldn't be happier about it. And then having so much time to be alone and think of things, I felt a strong urge to get back into meditation....
And then one night it hit me! I was mediating and just emptying my mind and by chance I asked for guidance about where I should go in a spiritual sense. I rarely have visions when I'm meditating, but that time was crazy. I felt as if I'm floating in a soft white mist of sorts and I had a vision of this perfectly beautiful godlike woman who I now think was a deity, which one, that I don't know, but I think it was THE Goddess. It was just a quick flash along with came a strong suggestion that I have to become a witch, that it is my destiny to be one and that I should start to practice and study the thing. It didn't come as words in my mind, but more like a very strong feeling.
I haven't had many of these "wake up calls" in my life, once or maybe twice before. It was way beyond normal meditation, it was a religious experience. Never before have I had a vision of something I could call a deity before and it made a huge impact on me, I still remember it as if it just happened.
Soon I started to read about Wicca and witchcraft in general. I like many aspects of Wicca, but I don't feel like its my path as it is, I'm not much into organised religion in general and I don't know anybody around my area who's into this stuff. If there is a coven here, I do not know about it. So for now I'm forced to be solitary practitioner. I would really like to get in touch with like minded people, but I think my only option at the moment is online. I have a friend who's a witch too, but he's on such a dark path (=Was my mentor years ago.) that I prefer to not speak of these matters with him any more. He taught me a lot though, I'm grateful for him, he taught me what not to do and which things to stay out of. This includes things we don't speak about in here so I wont go into details.
The other forum I mentioned, I don't visit them much and I don't write there any longer. The admin/owner of that site is a traditional Wicca and her attitude towards my eclectic thinking wasn't very nice. She's also a member in a coven and I think her idea is that you shouldn't poke around this unless you go the traditional way. (=You're not a witch without a coven.) I have never settled very well with rules, authority figures and set ways of doing things, I've always walked my own path in life, doing what my heart tells me instead of following a lead. This doesn't always seem to suit those with differing ideas which is bit sad. Although on this forum I sense totally different attitude, I really like it here. I just wish people would be more active, but I guess there's all the time in the world.
My experiences since spring have been very positive mostly. Amazing things have started to happen since I've started to ask guidance and help from certain deities, the most powerful chance being the Goddess of the moon. At the moment its Diana. (Damn, cold shivers from just typing that name!) Most spells and rituals I have done have had very positive impact on my life and almost everything has worked so far. The only thing that backfired was a money spell I did at one point, since then, I have been broke half of the time, having one setback after another hit me out of the blue. I don't know what went wrong, something obviously did. I don't think there's outside influence on this, probably my lack of experience or the haste on which I did that spell screwed it up. One thing I have taken note of is that it seems that my gift is to do spells to help others, every time I have tried to help a friend etc. by magickal means, it has come to pass just as I wanted it to happen. When ever I'm selfish the effect isn't that obvious or then it backfires. The more time passes, it seems that I'm getting more and more into helping others before myself and it feel like the right thing to do.
My Beltane ritual was amazing. I cast a circle in a forest nearby to a special place I have there, it was mostly about thanksgiving to the spirits and gods, I didn't do any specific spells. It was mind blowing, soon after casting my circle and summoning the ones who I pray to, I felt as if a big crowd was standing right outside my circle and I even heard footsteps around me, couldn't see anything with my eyes, but I certainly felt it. It was the first BIG ritual I did in that manner and it made totally clear that this is the thing I'm supposed to be doing and there's lot more to it that you wold think. The feeling afterwards was euphoric, I walked the way back home feeling so happy and energetic, I chanted something all the way, I don't even remember what it was, but I had to sing, it felt so good. Next year, I will try to follow the wheel more consistently, life has been on the way of this for months now.
Woaah... That's one long post, enough rambling for now, I'll get back into it later on.... Hmm, perhaps when the latest spells I've done come to pass. Hopefully.
By my feet the flowers of witchery abloom.