Prospitdaydreamer and their neverending thoughts

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Prospitdaydreamer
Posts: 24
Joined: Mon Apr 10, 2017 9:41 pm
Gender: Transgender Man

Prospitdaydreamer and their neverending thoughts

Post by Prospitdaydreamer »

I can't stop thinking about Anubis. I think he really is with me and guiding me, but it still feels like a blur. It all really feels like a blur. I know I communicated with Isis, I feel her love and her nurturing. Anubis, I don't think I've talked with. Or at least in a way that I can understand. I really especially have to clean my room so I can get a permanent shrine spot for him. Right now he's chilling on the empty top of one of my drawers. It's not that great. Anyway, I just don't know where I am yet. That's ok though, I think. The more I educate myself on this religion, the more I know it's the path for me. I keep wanting to tear up, because it just speaks to me so much. When I went to my nearest spiritual store to get my shrine supplies, I told to the cashier that I was unsure on what to do with the shrine. He gave me advice I really want to try out, going to the forest and just... feeling the energy. Whatever sticks out solely, might be a good idea to put in the shrine. Which makes sense! I could keep Anubis with me. It's almost like a shopping trip for him haha! I'd really like to do that, so I probably will soon. Especially since it's getting warmer out where I am.
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Prospitdaydreamer
Posts: 24
Joined: Mon Apr 10, 2017 9:41 pm
Gender: Transgender Man

Re: Prospitdaydreamer and their neverending thoughts

Post by Prospitdaydreamer »

Today, I prayed to Anubis at the shrine I made. It was really nice. I imagined us sitting across from eachother, both just... concentrating. Like he was praying too almost, but that's silly. Who would he be praying too, himself? Kind of a funny thought. Speaking of funny thoughts, I also gave him an offer of craisins and almonds. For some reason it's just super funny to me. Like, here you go Anubis. Here's your craisins and almonds. I might just have to draw that! Gosh, today was testing me though. People were just getting straight on my nerves! I also keep thinking about how people just like to diss my religion. I know I have to let that stuff go, and I'm trying, but it's also super hard! Like...Wicca is so beautiful and peaceful and I feel so happy when I practice and sometimes it just overwhelms me with good feelings and positive energy! But they'll never understand that. They'd rather get hung up on how stupid it is I believe in magic or gods that the majority of society has forgotten about, besides for a history lesson. Don't get me wrong, I knew this all before starting my path, but still. I remember being called a "dumbf***" for believing in magic once. I was fuming with anger. It just gets hard sometimes. On the other hand I know I have the strength to overcome it. I know deep down in my heart that it's real, for me AT LEAST. That's what matters. They can all carry on their life path, and I'll carry on with mine~
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Prospitdaydreamer
Posts: 24
Joined: Mon Apr 10, 2017 9:41 pm
Gender: Transgender Man

Re: Prospitdaydreamer and their neverending thoughts

Post by Prospitdaydreamer »

I'm just going to come to terms with it. I have romantic feelings for Anubis. He's just so special to me and I have overwhelming feelings for him. I just want to make him happy and do my best. I really don't know what it is or why it started, but it's there. I was so scared to admit it because I didn't want to be weird. I didn't want him to be uncomfortable or creeped out but thinking about it?? He probably already knew?? I mean...he is a god. I don't know where my train of thought was going with that one, but either way, it feels really good to just let it out. Ahhh ok, moving on now. I think I had another conversation with Isis today. She just let me know everything was going to be ok and that I was becoming strong. I love her a lot. She's so easy to talk to. She's just really rad and I need to make her a shrine too. I'm already planning it out. I prayed to Anubis again. This time we actually talked. Or communicated somehow. He seemed to be pleased with his shrine. I also got a bag of little dark chocolates with almonds to offer him. I think he likes them! I know I would haha! I'm really grateful for this site. Everyone here has been very kind and helpful and I really appreciate you all. I'm so glad I joined smileylove
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Prospitdaydreamer
Posts: 24
Joined: Mon Apr 10, 2017 9:41 pm
Gender: Transgender Man

Re: Prospitdaydreamer and their neverending thoughts

Post by Prospitdaydreamer »

When I went to pray, I was hurting. I haven't really been able to contact Anubis. Or it doesn't feel like it. I'm wondering if I'm not focusing enough? I began to cry slightly because I was already feeling insecure because no one seems to have feelings for me. Then I began thinking what if Anubis is the same? He doesn't want to talk to me?? I don't know, I was just really hurting. When I got a little fed up, I blew out the candles but I let the incense burn for a little. It was dark and all I could see was the faint glow of the incense. I began to zone out and I felt like I was being told something. Then I heard my brain just say "trust him". I suppose that must have been him telling me to trust him. I shouldn't have taken my hurt out on him. He's right, I just need to be patient. I'm just sick of feeling this way. I know I can overcome it and I know he'll help me. I should probably do something to apologize for my lack of faith in him.
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