The Change is Perpetual

If you'd like to have your own blog here, start yourself a thread. Use your member name somewhere in the title so people will know who you are. The blogs here should be mostly about your spiritual path and beliefs.
User avatar
citrine
Posts: 130
Joined: Tue Jan 12, 2016 6:28 am
Gender: Female
Location: Sweden

Re: The Change is Perpetual

Post by citrine »

Associated card: none.
Associated track: http://bit.ly/1O7hQq3

Thank you, sweet Shani A., for sharing this story with me! The story made me re-thinking nearly everything when it comes to exploring the past incarnations. We all perhaps are having such a huge abundance of dormant karmas... exploring them all could lead our lives to a grinding halt. Our bodies could become just as emaciated as Jaigishavya's, and the balance could be never found then... and, the true balance, as you show with your own example, could be attained only by practising non-attachment. Releasing and letting go, the practice I try to follow on a daily basis, must be applied to the dormant karmas as well, and here lies the key to the most profound ascension ever...
Thank you again <3

[http://pparihar.com/2016/01/11/the-story-of-jaigishavya]

AMETHYSTCLUSTER (I TRANSFORM) / "Jaigishavya" / February 2016
Saol na saol, tús go deireadh. Tá muid beo go deo.
User avatar
citrine
Posts: 130
Joined: Tue Jan 12, 2016 6:28 am
Gender: Female
Location: Sweden

Re: The Change is Perpetual

Post by citrine »

Associated card: none.
Associated track: http://bit.ly/1LlSc17

“I lived”... Just imagine, when your soul will leave your body, when you finally end up in the spiritual realm completely... wouldn't anyone be proud of _living_, just even once, perhaps? No matter the difficulties, we all are experiencing this wonderful thing called “life”, which has its ups and downs, of course... but it gives the most intense sensual experience ever. I wonder who the author of the following is...
Thank you, Daniel C., for sharing! It struck a chord with me <3

“Gau was never much liked by anyone in town. When Gau ate, he always sat on the ground. The people of the town spent a lot of money on their clothes, but Gau wore the same potato sack he had found in a trash bin, who knows how long ago. It had certainly been more years than anyone could count. Gau kept it clean by washing in the river and somehow managed to find thread to keep it reasonably whole.

Gau never really spoke much, he enjoyed writing on the ground with his finger. What he did say seemed nonsensical to most, though the words he whispered to curious children or folks too old to be cautious of him any more often made them smile, sometimes that smile would hang on their face for days, like a glow exuding its own warmth.

Gau could often be found sitting in the shadow of a massive oak, under which he also slept, in the park at the centre of the town. Sometimes the security dicks would run him off, but he never complained or frowned, he would walk away and return after they had gone.

No one could remember Gau being sick before he was gone. Nobody could remember how he died or seeing him die, but when Gau was gone, it was assumed he had died. He had dwelt in the shadow of the oak as long as anyone could remember. He had always been seen washing his potato sack down by the river.

A strange sort of sadness descended on the people of the town after Gau had gone wherever Gau had gone to. You could almost see his shadow against the oak if you squinted your eyes a bit. You could almost hear the wet slap of his simple potato sack against the flat stones of the river if you stood silently.

One day, some time later, one of the townsfolk noticed a simple scrawl in the dirt at the foot of the massive oak that Gau had dwelt and slumbered beneath. The roots of the oak rising to either side had kept the rain from washing it away. The people of the town had a meeting and all agreed. They got their children and their relatives, they all met up under the shadow of that massive oak and a bit of cement was spread into that patch of earth, to keep those words and the memory of Gau, for as long as that lump of concrete, the town, the townsfolk and that massive oak could last.

Those words were: I lived”.

AMETHYSTCLUSTER (I TRANSFORM) / "We Live" / February 2016
Saol na saol, tús go deireadh. Tá muid beo go deo.
User avatar
citrine
Posts: 130
Joined: Tue Jan 12, 2016 6:28 am
Gender: Female
Location: Sweden

Re: The Change is Perpetual

Post by citrine »

Associated card: Seven of Cups.
Associated track: none.

In the meantime, while installing a new system to my backup laptop & backing up the data... here's the third and final part of my clairvoyance journal. The psychic information or just some weird science fiction, it's up to one to decide :) So...

A rainbow coloured butterfly. ET being, shades of grey...

Spacecraft. A shape of an eagle, flying by. ET being again. A huge clear quartz crystal... Mountains... A star. Purplish yellow sky... staring in the sky, looking to the left. Souls. Angelic beings coming from... something with very vivid colours. Vehicle? Wormhole? I can't make anything of it except colours... orange, green, magenta, yellow. Once again, a feeling of home. Shapes. Emerald / yellow vortex, falling through or moving forward. A shape of a giant amorphous being, yellow “background” behind it. Again, the same star system, 8 (or 9) planets around the star. Images flying by pretty fast... but it looks like at some point I died and reincarnated as one of the small beings mentioned before in the journal. Peculiar...

That's how I died... yellow meadow, staring in the sky... blue-yellow-reddish atmosphere. A gas giant visible in the sky... perhaps, this planet is a moon to this gas giant. And then... I was born again.

Huge shape of letter Z, or 2, overlapping my normal vision, the visions are getting very powerful. 8, 8, 8... oh well, I get it now. I died because I chose to. Just karma.

Keeping having downloads, but not having any visions... but the next day, in the shower, saw some symbols from the visions on the wall. Spacecraft, letter M, some abstracts. Wow. Curiouser and curiouser.

Moon. A skull. Faces whooshing by before the skull appeared. Rotating letter K. A solar symbol. Big... fish-like being trying to swallow me. An arrow towards east. 8. 3. A heart shape in the book, which is open. Flying letter X... or that very familiar space vehicle. A view from inside the vehicle! Faces... controls, or rather a place to dwell and rest / hibernate... A flying saucer. 3. The wheel turns... A. ET being... agony? Eye... ascension... war? The nuclear energy symbol. Door opening... very rocky planet, reddish atmosphere. Dollar sign. An arrow just cannot get through the obstacle... fish, bells, pendulum, spirits, anchor... flying by. H. A. Tornado... arrow down. A... okay, I just heard a word. ASHTAR. Did I seriously just tapped into Ashtar? I had no idea what it is until I googled it up afterwards. A tentacle hits me really hard... seeing a bird flying away. Another word... ALCYONE. Okay, I know where it is. I accept it.

My angels are with me... my window of opportunity is approaching!

Now it's about an astral projection! Seeing it all around me, even for like 10 seconds, but still! Hearing! WOW. Lemuria? A sort of continent anyway, smaller than Australia, tropical one... Shore, sea, singing of birds, possibly forest not far away... sand.

So I got the final confirmation of what am I and what exactly am I doing here. I might return home if I make further changes to the world in the form of contribution...

Okay, apparently I've just seen and talked to a being who appeared to me as a shape of Mr. Gautama... very weird feeling, I wanted to ask something, but there was a mental block or rather I did realize that all my problems relate directly to the situation of a hamster in a wheel. I asked if everything will be alright, meaning, if I'm protected or not, and the being just said “yes”.

And the final paragraph... now it's all about a big time revelation. Meditated with a piece of celestite and with my lemurian seed... got “a telephone call” from another realm. The being who referred to itself as Michael. Just Michael. He felt so profoundly different... “channelled” voice I can't even describe properly, and there was no delay, the conversation took a couple of minutes, and I've learnt a lot from him. My origin, the source of my energy, but I don't really have a “home” as everyone understands it, just a source. Alcyone and Erra were mentioned in some context as well... I wanted this. I am not a human being but I chose all this. Right.

What next? I stopped paying attention afterwards... but I'm still connected. And being so grateful... not everyone gets a chance to experience even this tiny glimpse.

AMETHYSTCLUSTER / "Visions III" / February 2016
Saol na saol, tús go deireadh. Tá muid beo go deo.
User avatar
citrine
Posts: 130
Joined: Tue Jan 12, 2016 6:28 am
Gender: Female
Location: Sweden

Re: The Change is Perpetual

Post by citrine »

Associated card: The Moon.
Associated track: none.

Dreams are indeed a form of exploration... within and beyond. Some dreams are just showing us that the obstacles can be overcome... one of the times it felt like some Disney-like animation film. An animated little girl and a kitten were sliding through dark and rocky urban places, shining with light and love... it felt so cute <3 Upon reaching their destination they merged and some very familiar British police box appeared out of the blue... The observer opened its door and stepped outside. Another dream touched upon the profound darkness... an ex of the observer died and the observer reclaimed the place of the ex in all senses. Reclaiming the person's place of living, family and friends sounds really dark. This part of the subconscious shall be healed as soon as possible. Another dream, again, about that ex, was like a live video, very detailed one, about that ex being with some other girl (Ukrainian?) - this was totally painful to see, even if I don't have any feelings left towards that person, apparently... Then, the focus of the dream shifted towards some impossible situation, I was talking to someone about one American guy I know who apparently lived and worked in Sweden, but he lives in California... while seeing this video on the phone or something. I woke up instantly upon this realization and checked with the cards. Eight of Swords Rx, clarified by High Priestess Rx. Amazing... “now you know the power of your thoughts, what you perceive as failure, you see as times of profound growth, and you're disconnected from your sexuality”. Perhaps a premonition, but it was a very clear sign about limiting thoughts, taking chances, growth and being trapped because of withdrawal from the world. Taking chances and working on the appearance is a way to go, and I'm really grateful for this advice.

AMETHYSTCLUSTER / "Dreams" / February 2016
Saol na saol, tús go deireadh. Tá muid beo go deo.
User avatar
citrine
Posts: 130
Joined: Tue Jan 12, 2016 6:28 am
Gender: Female
Location: Sweden

Re: The Change is Perpetual

Post by citrine »

Associated card: none.
Associated track: none.

The ultimate recipe for a green smoothie: 1 medium ripe banana; 1 cup of fresh, canned, or frozen pineapple; 3 large handfuls of fresh spinach (washed); 1 cup of plain Greek yoghurt; 6 oz. water; 1 teaspoon coconut oil or 2 teaspoons coconut cream (optional). Put all ingredients in a blender, and blend until smooth.

Courtesy of S-A Stephens (simplyrecipes.com).

Starting almost every day with this smoothie! The depression is finally over once one gets a taste for cooking again! Can't wait until weekend when I will finally try this new eggplant and portobello schnitzel recipe along with fresh herb potato rösti and apple sauerkraut salad... served with more portobellos baked in that Swedish Oatly sauce... yummyyyy :)

Oh gosh. I feel totally inspired to make a huge post on food and depression recovery... a bit later on :)

AMETHYSTCLUSTER / "Smoothie" / February 2016
Saol na saol, tús go deireadh. Tá muid beo go deo.
User avatar
citrine
Posts: 130
Joined: Tue Jan 12, 2016 6:28 am
Gender: Female
Location: Sweden

Re: The Change is Perpetual

Post by citrine »

This is a letter to my ex... some sort of final release. I never sent it anywhere, obviously. Literature-wise it's quite okay, that's why this letter is ending up here... so.

Dear K,

Yes, I mean you. KSEE. You. I'm writing this letter to you because I still didn't get over you, even after a year, when so much stuff happened in my life... This residual pain is still lingering in my soul. The pain of losing you forever. I lost you and you lost me, this is a fact. You are complete stranger to me now. Isn't it ironic... I remember when you messaged me first time on Mazily. It was something like “I like your appearance, would you be interested to talk? K”. I was at the moment trying to take care of a friend, KR, to cheer her up over her break-up. That friend is no longer here as well... I just decided to reply and to see how it goes. We had an interesting conversation really, I remember I was feeling quite uncomfortable with Swedish and I was like “gosh, I really have some sort of language impairment”. But thanks to you, you took it easily. We decided to meet up somewhere down town for a fika. I remember I was listening to Scorn, the track was called “Strand”, when I've seen you first time at Hötorget station. I was quite OK regards appearances when I saw your photo... thought like “okay, I really never had a real date with a girl before, a date with a girl who is genuinely interested in me at least, so it's OK, I'll give it a chance”. We went to RFSL, you brought your laptop - I was happy to fix the music software for you, and I liked your attitude when you started whistling something when some track was playing, I found it really cute! Then we walked towards Gamla stan and had dinner in some vegetarian restaurant... then we said goodbye and went each one her own way. I was having a feeling that I met an interesting person, and I definitely looked forward to meeting you again! Then, in Skype, you suggested me to go to your place, that you referred to as some sort of “gallery”. I said, like, “alright, let's do this!”. It was right after I got my permanent residence permit and had a drink with KR, who came to celebrate with me on crutches - that was so amazing of her to come! - I even asked her, who knows so many people in Stockholm, to check if she's a nice person, and KR said that she visited one of your exhibitions and she got a good ambience about you! I was having a good feeling about you, no matter if we end up as friends or lovers, I felt that it was a win-win situation. So, I took my laptop and went to your place in Blackeberg. There was one red flag actually that I ignored about you - you said “what is wrong with being self-centred” - but I thought it was alright, I didn't have any idea about my own emotional nature at the moment... We had dinner at your place, you showed me many photos, including photos of your exes... I don't exactly remember if it was that time or another time you showed me your quite intimate photos with your ex, C... I perceived it all quite distant, like, “okay, good quality” and you felt a bit hurt because, according to you, you wanted to show me your world. You also said that C, who lived at your place, is moving out soon since you two had problems living together even after the break-up, when you two just remained friends. Maybe in order to calm me down? So... we were fixing some music stuff, at some point - I never expected any intimacy - you suggested relaxing together a bit, and I was very happy to do that, my reaction was like “finally!” :) Time just slowed for us, it felt like this. A lot of things happened then... at some point I was like “oh my God, you are so sweet!!!”, at this point I let you in emotionally and physically. Then you asked me if I want to go home, I said “what do you think?”, teasing you a bit - so we spent a night together, getting used to each other's energies. Next day you went to work and I went to the meeting with authorities, I think... This was exactly how it started. Then you went celebrating Christmas to your native Småland, to your parents' house. After the Christmas you went back to Stockholm because you just wanted to meet me again and I wanted to meet you again so much... I'm sorry if I'm describing some of the events out of order, this was really long time ago, but I remember it all in the greatest details anyway. This was the end of December 2013, everything so far looked great about you for me. I went to your place again... I think this was Friday, so I was looking forward to spending a whole weekend with you. We tried to get intimate, but at some point you stopped me, I was like “okay”. In the morning you said that you want to be alone, and this hurt me so much really... I didn't exactly understand the concept of me-time at the moment since I was having “me-time” all my life, I was so lonely... We had a walk in Tantolunden, I was behaving very distant, and you told me “no worries, I'm not going to throw you away from my life, let's meet on 31st and have dinner in some Indian restaurant. Jag bjuder!”. This made me feel better and I was like “okay, let's do that!”. So, on December 31st we had dinner somewhere in Södermalm, then went to your place, drinking non-alcohol beverages... the sky exploded with lights when the countdown was over, it was so beautiful... After all that, in the bed, you said the words that totally changed everything, the words I was longing for already... “I know it's so difficult to say but I think I love you”. OMG!!! Finally!!! “I love you too!!!”. It was so amazing feeling, at some point we both felt like we wanted to fall into each other... we had so amazing night that solidified our bond, we changed our Facebook relationship statuses and went to dreamland being the most happy girls in the world!!! January 1st, a perfect date for a start of a beautiful relationship... as I thought back in the days. I am most grateful for these moments really. Thank you so much. It shaped and confirmed my sexual identity, finally, and it was really transforming for me... after so many years of suffering, a permanent residence permit and a girlfriend! Thank you universe!!! A year ago, in December 2012, I wrote a wish during Christmas time about the residence permit, and in the very beginning of 2014 I felt that I was blessed double! Thank you again. The universe brought me exactly what I needed most, love and residence permit. And then... at the moment I had no idea what to make of it, to be honest. This was a totally new situation for me. I used to fight my way through the system and I was at the point where I just had to settle down finally. Everything at the moment that was lacking in my life was balance. I used to always think in a bigger picture, and I felt really insecure about everything, including even the blessings that were given to me by the universe. But no matter what, I decided that I'll do everything for you, as long as you're happy I am happy. I was sorting out stuff with authorities, recording an album based on your tracks - you recorded some tracks about me and I decided to reciprocate it. I recorded an album, “A New Beginning”... techno stuff... and prepared a physical release to be distributed on your live concert event where you had your exhibition as well. January passed by very smooth, and, in the beginning of February, after your concert, you recorded a track called “Different Feelings”. There was something in the air already. I am an empath, meaning that I am an emotional sponge when it comes to people, especially to my partner. I don't really know where it came from, but at some point I started to feel really jealous, especially regards you and C, and it felt like you became very distanced, and I became some sort of “chaser”, hence the jealousy as well. I had no idea what was happening but it was really disturbing. Nevertheless, in an attempt of positive affirmation, I recorded an EP for you for February 14th, an EP that was called “I love you so much that even in the distant areas of the known parts of our galaxy one can sense this overwhelming feeling”. You didn't download it in the end. At some point, after listening to some Coil tracks, the material that made me listening to my intuition big time, I had a nervous breakdown. You came to my place in an attempt to comfort me, I thought everything was okay after that, but all of a sudden I received a message from you, a suggestion to meet at RFSL and talk about something important. I was getting very mixed signals about it, and we met at RFSL... you told me you don't want to be with me any more. In a vain attempt to save the relationship I called one of the friends, he talked to you and then told me that not much could be done in this case. I told you “farewell then”, walked out of RFSL, went to T-Centralen, took the train home... the pain was so huge. What was given to me was taken away all of a sudden, this is how it felt at the moment. All the pain and suffering that I experienced through life, all the rejections came up and hit me so hard so I didn't consider living further any more. I called KR and said “sorry, but I just wanted to say goodbye, I can't take it any more“. She suggested that before I do anything to myself she needs to meet me. We met at Telefonplan, I had a very arrogant attitude and couldn't control myself... this arrogance of mine that came out of suppressed emotions just destroyed this friendship as well later on, but she took it all very seriously at the moment since she invested a lot of work into my asylum case back in the days and she liked me, considered me her special friend in the end... We went to her place and I was just crying and crying... I tried to hurt myself, so we went to St:Görans hospital and admitted me there. Next day I was transferred to Nacka hospital. Fairly said, it was nice in some way to be admitted, I took my time eating healthy vegetarian food and watching Doctor Who, particularly “The Trial of a Time Lord”, somehow identifying myself with Sixth Doctor. KR was visiting me there, we even had some laugh that I have to find a girlfriend from Norrland since they're different (KR is from Norrland). After I was released from the hospital, I went home, opened my emails and saw the messages that you want to get back together since you love me so much. It surprised me a lot since I took my time to get you out of my system, but I said “okay, come to my place” nevertheless. I still don't know why I did this. Maybe your willingness to solve the problem, maybe my desperation... You came, we talked and at some point you hugged me so tight and just started crying... my heart started to feel warm again and I said “okay, let's try to sort out our problems”. You stayed at my place for a night and we were kinda back together again. It was very strange really... later on some friends said that this relationship was dysfunctional from the beginning but no one except KR said anything beforehand, perhaps knowing that I'd dismiss their judgements. I still felt very hurt and we kept a huge distance from each other. We went to relationship counsellor, I found out that I didn't say enough compliments to you and some other things I absolutely had no idea about. But you released an EP, “For My Love”, in order to cheer me up and it was appreciated a lot. I tried to suppress my jealousy towards C, we talked with him and you a lot about the relationship between you and him, but something just didn't add up, I was still not convinced... I had no idea if it was my crazy jealousy or you two were closer than you and me in the way that I felt totally out of place, but later on some of my fears were kinda confirmed. I tried to do my best to use my activist network to find him a room when you literally planned to kick him out, but you still chose to move to another place in Hökarängen with him, when you were forced to move from Blackeberg due conversion of your housing to bostadsrätt. I tried to take it easy (even you said that you'd be jealous yourself in this case), but I was waiting for the end of April with fear, thinking that you both would appear on the door sign as a couple - the thought was really crazy but it was my fear, I couldn't do anything about it taking into account your distancing. But, you introduced me to your parents and family, I introduced you to my mom. To be honest, somehow I had a feeling that your sisters seem to be much nicer than you, and I liked the boyfriend of your older sister actually, a very nice guy and a fan of Doctor Who as well. We could become friends back in the days... but what was gone was gone for good. Days passed by... I was influenced by you to write a book about my distant past in order to make peace with my past and accept it, and I am very grateful about it. We started talking in Swedish, and I appreciated as well the language practice very much! Because of you I got my Swedish into shape, and thank you a lot for that. Concerts, long walks in nature, parties, movies, good food, enjoying life... we had good times regardless of our problems, and I am grateful. I've learnt a lot and starting to remember now how to keep a relationship going, to keep it fun and entertaining... it'll be very useful when my future girlfriend finally comes into my life. So, I helped you along with some friends to move to your new place, you even gave me my copies of keys to your place “just in case” and I really appreciated that as a sign of trust. You recorded a track for me, “A Summer With You”, when I was given an assignment in my school to make a speech about a Swedish artist and summer songs, I produced two remix albums for your tracks featuring my friends from music community. The bond was alive and growing regardless of your distancing and my bursts of jealousy from time to time. Around June we started to plan a grilling party in nature / release party for “A Summer With You”. We were invited to a place in Kallhäll, where you tried to have a drink first time since long time. We were buzzed and you said that in a couple of years you want to marry me... can't say I was particularly excited about it but the possibility of further bonding made me excited indeed. I still quite don't get the idea of marriage but if it's about bonding and if to consider it as absolute bond... wow! If we both were sober at the moment, I'd consider this an engagement already :) To take the last name E was a fantastic idea anyway! We were both drunk as hell, stayed over in Kallhäll, tried to have sex when our friends were in the room - we didn't notice anyone, it was just about you and me - haha! Crazy girls :) Crazy love. I have no idea what you're doing now but taking into account your depression and anxiety, as far as I know, I think that this time with me was a highlight of your life as well. Still, the problem with C persisted, and with time the distance between you and me was growing, the distance between you and him was contracting rapidly. You went to Småland for a couple of weeks, I can't really say you missed me even if I missed you as hell. Then I went to Småland since you invited me to spend Midsummer with your family... You behaved really unstable, crying a lot... I tried to comfort you but it was no good. Something in you just crumbled big time, I could feel it...

Okay. The aforementioned was written in August 2015, and from the moment of now, February 2016, everything feels very different. The pain is almost gone. I really moved on from all that. Cold facts... because of your stubbornness and lack of consideration I almost ended up in the mental hospital there. Two weeks after my visit to Småland you dumped me for good. And called the police, since I was behaving “unstable”. The aftermath of all that was this... after a failed suicide attempt I went through a very long path of recovery, which will be another story that is, frankly, not of your concern. Yes, just like you I haven't managed to find just anyone, because in the end... I am on a very different wavelength compared to the absolute majority. And, after all, I never have had any other relationship with a girl before. You couldn't respect me in this relationship, and... I couldn't do it as well, perhaps, because of our profound difference. Nevertheless, I've learnt my lesson, and I'm grateful for everything. I forgive you and I forgive myself. I let you go now. Go now in peace, blessing all those you meet on your way.

Hail and farewell,
/L
Saol na saol, tús go deireadh. Tá muid beo go deo.
User avatar
citrine
Posts: 130
Joined: Tue Jan 12, 2016 6:28 am
Gender: Female
Location: Sweden

Re: The Change is Perpetual

Post by citrine »

Dear MK,

Here it goes, orchestrated in the realms beyond my initial perception... that “you're full of shit”, delivered by you last summer. Frankly, when I met you back in the days... everything looked great. On the paper. Reality showed it in a totally different light. You claimed to be authentic enough, and I've learnt at least what you've tried to channel... but did you follow your own advice in life? When your friend just forced you to stop your car and just went out? I know that I'm most easily fooled when it comes to many things in life, and I do need a reality check from time to time, but... In a nutshell, I was building up hopes and confidence in myself regarding you, and you just told me - “you're full of shit, I don't want to be a part of your world”. Simple as that. It doesn't concern me much what happened to you then, I wish you all the best, but in my world... I can't reach out any more to the dating world because of you. You finished me off... And, you were the only spiritual-minded person I talked to back then. On the paper, as you smugly predicted when I left Malmö, I should be... dead by now already. You recommended me to kill myself, remember? In a way, I really died afterwards. I went to Meditationslunden in Skogskyrkogården and just stared in the sky... I never forget a scenery. The most beautiful canvas of the ordinary August day, a mix of greys and yellows reflecting off slowly moving clouds, creating the distant haze that felt cold and distant, but somehow very comforting... And the sun, tearing a small hole in this canvas, was glimmering upon me in its faint attempt to make me reconsider hurting myself in the most profound way forever and ever. The divine symphony of the transverse nature, susceptible to reflection, refraction and polarization in complete correspondence with the vibrations and energies about... I saw it and witnessed it the first time in my life. The leaves on the trees chanting the unsung songs of those who have passed on already, the ambience of the invisible bells sounding faintly from the dimensions above and beyond... the endless circle of transformation and rebirth has just started in Sweden, reflecting everything that was happening within me. I thought I saw an UFO behind the clouds. Maybe it was the UFO, I didn't think much about it during that time. I asked the only question... who am I? What am I? I had no idea after all that... who I am and what I am, really. And, after this experience, I've started receiving the cosmic downloads. I told you all about it. And I felt... you became scared. Something didn't calculate for you, right? You hurt me enough to trigger my “regeneration”, that still goes on... Everything in my life changed since then, I'm still integrating my original energy into my life. And you wondered then... did I meet someone or not. I told you that I'm not interested in that at the moment... since I felt connected with my primordial energy in the most profound way, and, after 29.7 years of living on this planet I finally felt whole. Maybe you've realized that your own claims of being from elsewhere became... not really founded by anything, since you've met someone so profoundly different... whose original energy blueprints made you realize your own true nature, perhaps? You disappeared from my life for good then. I guess, we both have learnt something after all? We both have been sort of teachers or gurus to each other. Maybe you've already found someone. Good for you if so. I still have my social anxiety... and having absolutely no idea how to approach this mentioned dating scene again. No one is messaging me on match.com, but at least if I'd be single next year they'll return me my money. Other than that... I'm still thinking how to present myself to the world, I must do it in a most polished way possible, after all. I'm trying to build some structure here as much as I can, and then I'll just go ahead with it all. Not with your advice, of course... the moment I'm letting it all out I feel I've finally started to move on from all that. With the idea and the goal... to meet someone better than you. I'm grateful for everything though. I forgive you and I forgive myself. I let you go now. Go now in peace, blessing all those you meet on your way.

Hail and farewell,
/L
Saol na saol, tús go deireadh. Tá muid beo go deo.
User avatar
citrine
Posts: 130
Joined: Tue Jan 12, 2016 6:28 am
Gender: Female
Location: Sweden

Re: The Change is Perpetual

Post by citrine »

Associated card: Eight of Swords.
Associated track: none.

So I gather, indeed, very much. Tried to express what I felt regards my new neighbour on that simpleconfess thingie... got trolled big time. Being a loser? You missed the point totally, whoever you are back there. Humans... as one of my favourite characters in the world used to say, “smelly humans”, indeed. Do you really think that I care about being watched, _if_ you care enough to watch what I'm doing here? Go ahead, feel free to read my posts then... I'm anything but a sad loser. The difference is that I let things go, I don't hold on to anything any more ever. I clean away my space in order to invite the new into my life. The mockery and the bullying just simply aren't worth my time. But, they remind me of the huge “solid structure” of self-hatred that I'm trying to dismantle last couple of months. According to others, I already do shine quite bright, and what is shining and emitting light in the end... is never alone. It's quite good to remind oneself... that we all are a part of that enormous matrix of the experiences, and, once again, the pattern can be changed.

AMETHYSTCLUSTER / "Confession" / February 2016
Saol na saol, tús go deireadh. Tá muid beo go deo.
User avatar
citrine
Posts: 130
Joined: Tue Jan 12, 2016 6:28 am
Gender: Female
Location: Sweden

Re: The Change is Perpetual

Post by citrine »

Dear MG,

Oh, you. I still remember you, even if nothing really had happen and it was more than a year ago... but you're the very definition of an almost-relationship to me. A brilliant writer, an activist, a journalist... and one of the first spiritually-minded people in my life ever. A star child by design. A sand wanderer on a largest scale possible, traversing the deserts for who knows how many incarnations. The desert wind stirring up the wispy sand, your eternal place of dwelling and slumber, had never been obtrusive in everything that concerns you and your research. The ancient guardian, you. Frankly, it was you who had been a trigger for me in my journey, one trigger of the many, but a very important one nevertheless... I guess, your work was done with me once I've started my research. Can't complain about anything. But, I guess... My background has sickened you away. And, my state of being messed up and broken beyond any repairs, as well. Why the ancient guardian would like to waste her precious time on a foolish wanderer, who got herself into all this trouble and was still unawakened at the moment... being just a puny star seed dwelling in the decomposed matter known as the soil on this planet, waiting for its time to grow. So, you've found another girl who became your pet project. Good for you. But we couldn't be friends then. You abused the very definition of a friendship, like many in this world do nowadays. Oh, the portentous cornucopia of the days passed by! Oh, the belligerence of the looming shadows enveloping me tightly back in these days... I had a really rough patch, you know. You didn't care at all. Quod erat demonstrandum. I really appreciated your theories though, and we had a great time practicing remote viewing back then. I remember how much you were impressed by my innate abilities. Yes, I concede, you were a wake-up call, a call to arms, a rambunctious alarm clock blaring with the timing set back in the higher-dimensional realms, where we both are coming from. I wonder if I'd ever be able to find any of the fellow travellers in my area... it's quite a task, but I have to try. Nothing to lose when it comes to that department. The space becomes clearer, I feel the fresh breeze coming from the windows wide open, the light streams in like a flamboyant guest, warming my wounded soul and lifting me up, and so it is. Thank you, Kali. And thank you, MG. In the meantime, MG, I forgive you and I forgive myself. I let you go now. Go now in peace, blessing all those you meet on your way.

Hail and farewell,
/L
Saol na saol, tús go deireadh. Tá muid beo go deo.
User avatar
citrine
Posts: 130
Joined: Tue Jan 12, 2016 6:28 am
Gender: Female
Location: Sweden

Re: The Change is Perpetual

Post by citrine »

Associated card: The World.
Associated track: http://bit.ly/1Tx4Ge1

Okay, I've finally decided to write about this, just for a record, since this experience was very important. A couple of days ago I passed the point of no return once again. I had a very intense astral experience involving two other astral travellers I met on another resource, I will not disclose their identities, I will mention only one thing, that the experience was a shared one in its tiniest part, I was invited to their realm and I saw a glimpse of... something. That's all I can say about them.

More to the point. I asked a question, and I was provided the answer. After 30 years of frantic search, of hardships, of suffering... I was given the answer to the question “who am I and what is the nature of my segment of reality”. I know who I am, I know where I came from, I know exactly the place where I have been to before incarnating here, on this planet, and where I will return when my human system will decay and stop functioning. It's just a place, like any other place. I will not be able to know what kind of life I did have there or what kind of place this is, I know that this place is about 500 light years from here. I will return there after I'm done here. My life here on Earth... is just a guided projection. I am protected, just like anyone else... of us, of my kind. I got to know my origin last summer, and I got another confirmation, one of the many during last 6-7 months.

We have very strict policies when it comes to the projections to Earth or elsewhere. We are extremely stagnant in our ways of thinking, since we were always striving for balance and harmony. In fact, this is one of the points of the projections, to experience the lower end of the spectrum, so we could learn and get a fresh perspective on things. And, we cannot get involved; this is our collective “karma”, one could say. I do have my guides / watchers, like everyone else on the journey, but they can't talk to me. It is forbidden. The only reason why I got to know something was and is this... I got lost, big time. I tried to kill myself roughly every 6-9 months. I needed to heal and to restore the balance, and I got assistance, for which I am eternally grateful. My possibilities when it comes to the astral travels are quite limited, I can't be hurt by any being there, but I can't interact properly on the astral plane, I can just watch.

During my 30 years of being here, last 15 years, I had severe depression. If anyone could tell me about all that I'm experiencing now even 2 years ago, I'd never believe them or just anyone. I come from the world of sceptical thinking... it's very hard to convince me of anything until I experience it first-hand, and even then I'd need a lot of evidence. The experiences of the past 6 months changed me dramatically and finally brought me to the point of harmony, to the point of peace. The hardest part of my work here is done, I can just get on with my life now, living and growing in peace, love and harmony. Residual pain is still here, but it will go away soon, I no longer hold on to it.

And... I do have a name, but it's just a vibration, I have no idea how to transcribe it into any of the Earth languages.

I would like to thank two of the most powerful forces of the multiverse, one is known in Hinduism as Kali, another is known in Christianity as Michael. They made it all happen... the intervention and the profound healing that was commenced afterwards. I am grateful to these two guys for the shared astral experience, my “inner dawkins” passed away peacefully as a result of all this. After all these experiences everyone in my shoes would be convinced already that something that could be perceived initially as science fiction is the only explanation that makes sense in the end.

There is a “glass ceiling” when it comes to the spiritual knowledge, and I have no wish or reason to break the glass. My experience here is limited, but it's just like that. Curiosity literally killed the cat and the cat killed the curiosity afterwards. I felt the most profound bliss the whole day... the peace is finally here. The storm has subsided. I'm at peace with myself.

My life is just a projection.
I am a starseed.

AMETHYSTCLUSTER / "Revelation" / February 2016
Saol na saol, tús go deireadh. Tá muid beo go deo.
User avatar
citrine
Posts: 130
Joined: Tue Jan 12, 2016 6:28 am
Gender: Female
Location: Sweden

Re: The Change is Perpetual

Post by citrine »

Associated card: Judgement.
Associated track: none.

Things are changing, and the change, as always, is perpetual. Do you feel this fresh breeze coming out of nowhere? The seeds of positive intentions are about to begin the most profound growth ever in the brown soil, the decomposed matter of the past... The dull grey sky, reflecting the mood of an ordinary late February day, just reminds us all of the transient nature of the current timespan. Winter just finished performing its last rites, freeing space for the spring to come. And, the blossoming is about to commence. Everything will be alright. Savour this moment, for the changes are coming.

AMETHYSTCLUSTER / "Spring" / February 2016
Saol na saol, tús go deireadh. Tá muid beo go deo.
User avatar
citrine
Posts: 130
Joined: Tue Jan 12, 2016 6:28 am
Gender: Female
Location: Sweden

Re: The Change is Perpetual

Post by citrine »

Associated card: The World.
Associated track: none.

To give unconditionally. Selflessly.
To uplift others.
To offer advice.
To comfort.
To share kindness.
To shine bright.
To be a guiding light.
To inspire.
Not much else to do on this planet.
This is the way of a lightworker.
And so it is.

Love is the law, love under will.

AMETHYSTCLUSTER / "The Lightworker" / February 2016
Saol na saol, tús go deireadh. Tá muid beo go deo.
User avatar
citrine
Posts: 130
Joined: Tue Jan 12, 2016 6:28 am
Gender: Female
Location: Sweden

Re: The Change is Perpetual

Post by citrine »

Associated card: The Devil.
Associated track: none.

I admit. The whole life, almost... I was SO MUCH JEALOUS of literally everything that was going on about, of everything I couldn't have ever. Especially of relationships. So deepest greenest, purest sort of jelly. More jelly than in a jelly baby. No, much more jelly than in all jelly babies produced and consumed ever! Seriously. So... today I received a message via Facebook. A film director I admire, who used my music for her upcoming film about Andy Warhol. She wrote to me... “I'm so jealous of you! I'M SO JEALOUS OF YOU. I'm working now... and listening to your music all the time!” - and here it goes. When I started releasing and dissolving my own jealousy, I realized that the jealousy was one of the biggest constraints I just kept imposing upon myself. A year ago I was jealous about the fact that she had a beautiful girlfriend these times, and now I discovered that she was jealous of me all the time, because I make music and develop my writing skills. How's that called? Jealousy is just a barrier we all put around ourselves, like wrapping ourselves into some sort of really dirty toxic blanket. Come on. Throw away the blanket and just reach out. You will be pleasantly surprised! And, you never know... who could be jealous of you right now.

AMETHYSTCLUSTER / "Jelly" / February 2016
Saol na saol, tús go deireadh. Tá muid beo go deo.
User avatar
citrine
Posts: 130
Joined: Tue Jan 12, 2016 6:28 am
Gender: Female
Location: Sweden

Re: The Change is Perpetual

Post by citrine »

Associated card: The High Priestess.
Associated track: none.

“So, what would people think if you instantly disappeared into a higher dimension”... There's much to ponder upon, but this “disappearance in the higher dimension” in reality is just about separation of our energies from the physical body, and this is not “radical” at all. Basically, it's all about the process that we can call “death”. There are two main ways after that experience, towards another incarnation circle or towards this metaphysical “higher dimension”. Or, if you like, “hell” or “heaven”... for the record, I don't believe in those at all. Now, if your soul is to be “recalled” somehow, it'd look like “death” of sorts, or, as with some distant relative of mine, only body is to remain in this “3D reality”. No soul here at all. And, I don't think really that we, wherever our energies or souls come from, are here just to have a quick dip into life on this planet and then... so long and thanks for the fish! It doesn't work like that. Earth is a weird mix between a hardcore university and a very dangerous amusement park, and you just don't drop out like that, you know. There is certain time to enjoy (and / or heal) and to make as much good here as possible, so you just have to do it! And for the higher dimensions... you can ask for guidance, you can awaken your psychic abilities, but there will be always right time to go there permanently, when the time is due. If, on the other side, we replace the definition with the “awakened” reality, where the society lives in a balanced way, being connected but not assimilated, and here I instantly recall the story told within Deus Ex: Invisible War... or history of many European nations, that just had to go through the lessons of wars to be able to move to “the next level”... if we mean the next step for humanity, the New Earth, as they call it, then I sincerely look forward to it very much! If we skip all the stuff that could be perceived as sci-fi within this context, it's all about balance, happiness and being connected to the inner, intuitive selves... there we go, the New Earth. Nothing radical for me or for you, but, perhaps, quite radical for everyone else out there...

I TRANSFORM / "Higher Dimensions" / August 2015
Saol na saol, tús go deireadh. Tá muid beo go deo.
User avatar
citrine
Posts: 130
Joined: Tue Jan 12, 2016 6:28 am
Gender: Female
Location: Sweden

Re: The Change is Perpetual

Post by citrine »

Associated card: none.
Associated track: none.

Changes... are finally coming. Exactly what I asked for. A lot had changed during the last two months and I am immensely grateful for everything... The main thing right now, I think, is to build a clear work flow. I tried to do so during last summer... yeah, frankly, I got help even with this. Nothing to complain about, I'm just very grateful. Integration is the key right now... My sleep patterns are a total mess due an emergency yesterday, so, I guess, the best spiritual practice for the moment will be a long walk in the forest. By listening to the forest and inhaling fresh air I will get more clarity and energy.

AMETHYSTCLUSTER / "Gratitude" / February 2016
Saol na saol, tús go deireadh. Tá muid beo go deo.
Post Reply

Return to “Members' Personal Blogs”